Back to Malonsman
A lot can happen in 7 years. or If I Knew Then What I Know Now
My wish-it-were-inspiring, self-made quote and title from 2004 reads very much as a Zelda fanboy thinking he's already a sage, yet rereading it as a 25 year old stops me in my tracks. 7 years have gone by and here I am with no rupees in my wallet and no Boss battles under my belt. What the hell have I been doing?
Yesterday Paulina Rubio reminded me of how far (not very) I've come. I'm walking the same steps with little in my pockets and less in my head. The only thing I'm full up on are dreams and regrets. Worst of all, I'm a martyr; this situation is self-inflicted.
Although I'd like to blame it on bad luck, and some of it is, my current financial struggles are caused more by my irresponsibility than the sum of my tiny misfortunes. Although it's true that I've never held a position that pays well, I've also done little to curve my spending habits and lifestyle in a way that would get me more bang for my buck. Also, there's the whole education thing. They were right?? Maybe it isn't just, maybe society does place too much influence on having a degree. I still believe there are plenty of people in the world that are self-taught, people who challenge themselves and learn through having a variety of difficult and stimulating experiences. But, lets get real: I have not been one of them. I'm doing no favors to myself or my cause by preaching tenets I don't practice. Lead by example!
Working a billion hours a week at a dead end job where no one notices or appreciates your efforts is. . . stupid. Seriously, it's completely idiotic. It's like pressing on a wall; pushing harder won't make it budge, it will only expel your energy.
This is getting a little self-deprecating and self-pity saturated, let's get to the point: I want to change.
Because I'm a dweeb at heart and also to bring this post full-circle I've decided to approach this problem like I did with Ocarina of Time.
Be Warned: It's about to get Geekariffic in here.
Okay, first I should paint this picture with broad strokes and then later I can fill in the details. Soth would describe my current plan as SAVE, SPANISH, MEXICO, CHICAGO
Now, how am I gonna get it done?
Step 1: Identify the Objective
Harder than it sounds, especially when it isn't something tangible like heart containers or some giant redheaded asshole on an evil horse. Since I'm restarting this journey from the beginning, I've decided to play baby Link and assign myself three a la the Elemental Stones.
1) Relocation. I want to move. I want to move to Mexico and Chicago. Hey, it wouldn't be an adventure without travel, right? There's a language intensive in the D.F. that I've been talking about taking for a couple years. I want to go.
2) Education. While I still haven't decided if I want to go to college college, I do know I want to start learning more. Volunteering, community classes for fun, and most importantly hammering out the Spanish.
3) Absolve myself. Every great hero ends up battling as many internalized demons as they do real ones. I've realized that my relationship with myself is very poor. I need to stop beating myself up for not coming to terms with homosexuality when I was 14. It's done, dude. Get over it! I'm still carrying around this huge amount of guilt for not being able to recognize and accept it when I was in high school. It's made me feel like the only way to survive is to distance my self from pretty much everyone and/ or punish myself by avoiding relationships.
Step 2: STOCK UP
Giant's Wallet. I'm working with a 7 year history of almost hitting broke every summer. WTF? Figure it out, asshole. Damn. Seriously, what else can be said? As any Z enthusiast knows, half of the game is beefing up your weapon inventory. Sadly, I can't make my living killing things or cutting down shrubs, but that shouldn't stop me from stockpiling what little I can squirrel away.
I've started a realzies journal where I'm writing down all the money I make and where it's going. However, one thing I've learned about successful budgeting is that it doesn't work unless you have A) A realistic goal and B) A timeline.
I won't have a good feel for what I'm pulling in and what I'll be able to put away until the end of the month so I'll have to come back for this.
Finally, Step 3: Dungeonz
Life is unpredictable. It's impossible to know what big struggles are still in store for me. Besides, in general it's way more fun to be surprised. I don't want to get too much on my plate so right now I'm going to concentrate on my mini goals while at the same time keeping in mind that there will always be something bigger behind them. Acknowledging that space is important, it will remind me to be prepared for it. Right now the things in my cross-hairs should keep me busy for at least the next year. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to keep this terrible Zelda analogy going for 7 more years in which I can make one for each temple. WON'T THAT BE FUN?
Bonus mini goal: Go Fishing
Rewarding oneself is important as long as it's been earned. I need to remember that although I'm trying to bring the reigns in a little, I don't need to cut myself off from everyone again as I did w/ Shade Sisters.
My wish-it-were-inspiring, self-made quote and title from 2004 reads very much as a Zelda fanboy thinking he's already a sage, yet rereading it as a 25 year old stops me in my tracks. 7 years have gone by and here I am with no rupees in my wallet and no Boss battles under my belt. What the hell have I been doing?
Yesterday Paulina Rubio reminded me of how far (not very) I've come. I'm walking the same steps with little in my pockets and less in my head. The only thing I'm full up on are dreams and regrets. Worst of all, I'm a martyr; this situation is self-inflicted.
Although I'd like to blame it on bad luck, and some of it is, my current financial struggles are caused more by my irresponsibility than the sum of my tiny misfortunes. Although it's true that I've never held a position that pays well, I've also done little to curve my spending habits and lifestyle in a way that would get me more bang for my buck. Also, there's the whole education thing. They were right?? Maybe it isn't just, maybe society does place too much influence on having a degree. I still believe there are plenty of people in the world that are self-taught, people who challenge themselves and learn through having a variety of difficult and stimulating experiences. But, lets get real: I have not been one of them. I'm doing no favors to myself or my cause by preaching tenets I don't practice. Lead by example!
Working a billion hours a week at a dead end job where no one notices or appreciates your efforts is. . . stupid. Seriously, it's completely idiotic. It's like pressing on a wall; pushing harder won't make it budge, it will only expel your energy.
This is getting a little self-deprecating and self-pity saturated, let's get to the point: I want to change.
Because I'm a dweeb at heart and also to bring this post full-circle I've decided to approach this problem like I did with Ocarina of Time.
Be Warned: It's about to get Geekariffic in here.
Okay, first I should paint this picture with broad strokes and then later I can fill in the details. Soth would describe my current plan as SAVE, SPANISH, MEXICO, CHICAGO
Now, how am I gonna get it done?
Step 1: Identify the Objective
Harder than it sounds, especially when it isn't something tangible like heart containers or some giant redheaded asshole on an evil horse. Since I'm restarting this journey from the beginning, I've decided to play baby Link and assign myself three a la the Elemental Stones.
1) Relocation. I want to move. I want to move to Mexico and Chicago. Hey, it wouldn't be an adventure without travel, right? There's a language intensive in the D.F. that I've been talking about taking for a couple years. I want to go.
2) Education. While I still haven't decided if I want to go to college college, I do know I want to start learning more. Volunteering, community classes for fun, and most importantly hammering out the Spanish.
3) Absolve myself. Every great hero ends up battling as many internalized demons as they do real ones. I've realized that my relationship with myself is very poor. I need to stop beating myself up for not coming to terms with homosexuality when I was 14. It's done, dude. Get over it! I'm still carrying around this huge amount of guilt for not being able to recognize and accept it when I was in high school. It's made me feel like the only way to survive is to distance my self from pretty much everyone and/ or punish myself by avoiding relationships.
Step 2: STOCK UP
Giant's Wallet. I'm working with a 7 year history of almost hitting broke every summer. WTF? Figure it out, asshole. Damn. Seriously, what else can be said? As any Z enthusiast knows, half of the game is beefing up your weapon inventory. Sadly, I can't make my living killing things or cutting down shrubs, but that shouldn't stop me from stockpiling what little I can squirrel away.
I've started a realzies journal where I'm writing down all the money I make and where it's going. However, one thing I've learned about successful budgeting is that it doesn't work unless you have A) A realistic goal and B) A timeline.
I won't have a good feel for what I'm pulling in and what I'll be able to put away until the end of the month so I'll have to come back for this.
Finally, Step 3: Dungeonz
Life is unpredictable. It's impossible to know what big struggles are still in store for me. Besides, in general it's way more fun to be surprised. I don't want to get too much on my plate so right now I'm going to concentrate on my mini goals while at the same time keeping in mind that there will always be something bigger behind them. Acknowledging that space is important, it will remind me to be prepared for it. Right now the things in my cross-hairs should keep me busy for at least the next year. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to keep this terrible Zelda analogy going for 7 more years in which I can make one for each temple. WON'T THAT BE FUN?
Bonus mini goal: Go Fishing
Rewarding oneself is important as long as it's been earned. I need to remember that although I'm trying to bring the reigns in a little, I don't need to cut myself off from everyone again as I did w/ Shade Sisters.