F**ing Perfect (DCU, Jason/Tim, Rated R, 1/1)
Title: F**ing Perfect (Chapter 1)
Fandom:DCU, Bat-Family Centered
Pairing: Jason/Tim
Characters: Jason Todd, Tim Drake
Word Count: Around 1029 words (1111 with song)
Warnings: A bit of swearing. Slash. But mostly, Angst! 'Cause sometimes the muses make you do it.
Rating: R, because I'm overly cautious.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but would love to write them professionally. Just in case anybody at DC is lurking on the boards. I don't own Pink's music either, but wish I'd written most of her songs.
Synopsis: Tim revealed his feelings to Jason, but Jason didn't respond the way Tim had expected.
Author's Notes: This is a song-fic for Pink's "F**ing Perfect". I centered the lyrics. This is kind of a follow up to Please Don't Leave Me. You don't have to have read that one for this one to make sense though.
Comments: I love and cherish all comments and concrit. Fine, I'll admit it... one of the reasons I write is because I feed off the feedback, it's an addiction. But I'll always comment back.
Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Confessing your feelings is never easy. Confessing your feelings when you’re a Bat, it’s like voluntarily undergoing a root-canal without anesthetic for fun. It’s even worse when the feelings are feelings of love and you’ve confessed them to a person who apparently has the emotional maturity of… of, Oliver Queen (he’s the most emotionally and relationship inept person that Tim can bring to mind). When Tim told Jason how he felt four days ago Jason didn’t say anything. He could easily have handled Jason not reciprocating the feelings, it was even what Tim had been expecting. He would have been fine if Jason made fun of him, hit him, laughed at him or cut him… but Jason’s actual response was far worse.
Mistreated, misplaced, missundaztood
Miss "no way it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Underestimated, Look, I'm still around…
“I think I dosed your pain meds too high. You’re tired, get some sleep,” was all that Jason had to say, and he said it without humor, without any emotion at all. Jason sounded like he was trying to convince an overly-tired little child that it really was bedtime. Tim never liked being treated as a child, even when he had been one (although, admittedly, Tim was never much of a child, even when he was a toddler). That was the part that had really irked him, but it wasn’t the part that hurt.
What hurt was the way Tim’s words had washed over Jason and it seemed he couldn’t care less about them either way. Tim could handle love or hate, but indifference was painful. He knew it shouldn’t be, Tim had long ago gotten used to the people that should love him feeling absolutely nothing towards him. His Mother trained him well on how to survive without anybody caring about you for reasons other than what they could get from you. Her icicle eyes and frozen demeanor mixed well with her clipped tone to ensure that Tim understood that their relationship would always be business; that he was a necessary evil to ensure the future of the Drake family name, and would be tolerated (no more, no less) as long as he did exactly what she wished. In spite of Janet, or perhaps because of her, this indifference hurt deeply. He would never have expected indifference from Jason, one of the most passionate people Tim had ever met. That was part of why Tim had fallen for him. His passion was sexy, almost enthralling and Tim found himself truly feeling things when he was around Jason. Jay's passion made everything in his world burn brighter, seem more real, more intense. It was almost overwhelming but Tim couldn't help wanting to get carried away by Jason, with Jason. The fact that Jay was so sexy definitetly added to the attraction. Tim was in love with those blue eyes that could only be described as blazing, that large well-muscled body (that he fantasized about being surrounded by, safe in Jay's arms) and that devious smirk. Jason was smart too, 10 times as smart as anybody gave him credit for being (and about 100 times smarter than he gave himself credit for being). He could do so much with the right person to encourage him, and for a few moments Tim really believed that he might be the one to do it...
At first Tim had just thought that Jason was processing, that in a night or two Jason would find him in an alley and blow-up, or (in a perfect world) kiss him. It hadn’t happened and by the third night of waiting Tim realized that it was never going to. Jason wasn’t in shock, he just truly didn’t care. Tim felt hurt, but he couldn’t feel surprised. The file in his mind labeled in big red letters “Do Not Open” had several pieces of evidence that all pointed to the conclusion that Tim wasn’t worthy of being loved, that he had no right to it. He shouldn’t even have tried to make himself feel better by telling Jason something that nobody would ever want to know. He shouldn’t have damaged a relationship that was already fragile just because he was lonely, desperate, and in love. Nobody would ever truly love him back, certainly not in the way that Tim loved Jason. Tim was so broken that it was morally wrong to ever try to make somebody love him like that. To tie them down to somebody who wasn’t even really a whole person any more. Somebody who, maybe, never was whole to begin with... Maybe that’s why his mother couldn’t love him, maybe Tim really didn’t deserve it. Deep down Tim knew that he was imperfect, and Jason deserved better.
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than f**kin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing, you're f**kin' perfect to me
Jason paced the floor in his bedroom. He still couldn’t believe that Tim wanted him… maybe the kid was more of a masochist than he realized. Jason was well aware of his shortcomings, his flaws, and the fact that he would never be a good influence on anybody. That was the reason why he couldn’t go for it with Tim. Jason wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he broke his Baby Bird’s heart.
When they pulled Jay out of that pit, they didn’t bring him up whole. Most of the time he felt like a chunk of his soul was missing. Lately the only time he didn’t feel that way was when he was around Tim. But it wasn’t fair to use Tim as a replacement for whatever parts of him death had stolen away. It wouldn’t be okay to cling to Tim like a life-preserver for his shattered soul because getting through the staggering loneliness night after night was starting to become impossible.
Jason was damaged. He constantly felt this darkness inside of him clawing to get out. He struggled with it, fought it, but still ending up doing things that he regretted, things that stained him ways that could never be washed away. But Tim, Tim was brilliant, smarter than the Bat ever could be. He was funny and damn sexy (and unlike Dick, seemed to have no idea about his own hotness). Tim was flat-out too good for Jay. Tim deserved somebody heroic, good, pure… somebody better. Tim deserved somebody perfect.
Fandom:DCU, Bat-Family Centered
Pairing: Jason/Tim
Characters: Jason Todd, Tim Drake
Word Count: Around 1029 words (1111 with song)
Warnings: A bit of swearing. Slash. But mostly, Angst! 'Cause sometimes the muses make you do it.
Rating: R, because I'm overly cautious.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but would love to write them professionally. Just in case anybody at DC is lurking on the boards. I don't own Pink's music either, but wish I'd written most of her songs.
Synopsis: Tim revealed his feelings to Jason, but Jason didn't respond the way Tim had expected.
Author's Notes: This is a song-fic for Pink's "F**ing Perfect". I centered the lyrics. This is kind of a follow up to Please Don't Leave Me. You don't have to have read that one for this one to make sense though.
Comments: I love and cherish all comments and concrit. Fine, I'll admit it... one of the reasons I write is because I feed off the feedback, it's an addiction. But I'll always comment back.
Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Confessing your feelings is never easy. Confessing your feelings when you’re a Bat, it’s like voluntarily undergoing a root-canal without anesthetic for fun. It’s even worse when the feelings are feelings of love and you’ve confessed them to a person who apparently has the emotional maturity of… of, Oliver Queen (he’s the most emotionally and relationship inept person that Tim can bring to mind). When Tim told Jason how he felt four days ago Jason didn’t say anything. He could easily have handled Jason not reciprocating the feelings, it was even what Tim had been expecting. He would have been fine if Jason made fun of him, hit him, laughed at him or cut him… but Jason’s actual response was far worse.
Mistreated, misplaced, missundaztood
Miss "no way it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Underestimated, Look, I'm still around…
“I think I dosed your pain meds too high. You’re tired, get some sleep,” was all that Jason had to say, and he said it without humor, without any emotion at all. Jason sounded like he was trying to convince an overly-tired little child that it really was bedtime. Tim never liked being treated as a child, even when he had been one (although, admittedly, Tim was never much of a child, even when he was a toddler). That was the part that had really irked him, but it wasn’t the part that hurt.
What hurt was the way Tim’s words had washed over Jason and it seemed he couldn’t care less about them either way. Tim could handle love or hate, but indifference was painful. He knew it shouldn’t be, Tim had long ago gotten used to the people that should love him feeling absolutely nothing towards him. His Mother trained him well on how to survive without anybody caring about you for reasons other than what they could get from you. Her icicle eyes and frozen demeanor mixed well with her clipped tone to ensure that Tim understood that their relationship would always be business; that he was a necessary evil to ensure the future of the Drake family name, and would be tolerated (no more, no less) as long as he did exactly what she wished. In spite of Janet, or perhaps because of her, this indifference hurt deeply. He would never have expected indifference from Jason, one of the most passionate people Tim had ever met. That was part of why Tim had fallen for him. His passion was sexy, almost enthralling and Tim found himself truly feeling things when he was around Jason. Jay's passion made everything in his world burn brighter, seem more real, more intense. It was almost overwhelming but Tim couldn't help wanting to get carried away by Jason, with Jason. The fact that Jay was so sexy definitetly added to the attraction. Tim was in love with those blue eyes that could only be described as blazing, that large well-muscled body (that he fantasized about being surrounded by, safe in Jay's arms) and that devious smirk. Jason was smart too, 10 times as smart as anybody gave him credit for being (and about 100 times smarter than he gave himself credit for being). He could do so much with the right person to encourage him, and for a few moments Tim really believed that he might be the one to do it...
At first Tim had just thought that Jason was processing, that in a night or two Jason would find him in an alley and blow-up, or (in a perfect world) kiss him. It hadn’t happened and by the third night of waiting Tim realized that it was never going to. Jason wasn’t in shock, he just truly didn’t care. Tim felt hurt, but he couldn’t feel surprised. The file in his mind labeled in big red letters “Do Not Open” had several pieces of evidence that all pointed to the conclusion that Tim wasn’t worthy of being loved, that he had no right to it. He shouldn’t even have tried to make himself feel better by telling Jason something that nobody would ever want to know. He shouldn’t have damaged a relationship that was already fragile just because he was lonely, desperate, and in love. Nobody would ever truly love him back, certainly not in the way that Tim loved Jason. Tim was so broken that it was morally wrong to ever try to make somebody love him like that. To tie them down to somebody who wasn’t even really a whole person any more. Somebody who, maybe, never was whole to begin with... Maybe that’s why his mother couldn’t love him, maybe Tim really didn’t deserve it. Deep down Tim knew that he was imperfect, and Jason deserved better.
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than f**kin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing, you're f**kin' perfect to me
Jason paced the floor in his bedroom. He still couldn’t believe that Tim wanted him… maybe the kid was more of a masochist than he realized. Jason was well aware of his shortcomings, his flaws, and the fact that he would never be a good influence on anybody. That was the reason why he couldn’t go for it with Tim. Jason wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he broke his Baby Bird’s heart.
When they pulled Jay out of that pit, they didn’t bring him up whole. Most of the time he felt like a chunk of his soul was missing. Lately the only time he didn’t feel that way was when he was around Tim. But it wasn’t fair to use Tim as a replacement for whatever parts of him death had stolen away. It wouldn’t be okay to cling to Tim like a life-preserver for his shattered soul because getting through the staggering loneliness night after night was starting to become impossible.
Jason was damaged. He constantly felt this darkness inside of him clawing to get out. He struggled with it, fought it, but still ending up doing things that he regretted, things that stained him ways that could never be washed away. But Tim, Tim was brilliant, smarter than the Bat ever could be. He was funny and damn sexy (and unlike Dick, seemed to have no idea about his own hotness). Tim was flat-out too good for Jay. Tim deserved somebody heroic, good, pure… somebody better. Tim deserved somebody perfect.