Whats left after you've given all you can?
Dont even really feel like posting this, but right now, I just dont care what I feel, how I feel, or even what I think, because Iv noticed that it just doesnt matter.
For about a week, communication with Deedee, has been pretty much cut off because she just wouldnt talk with me. I didnt know what was wrong, so naturally, I tried to get in touch with her. I wanted to make whatever was wrong right, but that never happened, and Im not sure if it ever will.
Guess starting about where this started would be best. Anyways, about 3 weeks ago, I felt desperate to try and get her close to me, since she was already showing signs of just trying to get away, not wanting to disobey her "ex". At this time, I knew she was wanting to learn how to drive, and the only 2 people that had ever given her a chance was her ex and her sister, which both yelled at her, making her scared. So, I gave her a chance, and I was calm with her, even though what I did was illegal since we're both 18, her with only her permit and me with my license, but whatever, it didnt matter to me at the time, only her happiness. So, things go great, she picks it up fast with someone explaining everything to her, and she was happy, hell, she was completely giddy, she couldnt stop smiling, she called her mom just to tell her that she was learning how to drive. This made me feel just great, because she was happy, and thats all that I was trying to achieve.
The driving went well and all, but a few days later, she informed me that she couldnt go with me, and that we could only be friends, and by only, she ment that for the time being at least. I was kinda hurt by that, but, kinda blew it off, seeing it as a temporary thing.
A few days later, we got together again, and went out shopping, with her driving us around. It was fun, but because of my own feelings, I ended up getting her a $50 card to TJ Maxx, along with buying around $70 worth of cloths at A.J. Wrights, and paying for dinner that night. All in all, I was happy with that night, because once again, she was happy with the driving, and that I was so willing to spend money on her. At the end of the night though, she forgot a CD she had asked me to barrow (A MS Word 2004 CD) in my car. I had dropped her off at the Campus Store which she was going into, and she was going to walk home after that. So I just took it apon myself to go in and give it to her, since I didnt want to waste any more of her minutes on her phone, plus it just seemed like the right thing to do. But to her, it wasnt, as she was mad, and claimed that "she didnt need anyone following her around everywhere she went." That line alone floored me, it made me feel like I was the bad guy for trying to go out of my way to give her something she had forgotten. And that was pretty much that, we didnt speak again until last night, since she wouldnt answer her phone, YIMs, or text messages, and only sent me a total of 4 messages over that week, which mostly consisted of "Dont text/call/IM me" with no explanation. I tried to follow this, but, without communication, nothing can be fixed between two people, so I tried to get in touch with her. This was just met with aggression, as she threatened to block my numbers/IMs, and not talk to me anymore.
Fast forward to last night, her last night at work before she goes home for the summer. She doesnt say a word to me, even though Im only talking to her about work and things I need her to do. When I finally did try and talk with her, she still wouldnt talk. I had almost given up. It was 10 and we was both off, and I had asked her if she wanted a ride home, to which she replyed "We are'nt cool, why are you trying to do anything?" I almost lost it to that. If we wasnt "cool" then why dont you tell me that? I knew something was up when you wouldnt talk with me, but how the fuck am I surposed to know what you're thinking when you dont tell me. Anyways, I tell her about communication and all, and just start making my way for the door, telling her bye, because to be frank, I was tired of it. She yells over to me, asking me if Id take her home, and with my feelings being as soft as they are for her, I agreed, hoping that we could work this out in the car. But, once in the car, she locks up again, not saying a word, until we arrive at her appartment. I tried to get her to talk, asking my own questions, just trying to talk with her, but she wouldnt have it. Once we arrived at her appartment, she said "Bye", and that was it. I was horribley mad, I just didnt know what to do. Here I was, being as nice as I possibly can to a girl, doing EVERYTHING in my power for her, and here she is, just walking away, without even acknowledging me. I started to drive off, but then I decided to call her. Of course she didnt answer, so I left a VM, pretty much just saying that like Iv told her before, if I cant have her for more then a friend, then I would be content with having another, different, nice friend, and that we needed to work this out before she left for home, because if I was left with these thoughts and feelings while she was away, Id just lose it. **Class is out, Ill update later**
For about a week, communication with Deedee, has been pretty much cut off because she just wouldnt talk with me. I didnt know what was wrong, so naturally, I tried to get in touch with her. I wanted to make whatever was wrong right, but that never happened, and Im not sure if it ever will.
Guess starting about where this started would be best. Anyways, about 3 weeks ago, I felt desperate to try and get her close to me, since she was already showing signs of just trying to get away, not wanting to disobey her "ex". At this time, I knew she was wanting to learn how to drive, and the only 2 people that had ever given her a chance was her ex and her sister, which both yelled at her, making her scared. So, I gave her a chance, and I was calm with her, even though what I did was illegal since we're both 18, her with only her permit and me with my license, but whatever, it didnt matter to me at the time, only her happiness. So, things go great, she picks it up fast with someone explaining everything to her, and she was happy, hell, she was completely giddy, she couldnt stop smiling, she called her mom just to tell her that she was learning how to drive. This made me feel just great, because she was happy, and thats all that I was trying to achieve.
The driving went well and all, but a few days later, she informed me that she couldnt go with me, and that we could only be friends, and by only, she ment that for the time being at least. I was kinda hurt by that, but, kinda blew it off, seeing it as a temporary thing.
A few days later, we got together again, and went out shopping, with her driving us around. It was fun, but because of my own feelings, I ended up getting her a $50 card to TJ Maxx, along with buying around $70 worth of cloths at A.J. Wrights, and paying for dinner that night. All in all, I was happy with that night, because once again, she was happy with the driving, and that I was so willing to spend money on her. At the end of the night though, she forgot a CD she had asked me to barrow (A MS Word 2004 CD) in my car. I had dropped her off at the Campus Store which she was going into, and she was going to walk home after that. So I just took it apon myself to go in and give it to her, since I didnt want to waste any more of her minutes on her phone, plus it just seemed like the right thing to do. But to her, it wasnt, as she was mad, and claimed that "she didnt need anyone following her around everywhere she went." That line alone floored me, it made me feel like I was the bad guy for trying to go out of my way to give her something she had forgotten. And that was pretty much that, we didnt speak again until last night, since she wouldnt answer her phone, YIMs, or text messages, and only sent me a total of 4 messages over that week, which mostly consisted of "Dont text/call/IM me" with no explanation. I tried to follow this, but, without communication, nothing can be fixed between two people, so I tried to get in touch with her. This was just met with aggression, as she threatened to block my numbers/IMs, and not talk to me anymore.
Fast forward to last night, her last night at work before she goes home for the summer. She doesnt say a word to me, even though Im only talking to her about work and things I need her to do. When I finally did try and talk with her, she still wouldnt talk. I had almost given up. It was 10 and we was both off, and I had asked her if she wanted a ride home, to which she replyed "We are'nt cool, why are you trying to do anything?" I almost lost it to that. If we wasnt "cool" then why dont you tell me that? I knew something was up when you wouldnt talk with me, but how the fuck am I surposed to know what you're thinking when you dont tell me. Anyways, I tell her about communication and all, and just start making my way for the door, telling her bye, because to be frank, I was tired of it. She yells over to me, asking me if Id take her home, and with my feelings being as soft as they are for her, I agreed, hoping that we could work this out in the car. But, once in the car, she locks up again, not saying a word, until we arrive at her appartment. I tried to get her to talk, asking my own questions, just trying to talk with her, but she wouldnt have it. Once we arrived at her appartment, she said "Bye", and that was it. I was horribley mad, I just didnt know what to do. Here I was, being as nice as I possibly can to a girl, doing EVERYTHING in my power for her, and here she is, just walking away, without even acknowledging me. I started to drive off, but then I decided to call her. Of course she didnt answer, so I left a VM, pretty much just saying that like Iv told her before, if I cant have her for more then a friend, then I would be content with having another, different, nice friend, and that we needed to work this out before she left for home, because if I was left with these thoughts and feelings while she was away, Id just lose it. **Class is out, Ill update later**