(no subject)
So, I haven't been here much. Too much going on. For some reason my social life, which has previously seemed non-existent, has just EXPLODED and I have now pretty much booked myself into oblivion. Apparently I still have that problem with saying no.
I've been gaming a lot lately, which is both fun and frustrating. When the game is good, it's awesome and I never want it to end. But if the game is bad, I sit there resenting the fact that I'm doing it for 4 hours when I could be sleeping.
Also, I never get enough sleep anymore.
Either I'm out way too late and up way too early or its too hot upstairs to sleep. It's making me a little crazy, and on top of everything else that isn't good. Everything else being it's been insufferably sickeningly hot at work for like 2 weeks straight, which has majorly messed with my body no matter what I try to do to fix/prevent it. And for some reason the PMS this month is worse than it's ever been. Even Jim has noticed the problems with my behavior, and I like to think it isn't usually that obvious.
I'm also getting increasingly more stressed about finances. I feel like a total failure as an adult when I have to choose between paying bills or buying food. I tried to do something different this week to help with it. I went to the Food Bank for the first time ever in my life, and while I got some much-needed grocery help, I also got an extra helping of failure and shame. As bad as my life has been at times I've never had to ask for handouts. I've never given up and gone on food stamps. I struggle, and starve, but I keep going and I don't ask for charity because in my head I'm never bad off enough to need it. Being forced to admit that no matter what I do I can not provide for myself or my family really hurts. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't want to be judged by the churchy people at the food bank. She was really nice, too, until she saw the pagan bumper stickers on my car...I know I shouldn't pay attention to people, but I can't seem to help it.
I hate random emotional crying jags. Second one in less than 12 hours. Gonna have to switch the cds in the car to instrumentals or I'm going to wreck trying to drive blind.
I'm going to the Renaissance Faire on Saturday. I invited a bunch of friends and we're all going in a big group. I'm very excited. I'm gonna put henna on everyone before we go since there isn't a henna artist at Faire this year. Also I got a pack of little t-shirts and some fabric paint. Gonna make Odin a "Baby's First Ren Faire" shirt! And also probably something that looks like a tabard, so he can be Odin the Dragon Slayer! I don't know where I'm going to find the time to do all this. I really don't. Plus I wanted to henna my hair again, but I may have to either sacrifice that idea altogether, or show up in public in the next few days with my head wrapped in saran. Not stylish, but there is a point to it...
So, I think that's everything so far. Yep. Gotta go to work now...
I've been gaming a lot lately, which is both fun and frustrating. When the game is good, it's awesome and I never want it to end. But if the game is bad, I sit there resenting the fact that I'm doing it for 4 hours when I could be sleeping.
Also, I never get enough sleep anymore.
Either I'm out way too late and up way too early or its too hot upstairs to sleep. It's making me a little crazy, and on top of everything else that isn't good. Everything else being it's been insufferably sickeningly hot at work for like 2 weeks straight, which has majorly messed with my body no matter what I try to do to fix/prevent it. And for some reason the PMS this month is worse than it's ever been. Even Jim has noticed the problems with my behavior, and I like to think it isn't usually that obvious.
I'm also getting increasingly more stressed about finances. I feel like a total failure as an adult when I have to choose between paying bills or buying food. I tried to do something different this week to help with it. I went to the Food Bank for the first time ever in my life, and while I got some much-needed grocery help, I also got an extra helping of failure and shame. As bad as my life has been at times I've never had to ask for handouts. I've never given up and gone on food stamps. I struggle, and starve, but I keep going and I don't ask for charity because in my head I'm never bad off enough to need it. Being forced to admit that no matter what I do I can not provide for myself or my family really hurts. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't want to be judged by the churchy people at the food bank. She was really nice, too, until she saw the pagan bumper stickers on my car...I know I shouldn't pay attention to people, but I can't seem to help it.
I hate random emotional crying jags. Second one in less than 12 hours. Gonna have to switch the cds in the car to instrumentals or I'm going to wreck trying to drive blind.
I'm going to the Renaissance Faire on Saturday. I invited a bunch of friends and we're all going in a big group. I'm very excited. I'm gonna put henna on everyone before we go since there isn't a henna artist at Faire this year. Also I got a pack of little t-shirts and some fabric paint. Gonna make Odin a "Baby's First Ren Faire" shirt! And also probably something that looks like a tabard, so he can be Odin the Dragon Slayer! I don't know where I'm going to find the time to do all this. I really don't. Plus I wanted to henna my hair again, but I may have to either sacrifice that idea altogether, or show up in public in the next few days with my head wrapped in saran. Not stylish, but there is a point to it...
So, I think that's everything so far. Yep. Gotta go to work now...