okay, i give up!
Okay, it's been an eternity... and honestly, I'm doing NOTHING... literally! I've just been SO down on myself lately that I never feel like reporting to the outer world... as if anyone's been DYING to be updated on my ever-confusing life!
I decided over CHristmas break to withdraw from Marywood... my tentative plan is to gain residency in Pennsylvania and then go to Penn State to finish a damn degree! Honestly, that's going to be the best degree for the best price... But then I'll be 1.5 hours away from TJ again and off on my own being forced to commute to keep the relationship alive... which sucks. TJ's trying to get a foot in the door for a managment position at the restaurant he's working at, AND he wants to buy a house to sit on and fix up then sell after a few years... meaning, he's being rooted back here in Bloomsburg...
Well, I've been living with TJ for almost 2 months now... the down side is that in that same time, I've been unemployed because NOBODY is hiring! I've applied at over 20 places and I finally have an interview tomorrow at... *sighs* Cracker Barrel... but HEY- it's a job! TJ's been supporting me, whist paying all of his bills and I'm basically running him into the ground, so i NEED to start making some money and pulling my weight!
I've been really down lately... Staying at home all day every day with nothing to do, nowhere to go is VERY boring, VERY depressing. I've memorized every commercial on television, I find myself crocheting and cleaning to pass the time... or staying in bed all day and doing nothing... It's not GOOD for a person to be locked up this long like I have!! NOT to mention that I get seasonal depression and I can't stand snow and the cold... we got hit with 1.5 feet of snow during that big storm... now, don't BITCH at me that you guys got MORE snow, because I live in the MOUNTAINS, not in flat illinois! You can't DRIVE my car in the snow up and down hills! It just doesn't work! TJ and I spent SO long today digging my car out- the snow was like CONCRETE around it because I got snow-plowed into my spot. It took 4 people pushing my car and my RPM in the red zone, tires burning, to get my car out of its spot! I really hate snow... like, some people may not like it, but I really HATE it, and it gets me into such a down and depressing mood! Hopefully spring will come soon and I can cease my hibernation!
So, I'm not sure if my unhappiness is with living in pennsylvania and dating TJ or if I'm just in a low spot because I'm unemployed and completely dependant on TJ for food and shelter! I'm usually such an independant girl and I feel so worthless having to depend on someone else wholly... I'm also at a VERY bad spot financially... both of my parents are broke and i've got my credit card over-maxed out with TONS of fines for late payment and stupud shit like that... I had to leave Marywood because it was too expensive and I couldn't get anyone to co-sign my loans! I'm basically paying for college on my own and I'm SO far behind! I just need to GO somewhere and get a damn bachelor's degree as soon as I can!
My other dilemma is that my best friend/ ex-roomie from Tampa asked me to move in with her in August... and I fucking LOVE tampa, words cannot DESCRIBE how much I love that city! and the weather... and the ocean and beaches and palm trees... and NO SNOW! Not to mention I have my best friend there, not to mention a series of OTHER friends down there! I could go back to UT or to USF's St. Pete location for Graphic design, or if I could afford it, the Art Institute or International Academy of Design & Technology... I want to major in Graphic design or Interior design, and I feel like I'll be able to USE a degree in design in Florida, but I don't feel like I'll be able to put it to any use in Pennsylvania! I don't know what kind of career I could FIND here! Florida's always been my home- away from- home and I'm always pining for it... but if I go back, things with TJ are done...
So, I've got some big decisions to make in the next several months... I'm not going to make an immediate decision (I couldn't move even if I wanted to because I don't have the $$ to get away from here!) and I want this to be a head-AND-heart decision, not one or the other- I want to think it out and come to peace with my plan, whatever it may be... TJ's already told me that he LOVES me very much, but that I need to do whatever makes me happy, whatever I have to do... so it's comforting that i have his blessing, i guess... but then the thought of breaking up with him is very hard on me... we've been dating two and a half years... that's a long time...
Tough stuff going through my head... Well, I've got an interview tomorrow and HOPEFULLY I'll get the job! I'm desprate at this point! Even just to have social interaction and to have a reason to leave teh house... and the money, of course! and I turn 21 in 17 days!!! SEVENTEEN days!! It's coming up so quickly!! I've been counting the days since my half birthday which was a BIG mistake, because it made the time go by SO slowly! March 10th, kids!! yay!!
Hope everyone's doing well... any imput or advice is greatly appreciated... or just say hello!! Miss you, everyone!!
I decided over CHristmas break to withdraw from Marywood... my tentative plan is to gain residency in Pennsylvania and then go to Penn State to finish a damn degree! Honestly, that's going to be the best degree for the best price... But then I'll be 1.5 hours away from TJ again and off on my own being forced to commute to keep the relationship alive... which sucks. TJ's trying to get a foot in the door for a managment position at the restaurant he's working at, AND he wants to buy a house to sit on and fix up then sell after a few years... meaning, he's being rooted back here in Bloomsburg...
Well, I've been living with TJ for almost 2 months now... the down side is that in that same time, I've been unemployed because NOBODY is hiring! I've applied at over 20 places and I finally have an interview tomorrow at... *sighs* Cracker Barrel... but HEY- it's a job! TJ's been supporting me, whist paying all of his bills and I'm basically running him into the ground, so i NEED to start making some money and pulling my weight!
I've been really down lately... Staying at home all day every day with nothing to do, nowhere to go is VERY boring, VERY depressing. I've memorized every commercial on television, I find myself crocheting and cleaning to pass the time... or staying in bed all day and doing nothing... It's not GOOD for a person to be locked up this long like I have!! NOT to mention that I get seasonal depression and I can't stand snow and the cold... we got hit with 1.5 feet of snow during that big storm... now, don't BITCH at me that you guys got MORE snow, because I live in the MOUNTAINS, not in flat illinois! You can't DRIVE my car in the snow up and down hills! It just doesn't work! TJ and I spent SO long today digging my car out- the snow was like CONCRETE around it because I got snow-plowed into my spot. It took 4 people pushing my car and my RPM in the red zone, tires burning, to get my car out of its spot! I really hate snow... like, some people may not like it, but I really HATE it, and it gets me into such a down and depressing mood! Hopefully spring will come soon and I can cease my hibernation!
So, I'm not sure if my unhappiness is with living in pennsylvania and dating TJ or if I'm just in a low spot because I'm unemployed and completely dependant on TJ for food and shelter! I'm usually such an independant girl and I feel so worthless having to depend on someone else wholly... I'm also at a VERY bad spot financially... both of my parents are broke and i've got my credit card over-maxed out with TONS of fines for late payment and stupud shit like that... I had to leave Marywood because it was too expensive and I couldn't get anyone to co-sign my loans! I'm basically paying for college on my own and I'm SO far behind! I just need to GO somewhere and get a damn bachelor's degree as soon as I can!
My other dilemma is that my best friend/ ex-roomie from Tampa asked me to move in with her in August... and I fucking LOVE tampa, words cannot DESCRIBE how much I love that city! and the weather... and the ocean and beaches and palm trees... and NO SNOW! Not to mention I have my best friend there, not to mention a series of OTHER friends down there! I could go back to UT or to USF's St. Pete location for Graphic design, or if I could afford it, the Art Institute or International Academy of Design & Technology... I want to major in Graphic design or Interior design, and I feel like I'll be able to USE a degree in design in Florida, but I don't feel like I'll be able to put it to any use in Pennsylvania! I don't know what kind of career I could FIND here! Florida's always been my home- away from- home and I'm always pining for it... but if I go back, things with TJ are done...
So, I've got some big decisions to make in the next several months... I'm not going to make an immediate decision (I couldn't move even if I wanted to because I don't have the $$ to get away from here!) and I want this to be a head-AND-heart decision, not one or the other- I want to think it out and come to peace with my plan, whatever it may be... TJ's already told me that he LOVES me very much, but that I need to do whatever makes me happy, whatever I have to do... so it's comforting that i have his blessing, i guess... but then the thought of breaking up with him is very hard on me... we've been dating two and a half years... that's a long time...
Tough stuff going through my head... Well, I've got an interview tomorrow and HOPEFULLY I'll get the job! I'm desprate at this point! Even just to have social interaction and to have a reason to leave teh house... and the money, of course! and I turn 21 in 17 days!!! SEVENTEEN days!! It's coming up so quickly!! I've been counting the days since my half birthday which was a BIG mistake, because it made the time go by SO slowly! March 10th, kids!! yay!!
Hope everyone's doing well... any imput or advice is greatly appreciated... or just say hello!! Miss you, everyone!!