I am a Terrible Person
So I was talking to a friend about how I was sad when I pour out my heart in an LJ entry and don't get any comments (no guilt trip intended, I've been terrible about commenting lately too, I was just having a really bad week last week and was weepy and whiny every day) and he said I shouldn't be surprised that people didn't comment on my last entry, because "no one likes it when you beg for money."
That legitimately made me feel like shit, because I WASN'T begging for money. I really do want to try saving up money myself for this vomputer, because I've been mired in depression lately that I'll never be able to save money when I so barely manage to make ends meet right now as it is, and being able to save money for something I need and want will really help me move past that. Plus I don't think what I said sounded like I was begging for mobey, and in the past when I've been hoping people could send me somethong I came right out and asked for it, so it really hurt to be thought of as manipulative like that (and that's something I've been called my whole life. When I was a kid, even a very little kid, if I cried; my mom would snap at me that I was being manipulative and it wouldn't work this time because people knew me and knew what a little liar I was).
I just wanted to say that I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone, I legitimately just wanted to vent and didn't expect a payday. I'm eternally grateful to everyone who has ever helped me financially before, and I never expect money from people just because you might have helped me in the past. I'm sorry if it came out that way.
Anyway, I hope people can spare me some prayers and or good thoughts for my surgical consult next Thursday, because I'm mote and more nervous as it gets closer. Thanks for listening. I love you all.