Hope
So I was walking to Meijer (evil hellhole that it is) to mail some presents to some people today, and I passed a guy holding a sign saying "Will work for food or gifts. Have Children."
Now here's the thing. I know sometimes people scam others by holding those signs when really they only want money for like, meth or alcohol or whatever. I know that. I know. But I've also BEEN A KID WHOSE MOM COULDN'T AFFORD HER PRESENTS OR FOOD. I've been homeless, I've been alone on Christmas and sad and lonely, I've been close to giving up because I didn't see any hope or any way out. Sometimes I'm still that person. Sometimes I'm all those people in one day. It SUCKS.
So anyway, as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, I was going to go to the bar with friends tonight, so I had $20 I'd saved for the past month. I used it to buy that guy two $10 gift cards. You can't trade those in for cash, and you can't use them to buy alcohol (I'm not opposed to using money to buy alcohol if you need it to get by because drunk is better than dead, but alcoholism is rampant in my family, so I know it can be bad, too) and I walked back through the snow he had to stand in all day and I gave him those gift cards. He told me thank you, told me his kids send me a hug, and I hope they really do get something good this Christmas. I saw a lady stopping her car and handing him something right before I walked up, so I know he got some money from her, and I'm thankful not everyone passed him by. Walmart and Meijer both had full parking lots, so a lot of people were buying gifts. I hope he wasn't lying and I hope he does have a merry Christmas. I told him I'd pray for him and his family an I HATE saying that, because then I sound like one of those people who says "I'll pray for you!" and they mean it as a threat "I'm going to sic GOD ON YOU!" and I TOTALLY DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY AT ALL. I don't want to sound like that, but I do say it (usually I try to say "I'll pray for you if you don't mind, and if you don't want me to pray for you, I'll think good thoughts about you" but this guy said "God bless you" first, so I didn't think he'd be offended if I said I'd pray for him). It's cold here today, so I hope he doesn't catch pneumonia standing outside, and I hope he has a merry Christmas whether or not he really has a family (I should say, I don't think he's lying but I know sometimes people do, and even if he's lying, I hope he finds some way to keep going and find some hope and a reason to keep living even if he's lying and scamming people, because there's enough horrible shit in the world that I'm not going to wish more horrible shit on him even if he's doing something wrong). I gave him a gift today because I had it within my power to give, and whatever he does with it is his choice, and I hope good things come of it, because there's enough bad stuff going around that none of us need any more.
I'm not making this post to make myself sound like a good person or anything (hey look, I'm WAY more awesome than you are!) I just like reading about things like this that happen at Christmas, they give me hope and remind me that not everything is bad, and even if I'm poor and don't have a lot of money or food, I have a roof over my head and some food and heat and a kitty who loves me even though she poops all over my couch and makes me want to pull my hair out most days, so my life is good and it could always get worse, and I want to try and spread some of that "good" to other people if I can. So I'm hoping you like reading these kinds of stories, too, and I hope this brightens your day a little.
This song came on my mp3 player as I was walking up to give the guy the gift cards, and it always makes me cry and reminds me of the friends I've lost and those who are still here and still fighting to find hope and light in the midst of all the darkness. Someone once said that no matter who we are or where we are in life, even if we can't do much to combat the evil around us, we can turn on a small light in a dark room, and so I tried to do that today, and I hope you keep trying, too, and I hope we all make it through together. I love you all. Thanks for reading.
Now here's the thing. I know sometimes people scam others by holding those signs when really they only want money for like, meth or alcohol or whatever. I know that. I know. But I've also BEEN A KID WHOSE MOM COULDN'T AFFORD HER PRESENTS OR FOOD. I've been homeless, I've been alone on Christmas and sad and lonely, I've been close to giving up because I didn't see any hope or any way out. Sometimes I'm still that person. Sometimes I'm all those people in one day. It SUCKS.
So anyway, as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, I was going to go to the bar with friends tonight, so I had $20 I'd saved for the past month. I used it to buy that guy two $10 gift cards. You can't trade those in for cash, and you can't use them to buy alcohol (I'm not opposed to using money to buy alcohol if you need it to get by because drunk is better than dead, but alcoholism is rampant in my family, so I know it can be bad, too) and I walked back through the snow he had to stand in all day and I gave him those gift cards. He told me thank you, told me his kids send me a hug, and I hope they really do get something good this Christmas. I saw a lady stopping her car and handing him something right before I walked up, so I know he got some money from her, and I'm thankful not everyone passed him by. Walmart and Meijer both had full parking lots, so a lot of people were buying gifts. I hope he wasn't lying and I hope he does have a merry Christmas. I told him I'd pray for him and his family an I HATE saying that, because then I sound like one of those people who says "I'll pray for you!" and they mean it as a threat "I'm going to sic GOD ON YOU!" and I TOTALLY DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY AT ALL. I don't want to sound like that, but I do say it (usually I try to say "I'll pray for you if you don't mind, and if you don't want me to pray for you, I'll think good thoughts about you" but this guy said "God bless you" first, so I didn't think he'd be offended if I said I'd pray for him). It's cold here today, so I hope he doesn't catch pneumonia standing outside, and I hope he has a merry Christmas whether or not he really has a family (I should say, I don't think he's lying but I know sometimes people do, and even if he's lying, I hope he finds some way to keep going and find some hope and a reason to keep living even if he's lying and scamming people, because there's enough horrible shit in the world that I'm not going to wish more horrible shit on him even if he's doing something wrong). I gave him a gift today because I had it within my power to give, and whatever he does with it is his choice, and I hope good things come of it, because there's enough bad stuff going around that none of us need any more.
I'm not making this post to make myself sound like a good person or anything (hey look, I'm WAY more awesome than you are!) I just like reading about things like this that happen at Christmas, they give me hope and remind me that not everything is bad, and even if I'm poor and don't have a lot of money or food, I have a roof over my head and some food and heat and a kitty who loves me even though she poops all over my couch and makes me want to pull my hair out most days, so my life is good and it could always get worse, and I want to try and spread some of that "good" to other people if I can. So I'm hoping you like reading these kinds of stories, too, and I hope this brightens your day a little.
This song came on my mp3 player as I was walking up to give the guy the gift cards, and it always makes me cry and reminds me of the friends I've lost and those who are still here and still fighting to find hope and light in the midst of all the darkness. Someone once said that no matter who we are or where we are in life, even if we can't do much to combat the evil around us, we can turn on a small light in a dark room, and so I tried to do that today, and I hope you keep trying, too, and I hope we all make it through together. I love you all. Thanks for reading.
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