Honorable Acts
Title: Honorable Acts
Series: Code of Honor (4/?)
Author: Gwenfrewi
Rating: E
Fandom: Firefly
Spoilers: None
Summary: Mal fesses up to Inara
Length: 1,435 according to Word.
Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.
Author's Note: Thanks to Obsidianagirl for beta’ing this story for me. You’re the best!
Feedback: is shiny and always encouraged, both the good and the bad.
Copyright (c) January 2005 Patricia Flynn
Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu! = I wish you a slow death, but a quick ride to hell!
Inara had arranged herself in an appealing fashion as she sat on the couch in the shuttle waiting for Mal to arrive.
Her heart beat faster in anticipation. She glanced about the room double-checking that the incense was still burning and the lights were low but not too low. All the components for the Welcoming Tea Ceremony where laid out on the table before her. If all went as planned, she would be spending a passionate night in Mal’s arms.
She realized that her breath was coming quickly so she began to meditate in order to bring it under control. Her body was quivering with anticipation like never before. Tonight would be a night of passion that would surpass all the others and it was just because her heart was engaged in the act.
Mal paused in the doorway as he took in the sight of Inara. Her body arrangement was clearly something she’d learned as a Companion to emphasis all her best assets. Now Mal enjoyed the view, he was after all a man with a fine eye, but it seemed so ridiculous to him at that point. Then the incense and the lighting registered in his brain. Gorram woman was implementing wiles.
“Inara.”
“Mal.”
“May I join you?” Mal intended to play this out very calmly.
“Please do.” Inara patted a spot right next to her.
Mal sauntered over and sat several feet farther away then she had indicated.
“Inara don’t be trying to use your womanly wiles on me. This is important and somethin’ that needs to be said.”
Inara’s eyes sharpened at his tone and she sat up, dismissing her alluring posture for a more prim and proper one and looked at Mal with an elegantly arched brow.
“I’m sure that you’re aware that I’ve held you in special regard for a long while now.”
Mal paused and looked down at his hands, wondering how he should continue. Inara just smiled briefly with triumph. That pivotal moment with Mal was finally at hand.
“All the fighting and insults have been my way of hidin’ from the fact that I had feelings for ya. You’re a Companion. You’re used to the finer things in life and there was no way I could provide those things for you. And as for you staying a Companion, well, I ain’t a man that likes to share what’s his.
For a long time you fogged things up for me. My feelings for you caused me to question everything about myself and that kind of self-doubt can cause people in positions of authority, like myself, to lack the necessary conviction in their decisions. Your doubt in who I was and what I was doing was robbing me of my ability to lead this crew at times. Regardless of that, I still longed to be with you.”
Mal paused again and decided it was better to do the job swift like and not prolong the inevitable.
“But, certain things have come to pass of late and I’ve realized that you and I ain’t meant to be." Inara’s body and face stiffened at these words. Anguish ran through her soul.
"I’m not saying I don’t have feelings for ya. It’s just that they’ve changed recently. I see you as family, someone I care about and protect."
“Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu! I love you and was willing to quit the Guild for you! I stayed on this ship after Miranda in the hopes that something was going to happened between us and this is what I get? I was willing to give up everything that ever meant anything to me to be with you and you come in here and tell me you don’t feel about me that way anymore! You blow hot and cold on me for two years and when I finally think that the situation is going to be resolved the way it should be and… YOUR FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED!” Inara had jumped to feet and was screeching like a fishwife selling her wares in the marketplace. Most of the boat could probably hear her.
“Inara listen. This wasn’t how I ever imagine this conversation going. Hell, I never imagined…Hold it. Wait a minute. I blow hot and cold on you. Gorrammit woman, anytime I tried to touch you or tried to tell you how I felt, even after Nandi died and you left. You left. Not me, I was always here.” Mal stood and started yelling himself.
“Did you once ask me to stay? Did you try and stop me from leaving?”
“Oh, it’s always up to me to take definitive action and when that isn’t to your liking, you’re leaving. If I kick Simon and River off the boat, you’re leaving. Hell, I could quote chapter and verse of the number of times that you’ve threatened me with that.
That’s why we can’t work. You’re gorram selfish. Anytime I did something that you didn’t see the point in, you’d just threaten me with leaving. I need someone who understands me, understands that sometimes I have to make the choice between the lesser of two evils because that’s the only choices available to us.
But no, Miss Inara Serra, Companion and whore knows better than I what needs to be done. She’s never known what it’s like to have to choose between who lives and who dies because she lives in her pampered little world and doesn’t need to worry about major decisions like how she’s going to keep the crew fed and the ship running.
Woman if you got stuck between a rock and a hard place, you’d die there. You don’t comprehend that sometimes you have to act and even though that decision and what you have to do might cost you a piece of your soul, it means your life and those you care for will go on for another day.”
“I…” Inara’s eyes were filled with tears and they glided silently down her face.
She realized she really didn’t know Malcolm Reynolds. He intrigued her for that reason and that reason alone. She had no knowledge of the kinds of things that he had to do and the motivations behind them. She had led a pampered life. Yeah, she’d seen a glimpse of those things riding on his ship and those horrors she had seen frightened her to death. But here stood a man who saw those things over and over again and in new and ghastly ways each time, and he never flinched from those horrors. He faced the ugliness stoically and unflinchingly, in his desire to keep those near and dear to him safe.
Mal saw the tears falling from her face and he walked up her. With delicate movements, he wiped them from her face.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. I just wanted to break it, whatever it was between us, off before I moved forward.”
“Mal, I’m sorry. You’re right. We were both enamored with the glamour of the other.”
“I’ll always be there for you, you know that don’t you. You’re part of my crew and I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.” Mal smiled down at her as he brushed the last remnants of the tears away.
Smiling softly, Inara nodded her head.
Mal leaned down and deliberately kissed her. A final goodbye to what they had shared. Inara didn’t push him away. She savored the moment for what it was, a farewell to their past.
“You will always have a place on Serenity but I understand if you think you need to move on. Go back to the Training House or even Sihnon itself. You let me know what you want to do and I’ll make it happen. And this time, I won’t be trying to hold up your leaving unnecessarily.”
Inara grinned. “I always suspected that was a delaying tactic of yours.”
“It was.”
“I’ll let you know soon.” Inara moved out from his arms and seated herself again.
“You do that.”
“Would you care for some tea?” She gestured at the assembled items before her.
“No. I’ve got Captainy things to do.” Mal smiled and nodded before striding out. He shut the door behind him, suspecting that Inara needed to be alone.
As the door closed, tears began to rain copiously down her face. The hopes of love that she’d harbored for so long with Mal were not so easy to let go of. She let the pain of knowing she was alone wash over her.
Series: Code of Honor (4/?)
Author: Gwenfrewi
Rating: E
Fandom: Firefly
Spoilers: None
Summary: Mal fesses up to Inara
Length: 1,435 according to Word.
Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.
Author's Note: Thanks to Obsidianagirl for beta’ing this story for me. You’re the best!
Feedback: is shiny and always encouraged, both the good and the bad.
Copyright (c) January 2005 Patricia Flynn
Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu! = I wish you a slow death, but a quick ride to hell!
Inara had arranged herself in an appealing fashion as she sat on the couch in the shuttle waiting for Mal to arrive.
Her heart beat faster in anticipation. She glanced about the room double-checking that the incense was still burning and the lights were low but not too low. All the components for the Welcoming Tea Ceremony where laid out on the table before her. If all went as planned, she would be spending a passionate night in Mal’s arms.
She realized that her breath was coming quickly so she began to meditate in order to bring it under control. Her body was quivering with anticipation like never before. Tonight would be a night of passion that would surpass all the others and it was just because her heart was engaged in the act.
Mal paused in the doorway as he took in the sight of Inara. Her body arrangement was clearly something she’d learned as a Companion to emphasis all her best assets. Now Mal enjoyed the view, he was after all a man with a fine eye, but it seemed so ridiculous to him at that point. Then the incense and the lighting registered in his brain. Gorram woman was implementing wiles.
“Inara.”
“Mal.”
“May I join you?” Mal intended to play this out very calmly.
“Please do.” Inara patted a spot right next to her.
Mal sauntered over and sat several feet farther away then she had indicated.
“Inara don’t be trying to use your womanly wiles on me. This is important and somethin’ that needs to be said.”
Inara’s eyes sharpened at his tone and she sat up, dismissing her alluring posture for a more prim and proper one and looked at Mal with an elegantly arched brow.
“I’m sure that you’re aware that I’ve held you in special regard for a long while now.”
Mal paused and looked down at his hands, wondering how he should continue. Inara just smiled briefly with triumph. That pivotal moment with Mal was finally at hand.
“All the fighting and insults have been my way of hidin’ from the fact that I had feelings for ya. You’re a Companion. You’re used to the finer things in life and there was no way I could provide those things for you. And as for you staying a Companion, well, I ain’t a man that likes to share what’s his.
For a long time you fogged things up for me. My feelings for you caused me to question everything about myself and that kind of self-doubt can cause people in positions of authority, like myself, to lack the necessary conviction in their decisions. Your doubt in who I was and what I was doing was robbing me of my ability to lead this crew at times. Regardless of that, I still longed to be with you.”
Mal paused again and decided it was better to do the job swift like and not prolong the inevitable.
“But, certain things have come to pass of late and I’ve realized that you and I ain’t meant to be." Inara’s body and face stiffened at these words. Anguish ran through her soul.
"I’m not saying I don’t have feelings for ya. It’s just that they’ve changed recently. I see you as family, someone I care about and protect."
“Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu! I love you and was willing to quit the Guild for you! I stayed on this ship after Miranda in the hopes that something was going to happened between us and this is what I get? I was willing to give up everything that ever meant anything to me to be with you and you come in here and tell me you don’t feel about me that way anymore! You blow hot and cold on me for two years and when I finally think that the situation is going to be resolved the way it should be and… YOUR FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED!” Inara had jumped to feet and was screeching like a fishwife selling her wares in the marketplace. Most of the boat could probably hear her.
“Inara listen. This wasn’t how I ever imagine this conversation going. Hell, I never imagined…Hold it. Wait a minute. I blow hot and cold on you. Gorrammit woman, anytime I tried to touch you or tried to tell you how I felt, even after Nandi died and you left. You left. Not me, I was always here.” Mal stood and started yelling himself.
“Did you once ask me to stay? Did you try and stop me from leaving?”
“Oh, it’s always up to me to take definitive action and when that isn’t to your liking, you’re leaving. If I kick Simon and River off the boat, you’re leaving. Hell, I could quote chapter and verse of the number of times that you’ve threatened me with that.
That’s why we can’t work. You’re gorram selfish. Anytime I did something that you didn’t see the point in, you’d just threaten me with leaving. I need someone who understands me, understands that sometimes I have to make the choice between the lesser of two evils because that’s the only choices available to us.
But no, Miss Inara Serra, Companion and whore knows better than I what needs to be done. She’s never known what it’s like to have to choose between who lives and who dies because she lives in her pampered little world and doesn’t need to worry about major decisions like how she’s going to keep the crew fed and the ship running.
Woman if you got stuck between a rock and a hard place, you’d die there. You don’t comprehend that sometimes you have to act and even though that decision and what you have to do might cost you a piece of your soul, it means your life and those you care for will go on for another day.”
“I…” Inara’s eyes were filled with tears and they glided silently down her face.
She realized she really didn’t know Malcolm Reynolds. He intrigued her for that reason and that reason alone. She had no knowledge of the kinds of things that he had to do and the motivations behind them. She had led a pampered life. Yeah, she’d seen a glimpse of those things riding on his ship and those horrors she had seen frightened her to death. But here stood a man who saw those things over and over again and in new and ghastly ways each time, and he never flinched from those horrors. He faced the ugliness stoically and unflinchingly, in his desire to keep those near and dear to him safe.
Mal saw the tears falling from her face and he walked up her. With delicate movements, he wiped them from her face.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. I just wanted to break it, whatever it was between us, off before I moved forward.”
“Mal, I’m sorry. You’re right. We were both enamored with the glamour of the other.”
“I’ll always be there for you, you know that don’t you. You’re part of my crew and I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.” Mal smiled down at her as he brushed the last remnants of the tears away.
Smiling softly, Inara nodded her head.
Mal leaned down and deliberately kissed her. A final goodbye to what they had shared. Inara didn’t push him away. She savored the moment for what it was, a farewell to their past.
“You will always have a place on Serenity but I understand if you think you need to move on. Go back to the Training House or even Sihnon itself. You let me know what you want to do and I’ll make it happen. And this time, I won’t be trying to hold up your leaving unnecessarily.”
Inara grinned. “I always suspected that was a delaying tactic of yours.”
“It was.”
“I’ll let you know soon.” Inara moved out from his arms and seated herself again.
“You do that.”
“Would you care for some tea?” She gestured at the assembled items before her.
“No. I’ve got Captainy things to do.” Mal smiled and nodded before striding out. He shut the door behind him, suspecting that Inara needed to be alone.
As the door closed, tears began to rain copiously down her face. The hopes of love that she’d harbored for so long with Mal were not so easy to let go of. She let the pain of knowing she was alone wash over her.