A Knight's Choice
Author: Gwenfrewi
Series: Code of Honor (3/?)
Rating: G
Fandom: Firefly
Spoilers: None
Summary: Mal realizes a few things and River cries.
Length: 1,453 according to word.
Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.
Author's Note: Sequel to "A Knight in Tarnished Armor." Blame Obsidianagirl, she keeps making me write more. J.K. I appreciate all her enthusiasm and encouragement.
Thanks to Obsidianagirl for beta’ing this story for me. You’re the best!
Feedback: is shiny and always encouraged, both the good and the bad.
Copyright (c) January 2006 Patricia Flynn
When Mal came into the dining room and saw River and Inara sitting at the table for dinner, he realized he could easily exercise this infatuation he had with River with the love he had for Inara.
The more he studied Inara and thought about her, the more he realized his heart’s true desire. Inara was uncommonly still most of the time and yet gracefully fluid in her practiced elegance when she moved.
Inara’s looks were undeniably stunning, but he knew they were enhanced by the cosmetics she wore and the artful perfection of her hair. Even when it was mussed in that just out of bed look, it always appeared contrived. Her eyes were always guarded, never showing what she truly felt or thought. Hell, she’d even coordinated her outfit with her fancy bow and arrow when they were preparing for battle on Mr. Universes moon.
Talking to her wasn’t an easy chore either, usually she shut him down and they ended up arguing. There relationship was a complex one. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that she represented everything that he thought he wanted in a woman. The beauty, intelligence and grace she had, but she was lacking in something so vitally important to him, that they were destined to fail even before they began. She lacked strength of character.
She cared too much for appearances and status. That was one thing Mal would never allow to dictate his dealings in life. Her self worth came from her profession and Mal had problems aplenty with that.
She ran away when he was trying to confess his true feelings for her. In fact, she closed up when ever he approached her in any but impersonal means. She was afraid to fight for something she wanted or even needed. She was not someone he could trust to support him when he was down. After her ‘rescue’ from the whorin’ academy, she’d proven that fact by disparaging his motives in goin’ there in the first place. He would always be the one to reassure her, bolster her up when the chips were down and gather them up to make it better. He’d always be waitin’ for the next time when she would kick him down.
They’d burn beautifully for a while but then it would flicker and die. Desire would turn to hate and they would reach the point where they wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of the other. That was something Mal didn’t want, something that he wouldn’t be able to live with, Kaylee would see to that.
Even as he realized this, the way he saw her changed. His eyes reflected this change in perception they went from yearning to contemplative. She was no longer his heart’s desire. She was someone he loved but was not in love with. She was just Inara.
In his mind’s eye he saw River’s clean face and luminescent chocolate eyes glowing with the vibrancy of her intelligence and the wonder and joy with which she saw the ‘verse. Her hair was always disheveled and he yearned to be the one to have mussed that brown hair. She was always slightly moving like a hummingbird, fast, delicate, graceful and beautiful simultaneously.
‘She’s so gorram beautiful just as she is, needing nothin’ to enhance her natural beauty.’
Her strength was not to be denied either. She’d withstood untold atrocities at the hands of the Alliance. Been tortured with nightmare images, needles poked into her on a daily basis, had her mind cut into and her brilliant thought process changed to their will and whim, and still she managed to claw and fight her way back so she could carve a life for herself that was not of their design. To come out of it that was impressive as hell. He wasn’t sure he could have done the same.
He put the fate of all he loved and held dear in River’s hands when he followed her to Miranda. Yeah, there might have been casualties. Book and Wash, the most painful of the losses, but none of that was her doing in that mess and his crew still ached at the holes they left behind, but he’d found something he thought he’d lost. Something he never expected to find again, something that he hadn’t had in years. His faith.
His faith was River and River was his faith. He believed in her in ways he never believed in himself or anyone. Zoe he trusted with his back, but River he trusted with his heart.
‘What was I thinking? How could I possibly think that Inara could ever take the place of River?’
Like a bolt from the blue or a Reaver attack, Mal realized he loved River. An seventeen year-old girl held his heart in the palms of her hands.
His eyes moved to River, only to see the top of her head, her face and eyes were intent on her plate of food. He felt bereft when she didn’t meet his eye, but he also felt hopeful.
River was not amused as she sat at Mal’s side at dinner that night. His entire focus was on Inara. He remained silent as the rest of the crew chattered around him.
She was having a hard time hearing his thoughts over Jayne’s loud, obnoxious ones, Simon and Kaylee’s lascivious mental images and Zoë’s pain. What pieces she did hear were not comforting. They all were obviously about Inara. Things like ‘She’s so gorram beautiful…’ and ‘what was I thinking?’ quickly burst her happy bubble. The joy and euphoria which had her dancing around the cargo bay earlier was now gone. She quickly stopped trying to listen in on Mal after that.
River kept her eyes on her plate as she ate. She knew she was not beautiful and could never compete with Inara. She’d already been scalded just seeing his eyes go all yearning when he looked upon Inara. After what they’d shared, to watch him gaze longingly at her was more than she could bear. It was pure torture, the likes of which even the hands of blue hadn’t committed to her. At this point, their methods would have been easier to bear.
Her heart ached in her chest and she didn’t know why. ‘It was just a kiss.’ She thought, ‘Why do I feel like this?’ She quickly became lost in her own anguished thoughts.
Zoe noticed that the Captain and River were uncommonly silent but the look in Mal’s eyes showed that he was doing a fierce amount of thinking, so she let it slide. River was usually quiet but would listen avidly to the general conversation. Tonight she just stared at her plate. ‘Maybe it was just a bad day for River.’
It was River’s turn to do dishes. Which she efficiently cleared from the table after everyone finished eating. Silently and quickly, she started in on them. Her haste to get the job done broke the companionable atmosphere so Jayne meandered off to his bunk. Zoe went up to the cockpit to check on the course, and Simon and Kaylee had wandered off together. Mal and Inara sat at the table sharing some tea as River worked.
“Inara if you have a moment, I’d like to talk with you in your shuttle.”
“Why not now, Mal?”
Mal’s eyes flickered over to where River stood at the sink. Her focus intent on the task at hand, but he knew that with River one could never tell.
“It’s of a private nature and I don’t want to be interrupted.”
Inara nodded but her eyes reflected a hope that this was the conversation she’d been waiting for. He’d started to make the confession months ago, but she’d been too hurt to allow him in and ever since deciding to stay on Serenity after Miranda, she was hoping and waiting for the opportunity. Now was her chance to express how she felt to Mal and she was positive that that they would be reciprocated.
“Well, if you’re finished, how about we head that way.” Mal rose and held Inara’s chair for her to rise. Taking her cup from her, he indicated that he would be there shortly.
As Inara left the room, Mal walked over to the sink and went to place the cups in the sink. River flinched when his hand brushed against her arm.
“River?” Confusion flooded Mal’s face.
“Don’t keep her waiting. She won’t wait forever.” River replied, her voice thick with emotion.
“I’ll be wantin’ to talk with you soon, lil’ albatross.” Mal stroked her hair gently before walking away.
River’s eyes had closed in anguish at his touch. Tears seeped from her eyes and mingled with the soapy water as she finished the washing.
Series: Code of Honor (3/?)
Rating: G
Fandom: Firefly
Spoilers: None
Summary: Mal realizes a few things and River cries.
Length: 1,453 according to word.
Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.
Author's Note: Sequel to "A Knight in Tarnished Armor." Blame Obsidianagirl, she keeps making me write more. J.K. I appreciate all her enthusiasm and encouragement.
Thanks to Obsidianagirl for beta’ing this story for me. You’re the best!
Feedback: is shiny and always encouraged, both the good and the bad.
Copyright (c) January 2006 Patricia Flynn
When Mal came into the dining room and saw River and Inara sitting at the table for dinner, he realized he could easily exercise this infatuation he had with River with the love he had for Inara.
The more he studied Inara and thought about her, the more he realized his heart’s true desire. Inara was uncommonly still most of the time and yet gracefully fluid in her practiced elegance when she moved.
Inara’s looks were undeniably stunning, but he knew they were enhanced by the cosmetics she wore and the artful perfection of her hair. Even when it was mussed in that just out of bed look, it always appeared contrived. Her eyes were always guarded, never showing what she truly felt or thought. Hell, she’d even coordinated her outfit with her fancy bow and arrow when they were preparing for battle on Mr. Universes moon.
Talking to her wasn’t an easy chore either, usually she shut him down and they ended up arguing. There relationship was a complex one. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that she represented everything that he thought he wanted in a woman. The beauty, intelligence and grace she had, but she was lacking in something so vitally important to him, that they were destined to fail even before they began. She lacked strength of character.
She cared too much for appearances and status. That was one thing Mal would never allow to dictate his dealings in life. Her self worth came from her profession and Mal had problems aplenty with that.
She ran away when he was trying to confess his true feelings for her. In fact, she closed up when ever he approached her in any but impersonal means. She was afraid to fight for something she wanted or even needed. She was not someone he could trust to support him when he was down. After her ‘rescue’ from the whorin’ academy, she’d proven that fact by disparaging his motives in goin’ there in the first place. He would always be the one to reassure her, bolster her up when the chips were down and gather them up to make it better. He’d always be waitin’ for the next time when she would kick him down.
They’d burn beautifully for a while but then it would flicker and die. Desire would turn to hate and they would reach the point where they wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of the other. That was something Mal didn’t want, something that he wouldn’t be able to live with, Kaylee would see to that.
Even as he realized this, the way he saw her changed. His eyes reflected this change in perception they went from yearning to contemplative. She was no longer his heart’s desire. She was someone he loved but was not in love with. She was just Inara.
In his mind’s eye he saw River’s clean face and luminescent chocolate eyes glowing with the vibrancy of her intelligence and the wonder and joy with which she saw the ‘verse. Her hair was always disheveled and he yearned to be the one to have mussed that brown hair. She was always slightly moving like a hummingbird, fast, delicate, graceful and beautiful simultaneously.
‘She’s so gorram beautiful just as she is, needing nothin’ to enhance her natural beauty.’
Her strength was not to be denied either. She’d withstood untold atrocities at the hands of the Alliance. Been tortured with nightmare images, needles poked into her on a daily basis, had her mind cut into and her brilliant thought process changed to their will and whim, and still she managed to claw and fight her way back so she could carve a life for herself that was not of their design. To come out of it that was impressive as hell. He wasn’t sure he could have done the same.
He put the fate of all he loved and held dear in River’s hands when he followed her to Miranda. Yeah, there might have been casualties. Book and Wash, the most painful of the losses, but none of that was her doing in that mess and his crew still ached at the holes they left behind, but he’d found something he thought he’d lost. Something he never expected to find again, something that he hadn’t had in years. His faith.
His faith was River and River was his faith. He believed in her in ways he never believed in himself or anyone. Zoe he trusted with his back, but River he trusted with his heart.
‘What was I thinking? How could I possibly think that Inara could ever take the place of River?’
Like a bolt from the blue or a Reaver attack, Mal realized he loved River. An seventeen year-old girl held his heart in the palms of her hands.
His eyes moved to River, only to see the top of her head, her face and eyes were intent on her plate of food. He felt bereft when she didn’t meet his eye, but he also felt hopeful.
River was not amused as she sat at Mal’s side at dinner that night. His entire focus was on Inara. He remained silent as the rest of the crew chattered around him.
She was having a hard time hearing his thoughts over Jayne’s loud, obnoxious ones, Simon and Kaylee’s lascivious mental images and Zoë’s pain. What pieces she did hear were not comforting. They all were obviously about Inara. Things like ‘She’s so gorram beautiful…’ and ‘what was I thinking?’ quickly burst her happy bubble. The joy and euphoria which had her dancing around the cargo bay earlier was now gone. She quickly stopped trying to listen in on Mal after that.
River kept her eyes on her plate as she ate. She knew she was not beautiful and could never compete with Inara. She’d already been scalded just seeing his eyes go all yearning when he looked upon Inara. After what they’d shared, to watch him gaze longingly at her was more than she could bear. It was pure torture, the likes of which even the hands of blue hadn’t committed to her. At this point, their methods would have been easier to bear.
Her heart ached in her chest and she didn’t know why. ‘It was just a kiss.’ She thought, ‘Why do I feel like this?’ She quickly became lost in her own anguished thoughts.
Zoe noticed that the Captain and River were uncommonly silent but the look in Mal’s eyes showed that he was doing a fierce amount of thinking, so she let it slide. River was usually quiet but would listen avidly to the general conversation. Tonight she just stared at her plate. ‘Maybe it was just a bad day for River.’
It was River’s turn to do dishes. Which she efficiently cleared from the table after everyone finished eating. Silently and quickly, she started in on them. Her haste to get the job done broke the companionable atmosphere so Jayne meandered off to his bunk. Zoe went up to the cockpit to check on the course, and Simon and Kaylee had wandered off together. Mal and Inara sat at the table sharing some tea as River worked.
“Inara if you have a moment, I’d like to talk with you in your shuttle.”
“Why not now, Mal?”
Mal’s eyes flickered over to where River stood at the sink. Her focus intent on the task at hand, but he knew that with River one could never tell.
“It’s of a private nature and I don’t want to be interrupted.”
Inara nodded but her eyes reflected a hope that this was the conversation she’d been waiting for. He’d started to make the confession months ago, but she’d been too hurt to allow him in and ever since deciding to stay on Serenity after Miranda, she was hoping and waiting for the opportunity. Now was her chance to express how she felt to Mal and she was positive that that they would be reciprocated.
“Well, if you’re finished, how about we head that way.” Mal rose and held Inara’s chair for her to rise. Taking her cup from her, he indicated that he would be there shortly.
As Inara left the room, Mal walked over to the sink and went to place the cups in the sink. River flinched when his hand brushed against her arm.
“River?” Confusion flooded Mal’s face.
“Don’t keep her waiting. She won’t wait forever.” River replied, her voice thick with emotion.
“I’ll be wantin’ to talk with you soon, lil’ albatross.” Mal stroked her hair gently before walking away.
River’s eyes had closed in anguish at his touch. Tears seeped from her eyes and mingled with the soapy water as she finished the washing.