I don't get it
all the color is gone and he has only been gone five days. It didn't start until Monday night, but I am officially in a funk mood. I am thinking the most awful thoughts of making a command decision about the relationship because he is still stuck in the maybe/I don't know. I don't want to let the relationship go, but I am beginning to think that
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On Post traumatic Stress Disorder and Other Anxiety Disorders [23 Oct 2004|11:22pm]
Symptoms of the five major types of anxiety disorders may be experienced differently and can also overlap or change over time. They may include obsessions and compulsions; recurrent nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and emotional numbing; feelings of unreality; sudden panic, with racing heartbeat, dizziness, and sweating; avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations or places; relentless worry about objectively unjustified concerns; and/or irrational fears, whether of rarely encountered objects, such as snakes, or of daily situations, such as the need to interact with people.
On PTSD
Ok, I am a PTSD sufferer. I have been raped more than once, suffered from child abuse (sexual, mental, and physical), sexual molestation by family members, cheating mother fuckers (stupid men). and I became a Mom at a young age. The Mom thing is awesome, so I'm not complaining there. It was probably one of the best decisions I ever made not to have an abortion, not that I really considered it, because I didn't.
Ever since I was pregnant with my daughter I have been experiencing PTSD symptoms. When I look back on my past, especially my adolescence I see the same pattern. Depression accompanies my symptoms as well. At least I know enough about psychology and myself to see when things are resurfacing and I work through it. I decided to go through therapy to keep the resurfacing from happening again. I am tired of being chained to events in my past that should have no more bearing on my present. I am not the same person as I was even when I was pregnant with my daughter. I have grown up, and I am finally happy. I will not let the shadows from my past affect me or my daughter anymore. My girl is beautiful and smart, funny and articulate, and I'll be dammed if my fears keep her from becoming a whole person. I will be dammed before I let another relationship of mine fail because I can't trust or open up. I will make myself so it right this time. I just hope that when I tell him everything he'll be understanding and not judgmental or scathing about my experiences. Something tells me he will react with righteous anger, though.
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