Heart: Or, Romeo isn't bleeding.. he's frozen in Carbonite

Mar 22, 2009 14:15

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted here. Mostly from a general lack of anything I could talk about. Or wanted to talk about. Or lack of things that wouldn't come off as incessant whining about my life.

Of course, whining about life IS a part of the LiveJournal TOS. So here I's be.

Less than ten minutes ago, I finished watching a movie I had finally gotten around to watching. Ryan Renolds in "Definately, Maybe". And it was a great bit of New York filmdom, funny without being overbearing, romantic without being exceedingly sappy, Kevin Klein was a scene stealer every time he showed up.

And for reasons unrelated to the movie, I find myself on the verge of fucking tears.

Maybe it's just the less-than-shocking revelation that I'm a romantic at heart. Admitedly, a bitter and not-quite-as-practicing romantic as I used to be. But it's still there..

It's part of why I never actually got out there to try looking for that special lady. Because the romantic side of me is strongly countered by the decades of bitter lonely bastardom that I've taken to wearing like some soulbound epic drop that I can't trade away. And yeah, I made a WoW reference.. I'm a geek.. it's what I do.

Hell, it's gotten to the point that I fantasize about relationships more than actual sex. All the little things, loving banter, laughing over shared interests, the feel of phantom fingers grazing my shoulder in that sort of touch that tells you deep down that she isn't going anywhere. Only to snap out of it and see it's just me, alone, as usual. Maybe that's what going mad feels like? Part of your heart and mind and soul telling you that there's somebody there while reality tries to slap you into sharp awareness of the truth.

It leaves me humming like a freshly tuned harp string, tense and shaking. The only question is how long till I snap, and how badly I'll leave someone bleeding.

Of course, I could just need to get laid.

So, a little spring break project for you boys and girls... If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. And when the one you love finds out, deny, deny, deny.

Not really anybody's,
-James
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