dog fucker
{Kei and Jun}
{Kei's Shack}
{Rated PG13 for questionable conduct}
{Let's pretend this came before Ryutaro's log with Zull... for convenience. K.}
Another boring day and a pocket full of money for Jun Matsumoto. He sat flipping his phone open and close wondering who he could call up to hang out with. Jui was probably busy or in school or something and well aside from that he didn’t really have anyone else to hang out with. He changed positions from lying on the couch to sitting upside down as he began to look through his contacts, finding it very hard to read Japanese upside down. His eyes rested on Kei’s number in his phone and a smile spread across his face. He hadn’t seen his friend Kei in a while and he was sure the man was as bored as he was.
Flipping himself over onto the floor he pressed send and waited for the phone to ring and for the room to stop spinning.
Kei nearly had a heart attack when his phone rang. Why he even had a phone was beyond him. He’d bought a disposable one on a whim, just to see what use they were. It would die in a few weeks, apparently- and that was good, because Kei hated phones.
If it was some stupid telemarketer, he swore he’d hunt them down and kill them. The number seemed familiar, however; someone he knew?
”Hello?” Slow and apprehensive. His paranoia was much worse than usual those days.
“Hey. It’s Jun.” he answered as he flipped himself over and sat back up on his couch properly. “What’s up?”
Jun was always curious about his strange friend; always wondering if the people who got killed were possibly by him or maybe someone else. It was one of the few reasons he watched the news on occasion.
Jun. Jun. His young, sultry little ‘friend’ whom he’d met through working for the kid’s father. He’d never expected to find a friend- or even wanted to, really… and he and Jun weren’t really friends, but they could amuse each other from time to time.
”Hello, Jun-kun!” His tone immediately switched from apprehension to false friendliness, as always- though he mostly talked that way to Jun just to fuck with him. “What’s up?!”
“I just asked you what was up,” he said with a frown on his face, hating when Kei got creepy chipper like that. He stood from his seat and paced back and forth like he had a habit of doing when he spoke on the phone with people.
“I’m bored. Do you think I could hang out with you? I’ll bring food and stuff.” Kei was always good entertainment and the house was so quiet that he just wanted to get away from it. He didn’t care which house Kei was currently at either, any of them were better than his.
“Sure!” Kei’s tone didn’t change. He could practically sense Jun’s irritation. He didn’t know much about him, but if there was anything he was certain of, it was that Jun hated anything happy. “I’m sitting in my shack right now. Come on by.”
Ai, Ai- what to do with Ai? She’d run out of battery power and he hadn’t bothered to plug her back in, just shut her in his so-called “bedroom” and left her there. He wasn’t sure why he cared if Jun saw her, but something about a certain dark haired stalker made him want to keep his association with JJ Lin a secret from everyone.
…Even himself.
”And… if I were doing anything remotely interesting, I wouldn’t have answered the phone. See you soon, love!” And he hung up.
Jun rolled his eyes as he hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket. He went to his room to find his coat and keys. As he was about to leave the house he remembered that Kei’s shack wasn’t the most well heated place so he went to his closet to grab a blanket before he left the house. He wondered what the hit man did for fun when he wasn’t killing people or switching houses like crazy. Maybe he would ask him today since it seemed all they ever did was drink and watch TV or something.
After half an hour or so Jun drove up to the hit man’s house with his hands full. He carried the blanket, a nice warm pizza fresh from the pizza shop and a whole lot of alcohol. He kicked at the door as best he could with out falling over to let the man know he was waiting.
”Open the door!”
Kei took his time walking to the door, a small smirk on his face as he pulled it open. He was sort of glad, really, to not have to go out in the cold and look for him that night. His lifestyle didn’t really allow him a day off, but he was taking one anyway. Things were gonna get a lot worse real soon, so why not hang out with the closest thing to a friend he had?
”Hi, Jun-chan!” He’d brought pizza and alcohol. What a good kid, really. Kei never got drunk, he couldn’t afford to… but as long as he stayed in control, alcohol was a nice way to celebrate what might have been the end of his life.
“Don’t call me Jun-chan!” he growled as he stepped passed the boy and into the shack to sit the stuff down. The blanket was tossed on the floor and the booze and food where placed on a table. Jun took his coat off out of habit before automatically putting it back on, not enjoying the cold feeling of the man’s house. He grabbed the blanket and sat himself down to take out a slice of pizza and open up a bottle of beer.
”Why are you at this house when it’s so cold out? Couldn’t you have gone to a warmer one?”
“I could have,” Kei replied lightly, “but I didn’t.” He took a beer and opened it, taking a long sip. Didn’t Jun know that he didn’t share the reasons for the things he did? That he didn’t share anything with anyone? Obviously not, because he kept asking.
Silly Jun.
”How’s your life been lately? Got a girlfriend yet?” He toned the fake cheer down a bit, just because he was a little too worn out to keep it up for very long.
“Not yet,” he sighed as he took another bite of his pizza. He had bad luck when it came to talking to girls so he hadn’t tried it in a while. Maybe if he were still in school it would be easier for him to get a girlfriend but it was a little late for that now wasn’t it?
”I think I made a friend recently. He’s a modeling pretty boy.” Jun had a feeling the other didn’t really care but there wasn’t much else to talk about in his life. His dad was keeping him out of more and more things and he was starting to wonder if he was cutting him out of his life for good. Maybe he was going to get kicked out of the house at some point. That would suck.
“Oh yeah?” Kei wasn’t generally interested in the lives of others, but he much preferred that to talking about his own life. There was very little he could share, so it was best to just avoid the subject completely.
…That, and it was fun to drive people insane with curiosity, which he knew he did.
”Tell me about him.” It was sort of curious that Jun had befriended a pretty boy. They didn’t really seem like his type.
“Uhh okay,” he replied before taking a long drink from his bottle. He sat back a little in his seat and crossed his arms trying to think of what to say about the boy. “Well his name is Jui Ayukawa. I met him in the bathroom of Jusco and messed with him about how he shouldn’t pass out in public bathrooms. He seems cool even though he watches girly shows.”
That was about all the boy knew about his friend. They had only hung out twice and both times they didn’t do much serious talking about things aside from maybe the weather and what they were going to do because they were so bored. “He wants to live on the sun.”
Kei lifted an eyebrow. “So he’s insane, then? Girly and insane. Huh…” A homosexual nutcase celebrity. Jun sure made some odd friends, Kei included.
”He’s a model? Is he on magazines?” Kei grinned. “Can you steal some of his money?” Mostly a joke, because he was guessing Jun wasn’t really the type to do that.
…Probably.
Jun couldn’t help but laugh at Kei’s comment about Jui being ‘girly and insane’. Jui was girly, sure, but he wasn’t insane from what he knew. If anyone were insane it was Kei but he’d never tell the man that. He liked being alive.
”He’s not insane, he just hates the cold. He’s been in a few magazines yeah and I don’t think I can steal his money. I don’t really need to either.” He chuckled again at his friends odd questions before he was back eating pizza. “I’ll bring a clipping from a magazine to show you what he looks like one day.”
One day. Kei couldn’t help but wonder if this was the last time he and Jun would see each other. Then again, he wondered that every time he and the younger male hung out together.
”All right.” He didn’t really like boys and therefore didn’t care what Jun’s friend looked like, but it would make for good conversation. Especially if he could make fun of the kid. “Maybe he can hook you up with some hot model chick. That would be nice for you.” He took another gulp of beer.
Jun hadn’t really thought of that idea. Jui did hang out with models and probably would be able to hook him up with one right? Though Jun didn’t see himself being able to date a model or see a model showing interest in dating him.
“Maybe,” he shrugged saying as he finished off his beer and moved to get something stronger. Beers were nice and all but he wanted to feel a bit drunk since he knew Kei wouldn’t get drunk with him. “Aren’t you hungry? You haven’t touched the pizza.”
“Oh~.” Kei took a piece of pizza and smiled. “I was just so interested in hearing about your pretty boy friend. I never pictured you hanging out with a pretty boy. It kinda makes me laugh.” He laughed, as if to prove his point, before taking a large bite of pizza.
He briefly wondered if Jun was going to get drunk off his ass again. That was always incredibly funny. Anyone was funny when drunk, but seeing Jun that way was even more so, somehow. Possibly because he could make fun of him later.
“Then who did you picture me to hang out with?” he frowned asking as he opened the bottle and began drinking, enjoying the taste. He munched on his pizza while he drank more working to get a good buzz going.
”Did you picture me to hang out with thugs and guys with one eye and shit?”
Kei laughed. “Can you really blame me? People run with crowds, y’know. And pretty people don’t run with our crowd.”
Especially not wimps who were so damn afraid of the cold that they wanted to live on the sun.
”Except for me, of course. I’m very pretty.” A sarcastic smile.
Jun couldn’t help but laugh at Kei’s last comment about him being pretty. He never thought of the hit man as pretty but when he looked at him from that angle, tilted his head a little and squinted one eye…yeah, he could see it. He pat the man on the shoulder and finished off his bottle before starting on another one.
”You sure are,” he answered still patting the shoulder. “A very petty fish. Like a mermaid.” Oh those booze were kicking in quicker than the boy expected, it looked like he had picked a winner today at the store.
A very pretty… fish? Kei had never considered himself to be particularly fishy, but… hey, whatever made Jun happy.
”I’m a mermaid? I lack a tail. If you mean my lips, though…”
He made a fish face at Jun, just to see how he’s react.
”Call me Nemo.”
Jun stared wide eyed at the fish face his fish like friend just made at him. He had never seen something so amazing in his eighteen years of life. He burst into a roar of laughter, hugging on to himself and falling out of his seat as he rolled on the floor. If the alcohol didn’t erase it that image would be stuck in his mind forever and a day.
Kei was a little surprised by the teenager’s strong reaction. He knew he was a funny guy, but… jeeze. Maybe that alcohol worked a lot more quickly than he’d imagined it would.
”Don’t pee on my floor,” he demanded loudly, only half kidding. He was pretty sure that wouldn’t happen, but he really didn’t trust anyone when they were drunk. Or any other time, but especially not when they were drunk.
Eventually the boys laughing stopped and he laid there on the floor with tears in his eyes and hurt sides. He reached a hand up at the table wanting to retrieve his alcohol that he was so far away from.
“Keeeei~ pass me thaaat~” He pointed at the bottle as he gave the fish puppy dog eyes. “And don’t throw it.”
“Jeeze,” Kei replied with exaggerated false annoyance. “You’re such a spoiled little wench!”
He picked up Jun’s drink and handed it to him.
”…You better not drink until you puke, either, or, as amusing as you are, I’ll never invite you back to my awesome house again.”
The boy took the drink and sat up a little to drink from it. He stuck a tongue out at his friend before giving him a friendly smile.
”If you won’t invite me to this house then invite me to one of your crappier ones.” Jun laughed at his own stupid joke having a feeling that Kei wouldn’t find it as funny as he did. Standing to his feet he stripped himself of the jacket and began to sway as if he were dancing.
”Kei dance with me.”
“This is the crappiest one,” Kei replied lightly. And it was true; there was no place as crappy as the slums. Despite that, though… if he had to call a place home, it would probably be there, since he belonged there. And now he was kind of scared of his house on Lower Okane.
Dance?
…
”I don’t know how to dance, Jun-chan. You’ll have to teach me!”
Taking another long drink from his bottle, the boy sat it down and walked over to his fish friend with a smile on his face. He grabbed the other by the hands and pulled him up, moving them to a clear space to dance.
”Okay first we need music. So I’ll sing.” He continued to have the smile on his face as he began singing a random boy band song he saw on TV earlier. “Now follow what I do okay?” He continued singing the boy band song while he mimicked the dance moves his saw in a horrible drunken manner. It was amazing that he didn’t fall over from doing such a thing.
Kei was far more content to watch Jun make a total ass of himself rather than join him in his retarded dancing. It was, quite possibly, the greatest thing he’d ever seen- aside from money and nice boobs, of course.
”Oh, Jun-chan, you’re my hero!” he squealed, doing his best impression of a fangirl. An alarmingly accurate one, in his opinion. “I love you!” Sometimes he wondered if he’d missed his calling as an actor, but… murder was much more fun.
“S’ank you. S’ank you,” he replied in butchered English as he did a cool pose and blew kisses at his friend the screaming fangirl fish person. Grinning he walked over to his friend and pet him on the head.
“You are the prettiest fish girl I’ve ever seen. I want you to be in my next video.’ He winked at Kei before walking away from him to locate a bathroom. “Gotta pee I’ll be back!”
“Don’t be long, darling!” Kei yelled after him. “I’ll get lonely~!”
He frowned at the now empty room. It was sort of messy now, not that he cared… and he usually wouldn’t care about being alone, either, except with Jun there he wouldn’t have to think about him, the photographer-stalker-ghostboy who was haunting him. Starting that night, as soon as Jun either passed out or left… he’d have to do his best to hunt the guy down.
After taking a few extra minutes in the bathroom, focusing on not peeing on the floor and not falling over into the bathtub, Jun reemerged in the front room and sat down on the couch to sip on his drink more. He looked at Kei and grabbed a bottle handing it to him.
”Drink with me. Be silly too.” Jun wanted to see what Kei was like drunk but he had a feeling that he would never really get that chance. Kei was too strange and probably wouldn’t change an ounce if he were drunk.
“I can’t get drunk,” Kei replied in his usual chipper tone. “I never do, remember? I think you’re having plenty of fun on your own, though. And I like watching you.”
He ran his hand through Jun’s curly hair, smile growing almost cruel. He’d never pissed Jun off when he was drunk before; what would he act like?
”Hey, Jun-chan… wanna come be my dog? Your hair kinda makes me think of a mangy sheepdog.”
Jun leaned on Kei with his eyes closed as he sipped at his drink happily. When he heard the other address him he lifted his hand to hit him on the leg lazily, with a frown on his face.
”Don’t call me Jun-chan and don’t talk about my hair. My hair is awesome.” He looked at Kei for a moment before deciding to lick his cheek. He liked dogs and if being a dog let him hang out at Kei’s longer then being a dog wouldn’t be a big deal…until he was sober.
”Woof woof!” he barked as he sat his drink down and rolled on to his back on the couch, resting his head in Kei’s lap. “Pet me. Pet me looots~!” He shook his lower half as if he were wagging a tail, as he looked up at his sober friend.
That was… disturbing. Most people would find it cute, but most people didn’t know Jun like Kei thought he did. He just stared down at the teenager with an alarmed expression.
”…You’re funny.”
A smile.
”But I’m not gonna pet you, you bitch. I don’t like animals who are so demanding. Bring me another drink and I’ll consider.” Even as he said such words, his voice was light and friendly, only slightly mocking.
The dog boy frowned as he sat up and moved to get his ‘master’ a drink. He staggered a bit as he reached in the bag for one and opened it, handing it to the other. He then returned to his place on the couch and looked at Kei before reaching to poke his nose.
”Boop.”
Jun grinned as he continued poking Kei’s nose until he did something about it. It was far too amusing to do.
Kei just smiled. He only had so much emotion to spare, anger included, and therefore couldn’t afford to give any of it to Jun.
”Boop yourself.” He took a small sip of beer, always afraid of getting anything more than a little buzz. His tolerance wasn’t that great, and thus he couldn’t afford not to be careful.
”Oh, Jun-chan…” Another small sip. “The way you act sometimes… it’s like you’re in love with me.” He put his drink down and took the teenager’s hands. “Let’s get married!”
Jun frowned again, letting the other hold his hands. “You can’t marry your dog stupid and don’t call me Jun-chan.” No matter how drunk or sober he was, Jun would never allow someone to call him ‘chan’. ‘Chan’ was for girls and he was a far stretch from it. If anyone should be a ‘chan’ it was his friend Jui. Hopefully he’d remember to call him that next time he saw him.
“No?” Kei pouted. “Aw, Jun-chan, you’re breaking my poor little heart! Don’t be so cruel. You know how sensitive I am.”
…What a joke. Oh, well; it was a funny one, in his opinion. Almost as funny as Jun thinking he could control what Kei called him. What anyone called him, really. Making fun of Jun was just so fun.
Jun gave an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes before closing them. “I guess if you want to be called a dog fucker for the rest of your days I’ll marry you.” He shook his head and sat up to reach for his drink. “You’re so weird Kei.”
Finishing off the bottle, Jun yawned, grabbed the blanket he brought and curled up on the couch again, resting his head back in Kei’s lap. “If a fish and a dog get married and have kids does that mean they have hushpuppies or dogfish?”
“Dogfish,” Kei replied calmly. “Hushpuppies are food. But we’re not making any kids unless you carry them. My lifestyle doesn’t permit me to be pregnant.”
…What? This was a weird conversation, even for him. It was a good distraction, though, keeping up with a drunk Jun.
”I think you’d look cute with a big pregnant belly, though. How about it, hm?”
“Would I really..?” he trailed off asking as he rubbed his hands over his belly. Removing the blanket from himself he grabbed a pillow from the end of the couch and shoved it under his shirt.
”How does it look? Am I cute?” He made kissy face at his ‘fiancé’ while strutting around in front of him with a pillow in his shirt. The poor boy was going to regret this come morning.
“Adorable,” Kei replied in a sardonic tone, laughing almost cruelly. He’d forgotten what a joy Jun could be when drunk. “You make me proud, sweetheart…”
He put his hand on the pillow.
“I be it’s a hermaphrodite. What shall we name it?”
Jun sat himself on Kei’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. He rested his head on the man’s shoulders and pet his head. He was such a loving drunk.
”Keijun. Or Junkei. Or Keun. Keju. Juni. Uhh…” He giggled a little as he hugged tighter around the others neck, enjoying to warmth. Even though Kei was strange and insane he was happy to have someone around for those days when he got extra lonely.
Kei wasn’t fond of getting touched- rather, he hated any sort of physical contact. Especially hugging. He wasn’t a particularly cuddly guy, to say the least, but he could let Jun hang on him for a little while if it would make his drunk ass happy.
”You’re not a very creative pet,” he said with a frown. “Let’s name it Britney Spears.” It was the last name he’d seen walking by a news stand where she was on the front cover.
“That’s dumb,” he replied with a frown of his own. “I won’t have my dogfish hermaphrodite pillow child being named Britney Spears. I want it to have a Japanese name.”
He climbed off his ‘baby’s daddy’s’ neck and laid back down on the couch, wrapping the blanket around him and resting his head in the other’s lap again. He yawned again and rubbed his hands over his belly still believing he was pregnant. Maybe he’d pass out before he gave ‘birth’.
“God, you’re such a racist.” Kei frowned. “I don’t like Japanese names.” Didn’t make any sense, but then again, neither did he.
”But I guess you can name it, since you’re pushing it out of your vagina. Are you falling asleep?” No fair- then Kei would have to go work. Work to save his own ass, that was. He really did need to do that, though, as much as he kinda wanted to go to sleep himself. Maybe he’d pop another Adderall and then it would seem like fun.
“Don’t call your wife a racist. I may leave you.” Another yawn and his eyes were closed and he was off to dream land. His hands were still rested on his ‘pregnant’ belly even while he turned over a little to make himself comfortable.
His eyes opened again for a moment before the closed again. “Kei…lets name the baby Shiori. It was my mom’s name.” And with that the boy was out like a light.
{Kei's Shack}
{Rated PG13 for questionable conduct}
{Let's pretend this came before Ryutaro's log with Zull... for convenience. K.}
Another boring day and a pocket full of money for Jun Matsumoto. He sat flipping his phone open and close wondering who he could call up to hang out with. Jui was probably busy or in school or something and well aside from that he didn’t really have anyone else to hang out with. He changed positions from lying on the couch to sitting upside down as he began to look through his contacts, finding it very hard to read Japanese upside down. His eyes rested on Kei’s number in his phone and a smile spread across his face. He hadn’t seen his friend Kei in a while and he was sure the man was as bored as he was.
Flipping himself over onto the floor he pressed send and waited for the phone to ring and for the room to stop spinning.
Kei nearly had a heart attack when his phone rang. Why he even had a phone was beyond him. He’d bought a disposable one on a whim, just to see what use they were. It would die in a few weeks, apparently- and that was good, because Kei hated phones.
If it was some stupid telemarketer, he swore he’d hunt them down and kill them. The number seemed familiar, however; someone he knew?
”Hello?” Slow and apprehensive. His paranoia was much worse than usual those days.
“Hey. It’s Jun.” he answered as he flipped himself over and sat back up on his couch properly. “What’s up?”
Jun was always curious about his strange friend; always wondering if the people who got killed were possibly by him or maybe someone else. It was one of the few reasons he watched the news on occasion.
Jun. Jun. His young, sultry little ‘friend’ whom he’d met through working for the kid’s father. He’d never expected to find a friend- or even wanted to, really… and he and Jun weren’t really friends, but they could amuse each other from time to time.
”Hello, Jun-kun!” His tone immediately switched from apprehension to false friendliness, as always- though he mostly talked that way to Jun just to fuck with him. “What’s up?!”
“I just asked you what was up,” he said with a frown on his face, hating when Kei got creepy chipper like that. He stood from his seat and paced back and forth like he had a habit of doing when he spoke on the phone with people.
“I’m bored. Do you think I could hang out with you? I’ll bring food and stuff.” Kei was always good entertainment and the house was so quiet that he just wanted to get away from it. He didn’t care which house Kei was currently at either, any of them were better than his.
“Sure!” Kei’s tone didn’t change. He could practically sense Jun’s irritation. He didn’t know much about him, but if there was anything he was certain of, it was that Jun hated anything happy. “I’m sitting in my shack right now. Come on by.”
Ai, Ai- what to do with Ai? She’d run out of battery power and he hadn’t bothered to plug her back in, just shut her in his so-called “bedroom” and left her there. He wasn’t sure why he cared if Jun saw her, but something about a certain dark haired stalker made him want to keep his association with JJ Lin a secret from everyone.
…Even himself.
”And… if I were doing anything remotely interesting, I wouldn’t have answered the phone. See you soon, love!” And he hung up.
Jun rolled his eyes as he hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket. He went to his room to find his coat and keys. As he was about to leave the house he remembered that Kei’s shack wasn’t the most well heated place so he went to his closet to grab a blanket before he left the house. He wondered what the hit man did for fun when he wasn’t killing people or switching houses like crazy. Maybe he would ask him today since it seemed all they ever did was drink and watch TV or something.
After half an hour or so Jun drove up to the hit man’s house with his hands full. He carried the blanket, a nice warm pizza fresh from the pizza shop and a whole lot of alcohol. He kicked at the door as best he could with out falling over to let the man know he was waiting.
”Open the door!”
Kei took his time walking to the door, a small smirk on his face as he pulled it open. He was sort of glad, really, to not have to go out in the cold and look for him that night. His lifestyle didn’t really allow him a day off, but he was taking one anyway. Things were gonna get a lot worse real soon, so why not hang out with the closest thing to a friend he had?
”Hi, Jun-chan!” He’d brought pizza and alcohol. What a good kid, really. Kei never got drunk, he couldn’t afford to… but as long as he stayed in control, alcohol was a nice way to celebrate what might have been the end of his life.
“Don’t call me Jun-chan!” he growled as he stepped passed the boy and into the shack to sit the stuff down. The blanket was tossed on the floor and the booze and food where placed on a table. Jun took his coat off out of habit before automatically putting it back on, not enjoying the cold feeling of the man’s house. He grabbed the blanket and sat himself down to take out a slice of pizza and open up a bottle of beer.
”Why are you at this house when it’s so cold out? Couldn’t you have gone to a warmer one?”
“I could have,” Kei replied lightly, “but I didn’t.” He took a beer and opened it, taking a long sip. Didn’t Jun know that he didn’t share the reasons for the things he did? That he didn’t share anything with anyone? Obviously not, because he kept asking.
Silly Jun.
”How’s your life been lately? Got a girlfriend yet?” He toned the fake cheer down a bit, just because he was a little too worn out to keep it up for very long.
“Not yet,” he sighed as he took another bite of his pizza. He had bad luck when it came to talking to girls so he hadn’t tried it in a while. Maybe if he were still in school it would be easier for him to get a girlfriend but it was a little late for that now wasn’t it?
”I think I made a friend recently. He’s a modeling pretty boy.” Jun had a feeling the other didn’t really care but there wasn’t much else to talk about in his life. His dad was keeping him out of more and more things and he was starting to wonder if he was cutting him out of his life for good. Maybe he was going to get kicked out of the house at some point. That would suck.
“Oh yeah?” Kei wasn’t generally interested in the lives of others, but he much preferred that to talking about his own life. There was very little he could share, so it was best to just avoid the subject completely.
…That, and it was fun to drive people insane with curiosity, which he knew he did.
”Tell me about him.” It was sort of curious that Jun had befriended a pretty boy. They didn’t really seem like his type.
“Uhh okay,” he replied before taking a long drink from his bottle. He sat back a little in his seat and crossed his arms trying to think of what to say about the boy. “Well his name is Jui Ayukawa. I met him in the bathroom of Jusco and messed with him about how he shouldn’t pass out in public bathrooms. He seems cool even though he watches girly shows.”
That was about all the boy knew about his friend. They had only hung out twice and both times they didn’t do much serious talking about things aside from maybe the weather and what they were going to do because they were so bored. “He wants to live on the sun.”
Kei lifted an eyebrow. “So he’s insane, then? Girly and insane. Huh…” A homosexual nutcase celebrity. Jun sure made some odd friends, Kei included.
”He’s a model? Is he on magazines?” Kei grinned. “Can you steal some of his money?” Mostly a joke, because he was guessing Jun wasn’t really the type to do that.
…Probably.
Jun couldn’t help but laugh at Kei’s comment about Jui being ‘girly and insane’. Jui was girly, sure, but he wasn’t insane from what he knew. If anyone were insane it was Kei but he’d never tell the man that. He liked being alive.
”He’s not insane, he just hates the cold. He’s been in a few magazines yeah and I don’t think I can steal his money. I don’t really need to either.” He chuckled again at his friends odd questions before he was back eating pizza. “I’ll bring a clipping from a magazine to show you what he looks like one day.”
One day. Kei couldn’t help but wonder if this was the last time he and Jun would see each other. Then again, he wondered that every time he and the younger male hung out together.
”All right.” He didn’t really like boys and therefore didn’t care what Jun’s friend looked like, but it would make for good conversation. Especially if he could make fun of the kid. “Maybe he can hook you up with some hot model chick. That would be nice for you.” He took another gulp of beer.
Jun hadn’t really thought of that idea. Jui did hang out with models and probably would be able to hook him up with one right? Though Jun didn’t see himself being able to date a model or see a model showing interest in dating him.
“Maybe,” he shrugged saying as he finished off his beer and moved to get something stronger. Beers were nice and all but he wanted to feel a bit drunk since he knew Kei wouldn’t get drunk with him. “Aren’t you hungry? You haven’t touched the pizza.”
“Oh~.” Kei took a piece of pizza and smiled. “I was just so interested in hearing about your pretty boy friend. I never pictured you hanging out with a pretty boy. It kinda makes me laugh.” He laughed, as if to prove his point, before taking a large bite of pizza.
He briefly wondered if Jun was going to get drunk off his ass again. That was always incredibly funny. Anyone was funny when drunk, but seeing Jun that way was even more so, somehow. Possibly because he could make fun of him later.
“Then who did you picture me to hang out with?” he frowned asking as he opened the bottle and began drinking, enjoying the taste. He munched on his pizza while he drank more working to get a good buzz going.
”Did you picture me to hang out with thugs and guys with one eye and shit?”
Kei laughed. “Can you really blame me? People run with crowds, y’know. And pretty people don’t run with our crowd.”
Especially not wimps who were so damn afraid of the cold that they wanted to live on the sun.
”Except for me, of course. I’m very pretty.” A sarcastic smile.
Jun couldn’t help but laugh at Kei’s last comment about him being pretty. He never thought of the hit man as pretty but when he looked at him from that angle, tilted his head a little and squinted one eye…yeah, he could see it. He pat the man on the shoulder and finished off his bottle before starting on another one.
”You sure are,” he answered still patting the shoulder. “A very petty fish. Like a mermaid.” Oh those booze were kicking in quicker than the boy expected, it looked like he had picked a winner today at the store.
A very pretty… fish? Kei had never considered himself to be particularly fishy, but… hey, whatever made Jun happy.
”I’m a mermaid? I lack a tail. If you mean my lips, though…”
He made a fish face at Jun, just to see how he’s react.
”Call me Nemo.”
Jun stared wide eyed at the fish face his fish like friend just made at him. He had never seen something so amazing in his eighteen years of life. He burst into a roar of laughter, hugging on to himself and falling out of his seat as he rolled on the floor. If the alcohol didn’t erase it that image would be stuck in his mind forever and a day.
Kei was a little surprised by the teenager’s strong reaction. He knew he was a funny guy, but… jeeze. Maybe that alcohol worked a lot more quickly than he’d imagined it would.
”Don’t pee on my floor,” he demanded loudly, only half kidding. He was pretty sure that wouldn’t happen, but he really didn’t trust anyone when they were drunk. Or any other time, but especially not when they were drunk.
Eventually the boys laughing stopped and he laid there on the floor with tears in his eyes and hurt sides. He reached a hand up at the table wanting to retrieve his alcohol that he was so far away from.
“Keeeei~ pass me thaaat~” He pointed at the bottle as he gave the fish puppy dog eyes. “And don’t throw it.”
“Jeeze,” Kei replied with exaggerated false annoyance. “You’re such a spoiled little wench!”
He picked up Jun’s drink and handed it to him.
”…You better not drink until you puke, either, or, as amusing as you are, I’ll never invite you back to my awesome house again.”
The boy took the drink and sat up a little to drink from it. He stuck a tongue out at his friend before giving him a friendly smile.
”If you won’t invite me to this house then invite me to one of your crappier ones.” Jun laughed at his own stupid joke having a feeling that Kei wouldn’t find it as funny as he did. Standing to his feet he stripped himself of the jacket and began to sway as if he were dancing.
”Kei dance with me.”
“This is the crappiest one,” Kei replied lightly. And it was true; there was no place as crappy as the slums. Despite that, though… if he had to call a place home, it would probably be there, since he belonged there. And now he was kind of scared of his house on Lower Okane.
Dance?
…
”I don’t know how to dance, Jun-chan. You’ll have to teach me!”
Taking another long drink from his bottle, the boy sat it down and walked over to his fish friend with a smile on his face. He grabbed the other by the hands and pulled him up, moving them to a clear space to dance.
”Okay first we need music. So I’ll sing.” He continued to have the smile on his face as he began singing a random boy band song he saw on TV earlier. “Now follow what I do okay?” He continued singing the boy band song while he mimicked the dance moves his saw in a horrible drunken manner. It was amazing that he didn’t fall over from doing such a thing.
Kei was far more content to watch Jun make a total ass of himself rather than join him in his retarded dancing. It was, quite possibly, the greatest thing he’d ever seen- aside from money and nice boobs, of course.
”Oh, Jun-chan, you’re my hero!” he squealed, doing his best impression of a fangirl. An alarmingly accurate one, in his opinion. “I love you!” Sometimes he wondered if he’d missed his calling as an actor, but… murder was much more fun.
“S’ank you. S’ank you,” he replied in butchered English as he did a cool pose and blew kisses at his friend the screaming fangirl fish person. Grinning he walked over to his friend and pet him on the head.
“You are the prettiest fish girl I’ve ever seen. I want you to be in my next video.’ He winked at Kei before walking away from him to locate a bathroom. “Gotta pee I’ll be back!”
“Don’t be long, darling!” Kei yelled after him. “I’ll get lonely~!”
He frowned at the now empty room. It was sort of messy now, not that he cared… and he usually wouldn’t care about being alone, either, except with Jun there he wouldn’t have to think about him, the photographer-stalker-ghostboy who was haunting him. Starting that night, as soon as Jun either passed out or left… he’d have to do his best to hunt the guy down.
After taking a few extra minutes in the bathroom, focusing on not peeing on the floor and not falling over into the bathtub, Jun reemerged in the front room and sat down on the couch to sip on his drink more. He looked at Kei and grabbed a bottle handing it to him.
”Drink with me. Be silly too.” Jun wanted to see what Kei was like drunk but he had a feeling that he would never really get that chance. Kei was too strange and probably wouldn’t change an ounce if he were drunk.
“I can’t get drunk,” Kei replied in his usual chipper tone. “I never do, remember? I think you’re having plenty of fun on your own, though. And I like watching you.”
He ran his hand through Jun’s curly hair, smile growing almost cruel. He’d never pissed Jun off when he was drunk before; what would he act like?
”Hey, Jun-chan… wanna come be my dog? Your hair kinda makes me think of a mangy sheepdog.”
Jun leaned on Kei with his eyes closed as he sipped at his drink happily. When he heard the other address him he lifted his hand to hit him on the leg lazily, with a frown on his face.
”Don’t call me Jun-chan and don’t talk about my hair. My hair is awesome.” He looked at Kei for a moment before deciding to lick his cheek. He liked dogs and if being a dog let him hang out at Kei’s longer then being a dog wouldn’t be a big deal…until he was sober.
”Woof woof!” he barked as he sat his drink down and rolled on to his back on the couch, resting his head in Kei’s lap. “Pet me. Pet me looots~!” He shook his lower half as if he were wagging a tail, as he looked up at his sober friend.
That was… disturbing. Most people would find it cute, but most people didn’t know Jun like Kei thought he did. He just stared down at the teenager with an alarmed expression.
”…You’re funny.”
A smile.
”But I’m not gonna pet you, you bitch. I don’t like animals who are so demanding. Bring me another drink and I’ll consider.” Even as he said such words, his voice was light and friendly, only slightly mocking.
The dog boy frowned as he sat up and moved to get his ‘master’ a drink. He staggered a bit as he reached in the bag for one and opened it, handing it to the other. He then returned to his place on the couch and looked at Kei before reaching to poke his nose.
”Boop.”
Jun grinned as he continued poking Kei’s nose until he did something about it. It was far too amusing to do.
Kei just smiled. He only had so much emotion to spare, anger included, and therefore couldn’t afford to give any of it to Jun.
”Boop yourself.” He took a small sip of beer, always afraid of getting anything more than a little buzz. His tolerance wasn’t that great, and thus he couldn’t afford not to be careful.
”Oh, Jun-chan…” Another small sip. “The way you act sometimes… it’s like you’re in love with me.” He put his drink down and took the teenager’s hands. “Let’s get married!”
Jun frowned again, letting the other hold his hands. “You can’t marry your dog stupid and don’t call me Jun-chan.” No matter how drunk or sober he was, Jun would never allow someone to call him ‘chan’. ‘Chan’ was for girls and he was a far stretch from it. If anyone should be a ‘chan’ it was his friend Jui. Hopefully he’d remember to call him that next time he saw him.
“No?” Kei pouted. “Aw, Jun-chan, you’re breaking my poor little heart! Don’t be so cruel. You know how sensitive I am.”
…What a joke. Oh, well; it was a funny one, in his opinion. Almost as funny as Jun thinking he could control what Kei called him. What anyone called him, really. Making fun of Jun was just so fun.
Jun gave an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes before closing them. “I guess if you want to be called a dog fucker for the rest of your days I’ll marry you.” He shook his head and sat up to reach for his drink. “You’re so weird Kei.”
Finishing off the bottle, Jun yawned, grabbed the blanket he brought and curled up on the couch again, resting his head back in Kei’s lap. “If a fish and a dog get married and have kids does that mean they have hushpuppies or dogfish?”
“Dogfish,” Kei replied calmly. “Hushpuppies are food. But we’re not making any kids unless you carry them. My lifestyle doesn’t permit me to be pregnant.”
…What? This was a weird conversation, even for him. It was a good distraction, though, keeping up with a drunk Jun.
”I think you’d look cute with a big pregnant belly, though. How about it, hm?”
“Would I really..?” he trailed off asking as he rubbed his hands over his belly. Removing the blanket from himself he grabbed a pillow from the end of the couch and shoved it under his shirt.
”How does it look? Am I cute?” He made kissy face at his ‘fiancé’ while strutting around in front of him with a pillow in his shirt. The poor boy was going to regret this come morning.
“Adorable,” Kei replied in a sardonic tone, laughing almost cruelly. He’d forgotten what a joy Jun could be when drunk. “You make me proud, sweetheart…”
He put his hand on the pillow.
“I be it’s a hermaphrodite. What shall we name it?”
Jun sat himself on Kei’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. He rested his head on the man’s shoulders and pet his head. He was such a loving drunk.
”Keijun. Or Junkei. Or Keun. Keju. Juni. Uhh…” He giggled a little as he hugged tighter around the others neck, enjoying to warmth. Even though Kei was strange and insane he was happy to have someone around for those days when he got extra lonely.
Kei wasn’t fond of getting touched- rather, he hated any sort of physical contact. Especially hugging. He wasn’t a particularly cuddly guy, to say the least, but he could let Jun hang on him for a little while if it would make his drunk ass happy.
”You’re not a very creative pet,” he said with a frown. “Let’s name it Britney Spears.” It was the last name he’d seen walking by a news stand where she was on the front cover.
“That’s dumb,” he replied with a frown of his own. “I won’t have my dogfish hermaphrodite pillow child being named Britney Spears. I want it to have a Japanese name.”
He climbed off his ‘baby’s daddy’s’ neck and laid back down on the couch, wrapping the blanket around him and resting his head in the other’s lap again. He yawned again and rubbed his hands over his belly still believing he was pregnant. Maybe he’d pass out before he gave ‘birth’.
“God, you’re such a racist.” Kei frowned. “I don’t like Japanese names.” Didn’t make any sense, but then again, neither did he.
”But I guess you can name it, since you’re pushing it out of your vagina. Are you falling asleep?” No fair- then Kei would have to go work. Work to save his own ass, that was. He really did need to do that, though, as much as he kinda wanted to go to sleep himself. Maybe he’d pop another Adderall and then it would seem like fun.
“Don’t call your wife a racist. I may leave you.” Another yawn and his eyes were closed and he was off to dream land. His hands were still rested on his ‘pregnant’ belly even while he turned over a little to make himself comfortable.
His eyes opened again for a moment before the closed again. “Kei…lets name the baby Shiori. It was my mom’s name.” And with that the boy was out like a light.