LOG; Satsuki + JJ
Satsuki&JJ
Satsuki's House
Rated PG for some reason.
Jun Jie Lin sighed as he sat in his home staring at his phone sitting on the table in front of him. He wanted to call his new boyfriend rather badly and wasn’t sure how to adjust to wanting some one. He was still surprised at how ‘attached’ he had become to the man even though they’d only known each other for a month at the most. Maybe it was because the smaller man was like some comfort blanket for the writer?
Finally reaching for the phone, JJ dialed the numbers that he memorized as soon as he was given them. Leaning back in his chair he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt before he began to fiddle with his hair waiting for an answer. Hopefully he wasn’t interrupting the other.
It was one of those days where Satsuki generally refused to answer the phone. He didn't want to speak to or see or hear from anyone- but JJ had received his own ringtone on Satsuki's cell phone and after half a second of contemplation the shorter man answered.
"H-hello." A cough; he'd screamed once that morning and hadn't spoken since. Rather, he'd spent a good 6 hours laying on his carpet and staring at the ceiling, crawled to the bathroom to bleedbleedbleed, and gone back.
Should JJ hear him right then?
...Well, it was too late now.
“Hey,” JJ replied smoothly with a smile on his face, happy to hear Satsuki’s voice. Now sitting up right on his couch he sorted through the papers he had on his coffee table while trying to figure out what to talk about. He really wasn’t the type of person to call for idol chit chat. How did most people start off their conversations…?
”Can I come over? I’m lonely.” That sounded right. At least in JJ’s mind it did. Why beat around the bush asking how he was when he could just find out for himself by coming over. Though maybe he should ask anyway to be polite. “Oh and how have you been today?”
Come over? Satsuki swallowed. It had been his personal policy to never have people come over on down days, but maybe JJ would...
...make it better...
like the other day.
"I'm... okay." A total complete fucking lie. "Yeah, you can come over." What would they do? He felt about as sexual as a dead rat and it seemed that that was JJ's favourite activity, but...
He wouldn't make himself.
If he knew one thing about relationships, it was that nobody had to do anything superficial that they just couldn't- at any time.
The smile on JJ’s face grew wider when he got the approval to visit Satsuki. He was getting sick of staring at his pure plain white walls. He was starting to hate being in his house as much as he hated himself and that was quite a bit. All thoughts of self hatred and hatred of white walls were interrupted by the low growl emitting from the writer’s stomach. He hadn’t eaten all day or yesterday for that matter. He really needed to remember to eat and stop ignoring his stomach.
”Are you hungry Satsuki?” he asked as he got up from his table to go to his room. He felt the need to change and look more presentable for the blonde but wasn’t sure why. Looking over at the clothes he had in his drawer he saw a magenta shirt that stood out. For some unknown reason he decided to put that on and a fresh pair of pants.
Hungry? Satsuki sat up and looked down at his stomach, as if it would give him the answer. He hadn't eaten all day, but then...
He really hadn't wanted to.
"Yeah, sure." He stretched, figuring that even if the weight in his stomach told him he shouldn't be doing anything he may as well do his best to entertain the writer. He stood up to go open the door so he wouldn't have to go answer it. "I haven't eaten today."
“I haven’t either,” he replied as he looked himself over in the mirror, brushing hair out of his face and making sure his contacts were in correctly. He hadn’t worn them in a while and had gotten use to wearing his glasses. What possessed him to want to wear his contacts today was beyond him.
”Satsuki…” he began as he walked in his kitchen. “Can I…cook for you?” He didn’t know what the blonde might have had in his house to eat but for some reason he wanted to cook for the other. He didn’t mind cooking when he got hungry and often found it quite entertaining. Hopefully his partner would allow him to.
...What an odd request. Well, Satsuki certainly mind not having to work or pay for anything... and assuming JJ wouldn't burn his house down... well, it was fine with him.
"Yeah, go ahead. I, uh, dunno what I have here." Not much; he lived mostly on Ramen noodles and whatever assorted shit he could get for cheap prices. He didn't give a damn about his health, really; after all, he figured he'd die soon from something, so what was the point in giving himself another hassle?
“Alright,” he replied as he began to look in his fridge for what he could bring to the man’s house. The writer began muttering to himself in Chinese as he pulled a few things out of his fridge and sat them on the counter before going to find a bag or two to put them in. He could always make him a dish from back home, since he wasn’t very good with making Japanese dishes. When he realized he was still on the phone with Satsuki he blushed a little before letting out a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry I got distracted. Ummm I’ll be over soon.”
Satsuki might've laughed on a different day, but he just sat staring at the wall as JJ was saying things he didn't understand, nodding even though the writer couldn't see him. "All right... the door is open."
He sat on the couch to wait, not bothering to look in a mirror to make sure he looked okay. He knew he didn't- and he didn't care all that much, really. If JJ didn't like it, well... then that was too bad.
Hanging up the phone, the writer finished packing up his needed ingredients, grabbed his car keys and headed out the door to go play housewife. He constantly checked himself in the mirror as he drove to see how he looked but eventually stopped when he nearly ran a red light while driving. Once he made it to the house he parked himself and for the 100th time checked himself over before grabbing his bags and letting himself in the house.
I’m home~!
”Satsuki, It’s me,” he called as he closed the door behind him and relocked it figuring the blonde would have wanted him to. He slowly made his way through the house to the kitchen and sat the bags down before he pulled out an apron from his bag and put it on. He didn’t want to get anything on his nice clothes now.
Now that he was in the kitchen he just acted as if he would if he were at home. He began pulling out the vegetables he brought, sitting them on his cutting board before he went to look for a pot to start boiling his water in. In his own little world the writer began to sing softly to himself in Chinese as he began cutting up the vegetables.
Satsuki got up after a moment, following the sound of JJ's footsteps and was surprised to see he'd just wandered into the kitchen and gotten started. He felt right at home there, it seemed...
Well, that was fine. He had no reason not to...
...maybe.
"Hi," he said softly, leaning against the doorway. Really, he would've liked to smile for the writer, but he couldn't. He knew he looked godawful; surely, JJ would say something...
...but... it was probably good for him to know the truth anyway.
Suddenly jolted from his own world caused JJ to jump and end up cutting down on his hand a bit in the process. He swore a little to himself in Chinese before he sat down the knife, turning to face the smaller man as he held his bleeding hand. He smiled to the man noticing that it looked like he had been having a rough day but he wouldn’t comment on it. No one wanted to be told they looked like shit.
”Hey,” he simply replied before he moved over to the sink to rinse his hand off to hopefully stop the bleeding. What was with him and hurting himself at this man’s house?
Satsuki simply stared for a moment as JJ rinsed his hand off, not having expected him to cut himself already. "I'll get a bandaid."
...Again.
How was JJ always cutting himself in Satsuki's house? Well, at least it wasn't the blonde's fault this time.
He dug through his closet for another bandaid, making sure to stock up on them before the next time the writer came over, and wandered back to the kitchen.
"Here you go. Careful."
The writer’s cheeks were tinted red as he took the bandaid and placed it on the wound. He felt so embarrassed with hurting himself again but shook it off with a small smile. “Sorry. Thanks.”
Without another word JJ went back to cutting up the vegetables before putting them in the pot of semi boiling water. He glanced down at his hand, glad that he hadn’t cut himself as deep as he thought he did at first. He moved to one of his other bags and pulled out the meat he was going to put in his stew of sorts. Rinsing it off, he sat it on the cutting table before looking at his bag. He had forgotten his seasonings. “Satsuki do you have anything I could season this with?”
Season? As if Satsuki owned seasonings. "Not really. I don't ever cook, so... I don't really... buy that stuff."
It was probably sort of silly, but it was true. He never even thought about that sort of thing... didn't care at all and thought it was a waste of money.
"Sorry..."
Sigh.
Just a few minutes of social interaction were tiring him out.
“Oh…alright…” he said softly before turning back to the meat to cut it up into smaller pieces. It looked like the stew would have to be a little bland today unfortunately. He couldn’t help but look back over at the shorter man some what concerned. He looked like he was going to pass out any minute.
”Satsuki are you really feeling alright…?” He sat the knife down, wiped his hands off on his apron and went over to the man to look at him closely.
Satsuki rubbed his forehead, not really sure what to say.
Be honest?
Or tell another stupid lie that was oh so obvious?
"I dunno." Somewhere in between the two. "I'm kind of..."
sick in the head
"...out of it."
The look of concern stayed on the taller man’s face as he took off his apron, tossing it aside before pulling the other into a hug. He didn’t really know what else to do but hold the other. The writer almost felt bad for calling in the first place even though he was given the permission.
”Should I go home and let you rest…?” Not that he really wanted to leave but he wanted Satsuki to get better.
"You don't have to." Satsuki hugged himself, wishing he'd worn a shirt with longer sleeves. If JJ saw what he did on days like this then he'd surely leave and never come back. "You should know. I'm... really kind of..."
crazy
"...sick."
He bit his lip.
"Mentally."
Sick…mentally
That was something JJ was all too familiar with but he couldn’t bring himself to say that to the man. Not yet. Not ever. He was afraid of what would happen if Satsuki found out his secret. If he knew what he did in his spare time. If he knew what was in his house currently, probably crying themselves to sleep. All the writer could do was kiss the blonde’s forehead and move the blonde strands out of his face with a small smile.
”It’s okay.”
Okay? Hardly okay, but Satsuki could appreciate the fact that JJ wouldn't... judge him for it...
...then again, as he could recall, JJ seemed more than a little unstable himself.
He swallowed, nodding slowly. "All right, then..."
Maybe he'd take his pills next time he wanted to see the writer; after all, he was easy to get along with- but he didn't want to be fake with the writer.
...Maybe sometimes.
JJ smiled as he pet Satsuki’s blonde hair before he grabbed his apron, put it back on and went back to preparing their meal. He knew what it was like to be sick and wished he could fix it for Satsuki but maybe getting close to each other would heal them both? The writer couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought. He wanted to believe that would happen but he knew it wouldn’t, they’d still be just as fucked up as they were before they met.
”Satsuki..” he spoke again as he put a lid on the pot to let the stew cook. “Do you think….Could I stay the night?” For some reason he just didn’t want to go back to his home.
Stay the night? Stay the night... there? In bed... together? For what, sex? This was JJ after all...
But maybe he should give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, if he said no, it was highly unlikely that JJ would actually rape him. Damn near impossible, really; not totally impossible because anything was possible.
"Sure, so long as you actually want to sleep."
“……” JJ frowned a little as he took his apron off and sat it down on the counter. He didn’t want to believe that Satsuki automatically assumed he wanted sex. He didn’t always think with his dick. It wasn’t his fault that he always wanted to be dominating in that form.
”Of course to sleep…” he softly replied sounding hurt as he moved to sit down at the table. He was starting to have second thoughts about staying.
...Oh, no, no, no.
The notion that he'd actually hurt JJ's feelings was a bit too much for Satsuki. His elbows dropped to the counter, forehead falling to rest in his palm.
It been half a joke...
...but only half, which means the other 50% of him was a fucking cunt, apparently.
"Yes... please... stay..." maybe.
“Okay…I’ll just….” He shrugged. “I’ll sleep on the couch. I just don’t really feel like going home.”
He didn’t want to go back home to his doll or deal with the boy who he apparently hurt. He didn’t want to deal with sending the boy back home, he just wanted to escape. Resting his head down on the table, he sighed trying to push all of his home drama from his head. He was here to spend time with Satsuki not think about how he would avoid getting arrested.
Satsuki licked his lips, peering at JJ out of the corner of his eye. The guy looked about as bad off as he did, which was a bit...
...scary.
He clumsily made his way over to where JJ sat and draped his arms around his shoulders, dropping his head by the taller man's ear to speak softly.
"I don't... mean to be a bitch."
...Had what he'd said been that bad?
Feeling the arms around his shoulders and the whisper in his ear caused him to blush and jump a little in surprise. Lifting his head up he gave a weak smile to his other half. Shaking his head leaned forward to give the other a kiss but retracted when he thought of what the other had said about spending the night.
”No it’s okay..” he replied softly. “I’ve just been having an odd week.”
Satsuki dropped to his knees, folding his arms and resting his head to look directly at JJ's face. "Oh, yeah?"
Longer than mine?
"You can... tell me, you know."
The idea of him being the only pathetic one of the two was sickening. Hell, if JJ knew that he was fucked up... well, Satsuki could only expect the favour to be returned.
JJ watched as the smaller man sat himself down. Why was he so darn cute? A small smile crept on the mans face at the thought of Satsuki’s cuteness but quickly left when he was asked about his week. How was he suppose to explain that.
”Well…I’ve gotten a few unwelcome guests at my house recently and I’m not really sure how to get rid of at least one of them….then there was this meet and greet I did at Jusco…it was okay. Same annoying fangirls but..” He paused when he thought about the other small blonde. Mao was it? “There was a young boy in the crowd too. He reminded me of you.”
Satsuki wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Was he being told he looked young? Or maybe it was just some kid who was like him...
...in some way.
Poor kid.
"Oh, yeah? Why's that?" He was suddenly incredibly tired, figured he might be able to sleep for a year or two.
“He was short and blonde,” he chuckled saying as he looked at Satsuki. Though he couldn’t tell who he thought was cuter. Satsuki or that boy..that Mao. He still needed to call that boy actually. He pouted a little as he thought about his schedule for the rest of the week before looking back to the other.
”Don’t worry. You’re cuter.”
Cute?
Satsuki would've blushed if he did so normally. Instead he just averted his eyes, sadness lifting from them visibly; having JJ over...
...had been a good idea.
Saved him from the darkest spot- for now, at least.
"People don't call me cute very much."
Moving from his spot, JJ kneeled before Satsuki and cupped his hands under the others chin. He looked him over a bit with a smile before he kissed his cheek. He couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t call Satsuki cute? He was, but then again maybe JJ’s image of cute was a little warped.
“Then those people are stupid,” he replied as he pet the others head again.
"Hnnn..." Satsuki felt fadey, a bit sick to his stomach. Really, he just wanted to sleepsleepsleep the rest of his life away- as long as he could keep JJ with him...
...days like these were vulnerable- and he was getting too attached.
But it was fine for now.
He didn't even notice his eyes closing until it was dark.
“S-Satsuki..” he called as he looked at his now sleeping boyfriend. He was so cute when he was sleeping.
A smile appeared on the writers face as he scooped the blonde up in his arms and trekked to find the blonde’s room. When the room was found the blonde was gently placed in his bed and tucked in before JJ went back to the kitchen to wait for the stew to finish. Once it was done it was stored in the fridge and the writer went back to the room, crawled in the bed and cuddled next to his cute blonde.