Fanfic: Sticky Situations
Title: Sticky Situations
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Circle Fic Challenge - I was challenged by fredward54 to write a fic and include the following buzzwords or phrases:
- breaking and entering
- unclothed mannequins
- a garden shed
- a collection of Lisa Frank school supplies
- Sgt. Pepper
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.
A/N: This was a lot of fun and I was actually able to write! I’m still a bit blocked on my other story, but getting this out felt good. This was a really fun challenge and I hope you all enjoy it!
As a side note, this was originally written last year and there were several people involved, but as with many things, life gets in the way and hobbies like fanfiction are usually the first to get pushed aside. I hope I’m not out of line posting this, since it was originally intended to be posted with the other stories, but it looks as though it’s no longer happening. That said, I will take any and all harassment if I should have waited longer!
Arizona and Sofia were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table in the center of the living room of their home. Callie and Arizona finally decided to get a place of their own, now that baby number two was on the way. Sofia just had her third birthday last week and the couple found out that Callie was finally pregnant. The two have been trying for the past year and after several failed attempts, the treatment had finally worked. Arizona was happy to give Callie what she wanted, which was one of her eggs and a donor with blue eyes, blonde hair and dimples. Callie was going to have her mini-Arizona and she was so overjoyed when Arizona finally gave in to her demands (which took a night of seduction and multiple orgasms to convince her, as Callie put it). Arizona made it a point to tell Callie that despite both parents having the same traits, the genes were still recessive and she may not get exactly what she wants, and Callie would just respond, “It’s part of you, that’s what I want.” It made Arizona melt, more than a sangria on the beach in Spain with Callie in a bikini.
The two were playing with some school supplies her grandfather Torres bought her for her birthday. To be more precise, they were Lisa Frank school supplies and they were more sparkly stickers than they were school supplies, at least, that’s the way Arizona put it when she ribbed Carlos for buying them, especially since Sofia wouldn’t start school for another year or two. Carlos teased her right back when he saw the excitement on Arizona’s face, when she realized the sparkly stickers were mostly unicorns and rainbows. When Sofia ripped open the package, Arizona jumped and clapped with glee and then immediately blushed and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth in embarrassment. Carlos laughed and reminded Arizona that that they were for Sofia and not for her, which just caused Arizona to pout and all the adults at the party to laugh at her expense.
“Oh, they would so be laughing at me now if they could see me, Monkey-girl,” Arizona said with a grin as she eyed her daughter. Sofia had a piece of paper in front of her, a blue crayon in her right hand (which Arizona happily explained to everyone that blue was Sofia’s and her own favorite color) which was scribbling lines on the paper and three stickers stuck to her left hand (a small rainbow attached to a star, a unicorn face with a HUGE smile and teeth showing, and a little running unicorn on her thumb. Arizona also had a paper in front of her, where she had magnificently drawn a huge landscape with greens and browns and several unicorns were attached to the paper, grazing in the landscape and a pretty rainbow reached from one side of paper to the other. Arizona smiled at her handy work and then turned to see what her Monkey-girl had drawn. Sofia reached out with her little left hand and touched Arizona’s face, leaving the little running unicorn sticker on her cheek. Arizona gave Sofia a mock surprised look, her mouth dropping open in surprise and eyes widening. Sofia stared for a moment, then leaned back and gave out a hearty guffaw before leaning forward and breaking into giggles. Arizona was soon laughing in stitches too. She took a small rainbow sticker and put it on Sofia’s forehead. When Sofia crossed her eyes trying to look up at the sticker and reached with her sticker clad hand trying to find it, she just laughed even harder.
Sofia turned back to her mother and tilted her head, then grabbed another sticker and stuck it onto Arizona’s chin. Thus began the great sticker war of 2014. Soon, both were giggling and had stickers everywhere, their hands, arms, faces and necks looked like a rainbow puked all over them, leaving puddles of color and unicorns. In the middle of the great sticker war, the doorbell rang, startling them both. Arizona picked up Sofia and put her on her hip as she wandered to the door. She opened the door and was greeted by the sight of two police officers. She could see a police car with lights flashing in front of their neighbor’s house, which just confused her as to why the officers were standing in front of her door. She stared at them and they stared at her. One officer, who was tall and had black hair, was doing his best to look stern, but he kept cracking a small smile and trying to cover it up, while the other officer, who had brown hair and blue eyes, stared at Arizona with his left eyebrow really high. It took Arizona a moment to realize they were questioning her appearance. “Oh! Excuse our sparky make-up, but my daughter and I decided that we’d look prettiest with rainbow and unicorn cosmetics,” she leaned in slightly as though telling the officers a big secret, “It’s the next big trend for young Hollywood, we’re just getting a one-up on them.” She grinned widely when the taller officer let out a sharp laugh and the brown haired officer looked at him sternly. He shrugged and went back to standing there.
“We’re sorry to interrupt you, Ma’am, but we had a call about a B&E from your neighbor and when we investigated, we believe we found something that may belong to you.” The two officers stepped away from each other to reveal a hand-cuffed Callie and Mark. Behind them stood Jim and Sheila Evans, their neighbors, both with their arms crossed over their chests and frowns on their faces. Callie and Mark are covered in black powder and have the most rueful frowns on their faces. “Your neighbors aren’t interested in pressing charged, but they would like to know if you’ll be willing to cover any expenses for the damages these two caused,” said the brown haired officer as he turned from Callie and Mark back to Arizona.
“B&E?” Arizona asked.
“That’s breaking and entering, Ma’am. Apparently, one of your neighbors heard a commotion out back in their garden shed and since she was home alone, she was scared and called us out to investigate. That’s where we found these two.” The officer nodded toward Callie and Mark, both still looking bashful.
Arizona stood frozen for a moment. If this wasn’t so absurd, she would probably be rolling on the floor with laugher over this whole scenario, but there were damages? What on earth happened? It took a few moments for Arizona to digest everything and then she blinked several times and finally found her voice. “Y-yes, of course,” she said to the officer and then looked past him to Jim and Sheila, “Jim, Sheila, I’m so sorry for whatever these two have done and please, whatever they have damaged, just get it taken care of and bring us the bill.” She managed a small embarrassed smile at them and they nodded.
The police officers removed the cuffs from Callie and Mark, who both muttered soft thank yous while rubbing their wrists.
“Next time, just call your neighbor,” the taller officer said with a laugh while patting Callie’s shoulder. The two officers laughed, along with Jim and Sheila, as the four of them walked back to their neighbor’s house. Callie and Mark walked into the door after Arizona stepped aside to let them in. “Well, Callie, I’d say this had been fun, but not really…” He glanced at Arizona and saw the questioning look in her eye and then looked over at Callie, who was still appearing small and bashful. “…So uh, yeah, I’m gonna get out of here and go do something else… something that is far, far away from here, yeah. I’ll see you later baby girl.” He gave Sofia a kiss on the cheek and the sticker of the tooth-filled grinning unicorn somehow transferred itself to his face. Arizona and Callie looked at each other and suppressed the laugh they both wanted to release as he turned and headed toward is car. He heard Callie whisper coward under her breath. He nodded to himself, yup, he was a coward and didn’t want to be there when Callie explained any of this to Arizona, since yeah, it was mostly his fault. He got into his car and drove away as fast as he could.
Arizona shut the door and locked it. Sofia clapped her hands and started laughing which caused them both to look at her and smile. “What’s so funny, Monkey-girl?” Arizona asked.
“Mama is covered in stuff and she looks funny!” Sofia giggled and curled her head into Arizona’s neck, “And daddy didn’t notice he stole one of my stickers!”
Arizona and Callie couldn’t help but laugh at the cuteness their daughter exudes for a moment and then the staring contest began. It must have taken Callie about five minutes to crack under Arizona’s gaze, but to her, it felt like hours. She didn’t even realize how amazingly cute her wife and daughter looked covered in the stickers, all she saw was the look in Arizona’s eyes, questioning her about what on earth happened to cause her to be hand-cuffed and walked to the door.
“Okay, fine!” She finally says while throwing her hands in the air, “Mark and I were outside in the backyard, you know, just minding our own business while you were playing with Sofia. He was drinking a beer and I had eaten way too many chocolates and yeah, we both had a slight buzz, only mine from sugar, but we weren’t drunk or anything like that. And I know, I’m not supposed to consume that much chocolate, but I’ve been craving it more than sex lately!” Arizona narrowed her eyes slightly, knowing very well how much sex they’ve been having since Callie’s hormones went haywire and that meant a lot of chocolate had been eaten.
“Anyway, Mark was crying about Lexie and brought over a bag filled with several cds that he had made when they were dating. They reminded him of her and he wanted to get rid of them, so we made up a dumb game and we were tossing them around like Frisbees. It was all good fun until I grabbed his Sgt. Pepper cd. He screamed like a little girl, I mean, seriously, how did you not hear it? Anyway, he screams at me and makes a grab for it, but I’m faster than him and pull it back, holding it away from him, because, you know, that’s what friends do!”
“He starts whining at me,” her voice starts to mock the tone Mark used when he spoke to her, “No, that wasn’t supposed to be here! Lexie gave that to me for my birthday last year and it has so many good songs and we both loved listening to it together, give it back, Callie!” She huffs and crosses her arms. Arizona was doing her best to listen and not laugh, since Callie looked pretty ridiculous still covered in that black powerdery substance. “So of course, I had to torture him with it and I flung it at his head. It was such an awesome throw, babe, you would’ve been so proud of me. I mean, a few inches to the left and I could’ve given him a buzz cut or taken off his head.” She stopped to gauge Arizona’s reaction. When she didn’t see the hint of a smile or laugh she sighed and continued. “The cd flies over his head and crashed through a small window in Jim and Sheila’s garden shed. We panicked! I started to freak out and I felt like a ten year old who just lost her baseball in their neighbor’s yard.”
“Softball.” Arizona said.
“What?” Callie asked.
“Softball. Girls play softball, so you would’ve lost a softball in your neighbor’s yard at ten,” Arizona said matter-of-factly.
Callie stared at Arizona for a long minute and Arizona just rolled her eyes and motioned for her to continue explaining.
“Okay, whatever, so I felt like a ten year old girl who lost her softball in her neighbor’s yard.”
Arizona rolled her eyes again at Callie’s emphasis on the word softball.
“Mark shakes me and brings me out of my panic induced ramble and gets this genius idea to just jump the fence and get the cd back. I tell him that’s ridiculous and I’ll just go over and knock on the door, but he shakes his head and says it’s too embarrassing, especially since the cd is his. So I agree to his hair-brained idea. I jump over the fence with no problem…”
“You jumped over the fence while pregnant with my baby?! You could’ve fallen and hurt yourself and the baby!” Arizona sighed and lifted her free hand to her temple, messaging away the headache that was slowly forming.
“As an afterthought, yes, It was dumb of me, but the chocolate was in control. Then Mark heads over the fence after me and tries to be all fancy about it and his pant leg got stuck on the top of the fence, which causes him to slam down into the fence, his head making a hard crack against it. When I see him squirming to get loose, I just start laughing, since he isn’t dead and didn’t show signs of a concussion. You know, it’s okay to laugh at a friend like that if they aren’t dead or seriously injured. He gets off the fence and has this huge bruise over his eye where his forehead hit the fence. I tell him there’s no cut and he just grumbled about what a true friend I am.”
Callie felt a small sense of relief when Arizona actually laughed at that part. Now that Arizona thinks about it, she remembered seeing Mark’s face and thinking he looked weird, but thought it was the black stuff the two were covered in, but apparently, the bruise made his face look funny.
“So, we’re in Jim and Sheila’s yard and we head into the shed. It wasn’t locked or anything, but we sneak in and close the door immediately behind us and it’s pitch black in there, even darker than it is outside and there’s no moonlight coming through the small window we broke, so yeah, we’re blind. Mark gets down on his hands and knees and starts rummaging for his cd. I’m just standing there waiting for my eyes to adjust so that I can actually see something. As his hands are moving around in the dark, he feels a shoe, which is attacked to a leg and he looks up at a naked woman, who is standing next to another naked woman and he freaks out and starts stumbling backward toward me. I don’t know how the he--, “she glanced at Sofia and wondered if hell was a bad word and when she looked over at Arizona, who’s eyes were wide, she decided saying a different word would be in her best interest, “..heck he ran backward, but he did and he ran right into me and we both end up falling into this huge barrel face first.” She motions to herself, “…that’s where this black stuff was stored. I came to find out later that apparently our neighbors are into heavy weight training and this is some gunk they used to make energy drinks.”
Callie sighs when she hears Arizona snicker softly. What a supportive wife she has.
“So, we’re sputtering and spitting out this gross tasting stuff and Mark is apologizing profusely for supposedly breaking up the lesbian action going on in our neighbor’s garden shed and he’s going on about the cd and how important it is to him, when he realizes that both women fell over and one of their heads popped off and rolled over his cd, breaking it into three pieces. So we’re standing there in shock as we realize that the two women he saw were just unclothed mannequins, which were now on the floor, one which was headless. What the hell are Jim and Sheila doing in that shed?!” She gives Arizona a wide-eyed look, but then presses on with her story.
“After the stun wears off, Mark realizes his cd is now in three pieces AND the women aren’t real, I’m not sure which upset him more, honestly. Anyway, he screams and falls to his knees, grabbing the pieces of the cd and the mannequin head and starts crying over them. I’m ready to seriously punch him in the face or kick him in the balls, but before I get a chance, the shed door opens with a bang, stunning us and then this bright light from a flashlight blinds us both. Turns out that was the two officers coming to investigate,” Callie makes quotation marks with her fingers as she says investigate, “They came in shining their flashlights in our faces with their freaking guns drawn! I could have sworn Mark pissed himself and I kinda felt like I was going to myself.” She looks up at Arizona with tears in her eyes and after a moment of silence, Arizona nearly doubles over in laughter, well, as much as she can with her daughter in her arms.
“Babe! This is not funny, seriously. I was man-handled by the police! They cuffed me and threw me into the back of their police car and they wouldn’t listen to Mark or me as we were trying to explain and I had to sit there for ten minutes while they waited for Jim to get home because Sheila didn’t want to face the intruders without her husband and I was sitting on my hands and my wrists were hurting so bad…” Callie pouted and turned away from her laughing wife. It took Arizona a few more moments to gain her composure. “I can’t believe you’re standing there and laughing at my situation while covered in sparkly stickers. I should be laughing at you.”
“You can laugh at me later.” Arizona snickered again and shook her head. “Well, sounds like you had quite an evening. I didn’t realize I married such a bad girl.” Her words were laced with love and mischief and Callie couldn’t help herself when a smile spread across her lips.
“Oh yeah, I’m a badass.”
“Hey, no saying A-S-S in front of Monkey-girl,” Arizona admonished.
Sofia started giggling profusely, “Mama says ass all the time.”
Both parents stared at Sofia and grinned for a moment, before Arizona spoke, “Well, it’s not nice and it’s especially not nice for a smarty-pants Monkey-girl to say, got it?”
“Yes Ma’am,” Sofia replied with a giggle.
Arizona looked back at Callie, who was rubbing her wrists and still covered in black powder. “Okay babe, you had a rough night. Why don’t you go take a shower and get cleaned up while I put Monkey-girl to bed and then I’ll massage your wrists for a bit and then do some man-handling myself.” She winks at Callie, whose mouth dropped open in surprise for just a moment before her lips turned into grin.
“I think I won’t mind playing the victim in that scenario.” They both giggled as Callie ran upstairs to clean up and Arizona made off to clean up their daughter and put her to bed.