wow
i know it has been forever since ive used this thing but i think im going to start using it a lot more... like old times.
this year is all about changes and a fresh start...... everyone knows i need one.
ive been hangin out with a lot of old faces. i missed everything about those days.
i wish there was a way to find the old fun maria and mix her with this weird mess that ive become.
i just registered for spring semester. im excited. i love school. and this time im really gonna try. i cant afford to slack off anymore. i have only a few more months left to decide whta the fuck im gonna do wiht my life.
me and carla are planning big things for our birthday and a killer road trip to find out where we should really move.
last year was probably one of my worst years yet and yes there are somethings that did get dragged into this year but those things are the things that will help me through this year.
my godson is dying. ive known this since September when he first relapsed. but i always kept praying that he would be ok. i believe god has let him live this long only to give me time to adjust to the idea of living without him. i didnt think i had anything left to give but i did. and zander is takin it all with him. i love that little boy more than anything. i see him as my own. and i only wish that when i do have kids they will be as sweet and caring and strong as he has been throughout all of this. hes the greatest kid ive ever met. if anything was every bothering me i would go see him and he still is the only one that can make me smile... like really smile.
life goes on.
last year i saw so many close friends and family members pass that i seriously can take the idea of loosing anyone else. with josh's death right before christmas and watch zander. the holidays just really sucked.
im pushin away people... but i really think they're the people that need to be pushed away. if i want a fresh start... they're the ones that have to go.....
wow. long entry. peace.
this year is all about changes and a fresh start...... everyone knows i need one.
ive been hangin out with a lot of old faces. i missed everything about those days.
i wish there was a way to find the old fun maria and mix her with this weird mess that ive become.
i just registered for spring semester. im excited. i love school. and this time im really gonna try. i cant afford to slack off anymore. i have only a few more months left to decide whta the fuck im gonna do wiht my life.
me and carla are planning big things for our birthday and a killer road trip to find out where we should really move.
last year was probably one of my worst years yet and yes there are somethings that did get dragged into this year but those things are the things that will help me through this year.
my godson is dying. ive known this since September when he first relapsed. but i always kept praying that he would be ok. i believe god has let him live this long only to give me time to adjust to the idea of living without him. i didnt think i had anything left to give but i did. and zander is takin it all with him. i love that little boy more than anything. i see him as my own. and i only wish that when i do have kids they will be as sweet and caring and strong as he has been throughout all of this. hes the greatest kid ive ever met. if anything was every bothering me i would go see him and he still is the only one that can make me smile... like really smile.
life goes on.
last year i saw so many close friends and family members pass that i seriously can take the idea of loosing anyone else. with josh's death right before christmas and watch zander. the holidays just really sucked.
im pushin away people... but i really think they're the people that need to be pushed away. if i want a fresh start... they're the ones that have to go.....
wow. long entry. peace.