life just isnt the same without you
this week has just sucked. it just seems like it just keeps gettin worse. i still cant believe that jason is gone. i dont know how to feel. i want to go back to my old ways because it was so easy to hid feelings behind alcohol. i just want to cry til i have no more tears but im all dried up. ive been picking fights with lucas. i know that its because i have other things bothering me but sometimes i just think we dont have a relationship anymore. i know that i care about him but i dont know how i could care so much about someone that i dont even talk to. we have yet to have a real conversation since ive been home. things with my family are all a mess too. my aunt just keeps gettin sick again as soon as she gets better. my parents are acting like children. they just need to divorce and get over it already. i love my friends but i feel like im loosing them. i just wish i could go back to the way it was before i left. sure it sucked but i was happy beign around people. i was in love with music. but i also was an alcoholic and a pothead. everytime i had a problem the solution to it was always drink to forget. jason's death has just made me realize how valuable life really is.
i just dont know anymore