in the midst of angst
i'm really really upset tonite, and I cannot seem to find a remedy for it.
I couldn't even begin to describe why I feel so sullen, perhaps because I really should have no reason to feel this way. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I'm so tired of feeling lost, and wrong, and....just not normal.
I feel like an alien.
I feel unimportant.
I actually feel like dying.
and I'm so sorry for saying that....i'm just so done. I'm so sad. So lonely. On one hand, I feel I shouldn't be. I feel like such a gem of a person inside sometimes, but maybe I'm too good for my own good....because it's other people that seem to dust me off, thinking i'm a gem, and than only see some crusty little rock that they throw back into the dirt.
I'm tired of being stuck in the dirt...i'm tired of hurting so deeply....and not having anyone understand....
jesse tries....but he's just not able to anymore...fucking prison
i'm tired of opening up...to wear my heart on my sleave...and than people take it off without me looking and play with it...and than put it back on and hope i don't notice it....
but i do....everytime....
i hate being so deeply aware....or maybe i'm not
perhaps i'm just psychotic....
whatever I am.......tonite...I'm really just tired of it all. I had to come downstairs and consult my journal, because I've never felt so alone in the bed before....how can u be lying in the same bed with someone....and feel so lonely.....
i'm tired of sounding like a pathetic....lonely...piece of shit....so i'm going to end this vent here...and hope that it will suffice in giving a rise to my mood, but it's unlikely...perhaps i'll read it tomorrow, and realize I had nothing to be upset about, or perhaps I'll figure out a way to change how I feel....till then...thanks for listening.
I couldn't even begin to describe why I feel so sullen, perhaps because I really should have no reason to feel this way. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I'm so tired of feeling lost, and wrong, and....just not normal.
I feel like an alien.
I feel unimportant.
I actually feel like dying.
and I'm so sorry for saying that....i'm just so done. I'm so sad. So lonely. On one hand, I feel I shouldn't be. I feel like such a gem of a person inside sometimes, but maybe I'm too good for my own good....because it's other people that seem to dust me off, thinking i'm a gem, and than only see some crusty little rock that they throw back into the dirt.
I'm tired of being stuck in the dirt...i'm tired of hurting so deeply....and not having anyone understand....
jesse tries....but he's just not able to anymore...fucking prison
i'm tired of opening up...to wear my heart on my sleave...and than people take it off without me looking and play with it...and than put it back on and hope i don't notice it....
but i do....everytime....
i hate being so deeply aware....or maybe i'm not
perhaps i'm just psychotic....
whatever I am.......tonite...I'm really just tired of it all. I had to come downstairs and consult my journal, because I've never felt so alone in the bed before....how can u be lying in the same bed with someone....and feel so lonely.....
i'm tired of sounding like a pathetic....lonely...piece of shit....so i'm going to end this vent here...and hope that it will suffice in giving a rise to my mood, but it's unlikely...perhaps i'll read it tomorrow, and realize I had nothing to be upset about, or perhaps I'll figure out a way to change how I feel....till then...thanks for listening.