Busy Bodies - Kink/Cliche Challenge Fic - Smallville - Clex
Title: Busy Bodies
Author: mahaliem
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: R
Length: Approximately 9,000 words
Summary: Written for the Kink/Cliche Challenge. Prompt - Multiple universes (the characters meet versions of themselves from a parallel universe), Future fic
Thank you so very much to my wonderful (and very quick) betas - danceswithgary and isilweth.
Busy Bodies
"You have the final ingredient for my experiment?" Nate Hawthorne asked. He was so close to achieving his dream that he could almost taste it. All he needed was one last item. It was a pity he had to deal with Lex Luthor, who was such a loon, to get it.
He watched as Luthor nodded, then strode to the wall and pushed a button, revealing a safe. Opening it, he extracted a piece of kryptonite.
He'd returned to where Hawthorne was sitting when Superman burst through a window.
"Buying that window company years ago," Luthor murmured, "has saved me a fortune."
"Luthor!" Superman said. "What are you doing with red kryptonite?"
"I don't have any red kryptonite."
"How can you deny it? You're holding it in your hand."
"That's mauve kryptonite. Are you color-blind?" Luthor pointedly glanced at Superman's uniform. "Never mind. I already know the answer."
"It looks scarlet to me," Hawthorne muttered, but no one paid any attention to him.
Superman folded his arms across his chest. "Give it to me."
Luthor's eyes glittered with amusement. "Are you sure you want it? Who knows what it might do to you. What if it made you crazy or turned you into an animal, or removed that stick from your ass?"
Giving Luthor a glare, Superman zipped away, then zipped back seconds later holding a metallic box. He placed the box on Luthor's desk.
"Put the kryptonite in the box," Superman said.
"No."
Hawthorne stood up. "Mister Luthor, I think you should do what he tells you."
Heat vision blazed across the space that separated Superman and Lex, barely missing Lex and hitting the wall behind him.
"Put it in the box now!" ordered Superman.
"No."
"Mister Luthor, just give him the damn rock."
There was a second burst of heat vision, this one coming even closer to Lex than the first.
"In the box!"
"No!"
"Oh for..." Hawthorne stepped forward, grabbed the mauve kryptonite out of Luthor's hand, placed it in the box, then snapped the lid shut. Wordlessly, he handed the box to Superman.
Instead of thanking him, Superman looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Hawthorne from Hawthorne Labs?" When Nate nodded, Superman continued. "It would be in your best interest to limit your contact with Luthor."
Before Hawthorne could answer, Superman had disappeared out the shattered window. Hawthorne turned towards Luthor and was opening his mouth to speak when Luthor held up a hand, stopping him, while looking at his watch.
After ten seconds, Luthor said, "Sorry about that." Going around his desk, he pulled open a drawer and took out a box that looked similar to the one Superman had been holding. He moved toward Hawthorne and handed the box to him.
With a puzzled expression, Hawthorne flipped open the lid to see mauve kryptonite inside.
"H-how did you know?" Hawthorne stammered.
"Superman is nothing if not predictable." Luthor shoved his hands into his pockets. "Currently, I'm working on a plan that will circumvent that problem in the future.
"How?"
In response, Luthor smiled.
* * *
"After today, Superman will never stop me again!" Lex crowed.
Lex's head scientist, who was standing next to him in the lab, kept his face carefully blank and absolutely did not roll his eyes. "Then you're positive you want to do this, Mister Luthor?"
"Yes! A copy of me, stolen from another universe, will distract Superman. He'll believe that I'm working quietly in my office while I secretly move to take over the world."
The scientist looked at Mercy, a question in his eyes, but she purposely ignored him. Not getting any help from that quarter, he heaved a deep breath and reached for the lever. "Well... here goes."
The machine lights flashed. There was a loud hissing noise and a cloud of smoke filled the transporter chamber. Everyone took a step back, unsure of what was going to happen.
Through the cloud in the chamber, a figure appeared. Slowly a hand reached for the inner knob. Smoke billowed out as the new arrival opened the door and exited the chamber.
He studied his surroundings carefully then smiled slyly when he saw Lex.
"My, we are handsome fellows aren't we?"
Lex's eyes widened.
"However..." The duplicate studied Lex and tapped his chin with one finger. "May I advise you in the future to have your lab coats tailored? After all, when you've got it, flaunt it."
Lex's mouth dropped open in shock.
"Also, white for lab coats is so common. You should have some made in violet. Purple is definitely our color."
This was all Superman's fault, Lex decided. If that stupid alien had stopped him from stealing a copy of himself from another universe, this never would've happened.
* * *
"Something strange is going on over at LexCorp," Lois said.
Clark, who was eating a sandwich, paused in his chewing. Not wanting to speak with his mouth full, he settled for raising his eyebrows.
"If I knew what it was, I'd be writing the story. All I know is that all non-essential personnel have been sent on vacation. Security, on the other hand, has been tripled. My usual sources won't return my phone calls. Whatever it is - it's big."
Having finished his sandwich, Clark reached for his thermos of milk. "Do you think some experiment went wrong?"
Lois shrugged. "With the precautions they're taking, if it was something from the labs, it must be lethal."
It had been less than forty-eight hours since Clark as Superman had paid a call on Lex. Obviously, he was long overdue.
Glancing at his watch, Clark cleared his desk and stood up. "I've got to go, Lois. I have an appointment."
"Is it for a story?"
"Definitely. According to my sources there's an entire block full of parking meters that are broken. People are getting away with parking for free. The city is losing hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars each month."
Lois turned back to her computer. "Sounds like that story's right up your alley."
"Actually, it's not in an alley at all. It's-"
"Enough! Go! You don't want to miss out on your big opportunity to win a Pulitzer."
Clark nodded and left the room, then blurred up the stairwell, changing into his uniform as he went. If Lois ever read the paper for anything other than her own byline, Clark would never be able to make up these fake stories.
A few seconds later, Clark flew into Lex's office, shattering the window in the process.
"Luthor!" Clark shouted, then stopped and stared.
There were two Lexes.
"What's going on here?"
One of the Lexes turned to look at him and let out a small scream. Clark looked behind him to try to see what was so terrible that it would make Lex yell like that. There was nothing there.
"Off!" The Lex who had screamed hurried forward. "Take that monstrosity off right now. It's hideous!"
Hands were running over Clark's uniform, searching for fastenings. Clark looked at the other Lex, who was shaking his head in bemusement.
"Lex?" Clark knew his voice was a bit shaky. Even in his fantasies, he'd never expected Lex to undress him like this.
"Meet Lexy, my counterpart from another universe," Lex said.
Clark looked at the man in front of him, who was busily peeling off Clark's top with fingers that acted like it was poisonous to the touch. "Lexy?"
"Rhymes with sexy," Lexy murmured. "Now let's get these tights off."
"You are not taking off my tights."
"How else are we supposed to burn this horrendous garment?" Lexy paused to think for a moment. "Though I don't suppose it would burn, would it? Very well, we'll have to bury it. Specifically, bury it on consecrated ground so it won't rise up and haunt us."
Again, the nimble fingers attacked his clothing. Clark captured them then swung Lexy around, trapping him with his arms.
"Oh, Clark," Lexy sighed. "You always did have such manly arms."
Clark stiffened for a second, then pushed Lexy from him and took several steps away, retreating toward the shattered window.
"Oh, dear," Lexy said. "Was your identity a secret from my counterpart? I had no idea."
"Don't worry about it." Lex waved his hand dismissively. "I already knew. We were once the very best of friends, it's not like he could fool me. Clark just didn't know that I knew."
"I suspected that you knew, but... well, you did get an awful lot of head injuries in Smallville."
"Ah, Smallville, those were the days," Lexy said wistfully.
Both Clark's and Lex's gaze swiveled to him.
Lexy gave them a secretive smile. "Don't ask, don't tell." His expression changed to a slight frown. "No, wait, that's the military, isn't it?"
Clark grabbed his top from where it had been flung to the floor, then took a step back. "Um... I'd better go."
"Must you?" Lexy advanced towards him. "I miss my own Clark so. I'm afraid the two of us were on the outs when I arrived here."
"What did you do?" Clark asked.
"I didn't do anything. It was a complete misunderstanding. Like I would even be interested in someone who insists on dressing as a bat." Lexy paused. "As for the other thing, I don't know why he won't allow me to destroy the world's supply of polyester. The world would be grateful."
Clark gave Lexy one last look before soaring out the window.
* * *
At his desk, Lex put his head in his hands and let out a groan. He'd always wanted Clark to be terrified of him, but this wasn't exactly how he'd imagined it.
* * *
Nate Hawthorne had worked several nights in a row and was exhausted. He looked at his notes, looked at the bubbling mixture in the beaker, and frowned. It wasn't supposed to be bubbling. It was supposed to have settled into a stable state, one that could be easily ingested.
He'd devoted his life to creating a formula that would enable people to regenerate limbs. He'd invested his entire savings on the venture. He'd even gone so far as to do business with that loon, Luthor. All to have the enterprise fail.
It was disappointing, to say the least.
Sighing, he began to put everything away and clean up. The project wasn't back to square one, but he felt he was much closer to the beginning than the end.
When the mixture blew up, coating him before sinking into his skin, he would have said 'Now what?' if he hadn't been screaming in pain.
* * *
Lexy tsked when he entered Lex's study. "Working again? You wouldn't be sitting here plotting diabolic plans if you had a sexy alien in your bed."
Lex looked at his watch. "It's not even five."
He refused to be caught up in the alien argument again with Lexy. The last time, he'd calmly and rationally explained how Superman with all of his powers could easily conquer the world if humans didn't plan for that possibility. He'd been expounding on how Superman could make all of them his slaves when Lexy had interrupted him with a groan of 'God, that's hot!' and run off to the guest bedroom.
"It's Saturday and you're still hard at work," Lexy chided him. "I don't know what to do with you. You're disgustingly beautiful, relatively young, and filthy rich. You should be enjoying life to the fullest."
"I am. I like plotting how to bring Superman to his knees."
Lexy let out an amused snort. When Lex glanced at him, he was smirking. "I can get my Clark on his knees whenever I want."
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
Seating himself in a chair, Lexy arched an eyebrow. "It isn't?"
"No!"
"So - even when you and Clark were in Smallville together and were - how did you put it the other day, the very best of friends? You never imagined Clark at your feet?"
Lex stared intently at his laptop. "No."
"I did. That was one of my favorite fantasies." Lexy sighed. "Clark was so lovely when he was young. So innocent." His tone changed to something to a lot more self-satisfied. "At least he was innocent until I got to him."
Lex turned away from his computer and narrowed his eyes. "Clark was a teenager when we met."
"I know. Completely untouched. It was blissful."
In a flash Lex was out of his chair with his hands around Lexy's throat. "How dare you! I should snap your neck for taking advantage of Clark."
"I did no such thing. I'll have you know that I didn't sleep with Clark until he was eighteen."
Lex reluctantly lowered his hands. He backed away, his gaze still suspicious.
"You didn't touch him until he was eighteen?"
Lexy smiled. "I didn't say that." He held up a hand when Lex started back towards him. "Easy tiger. There were no touches below the waist, despite his pleas."
"His pleas?" Lex choked out.
"I'm not sure how you handled young Clark, but I was completely honest with the boy. I told him outright that I desired him. At first he was a bit frightened by that fact, but I think he was so desperate to be wanted and loved that he continued to visit me. He'd blush so prettily when I told him all the things I would do to him once I had him in my bed. It got so that he was so primed for it that all I needed to do was nibble at his jaw and he'd convulse in pleasure."
Lex's fists were clenched so hard, they ached. "But you waited until he was eighteen?"
Lexy nodded. "It was foreplay that lasted more than three years. When I did take him to bed on his birthday, we stayed there for five days." Lexy let out a dreamy sigh. "Super-powered aliens are the best."
He looked at Lex in sympathy. "You should've told your Clark the truth about how you felt."
"Why? He's never bothered to tell the truth to me. How did you find out he was an alien, anyway?"
"He had to confess after I was showing him the proper way to hold a cue and he set my billiards table on fire." Lexy gave a hum of appreciation. "I loved the time we spent playing billiards together."
Lex seated himself in the chair behind his desk. "So did I."
"Those long afternoons spent talking and growing closer..." Lexy murmured.
"Watching Clark bend over the table," Lex added.
Realizing what he'd said, Lex coughed, then turned back to his laptop. "I'm busy. Why don't you take Mercy and Hope and go shopping or something?"
"That sounds like a wonderful plan. I do need more clothes. While I can't deny we look dramatic in black, it does get a bit monotonous. Perhaps some clubbing clothes. Not all of us intend to never have a social life." Lexy rose from his chair and strode to the door. Upon reaching it, he paused to look back at Lex. "This world of yours is quite strange and you are very different from me. For instance, there was your reaction to the thought that I'd taken advantage of Clark in his youth. In my world, one is not so protective of the childhood virtue of his nemesis."
As Lexy walked out the door, Lex silently cursed. He hated that he always seemed to get in the last word.
* * *
Lois hung up the phone and grabbed her tape recorder, stuffing it into her purse. "Got a lead on a story."
Clark, whom Lois decided had no life, because why else would he be at work on one of his few days off, glanced up from his computer. She was here on her day off because she was dedicated to her career, not because she had no life.
"What's going on?" Clark asked.
"There was an explosion at Hawthorne Labs and now Hawthorne's missing," Lois explained.
"Are you going to question Luthor about it?"
Lois paused in putting on her coat. "Why would I question Luthor?" Seeing Clark's face go blank, she grew positive he was hiding something. "What have you heard?"
"Nothing," Clark shrugged. "Just a rumor that Hawthorne might be mixed up with Luthor."
"Really? I've heard he thinks Luthor is a loon."
"He's not a---" Lois watched as Clark stopped and took a breath. "It might be worth checking out. Especially now that Hawthorne's disappeared."
"I just may do that." She looked at him impatiently. "Are you coming?"
"Actually I'm busy. I'm doing a story about this pizza chain that promises that your pizza's free if not delivered in half an hour. People have reported that sometimes it takes as long as thirty-five minutes, but the chain refuses to honor their promise."
Lois tried not to groan. "Whatever. If you get a pizza, save me a slice, would you?" Lois said as she headed for the elevator. Once alone, she dug her phone out of her purse and began calling her usual sources. By the time she reached her car in the parking lot, she knew exactly where to find Luthor.
* * *
Clark burst through the doors to the balcony. "Luthor! What have you done with Hawthorne?"
Lex, who'd just emerged from the shower and was getting himself a nightcap, looked up at Clark. He was about to say something cutting when he stopped himself. Clad only in his bathrobe, he realized that there was no way for Clark to know that he wasn't Lexy. Instead of his usual glare, he smiled brightly at Clark. "Lex isn't here, sweetheart, but I'd be glad to give him the message."
"Lexy?"
Lex raised his hands and twirled around. "The one and only." He paused. "Though I suppose that's not quite true, is it?"
"Do you know where Luthor is?"
"No clue. Probably off doing horrible, despicable, boring things." Lex advanced on Clark, moving his hips like he hadn't since he'd lived in Smallville. "But I'm right here if you want someone."
Clark's gaze latched onto his hips, before he glanced away. There were splotches of red on his cheeks. "I need to talk to Lex. I think he's done something bad."
"And you wanted to spank him? My, you two do have an interesting relationship." Lex was now less than a foot from Clark. He reached forward and with a finger began to trace the 'S' on Clark's chest. "I 'd be happy to fill in for my dear duplicate." His eyes lifted to meet Clark's. "Why don't you spank me instead?"
Lex watched Clark's Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed hard. "I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Why not? You wouldn't even have to pull down my underwear." Lex went up on his toes to whisper in Clark's ear. "I'm not wearing any."
Clark stilled for a long moment. He took and deep breath and his gaze seemed fixed on somewhere past Lex's head. Lex thought for a few seconds that he may have overplayed his hand. Then Clark relaxed and looked down at him.
"I think I'll take you up on that offer."
* * *
Clark watched as Lexy slinked towards him, bringing back memories from Smallville and making him feel like he was once again that awkward teenage boy who'd been confused by the feelings he'd had for his older and more experienced best friend.
When Lexy whispered in his ear that he wasn't wearing underwear, Clark had just about decided that flying away was practical and didn't make him a scaredy cat when he stopped himself. This... this wasn't Lexy.
He took a deep breath to be sure. It wasn't Lexy he smelled, but Lex. Many times people forgot about his powers of smell. Lex always used the same soap and cologne. Clark didn't know if it was specially made for him but every time he smelled it, he knew that Lex had been there or was somewhere nearby.
Lexy smelled different. A strange combination of seaweed and herbs that he'd probably say was essential to maintaining his skin tone.
Using his x-ray powers, Clark looked through the walls of Lex's penthouse until he could see the guest bathroom. Sure enough, there was an unfamiliar bottle of cologne sitting on the counter and, in the shower, a relatively new bar of soap. Even from this distance, he could distinguish the smells of the products as those belonging to Lexy.
That meant that the man propositioning him was Lex.
Clark was furious. He knew he'd acted childishly when he'd left Lex's office before. He shouldn't have let Lexy's personality make him fly away. Now Lex was trying to take advantage of Clark's reaction to it.
Well... he'd teach Lex a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.
Looking down at Lex, who was barely able to hide his growing expression of triumph, Clark smiled. "I think I'll take you up on that offer."
* * *
Lexy was pleased that, despite Luthor's dull wardrobe choices, the stores were more than happy to stay open late at his request. Tailored suits were being labored over that very minute, but new shirts and shoes were now in his possession.
It was only when Mercy complained that the trunk of the limousine was full did Lexy stop shopping. Tomorrow, he decided, he'd venture forth again.
Exiting the exclusive men's store, he realized it was much later than he'd thought. The streets were practically empty and his chauffer had been able to park the limousine right in front of the store. He was heading toward the door of the limo when a woman he recognized avoided both Hope and Mercy and stepped in front of him, brandishing a tape recorder.
His face lit up with a large smile upon seeing her. "Lois! What's the word, doll?"
Lois stared at him for a moment before shaking off her surprise at his greeting. "Lex Luthor, there are reports of explosions at Hawthorne Labs. What's the purpose of Hawthorne Labs and how is it connected to LexCorp?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." His gaze flicked downward, then back up. "Looove the shoes."
"Jimmy Choos," Lois said. "I found them at..." Lois' voice trailed off and her eyes narrowed. "Are you denying any involvement?"
Lexy opened up his mouth to speak but a shout interrupted him.
"Luthor!"
Lexy turned to see a man he didn't recognize and if he'd ever seen him before, he'd remember. That's because the man was a lovely shade of mauve. Lexy was able to see quite a bit of that color for the man's shirt hung from his shoulders in ragged, burnt strips. However, despite the stranger's cheerful coloring, he seemed quite enraged as he raced up the sidewalk towards them.
"I'm going to kill you!" the man shouted. "This is your fault!"
Mercy pulled out her gun and aimed at the newcomer as she yelled at Lexy. "In the car! Now!"
Hope and the chauffeur also pulled out guns. Lexy turned to look at Lois to see if she, too, had a gun. Sadly, she was only armed with a can of mace.
"Stop or I'll shoot," Hope yelled.
The man kept coming.
Not one to make idle threats, Hope shot him. The bullet hit his leg, but had no effect. With only a moment's pause, Mercy, Hope, and the chauffeur began firing round after round at the newcomer.
The bullets were striking the man, but weren't making any impact. They didn't ricochet, instead seeming to sink into his flesh, the wounds knitting together almost immediately.
Realizing that shooting him wasn't working, Hope, Mercy, and the chauffeur physically attacked him. The chauffeur was flung through the shop window and didn't re-emerge. Hope hit the man in the face several times, making Lexy wince in sympathy, before she, too, was tossed out of the way. Mercy grabbed an arm and yanked, disconnecting the shoulder. Before she could do anything else, though, a third arm emerged out of the man's torso and grabbed her, tossing her next to Mercy.
Lexy gaped. You didn't see a mauve man grow a third arm every day.
The man was reaching for Lexy with that third arm when Lois stepped forward and sprayed mace in the attacker's eyes.
As the man howled in pain, Lexy turned toward Lois and fluttered his eyelashes. "My hero."
"Damn it, Luthor!" the man snarled. "You've got to help me."
Lexy stared at the man for a moment before he realized that he knew who he was. Sort of. At least there was a man who looked like him in his own universe, except for the whole mauve thing.
"Excuse me, are you related to Nate Hawthorne?" Lexy asked.
"I'm Hawthorne," was the reply.
"Really? The Hawthorne I know, although quite attractive if you go for brainy and well-muscled, does lack your lovely coloring."
For some reason, Lexy thought he heard Hawthorne mutter the word 'loon'.
* * *
Lex felt his mouth drop open. The first thought in his head was 'That cheating bastard!' but that didn't make any sense because Clark wasn't his and it shouldn't bother him at all that Clark was willing to play games with Lexy but not him and... and he wasn't bothered by it. Not a bit.
"Fine," Lex snarled. He pointed at the couch. "Sit."
Clark stared at him and it occurred to Lex that he hadn't sounded too much like Lexy, so he smiled brightly. "I want to make myself right at home on your lap."
Obediently, Clark sat and Lex lay across his thighs. He flipped up the back of his bathrobe and waited for the first blow to land.
And waited. And waited.
"Well?" Lex said.
"Sorry," Clark answered, his voice abnormally high. "I got caught up in admiring the view."
It was then Lex felt a hand on his thigh, slowly moving up. The hand continued it's journey upward, smoothing over his skin until it came to rest on his ass. It stayed there for a few seconds before slowly moving back and forth over the roundness of his ass.
"Clark?"
"Yes?" The hand was now gently squeezing and it was driving him completely crazy.
"You're supposed to be spanking me. I'm a bad, bad man."
"Oh! Right."
There was a moment's hesitation before Lex felt a slight swat on his backside. A very slight swat.
"I know that you can do better than that," Lex said.
A second swat came, not much harder than the first.
"Or that."
"I don't want to hurt you," Clark confessed. "Also, it feels wrong to spank you."
"Dirty wrong?"
"No, wrong wrong." The hand smoothed over his ass again. "It would be like defacing a great work of art."
Lex couldn't really argue with that. After all, he did have a truly fantastic ass. But he couldn't take much more of Clark's fondling of it. Now if he were really Lexy, he'd probably make some outrageous proposition. Something like...
"If you're not going to spank my ass, then why don't we go into the bedroom where you can appreciate it properly?"
There was a long moment when Lex didn't dare breathe. In less than a blink, he found himself in the middle of his bed, naked. Turning his head, he could see his bathrobe still fluttering to the floor. Clark was lying next to him, also naked.
"Tell me," Clark said, as he stared at Lex intently, "exactly what do you think I should do to show proper appreciation of your ass?"
It turned out that Lex had several suggestions.
* * *
There was a loud crack above Metropolis. It sounded like thunder, though the sky was cloudless. If anyone had bothered to look up, they would have seen a figure dressed in black appear. The figure hovered in the sky for a moment before flying in the direction of the Watchtower.
* * *
At the Watchtower, Flash was busy timing how long it would take until he annoyed Batman to the point that he lost his temper and attempted to throttle him. So far, his record was three minutes and twenty-two seconds.
Batman was monitoring the Watchtower computers and trying very hard not to throttle Flash, when he noted that Superman was approaching.
There was a whirl of black and Flash let out a squeak as a hand closed around his throat. It was only upon realizing that the hand wasn't Batman's that Flash knew he was in trouble.
"Where's Lexy Luthor?" a very angry Superman bit out.
"That's a new look for you," Flash said, eyeing the shiny black outfit Superman was wearing. "And that hood attached to your cape is different, but I like it."
"Where is he?" Superman shook Flash for emphasis.
Batman's hand was moving toward his utility belt when Superman added quietly, "Stop right there or I'll snap his neck."
Batman paused. "You wouldn't."
"Try me."
When Superman smiled, Flash knew that they must be dealing with a Superman much different than the normal. It wasn't a red kryptonite-infected Superman, either. Red K usually just made Superman want to smash things and get laid.
Slowly moving his hands away from his belt, Batman said quietly, "Who are you?"
"The name's Supes and I'm not from around here, if you haven't already figured that out yet. I'm looking for Lexy Luthor."
"Luthor is currently in Japan. If you don't have it, I can give you the coordinates of his residence there."
"That was two weeks ago," Flash piped up. "Luthor's at his penthouse above LexCorp."
Flash didn't like the way Batman stiffened. He wasn't an idiot, which was why he knew better than to lie to a super-powered alien
Supes seemed to commiserate with Batman. "He's a bit stupid where I come from, too." Supes squeezed Flash's throat for a couple of seconds before easing up, leaving Flash gasping. "It doesn't help, anyway. I'm looking for Lexy Luthor, who was stolen from my universe a few days ago, not your version."
Batman started. "What? There are currently two Lex Luthors on Earth?"
"And everyone's still alive?" Flash added.
"Lexy would never hurt a thing." Supes paused. "Except maybe polyester." He looked down at Flash. "Me, I'm a completely different story. I'm willing to do anything to find him."
"Can I suggest then that you fly away and look for him then since we haven't seen him? Letting go of me first, of course."
"That would be a wise move on your part," Batman added.
Supes studied Batman for a moment. "You have an idea where he might be, don't you?" Supes said shrewdly. He tossed Flash to the side, sending him skidding along the floor, and moved towards Batman.
Supes was within arm's length of Batman when Batman flicked his wrist, opening a hidden cache under his glove that contained green kryptonite.
His skin turning green, Supes backed away, scowling at Batman. A moment later, he was gone.
"You had a second piece of kryptonite?" Flash asked.
"I have several in my possession at the moment, in addition to several stashes located around the world."
"You really are paranoid, aren't you?"
"I like to think of it as being prepared for the world ending at all times," was the reply.
"Do you have anything in case I go crazy and try to take over the world?"
"Yes. My fist."
Flash gulped. Yeah, his fist would probably work.
Batman hurried past him towards the doors of the Watchtower.
"Hey, where are you going?" Flash called after him.
"In case it escaped your notice, there's a super-powered alien running amok. I have to stop him."
"What about Superman?"
Batman stopped and looked at Flash, who'd run and was now in front of him. "If we're fighting a version of him, we're going to have to use green kryptonite. Superman would be useless in this situation."
"Okay, I get it. But shouldn't you have some backup?"
Batman considered the idea before nodding. "I'll see if Wonder Woman's available."
"Hey! I'm standing right here." When Batman just looked at him uncomprehendingly, Flash added, "I can be your backup."
Another moment passed before Batman finally spoke. "Fine. But don't get in my way."
Flash grinned. When Batman again headed for the doors, Flash followed along behind him. "Hey," Flash exclaimed. "I'm like Robin. Only I'm red. So I'm a Red Robin."
They left with Flash singing "When a red, red robin comes bob bob bobbin' along." He wondered how many times he'd be able to sing the chorus before Batman tried to throttle him.
* * *
Lexy had listened to Hawthorne explain about his experiment. There were a few spots where the formula Hawthorne had been working on might have gone awry but the use of the kryptonite had been the ultimate cause of the disaster.
"You have to reverse it," Hawthorne pleaded.
Lexy shook his head. "Not possible, sweetheart. I'm afraid you'll have to stay like that."
"What am I going to do?" Hawthorne wailed. "My life is over!"
"Nonsense. I don't see why you can't continue with your experiments. In fact, the extra arms and hands might be useful."
Hawthorne looked glum. "I'm a freak."
"Then you should do what all the other freaks do and join the Justice League." Lexy smiled. "You could be the Mauve Marvel."
"I'd rather be the Scarlet Avenger. Then I could wear a big A on my chest."
"Sorry, darling, that name's already taken. And you're mauve, not scarlet."
Lois, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet but recording everything on her tape recorder, spoke up. "What about the Mauve Marauder?"
"Horrendous! He's going to be a hero and that's clearly the name of a villain." Lexy paused and turned to Hawthorne. "You are going to be a hero, aren't you?"
Hawthorne shrugged. "I guess."
"Good."
"Oh, I've got it!" Lois said excitedly. "How about-"
"Lois, stop," Lexy ordered, holding up a hand. "You're terrible at naming superheroes and if you come up with something like Supermauve, then I'm afraid I'll have to shoot you."
"But-"
"No."
"I-"
"No."
Lois glared at Lexy. "You can't stop me."
"I'll shoot you and if I shoot you, you'll bleed all over those lovely shoes."
Looking down at her shoes, Lois blanched and kept quiet.
With an air of triumph, Lexy turned to Hawthorne. "Now tell me something - I saw how Mercy and Hope's bullets tore into you, but you repaired the damage almost instantaneously so you're practically invulnerable. What else can you do?"
"I wrecked my lab. I didn't really mean to, so I guess I'm pretty strong."
"Super-strength - that's a good power."
"Also, you may have noticed, I can spout extra appendages." As an example, Hawthorne raised his arms and an extra arm on each side pushed out of the sides of his body. A few seconds later, they were reabsorbed.
"I can see how that might be useful. Can you fly?"
Hawthorne gave a little jump and thudded back to the ground. "No."
"What a shame."
Lexy eyed Hawthorne speculatively and then his eyes lit up with interest. "Say... are arms and legs the only appendages you can spout extras of?
Spying Lexy's playful leer, Hawthorne took several hurried steps back. Lexy only laughed in response.
"Now about your secret identity..." Lexy began.
"Secret identity? I'm mauve. How am I supposed to have a secret identity?"
"Bad allergic reactions!" Lois said excitedly.
Lexy and Hawthorne turned to stare at her.
"It could work," she insisted. "He stays fully dressed including gloves and his face is constantly covered by cream." She began waving her hands around. "Or-or-or we could say that you were horribly burned by the explosion in your lab and now have to stay bandaged up."
Hawthorne rolled his eyes. "That's-"
"Brilliant!" Lexy shouted. He gave Lois a huge kiss on the cheek. "I knew you'd come through for us."
"Loon," Hawthorne muttered.
* * *
Supes was flying towards the penthouse above LexCorp when he heard a low shuddering groan that he instantly recognized as Lexy's. Without a moment's hesitation, he sped up and crashed through the wall of the building.
"I'll kill you for touching him!" Supes yelled as he grabbed the guy attacking his Lexy and slammed him up against the wall.
He was turning to check to see if Lexy was okay when he was punched so hard that he went flying back out of the hole in the wall he'd created moments earlier.
Steeling himself, he soared back inside the bedroom and this time stopped when he saw that the person he'd been attacking was a version of himself.
"Leave my Lexy alone!" Supes yelled.
"He's not your Lexy!" Clark yelled back. "He's my Lex."
"That's right!" Lex added, from where he sat on the bed.
Supes watched as Clark and Lex looked at each other.
"You knew I wasn't Lexy?" Lex asked.
Clark nodded and climbed back on the bed next to him. "Are you okay? You weren't hurt when he yanked me away, were you?"
"It killed the after-glow, but I'm fine. Tell me again about how you knew who I was but still slept with me."
Blushing, Clark lowered his gaze to the sheets. "At first I was mad for you pretending to be Lexy, but then..."
"But then?"
"You really do have a gorgeous ass."
"If that's the only reason you slept with me, then-"
To stop Lex from saying anything else, Clark leaned over and kissed him. When he pulled back, Clark said quietly, "Your gorgeous ass wasn't the only reason. I've wanted you for a while."
"How long?"
"Since I pulled you from the river."
In response, Lex began to kiss Clark thoroughly.
"Fucking hell," Supes said. "Get a room."
Lex broke the kiss to scowl at him. "We had one until someone invaded it, smashing the wall in the process."
Before Supes could reply there was a noise from the hall and the door flew open. Lexy stood there, staring at the bed.
* * *
Clark watched as Lexy opened the door and stepped into the room, staring at them.
"Oh my God!" Lexy screeched. "Are you two doing dirty, nasty things to each other?"
"No," Lex said, sulkily. "We were interrupted."
"Darn." Lexy glanced over and saw Supes standing amid the rubble. His smile lit up the room. "Baby!"
"Baby?" Clark said to Lex.
"Daddy!" Supes yelled, sweeping Lexy off his feet and giving him a deep, passionate kiss.
"Daddy?" Lex's smile was triumphant and Clark scowled.
They were both ignored by Lexy and Supes who were joyously celebrating their reunion.
"Where were you?" Supes asked.
"Out saving the world, naturally." Lexy jerked his head toward Clark and Lex. "Especially since those two were too busy with each other to do anything."
"Don't ever do that to me again," Supes pleaded. "When you disappeared, I went crazy. I think Batman sent me into this universe more to get rid of me than to help."
"Supes," Lexy said, mock sternly. "Have you been a bad boy?"
Supes looked down and nodded.
"Bad enough that I'll have to break out the kryptonite paddle when we get home?"
This time, the nod was enthusiastic and accompanied by a small grin.
Lex sat up straight in bed as he studied the pair intently. "My God, Clark. Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to be spanked?"
"I don't! Really! It's just that sometimes I-I-I..."
Lexy, Supes, and Lex all turned to stare at Clark.
Clark covered his face with his hands. "Oh, shut up," he mumbled.
"He's kind of shy, isn't he?" Supes said.
Lexy smiled. "He didn't have my liberating influence. These two were enemies."
"Enemies?" Supes appeared skeptical. "What were they trying to do when I arrived, then? Fuck each other to death?"
Wrapping his arm around Supes' waist, Lexy shrugged. "It's a strange, strange world they live in."
"And," Lex said, standing and grabbing the bathrobe that Clark had pulled off of him earlier, "we need to see if my scientists have figured out a way to get you out of here and back to where you belong."
Lexy smiled. "So does that mean no foursome, because oooh, the possibilities."
Next to him, Supes snarled, "I don't share."
"No foursome, then" Lexy said sadly, but when Supes wasn't looking, he mouthed to Lex 'maybe next time?'
Manfully, Lex ignored his duplicate's overtures. "We'll leave as soon as we shower and dress." He turned toward the bed. "Clark, are you coming?"
Behind him, Supes sniffed the air. "Smells like he already did. Several times."
Lexy playfully slapped Supes on the belly. "Stop being so juvenile." In a lower voice he added, "How many times?"
Still sitting in bed, Clark wondered what he'd ever done to deserve this.
* * *
"I think we should land the Batcopter," Flash said. Flash had flown in the Batcopter before, but never in the front seat next to Batman. The view from the front seat was great. For now on, he was calling dibs on it.
They'd already stopped once, at a warehouse in Gotham, where Batman had picked up additional green kryptonite. But Flash really thought that what he's seen called for them making a second stop.
Batman shook his head at the suggestion. "We're still ten blocks from LexCorp."
"Yeah, but we just passed some guy who was a weird shade of red and had a bunch of arms. We might want to look into that."
Gritting his teeth, but not saying a word, Batman turned the Batcopter around and headed back the way they'd come. Within minutes, they'd landed and were bracing themselves for attack as the multi-armed man came running toward them.
The man was still several yards away when he stopped. "What luck! I wasn't sure how I was going to get in touch with you guys when I saw you flying past."
Flash grinned. "We always brake for red mutants."
"My name's Nate Hawthorne and I'm not a mutant."
"He's also not red," Batman said. "He's mauve."
Hawthorne and Flash turned to look at Batman.
Batman folded his arms across his chest. "I think we should be clear on the subject."
"Anyway, I'm not a mutant. There was an accident in my lab-"
Flash grinned. "Oh, the old accident in the lab thing." At Hawthorne's look, he added, "It happens a lot more than you'd think."
"As I was saying," Hawthorne continued, "there was an accident and now I'm almost invulnerable and I can generate extra limbs, but since I'm not crazy or bent on revenge, I've been told I should join your forces."
"We don't let just anyone join us," Batman told him.
Flash shrugged. "Actually, we sort of do."
Batman turned towards Flash. "We don't."
"We do. Have you seen some of the people fighting on our side? Do you even know who the Phantom Stranger is?"
"He's a stranger. Who's a phantom," Batman answered. "Besides, there's an application process. And testing. Psychological testing."
"Says the man dressed as a bat," Flash muttered.
"You know..." Hawthorne said, taking a few steps back, "maybe I ought to think about this for a while."
As Hawthorne walked away, Flash could've sworn he heard the man say something about loons.
* * *
"You want to send back two of them?" the scientist said to Lex, his voice cracking a little.
Lex arched an eyebrow. "Is that going to be a problem?"
"A problem? A Problem?" This machine was created specifically to transport one Lex Luthor from Universe A to Universe B. It was not designed to do the reverse, nor was it designed to transport two people in reverse."
"If it's two people you have a problem with," Lexy said, "then Supes and I could do our best to be one." He leered at Supes, who leered back.
The scientist stared at them for a moment before turning back to his machine. "I don't get paid enough for this," he mumbled.
"Excuse me?" Lex said.
Before Lex could flay the man with his tongue, Clark spoke up. "I could ask the A.I. to help."
"That's not a bad idea," Supes agreed. "I'm surprised you thought of it."
Clark frowned, thinking he may have just been insulted by himself.
Lex frowned, knowing that Clark had just been insulted by himself.
"Oh for..." Lexy let out a huff of disgust and strode to the transporter device. He pointed to the cover of the instrument panel and turned to Supes. "Open it for me."
"Wait!" shouted the scientist to no avail for Clark had stepped forward and opened it for Lexy.
"Thanks, sweet thing," Lexy purred to Clark.
Both Lex and Supes let out small sounds that could've been mistaken for growls while Clark flushed.
Lexy studied the insides of the machine for a moment, then began re-wiring it. Within five minutes, he pulled back. "Done."
The scientist looked at him, completely dumbfounded. "Done?"
"It should work now. There should be no problem sending back two people," Lexy explained. As they stared at him, he added, "I am a brilliant scientist. Did you think I was just a pretty face?"
"No," said Lex.
"Of course not," said Supes.
"You are very pretty," said Clark.
Lexy beamed at him. "Mmmm... I do like you. Maybe I should work on the machine again so that it can transport three of us."
Lex stepped forward. "Touch it again and I'll kill you."
Raising his hands in a show of innocence, Lexy grinned. "Only kidding. But it is time for kisses good-bye."
"What?" Everyone said.
Lexy ignored them all and stepped up to Mercy and gave her a quick peck on the lips. She blinked before turning a bright red. Next, Lexy grabbed the scientist by the shoulders and kissed him hard.
"The salary's not great, but there are other compensations," the man murmured after Lexy drew back.
When Lexy leaned close to Lex, Lex put a hand to his chest to stop him.
"No tongues," Lex warned.
"Spoilsport."
Their mouths met in a chaste kiss.
Afterwards, Lexy moved to Clark and kissed him. And kissed him. And kissed him. And then groped Clark's ass as he kissed him.
"Mercy," Lex said. "Shoot him."
"No!" Supes shouted.
Lexy broke off the kiss and turned away, leaving Clark panting. At Lex's look, Clark blushed and shrugged. "Well... I am never going to see him again."
"Your turn," Lexy said to Supes, pushing him forward.
Supes looked unhappy. "Do I have-"
"Kiss them good-bye like a good boy."
Still reluctant, Supes gave Mercy, the now very happy scientist, and Lex all perfunctory kisses. Stepping closer to Clark, he turned to throw a challenging glance at Lexy, before pulling Clark close.
The air grew uncomfortably warm while the identical Superheroes kissed. The scientist started looking at his watch. Mercy checked in with Hope. Lex and Lexy, however, were transfixed by the display.
"I wonder if I could clone him." Lexy said as he stared in fascination.
"That's not a bad idea," Lex replied, equally mesmerized.
Once more, Clark was left panting at the end of the kiss. Supes smirked triumphantly at Lexy. "Try as you might, Luthor," Supes said, "you'll never beat me."
"Alien freak," Lexy said affectionately. He waved at the others and then stepped inside the transporter.
Supes gave Lex a look that was so hostile that Clark moved next to him protectively. "If you ever think of taking Lexy away from me again..."
"He won't," Clark assured him.
With a final threatening glare at Lex, Supes joined Lexy in the transporter chamber and wrapped his arms around him.
Moments later, lights flashed and smoke filled the chamber, then the two were gone.
"I think I'm going to miss them," Clark said quietly.
"Me, too," sighed the scientist.
* * *
Flash watched as Batman studied the balcony doors.
"Superman gained access to the Luthor penthouse through the balcony," Batman said.
Carefully, he pushed past the doors. Upon entering, he knelt and looked at the marks on the rug and the surrounding room. He pointed at a depression mark on a rug. "That's where Superman stood when he confronted Luthor. Note the decanter and the glass. He interrupted Luthor fixing himself a drink."
Flash looked at the glass and decanter. "Then what happened?"
Batman moved closer to the couch. "Superman sat here and Luthor..."
There was a weird choking noise. Flash tilted his head and looked at Batman in confusion. "Then what?"
"Never mind." Batman rose to his feet and stomped out of the room and down the hall.
"What happened?" Flash asked, following closely behind.
Instead of answering, Batman slammed open a door.
Looking inside, Flash saw a bed with rumpled sheets, an almost empty tube of lube, and a huge hole in the wall. He swallowed hard.
"I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks," Flash told Batman.
"It's worse."
"Worse? Worse than Superman and Luthor doing dirty things to each other in that bed?"
Batman nodded. "There was either a struggle or they like it rough. Also, as far as I can tell, while Superman and Luthor were busy in the bed, other versions of Superman and Luthor watched them."
"Oh," Flash said. "Hey, do you think they took pictures?" When Batman glared at him, he quickly added, "Because that would be really, really bad if they did."
"We have to find and stop them." Batman said.
"Stop them from doing what exactly? Being voyeurs or being horny?"
"Both! Neither!"
"Maybe we should settle for finding them," Flash said. "Say, you don't happen to have a Batcamera handy, do you?"
* * *
Lex headed back to the penthouse, fully aware that Clark was trailing behind him. They'd reached the front door when he couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Why are you still here?"
Clark moved way too close, invading his personal space, and then moved even closer. His voice was husky when he spoke. "In case you don't remember, we were interrupted."
"I believe I was finished."
Clark's hand moved downward and cupped Lex's hardening cock. "You don't feel finished to me."
"I know what you're up to," Lex told him.
"Really?" Clark murmured, his mouth caressing Lex's ear. "Tell me."
"You plan to fuck me until I no longer have the energy to fight you. With your last real opponent eliminated, you'll take over Earth, becoming our alien ruler, and make us all slaves to your bidding."
Clark drew back to look at Lex while his hand continued to stroke Lex through his trousers. "Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad plan."
Lex thought about what he'd said. "No, it doesn't."
"I guess I should start fucking you until you can't oppose me, then." Clark leaned down and began to trail his mouth across Lex's jaw.
"The sooner you do, the sooner you'll rule the world," Lex murmured. "But maybe we should wait until we're inside."
Gathering Lex against him with one arm, Clark was reaching out to open the door, when it opened from inside and Batman and Flash exited.
"What are you doing here?" Everyone yelled, then looked vaguely uncomfortable.
Finally, Batman broke the awkward silence. "Superman, I'm here to save you. There's a version of you in Metropolis. He-"
"Already taken care of," Lex said smugly.
Batman gave him an angry look, but continued addressing Clark. "He said that there was another version of Luthor here. He was-"
"Also taken care of," Lex said, even smugger.
Flash sighed. "I knew we shouldn't have stopped to get some more of that green kryptonite you've got hidden in case Superman goes crazy."
"What?" Clark screeched. "You've got kryptonite hidden in case I go crazy?"
"How do I know you're not already crazy? You are sleeping with Luthor." Batman said.
"Hey!" Lex felt insulted.
"You want to talk to me about going crazy? You went out with Flash as your backup." Clark said.
"Hey!" Flash also felt insulted.
Lex pushed past all of them and entered his penthouse. "I have better things to do than argue on my doorstep." He looked at Clark. "As do you."
Clark grinned, and moved past Batman and Flash. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"You'll see them next week," Lex corrected.
Clark's grin widened. He quickly shut the door behind them and followed Lex toward a different bedroom than the one they'd used previously.
* * *
Batman stared at the door in shock. He couldn't believe that Superman and Lex were together and about to have sex while he was stuck out in the hall with Flash.
Finally, he and Flash headed for the roof, where they'd left the Batcopter.
It wasn't fair, Batman thought. Lex Luthor was evil and he was sleeping with Superman while he was a law abiding citizen and was stuck with Flash.
Flash began singing softly 'when the red, red robin comes bob bob bobbing along."
Batman felt a deep and urgent need to blow something up.
* * *
Prowling into Lex Luthor's secret lab later that night, Batman scowled at the transporter. When you got down to the basic bare bones of the case, it was what had caused Superman and Lex Luthor to get together. It had to be destroyed and soon. If another Lex Luthor came through that machine, who knows what sort of mayhem he might wreak.
He was setting the explosives charge when he stopped, a thought occurring to him. It didn't have to be a version of Lex that arrived. It could be anyone, even someone whose goal was to stop criminals.
Having a second Batman around might be really helpful.
* * *
In a bedroom of the penthouse, Lex was holding Clark when they were each struck by a set of shivers down their spines.
* * *
Back home, Nate Hawthorne sat in his favorite armchair, which now didn't have nearly enough arms, and wondered if he'd ever get a chance to prove himself as a superhero.
The End.
Author: mahaliem
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: R
Length: Approximately 9,000 words
Summary: Written for the Kink/Cliche Challenge. Prompt - Multiple universes (the characters meet versions of themselves from a parallel universe), Future fic
Thank you so very much to my wonderful (and very quick) betas - danceswithgary and isilweth.
Busy Bodies
"You have the final ingredient for my experiment?" Nate Hawthorne asked. He was so close to achieving his dream that he could almost taste it. All he needed was one last item. It was a pity he had to deal with Lex Luthor, who was such a loon, to get it.
He watched as Luthor nodded, then strode to the wall and pushed a button, revealing a safe. Opening it, he extracted a piece of kryptonite.
He'd returned to where Hawthorne was sitting when Superman burst through a window.
"Buying that window company years ago," Luthor murmured, "has saved me a fortune."
"Luthor!" Superman said. "What are you doing with red kryptonite?"
"I don't have any red kryptonite."
"How can you deny it? You're holding it in your hand."
"That's mauve kryptonite. Are you color-blind?" Luthor pointedly glanced at Superman's uniform. "Never mind. I already know the answer."
"It looks scarlet to me," Hawthorne muttered, but no one paid any attention to him.
Superman folded his arms across his chest. "Give it to me."
Luthor's eyes glittered with amusement. "Are you sure you want it? Who knows what it might do to you. What if it made you crazy or turned you into an animal, or removed that stick from your ass?"
Giving Luthor a glare, Superman zipped away, then zipped back seconds later holding a metallic box. He placed the box on Luthor's desk.
"Put the kryptonite in the box," Superman said.
"No."
Hawthorne stood up. "Mister Luthor, I think you should do what he tells you."
Heat vision blazed across the space that separated Superman and Lex, barely missing Lex and hitting the wall behind him.
"Put it in the box now!" ordered Superman.
"No."
"Mister Luthor, just give him the damn rock."
There was a second burst of heat vision, this one coming even closer to Lex than the first.
"In the box!"
"No!"
"Oh for..." Hawthorne stepped forward, grabbed the mauve kryptonite out of Luthor's hand, placed it in the box, then snapped the lid shut. Wordlessly, he handed the box to Superman.
Instead of thanking him, Superman looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Hawthorne from Hawthorne Labs?" When Nate nodded, Superman continued. "It would be in your best interest to limit your contact with Luthor."
Before Hawthorne could answer, Superman had disappeared out the shattered window. Hawthorne turned towards Luthor and was opening his mouth to speak when Luthor held up a hand, stopping him, while looking at his watch.
After ten seconds, Luthor said, "Sorry about that." Going around his desk, he pulled open a drawer and took out a box that looked similar to the one Superman had been holding. He moved toward Hawthorne and handed the box to him.
With a puzzled expression, Hawthorne flipped open the lid to see mauve kryptonite inside.
"H-how did you know?" Hawthorne stammered.
"Superman is nothing if not predictable." Luthor shoved his hands into his pockets. "Currently, I'm working on a plan that will circumvent that problem in the future.
"How?"
In response, Luthor smiled.
* * *
"After today, Superman will never stop me again!" Lex crowed.
Lex's head scientist, who was standing next to him in the lab, kept his face carefully blank and absolutely did not roll his eyes. "Then you're positive you want to do this, Mister Luthor?"
"Yes! A copy of me, stolen from another universe, will distract Superman. He'll believe that I'm working quietly in my office while I secretly move to take over the world."
The scientist looked at Mercy, a question in his eyes, but she purposely ignored him. Not getting any help from that quarter, he heaved a deep breath and reached for the lever. "Well... here goes."
The machine lights flashed. There was a loud hissing noise and a cloud of smoke filled the transporter chamber. Everyone took a step back, unsure of what was going to happen.
Through the cloud in the chamber, a figure appeared. Slowly a hand reached for the inner knob. Smoke billowed out as the new arrival opened the door and exited the chamber.
He studied his surroundings carefully then smiled slyly when he saw Lex.
"My, we are handsome fellows aren't we?"
Lex's eyes widened.
"However..." The duplicate studied Lex and tapped his chin with one finger. "May I advise you in the future to have your lab coats tailored? After all, when you've got it, flaunt it."
Lex's mouth dropped open in shock.
"Also, white for lab coats is so common. You should have some made in violet. Purple is definitely our color."
This was all Superman's fault, Lex decided. If that stupid alien had stopped him from stealing a copy of himself from another universe, this never would've happened.
* * *
"Something strange is going on over at LexCorp," Lois said.
Clark, who was eating a sandwich, paused in his chewing. Not wanting to speak with his mouth full, he settled for raising his eyebrows.
"If I knew what it was, I'd be writing the story. All I know is that all non-essential personnel have been sent on vacation. Security, on the other hand, has been tripled. My usual sources won't return my phone calls. Whatever it is - it's big."
Having finished his sandwich, Clark reached for his thermos of milk. "Do you think some experiment went wrong?"
Lois shrugged. "With the precautions they're taking, if it was something from the labs, it must be lethal."
It had been less than forty-eight hours since Clark as Superman had paid a call on Lex. Obviously, he was long overdue.
Glancing at his watch, Clark cleared his desk and stood up. "I've got to go, Lois. I have an appointment."
"Is it for a story?"
"Definitely. According to my sources there's an entire block full of parking meters that are broken. People are getting away with parking for free. The city is losing hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars each month."
Lois turned back to her computer. "Sounds like that story's right up your alley."
"Actually, it's not in an alley at all. It's-"
"Enough! Go! You don't want to miss out on your big opportunity to win a Pulitzer."
Clark nodded and left the room, then blurred up the stairwell, changing into his uniform as he went. If Lois ever read the paper for anything other than her own byline, Clark would never be able to make up these fake stories.
A few seconds later, Clark flew into Lex's office, shattering the window in the process.
"Luthor!" Clark shouted, then stopped and stared.
There were two Lexes.
"What's going on here?"
One of the Lexes turned to look at him and let out a small scream. Clark looked behind him to try to see what was so terrible that it would make Lex yell like that. There was nothing there.
"Off!" The Lex who had screamed hurried forward. "Take that monstrosity off right now. It's hideous!"
Hands were running over Clark's uniform, searching for fastenings. Clark looked at the other Lex, who was shaking his head in bemusement.
"Lex?" Clark knew his voice was a bit shaky. Even in his fantasies, he'd never expected Lex to undress him like this.
"Meet Lexy, my counterpart from another universe," Lex said.
Clark looked at the man in front of him, who was busily peeling off Clark's top with fingers that acted like it was poisonous to the touch. "Lexy?"
"Rhymes with sexy," Lexy murmured. "Now let's get these tights off."
"You are not taking off my tights."
"How else are we supposed to burn this horrendous garment?" Lexy paused to think for a moment. "Though I don't suppose it would burn, would it? Very well, we'll have to bury it. Specifically, bury it on consecrated ground so it won't rise up and haunt us."
Again, the nimble fingers attacked his clothing. Clark captured them then swung Lexy around, trapping him with his arms.
"Oh, Clark," Lexy sighed. "You always did have such manly arms."
Clark stiffened for a second, then pushed Lexy from him and took several steps away, retreating toward the shattered window.
"Oh, dear," Lexy said. "Was your identity a secret from my counterpart? I had no idea."
"Don't worry about it." Lex waved his hand dismissively. "I already knew. We were once the very best of friends, it's not like he could fool me. Clark just didn't know that I knew."
"I suspected that you knew, but... well, you did get an awful lot of head injuries in Smallville."
"Ah, Smallville, those were the days," Lexy said wistfully.
Both Clark's and Lex's gaze swiveled to him.
Lexy gave them a secretive smile. "Don't ask, don't tell." His expression changed to a slight frown. "No, wait, that's the military, isn't it?"
Clark grabbed his top from where it had been flung to the floor, then took a step back. "Um... I'd better go."
"Must you?" Lexy advanced towards him. "I miss my own Clark so. I'm afraid the two of us were on the outs when I arrived here."
"What did you do?" Clark asked.
"I didn't do anything. It was a complete misunderstanding. Like I would even be interested in someone who insists on dressing as a bat." Lexy paused. "As for the other thing, I don't know why he won't allow me to destroy the world's supply of polyester. The world would be grateful."
Clark gave Lexy one last look before soaring out the window.
* * *
At his desk, Lex put his head in his hands and let out a groan. He'd always wanted Clark to be terrified of him, but this wasn't exactly how he'd imagined it.
* * *
Nate Hawthorne had worked several nights in a row and was exhausted. He looked at his notes, looked at the bubbling mixture in the beaker, and frowned. It wasn't supposed to be bubbling. It was supposed to have settled into a stable state, one that could be easily ingested.
He'd devoted his life to creating a formula that would enable people to regenerate limbs. He'd invested his entire savings on the venture. He'd even gone so far as to do business with that loon, Luthor. All to have the enterprise fail.
It was disappointing, to say the least.
Sighing, he began to put everything away and clean up. The project wasn't back to square one, but he felt he was much closer to the beginning than the end.
When the mixture blew up, coating him before sinking into his skin, he would have said 'Now what?' if he hadn't been screaming in pain.
* * *
Lexy tsked when he entered Lex's study. "Working again? You wouldn't be sitting here plotting diabolic plans if you had a sexy alien in your bed."
Lex looked at his watch. "It's not even five."
He refused to be caught up in the alien argument again with Lexy. The last time, he'd calmly and rationally explained how Superman with all of his powers could easily conquer the world if humans didn't plan for that possibility. He'd been expounding on how Superman could make all of them his slaves when Lexy had interrupted him with a groan of 'God, that's hot!' and run off to the guest bedroom.
"It's Saturday and you're still hard at work," Lexy chided him. "I don't know what to do with you. You're disgustingly beautiful, relatively young, and filthy rich. You should be enjoying life to the fullest."
"I am. I like plotting how to bring Superman to his knees."
Lexy let out an amused snort. When Lex glanced at him, he was smirking. "I can get my Clark on his knees whenever I want."
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
Seating himself in a chair, Lexy arched an eyebrow. "It isn't?"
"No!"
"So - even when you and Clark were in Smallville together and were - how did you put it the other day, the very best of friends? You never imagined Clark at your feet?"
Lex stared intently at his laptop. "No."
"I did. That was one of my favorite fantasies." Lexy sighed. "Clark was so lovely when he was young. So innocent." His tone changed to something to a lot more self-satisfied. "At least he was innocent until I got to him."
Lex turned away from his computer and narrowed his eyes. "Clark was a teenager when we met."
"I know. Completely untouched. It was blissful."
In a flash Lex was out of his chair with his hands around Lexy's throat. "How dare you! I should snap your neck for taking advantage of Clark."
"I did no such thing. I'll have you know that I didn't sleep with Clark until he was eighteen."
Lex reluctantly lowered his hands. He backed away, his gaze still suspicious.
"You didn't touch him until he was eighteen?"
Lexy smiled. "I didn't say that." He held up a hand when Lex started back towards him. "Easy tiger. There were no touches below the waist, despite his pleas."
"His pleas?" Lex choked out.
"I'm not sure how you handled young Clark, but I was completely honest with the boy. I told him outright that I desired him. At first he was a bit frightened by that fact, but I think he was so desperate to be wanted and loved that he continued to visit me. He'd blush so prettily when I told him all the things I would do to him once I had him in my bed. It got so that he was so primed for it that all I needed to do was nibble at his jaw and he'd convulse in pleasure."
Lex's fists were clenched so hard, they ached. "But you waited until he was eighteen?"
Lexy nodded. "It was foreplay that lasted more than three years. When I did take him to bed on his birthday, we stayed there for five days." Lexy let out a dreamy sigh. "Super-powered aliens are the best."
He looked at Lex in sympathy. "You should've told your Clark the truth about how you felt."
"Why? He's never bothered to tell the truth to me. How did you find out he was an alien, anyway?"
"He had to confess after I was showing him the proper way to hold a cue and he set my billiards table on fire." Lexy gave a hum of appreciation. "I loved the time we spent playing billiards together."
Lex seated himself in the chair behind his desk. "So did I."
"Those long afternoons spent talking and growing closer..." Lexy murmured.
"Watching Clark bend over the table," Lex added.
Realizing what he'd said, Lex coughed, then turned back to his laptop. "I'm busy. Why don't you take Mercy and Hope and go shopping or something?"
"That sounds like a wonderful plan. I do need more clothes. While I can't deny we look dramatic in black, it does get a bit monotonous. Perhaps some clubbing clothes. Not all of us intend to never have a social life." Lexy rose from his chair and strode to the door. Upon reaching it, he paused to look back at Lex. "This world of yours is quite strange and you are very different from me. For instance, there was your reaction to the thought that I'd taken advantage of Clark in his youth. In my world, one is not so protective of the childhood virtue of his nemesis."
As Lexy walked out the door, Lex silently cursed. He hated that he always seemed to get in the last word.
* * *
Lois hung up the phone and grabbed her tape recorder, stuffing it into her purse. "Got a lead on a story."
Clark, whom Lois decided had no life, because why else would he be at work on one of his few days off, glanced up from his computer. She was here on her day off because she was dedicated to her career, not because she had no life.
"What's going on?" Clark asked.
"There was an explosion at Hawthorne Labs and now Hawthorne's missing," Lois explained.
"Are you going to question Luthor about it?"
Lois paused in putting on her coat. "Why would I question Luthor?" Seeing Clark's face go blank, she grew positive he was hiding something. "What have you heard?"
"Nothing," Clark shrugged. "Just a rumor that Hawthorne might be mixed up with Luthor."
"Really? I've heard he thinks Luthor is a loon."
"He's not a---" Lois watched as Clark stopped and took a breath. "It might be worth checking out. Especially now that Hawthorne's disappeared."
"I just may do that." She looked at him impatiently. "Are you coming?"
"Actually I'm busy. I'm doing a story about this pizza chain that promises that your pizza's free if not delivered in half an hour. People have reported that sometimes it takes as long as thirty-five minutes, but the chain refuses to honor their promise."
Lois tried not to groan. "Whatever. If you get a pizza, save me a slice, would you?" Lois said as she headed for the elevator. Once alone, she dug her phone out of her purse and began calling her usual sources. By the time she reached her car in the parking lot, she knew exactly where to find Luthor.
* * *
Clark burst through the doors to the balcony. "Luthor! What have you done with Hawthorne?"
Lex, who'd just emerged from the shower and was getting himself a nightcap, looked up at Clark. He was about to say something cutting when he stopped himself. Clad only in his bathrobe, he realized that there was no way for Clark to know that he wasn't Lexy. Instead of his usual glare, he smiled brightly at Clark. "Lex isn't here, sweetheart, but I'd be glad to give him the message."
"Lexy?"
Lex raised his hands and twirled around. "The one and only." He paused. "Though I suppose that's not quite true, is it?"
"Do you know where Luthor is?"
"No clue. Probably off doing horrible, despicable, boring things." Lex advanced on Clark, moving his hips like he hadn't since he'd lived in Smallville. "But I'm right here if you want someone."
Clark's gaze latched onto his hips, before he glanced away. There were splotches of red on his cheeks. "I need to talk to Lex. I think he's done something bad."
"And you wanted to spank him? My, you two do have an interesting relationship." Lex was now less than a foot from Clark. He reached forward and with a finger began to trace the 'S' on Clark's chest. "I 'd be happy to fill in for my dear duplicate." His eyes lifted to meet Clark's. "Why don't you spank me instead?"
Lex watched Clark's Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed hard. "I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Why not? You wouldn't even have to pull down my underwear." Lex went up on his toes to whisper in Clark's ear. "I'm not wearing any."
Clark stilled for a long moment. He took and deep breath and his gaze seemed fixed on somewhere past Lex's head. Lex thought for a few seconds that he may have overplayed his hand. Then Clark relaxed and looked down at him.
"I think I'll take you up on that offer."
* * *
Clark watched as Lexy slinked towards him, bringing back memories from Smallville and making him feel like he was once again that awkward teenage boy who'd been confused by the feelings he'd had for his older and more experienced best friend.
When Lexy whispered in his ear that he wasn't wearing underwear, Clark had just about decided that flying away was practical and didn't make him a scaredy cat when he stopped himself. This... this wasn't Lexy.
He took a deep breath to be sure. It wasn't Lexy he smelled, but Lex. Many times people forgot about his powers of smell. Lex always used the same soap and cologne. Clark didn't know if it was specially made for him but every time he smelled it, he knew that Lex had been there or was somewhere nearby.
Lexy smelled different. A strange combination of seaweed and herbs that he'd probably say was essential to maintaining his skin tone.
Using his x-ray powers, Clark looked through the walls of Lex's penthouse until he could see the guest bathroom. Sure enough, there was an unfamiliar bottle of cologne sitting on the counter and, in the shower, a relatively new bar of soap. Even from this distance, he could distinguish the smells of the products as those belonging to Lexy.
That meant that the man propositioning him was Lex.
Clark was furious. He knew he'd acted childishly when he'd left Lex's office before. He shouldn't have let Lexy's personality make him fly away. Now Lex was trying to take advantage of Clark's reaction to it.
Well... he'd teach Lex a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.
Looking down at Lex, who was barely able to hide his growing expression of triumph, Clark smiled. "I think I'll take you up on that offer."
* * *
Lexy was pleased that, despite Luthor's dull wardrobe choices, the stores were more than happy to stay open late at his request. Tailored suits were being labored over that very minute, but new shirts and shoes were now in his possession.
It was only when Mercy complained that the trunk of the limousine was full did Lexy stop shopping. Tomorrow, he decided, he'd venture forth again.
Exiting the exclusive men's store, he realized it was much later than he'd thought. The streets were practically empty and his chauffer had been able to park the limousine right in front of the store. He was heading toward the door of the limo when a woman he recognized avoided both Hope and Mercy and stepped in front of him, brandishing a tape recorder.
His face lit up with a large smile upon seeing her. "Lois! What's the word, doll?"
Lois stared at him for a moment before shaking off her surprise at his greeting. "Lex Luthor, there are reports of explosions at Hawthorne Labs. What's the purpose of Hawthorne Labs and how is it connected to LexCorp?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." His gaze flicked downward, then back up. "Looove the shoes."
"Jimmy Choos," Lois said. "I found them at..." Lois' voice trailed off and her eyes narrowed. "Are you denying any involvement?"
Lexy opened up his mouth to speak but a shout interrupted him.
"Luthor!"
Lexy turned to see a man he didn't recognize and if he'd ever seen him before, he'd remember. That's because the man was a lovely shade of mauve. Lexy was able to see quite a bit of that color for the man's shirt hung from his shoulders in ragged, burnt strips. However, despite the stranger's cheerful coloring, he seemed quite enraged as he raced up the sidewalk towards them.
"I'm going to kill you!" the man shouted. "This is your fault!"
Mercy pulled out her gun and aimed at the newcomer as she yelled at Lexy. "In the car! Now!"
Hope and the chauffeur also pulled out guns. Lexy turned to look at Lois to see if she, too, had a gun. Sadly, she was only armed with a can of mace.
"Stop or I'll shoot," Hope yelled.
The man kept coming.
Not one to make idle threats, Hope shot him. The bullet hit his leg, but had no effect. With only a moment's pause, Mercy, Hope, and the chauffeur began firing round after round at the newcomer.
The bullets were striking the man, but weren't making any impact. They didn't ricochet, instead seeming to sink into his flesh, the wounds knitting together almost immediately.
Realizing that shooting him wasn't working, Hope, Mercy, and the chauffeur physically attacked him. The chauffeur was flung through the shop window and didn't re-emerge. Hope hit the man in the face several times, making Lexy wince in sympathy, before she, too, was tossed out of the way. Mercy grabbed an arm and yanked, disconnecting the shoulder. Before she could do anything else, though, a third arm emerged out of the man's torso and grabbed her, tossing her next to Mercy.
Lexy gaped. You didn't see a mauve man grow a third arm every day.
The man was reaching for Lexy with that third arm when Lois stepped forward and sprayed mace in the attacker's eyes.
As the man howled in pain, Lexy turned toward Lois and fluttered his eyelashes. "My hero."
"Damn it, Luthor!" the man snarled. "You've got to help me."
Lexy stared at the man for a moment before he realized that he knew who he was. Sort of. At least there was a man who looked like him in his own universe, except for the whole mauve thing.
"Excuse me, are you related to Nate Hawthorne?" Lexy asked.
"I'm Hawthorne," was the reply.
"Really? The Hawthorne I know, although quite attractive if you go for brainy and well-muscled, does lack your lovely coloring."
For some reason, Lexy thought he heard Hawthorne mutter the word 'loon'.
* * *
Lex felt his mouth drop open. The first thought in his head was 'That cheating bastard!' but that didn't make any sense because Clark wasn't his and it shouldn't bother him at all that Clark was willing to play games with Lexy but not him and... and he wasn't bothered by it. Not a bit.
"Fine," Lex snarled. He pointed at the couch. "Sit."
Clark stared at him and it occurred to Lex that he hadn't sounded too much like Lexy, so he smiled brightly. "I want to make myself right at home on your lap."
Obediently, Clark sat and Lex lay across his thighs. He flipped up the back of his bathrobe and waited for the first blow to land.
And waited. And waited.
"Well?" Lex said.
"Sorry," Clark answered, his voice abnormally high. "I got caught up in admiring the view."
It was then Lex felt a hand on his thigh, slowly moving up. The hand continued it's journey upward, smoothing over his skin until it came to rest on his ass. It stayed there for a few seconds before slowly moving back and forth over the roundness of his ass.
"Clark?"
"Yes?" The hand was now gently squeezing and it was driving him completely crazy.
"You're supposed to be spanking me. I'm a bad, bad man."
"Oh! Right."
There was a moment's hesitation before Lex felt a slight swat on his backside. A very slight swat.
"I know that you can do better than that," Lex said.
A second swat came, not much harder than the first.
"Or that."
"I don't want to hurt you," Clark confessed. "Also, it feels wrong to spank you."
"Dirty wrong?"
"No, wrong wrong." The hand smoothed over his ass again. "It would be like defacing a great work of art."
Lex couldn't really argue with that. After all, he did have a truly fantastic ass. But he couldn't take much more of Clark's fondling of it. Now if he were really Lexy, he'd probably make some outrageous proposition. Something like...
"If you're not going to spank my ass, then why don't we go into the bedroom where you can appreciate it properly?"
There was a long moment when Lex didn't dare breathe. In less than a blink, he found himself in the middle of his bed, naked. Turning his head, he could see his bathrobe still fluttering to the floor. Clark was lying next to him, also naked.
"Tell me," Clark said, as he stared at Lex intently, "exactly what do you think I should do to show proper appreciation of your ass?"
It turned out that Lex had several suggestions.
* * *
There was a loud crack above Metropolis. It sounded like thunder, though the sky was cloudless. If anyone had bothered to look up, they would have seen a figure dressed in black appear. The figure hovered in the sky for a moment before flying in the direction of the Watchtower.
* * *
At the Watchtower, Flash was busy timing how long it would take until he annoyed Batman to the point that he lost his temper and attempted to throttle him. So far, his record was three minutes and twenty-two seconds.
Batman was monitoring the Watchtower computers and trying very hard not to throttle Flash, when he noted that Superman was approaching.
There was a whirl of black and Flash let out a squeak as a hand closed around his throat. It was only upon realizing that the hand wasn't Batman's that Flash knew he was in trouble.
"Where's Lexy Luthor?" a very angry Superman bit out.
"That's a new look for you," Flash said, eyeing the shiny black outfit Superman was wearing. "And that hood attached to your cape is different, but I like it."
"Where is he?" Superman shook Flash for emphasis.
Batman's hand was moving toward his utility belt when Superman added quietly, "Stop right there or I'll snap his neck."
Batman paused. "You wouldn't."
"Try me."
When Superman smiled, Flash knew that they must be dealing with a Superman much different than the normal. It wasn't a red kryptonite-infected Superman, either. Red K usually just made Superman want to smash things and get laid.
Slowly moving his hands away from his belt, Batman said quietly, "Who are you?"
"The name's Supes and I'm not from around here, if you haven't already figured that out yet. I'm looking for Lexy Luthor."
"Luthor is currently in Japan. If you don't have it, I can give you the coordinates of his residence there."
"That was two weeks ago," Flash piped up. "Luthor's at his penthouse above LexCorp."
Flash didn't like the way Batman stiffened. He wasn't an idiot, which was why he knew better than to lie to a super-powered alien
Supes seemed to commiserate with Batman. "He's a bit stupid where I come from, too." Supes squeezed Flash's throat for a couple of seconds before easing up, leaving Flash gasping. "It doesn't help, anyway. I'm looking for Lexy Luthor, who was stolen from my universe a few days ago, not your version."
Batman started. "What? There are currently two Lex Luthors on Earth?"
"And everyone's still alive?" Flash added.
"Lexy would never hurt a thing." Supes paused. "Except maybe polyester." He looked down at Flash. "Me, I'm a completely different story. I'm willing to do anything to find him."
"Can I suggest then that you fly away and look for him then since we haven't seen him? Letting go of me first, of course."
"That would be a wise move on your part," Batman added.
Supes studied Batman for a moment. "You have an idea where he might be, don't you?" Supes said shrewdly. He tossed Flash to the side, sending him skidding along the floor, and moved towards Batman.
Supes was within arm's length of Batman when Batman flicked his wrist, opening a hidden cache under his glove that contained green kryptonite.
His skin turning green, Supes backed away, scowling at Batman. A moment later, he was gone.
"You had a second piece of kryptonite?" Flash asked.
"I have several in my possession at the moment, in addition to several stashes located around the world."
"You really are paranoid, aren't you?"
"I like to think of it as being prepared for the world ending at all times," was the reply.
"Do you have anything in case I go crazy and try to take over the world?"
"Yes. My fist."
Flash gulped. Yeah, his fist would probably work.
Batman hurried past him towards the doors of the Watchtower.
"Hey, where are you going?" Flash called after him.
"In case it escaped your notice, there's a super-powered alien running amok. I have to stop him."
"What about Superman?"
Batman stopped and looked at Flash, who'd run and was now in front of him. "If we're fighting a version of him, we're going to have to use green kryptonite. Superman would be useless in this situation."
"Okay, I get it. But shouldn't you have some backup?"
Batman considered the idea before nodding. "I'll see if Wonder Woman's available."
"Hey! I'm standing right here." When Batman just looked at him uncomprehendingly, Flash added, "I can be your backup."
Another moment passed before Batman finally spoke. "Fine. But don't get in my way."
Flash grinned. When Batman again headed for the doors, Flash followed along behind him. "Hey," Flash exclaimed. "I'm like Robin. Only I'm red. So I'm a Red Robin."
They left with Flash singing "When a red, red robin comes bob bob bobbin' along." He wondered how many times he'd be able to sing the chorus before Batman tried to throttle him.
* * *
Lexy had listened to Hawthorne explain about his experiment. There were a few spots where the formula Hawthorne had been working on might have gone awry but the use of the kryptonite had been the ultimate cause of the disaster.
"You have to reverse it," Hawthorne pleaded.
Lexy shook his head. "Not possible, sweetheart. I'm afraid you'll have to stay like that."
"What am I going to do?" Hawthorne wailed. "My life is over!"
"Nonsense. I don't see why you can't continue with your experiments. In fact, the extra arms and hands might be useful."
Hawthorne looked glum. "I'm a freak."
"Then you should do what all the other freaks do and join the Justice League." Lexy smiled. "You could be the Mauve Marvel."
"I'd rather be the Scarlet Avenger. Then I could wear a big A on my chest."
"Sorry, darling, that name's already taken. And you're mauve, not scarlet."
Lois, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet but recording everything on her tape recorder, spoke up. "What about the Mauve Marauder?"
"Horrendous! He's going to be a hero and that's clearly the name of a villain." Lexy paused and turned to Hawthorne. "You are going to be a hero, aren't you?"
Hawthorne shrugged. "I guess."
"Good."
"Oh, I've got it!" Lois said excitedly. "How about-"
"Lois, stop," Lexy ordered, holding up a hand. "You're terrible at naming superheroes and if you come up with something like Supermauve, then I'm afraid I'll have to shoot you."
"But-"
"No."
"I-"
"No."
Lois glared at Lexy. "You can't stop me."
"I'll shoot you and if I shoot you, you'll bleed all over those lovely shoes."
Looking down at her shoes, Lois blanched and kept quiet.
With an air of triumph, Lexy turned to Hawthorne. "Now tell me something - I saw how Mercy and Hope's bullets tore into you, but you repaired the damage almost instantaneously so you're practically invulnerable. What else can you do?"
"I wrecked my lab. I didn't really mean to, so I guess I'm pretty strong."
"Super-strength - that's a good power."
"Also, you may have noticed, I can spout extra appendages." As an example, Hawthorne raised his arms and an extra arm on each side pushed out of the sides of his body. A few seconds later, they were reabsorbed.
"I can see how that might be useful. Can you fly?"
Hawthorne gave a little jump and thudded back to the ground. "No."
"What a shame."
Lexy eyed Hawthorne speculatively and then his eyes lit up with interest. "Say... are arms and legs the only appendages you can spout extras of?
Spying Lexy's playful leer, Hawthorne took several hurried steps back. Lexy only laughed in response.
"Now about your secret identity..." Lexy began.
"Secret identity? I'm mauve. How am I supposed to have a secret identity?"
"Bad allergic reactions!" Lois said excitedly.
Lexy and Hawthorne turned to stare at her.
"It could work," she insisted. "He stays fully dressed including gloves and his face is constantly covered by cream." She began waving her hands around. "Or-or-or we could say that you were horribly burned by the explosion in your lab and now have to stay bandaged up."
Hawthorne rolled his eyes. "That's-"
"Brilliant!" Lexy shouted. He gave Lois a huge kiss on the cheek. "I knew you'd come through for us."
"Loon," Hawthorne muttered.
* * *
Supes was flying towards the penthouse above LexCorp when he heard a low shuddering groan that he instantly recognized as Lexy's. Without a moment's hesitation, he sped up and crashed through the wall of the building.
"I'll kill you for touching him!" Supes yelled as he grabbed the guy attacking his Lexy and slammed him up against the wall.
He was turning to check to see if Lexy was okay when he was punched so hard that he went flying back out of the hole in the wall he'd created moments earlier.
Steeling himself, he soared back inside the bedroom and this time stopped when he saw that the person he'd been attacking was a version of himself.
"Leave my Lexy alone!" Supes yelled.
"He's not your Lexy!" Clark yelled back. "He's my Lex."
"That's right!" Lex added, from where he sat on the bed.
Supes watched as Clark and Lex looked at each other.
"You knew I wasn't Lexy?" Lex asked.
Clark nodded and climbed back on the bed next to him. "Are you okay? You weren't hurt when he yanked me away, were you?"
"It killed the after-glow, but I'm fine. Tell me again about how you knew who I was but still slept with me."
Blushing, Clark lowered his gaze to the sheets. "At first I was mad for you pretending to be Lexy, but then..."
"But then?"
"You really do have a gorgeous ass."
"If that's the only reason you slept with me, then-"
To stop Lex from saying anything else, Clark leaned over and kissed him. When he pulled back, Clark said quietly, "Your gorgeous ass wasn't the only reason. I've wanted you for a while."
"How long?"
"Since I pulled you from the river."
In response, Lex began to kiss Clark thoroughly.
"Fucking hell," Supes said. "Get a room."
Lex broke the kiss to scowl at him. "We had one until someone invaded it, smashing the wall in the process."
Before Supes could reply there was a noise from the hall and the door flew open. Lexy stood there, staring at the bed.
* * *
Clark watched as Lexy opened the door and stepped into the room, staring at them.
"Oh my God!" Lexy screeched. "Are you two doing dirty, nasty things to each other?"
"No," Lex said, sulkily. "We were interrupted."
"Darn." Lexy glanced over and saw Supes standing amid the rubble. His smile lit up the room. "Baby!"
"Baby?" Clark said to Lex.
"Daddy!" Supes yelled, sweeping Lexy off his feet and giving him a deep, passionate kiss.
"Daddy?" Lex's smile was triumphant and Clark scowled.
They were both ignored by Lexy and Supes who were joyously celebrating their reunion.
"Where were you?" Supes asked.
"Out saving the world, naturally." Lexy jerked his head toward Clark and Lex. "Especially since those two were too busy with each other to do anything."
"Don't ever do that to me again," Supes pleaded. "When you disappeared, I went crazy. I think Batman sent me into this universe more to get rid of me than to help."
"Supes," Lexy said, mock sternly. "Have you been a bad boy?"
Supes looked down and nodded.
"Bad enough that I'll have to break out the kryptonite paddle when we get home?"
This time, the nod was enthusiastic and accompanied by a small grin.
Lex sat up straight in bed as he studied the pair intently. "My God, Clark. Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to be spanked?"
"I don't! Really! It's just that sometimes I-I-I..."
Lexy, Supes, and Lex all turned to stare at Clark.
Clark covered his face with his hands. "Oh, shut up," he mumbled.
"He's kind of shy, isn't he?" Supes said.
Lexy smiled. "He didn't have my liberating influence. These two were enemies."
"Enemies?" Supes appeared skeptical. "What were they trying to do when I arrived, then? Fuck each other to death?"
Wrapping his arm around Supes' waist, Lexy shrugged. "It's a strange, strange world they live in."
"And," Lex said, standing and grabbing the bathrobe that Clark had pulled off of him earlier, "we need to see if my scientists have figured out a way to get you out of here and back to where you belong."
Lexy smiled. "So does that mean no foursome, because oooh, the possibilities."
Next to him, Supes snarled, "I don't share."
"No foursome, then" Lexy said sadly, but when Supes wasn't looking, he mouthed to Lex 'maybe next time?'
Manfully, Lex ignored his duplicate's overtures. "We'll leave as soon as we shower and dress." He turned toward the bed. "Clark, are you coming?"
Behind him, Supes sniffed the air. "Smells like he already did. Several times."
Lexy playfully slapped Supes on the belly. "Stop being so juvenile." In a lower voice he added, "How many times?"
Still sitting in bed, Clark wondered what he'd ever done to deserve this.
* * *
"I think we should land the Batcopter," Flash said. Flash had flown in the Batcopter before, but never in the front seat next to Batman. The view from the front seat was great. For now on, he was calling dibs on it.
They'd already stopped once, at a warehouse in Gotham, where Batman had picked up additional green kryptonite. But Flash really thought that what he's seen called for them making a second stop.
Batman shook his head at the suggestion. "We're still ten blocks from LexCorp."
"Yeah, but we just passed some guy who was a weird shade of red and had a bunch of arms. We might want to look into that."
Gritting his teeth, but not saying a word, Batman turned the Batcopter around and headed back the way they'd come. Within minutes, they'd landed and were bracing themselves for attack as the multi-armed man came running toward them.
The man was still several yards away when he stopped. "What luck! I wasn't sure how I was going to get in touch with you guys when I saw you flying past."
Flash grinned. "We always brake for red mutants."
"My name's Nate Hawthorne and I'm not a mutant."
"He's also not red," Batman said. "He's mauve."
Hawthorne and Flash turned to look at Batman.
Batman folded his arms across his chest. "I think we should be clear on the subject."
"Anyway, I'm not a mutant. There was an accident in my lab-"
Flash grinned. "Oh, the old accident in the lab thing." At Hawthorne's look, he added, "It happens a lot more than you'd think."
"As I was saying," Hawthorne continued, "there was an accident and now I'm almost invulnerable and I can generate extra limbs, but since I'm not crazy or bent on revenge, I've been told I should join your forces."
"We don't let just anyone join us," Batman told him.
Flash shrugged. "Actually, we sort of do."
Batman turned towards Flash. "We don't."
"We do. Have you seen some of the people fighting on our side? Do you even know who the Phantom Stranger is?"
"He's a stranger. Who's a phantom," Batman answered. "Besides, there's an application process. And testing. Psychological testing."
"Says the man dressed as a bat," Flash muttered.
"You know..." Hawthorne said, taking a few steps back, "maybe I ought to think about this for a while."
As Hawthorne walked away, Flash could've sworn he heard the man say something about loons.
* * *
"You want to send back two of them?" the scientist said to Lex, his voice cracking a little.
Lex arched an eyebrow. "Is that going to be a problem?"
"A problem? A Problem?" This machine was created specifically to transport one Lex Luthor from Universe A to Universe B. It was not designed to do the reverse, nor was it designed to transport two people in reverse."
"If it's two people you have a problem with," Lexy said, "then Supes and I could do our best to be one." He leered at Supes, who leered back.
The scientist stared at them for a moment before turning back to his machine. "I don't get paid enough for this," he mumbled.
"Excuse me?" Lex said.
Before Lex could flay the man with his tongue, Clark spoke up. "I could ask the A.I. to help."
"That's not a bad idea," Supes agreed. "I'm surprised you thought of it."
Clark frowned, thinking he may have just been insulted by himself.
Lex frowned, knowing that Clark had just been insulted by himself.
"Oh for..." Lexy let out a huff of disgust and strode to the transporter device. He pointed to the cover of the instrument panel and turned to Supes. "Open it for me."
"Wait!" shouted the scientist to no avail for Clark had stepped forward and opened it for Lexy.
"Thanks, sweet thing," Lexy purred to Clark.
Both Lex and Supes let out small sounds that could've been mistaken for growls while Clark flushed.
Lexy studied the insides of the machine for a moment, then began re-wiring it. Within five minutes, he pulled back. "Done."
The scientist looked at him, completely dumbfounded. "Done?"
"It should work now. There should be no problem sending back two people," Lexy explained. As they stared at him, he added, "I am a brilliant scientist. Did you think I was just a pretty face?"
"No," said Lex.
"Of course not," said Supes.
"You are very pretty," said Clark.
Lexy beamed at him. "Mmmm... I do like you. Maybe I should work on the machine again so that it can transport three of us."
Lex stepped forward. "Touch it again and I'll kill you."
Raising his hands in a show of innocence, Lexy grinned. "Only kidding. But it is time for kisses good-bye."
"What?" Everyone said.
Lexy ignored them all and stepped up to Mercy and gave her a quick peck on the lips. She blinked before turning a bright red. Next, Lexy grabbed the scientist by the shoulders and kissed him hard.
"The salary's not great, but there are other compensations," the man murmured after Lexy drew back.
When Lexy leaned close to Lex, Lex put a hand to his chest to stop him.
"No tongues," Lex warned.
"Spoilsport."
Their mouths met in a chaste kiss.
Afterwards, Lexy moved to Clark and kissed him. And kissed him. And kissed him. And then groped Clark's ass as he kissed him.
"Mercy," Lex said. "Shoot him."
"No!" Supes shouted.
Lexy broke off the kiss and turned away, leaving Clark panting. At Lex's look, Clark blushed and shrugged. "Well... I am never going to see him again."
"Your turn," Lexy said to Supes, pushing him forward.
Supes looked unhappy. "Do I have-"
"Kiss them good-bye like a good boy."
Still reluctant, Supes gave Mercy, the now very happy scientist, and Lex all perfunctory kisses. Stepping closer to Clark, he turned to throw a challenging glance at Lexy, before pulling Clark close.
The air grew uncomfortably warm while the identical Superheroes kissed. The scientist started looking at his watch. Mercy checked in with Hope. Lex and Lexy, however, were transfixed by the display.
"I wonder if I could clone him." Lexy said as he stared in fascination.
"That's not a bad idea," Lex replied, equally mesmerized.
Once more, Clark was left panting at the end of the kiss. Supes smirked triumphantly at Lexy. "Try as you might, Luthor," Supes said, "you'll never beat me."
"Alien freak," Lexy said affectionately. He waved at the others and then stepped inside the transporter.
Supes gave Lex a look that was so hostile that Clark moved next to him protectively. "If you ever think of taking Lexy away from me again..."
"He won't," Clark assured him.
With a final threatening glare at Lex, Supes joined Lexy in the transporter chamber and wrapped his arms around him.
Moments later, lights flashed and smoke filled the chamber, then the two were gone.
"I think I'm going to miss them," Clark said quietly.
"Me, too," sighed the scientist.
* * *
Flash watched as Batman studied the balcony doors.
"Superman gained access to the Luthor penthouse through the balcony," Batman said.
Carefully, he pushed past the doors. Upon entering, he knelt and looked at the marks on the rug and the surrounding room. He pointed at a depression mark on a rug. "That's where Superman stood when he confronted Luthor. Note the decanter and the glass. He interrupted Luthor fixing himself a drink."
Flash looked at the glass and decanter. "Then what happened?"
Batman moved closer to the couch. "Superman sat here and Luthor..."
There was a weird choking noise. Flash tilted his head and looked at Batman in confusion. "Then what?"
"Never mind." Batman rose to his feet and stomped out of the room and down the hall.
"What happened?" Flash asked, following closely behind.
Instead of answering, Batman slammed open a door.
Looking inside, Flash saw a bed with rumpled sheets, an almost empty tube of lube, and a huge hole in the wall. He swallowed hard.
"I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks," Flash told Batman.
"It's worse."
"Worse? Worse than Superman and Luthor doing dirty things to each other in that bed?"
Batman nodded. "There was either a struggle or they like it rough. Also, as far as I can tell, while Superman and Luthor were busy in the bed, other versions of Superman and Luthor watched them."
"Oh," Flash said. "Hey, do you think they took pictures?" When Batman glared at him, he quickly added, "Because that would be really, really bad if they did."
"We have to find and stop them." Batman said.
"Stop them from doing what exactly? Being voyeurs or being horny?"
"Both! Neither!"
"Maybe we should settle for finding them," Flash said. "Say, you don't happen to have a Batcamera handy, do you?"
* * *
Lex headed back to the penthouse, fully aware that Clark was trailing behind him. They'd reached the front door when he couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Why are you still here?"
Clark moved way too close, invading his personal space, and then moved even closer. His voice was husky when he spoke. "In case you don't remember, we were interrupted."
"I believe I was finished."
Clark's hand moved downward and cupped Lex's hardening cock. "You don't feel finished to me."
"I know what you're up to," Lex told him.
"Really?" Clark murmured, his mouth caressing Lex's ear. "Tell me."
"You plan to fuck me until I no longer have the energy to fight you. With your last real opponent eliminated, you'll take over Earth, becoming our alien ruler, and make us all slaves to your bidding."
Clark drew back to look at Lex while his hand continued to stroke Lex through his trousers. "Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad plan."
Lex thought about what he'd said. "No, it doesn't."
"I guess I should start fucking you until you can't oppose me, then." Clark leaned down and began to trail his mouth across Lex's jaw.
"The sooner you do, the sooner you'll rule the world," Lex murmured. "But maybe we should wait until we're inside."
Gathering Lex against him with one arm, Clark was reaching out to open the door, when it opened from inside and Batman and Flash exited.
"What are you doing here?" Everyone yelled, then looked vaguely uncomfortable.
Finally, Batman broke the awkward silence. "Superman, I'm here to save you. There's a version of you in Metropolis. He-"
"Already taken care of," Lex said smugly.
Batman gave him an angry look, but continued addressing Clark. "He said that there was another version of Luthor here. He was-"
"Also taken care of," Lex said, even smugger.
Flash sighed. "I knew we shouldn't have stopped to get some more of that green kryptonite you've got hidden in case Superman goes crazy."
"What?" Clark screeched. "You've got kryptonite hidden in case I go crazy?"
"How do I know you're not already crazy? You are sleeping with Luthor." Batman said.
"Hey!" Lex felt insulted.
"You want to talk to me about going crazy? You went out with Flash as your backup." Clark said.
"Hey!" Flash also felt insulted.
Lex pushed past all of them and entered his penthouse. "I have better things to do than argue on my doorstep." He looked at Clark. "As do you."
Clark grinned, and moved past Batman and Flash. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"You'll see them next week," Lex corrected.
Clark's grin widened. He quickly shut the door behind them and followed Lex toward a different bedroom than the one they'd used previously.
* * *
Batman stared at the door in shock. He couldn't believe that Superman and Lex were together and about to have sex while he was stuck out in the hall with Flash.
Finally, he and Flash headed for the roof, where they'd left the Batcopter.
It wasn't fair, Batman thought. Lex Luthor was evil and he was sleeping with Superman while he was a law abiding citizen and was stuck with Flash.
Flash began singing softly 'when the red, red robin comes bob bob bobbing along."
Batman felt a deep and urgent need to blow something up.
* * *
Prowling into Lex Luthor's secret lab later that night, Batman scowled at the transporter. When you got down to the basic bare bones of the case, it was what had caused Superman and Lex Luthor to get together. It had to be destroyed and soon. If another Lex Luthor came through that machine, who knows what sort of mayhem he might wreak.
He was setting the explosives charge when he stopped, a thought occurring to him. It didn't have to be a version of Lex that arrived. It could be anyone, even someone whose goal was to stop criminals.
Having a second Batman around might be really helpful.
* * *
In a bedroom of the penthouse, Lex was holding Clark when they were each struck by a set of shivers down their spines.
* * *
Back home, Nate Hawthorne sat in his favorite armchair, which now didn't have nearly enough arms, and wondered if he'd ever get a chance to prove himself as a superhero.
The End.