Smallville - Stuck Between Heaven and Hell (WIP) Part 3
Still unbeta'd, still a WIP, still with no redeeming values!
Stuck Between Heaven and Hell - Part 3
To Lex's great disappointment, Batman did not take him to the Batcave. To Lex's greater disappointment, Batman wouldn't let him drive the Batmobile, despite Lex's attempts to change his mind. Lex hated it when he came across someone he couldn't bribe or threaten. Fortunately, it was a rare occurrence.
Instead of the Batcave, Batman drove to the Metropolis docks where a sleek, black boat was tied up. Robin was standing on the deck.
"Sweet," Lex said, giving a little whistle as he boarded. "You wouldn't mind if I took him for a spin, would you?"
"Boats are referred to as her," Batman stated.
"I didn't mean the boat," Lex murmured, eyeing Robin.
Clark shook his head in disgust. "You perv."
"What can I say? I have a thing for hot, young guys who save people."
For a moment, Clark stopped and stared at Lex, looking unsure as to whether he'd heard Lex correctly. In the meantime, Batman had grabbed Lex by the collar of his shirt and hauled him close.
"You lay a finger on Robin and I'll break your neck," Batman promised.
Lex gave Batman a malicious smile and broke free from his grip. "I bet you always got the comment 'doesn't share well with others' on your report cards."
With Robin in front of him, Batman behind him, and Clark even further behind, Lex was herded below deck to a cluster of chairs and couches.
"This is nice," Lex commented as he sat down on one of the couches.
Clark sat next to him, not even making the slightest dent in the cushion. "We had the Justice League Christmas party here one year."
Lex arched his eyebrows. "Really?"
"It was great," Clark continued. "Green Arrow makes a mean eggnog. Flash got so drunk that he ended up in a bunk with..." Clark paused, frowning. "I probably shouldn't be telling you League secrets."
"Like I even care who Flash sleeps with," Lex drawled as his mind raced with possibilities. Wonder Woman was out of Flash's league, so to speak, but it could've been Hawkgirl. Or maybe Aquaman, though the thought of the way the colors of their costumes would clash made Lex shudder inwardly.
While he was considering the matter, the silence became so profound that it broke him out of his reverie. He looked over to see Batman angrily staring at him.
"What did you do, Luthor?" Batman snarled.
Lex frowned at the rage evident in Batman's tone. "Nothing. Well, no more than the usual." He gave Clark a 'what the heck is going on' look. Clark only shrugged in response.
"I don't believe you. It must have been something pretty bad for you to attempt to establish a basis for an insanity defense."
"An insanity what?" Lex stammered. "I'm not insane!" He turned on Clark. "This is all your fault."
"Oh, so it's my fault that I died?" Clark snapped back.
"You should've been more careful. Even an idiot would've backed off and regrouped."
"And during that time, hundreds, possibly thousands would've been killed."
"A necessary evil."
Clark shook his head. "I don't believe in necessary evils. They're usually just excuses for not doing the right thing."
"You are just as self-righteous now as you--"
Robin's voice interrupted him. "I don't think he's pretending. I think Luthor's lost it for real."
Lex immediately stopped speaking. Unfortunately, he couldn't decide who to glare at - Clark or Robin so he chose to shift back and forth between the two. "I am not insane," he said, sounding and appearing completely insane.
"You'd better tell them the truth," Clark suggested.
"I doubt I'd get more than three words out before they'd toss me into an asylum."
"Batman's a good guy." Clark gave Lex a grin. "He might even let you get a whole sentence out."
Lex swallowed hard. "I'm n-not going back into an asylum, Clark."
The grin dropped from Clark's face. He leaned closer to Lex and placed his hand on Lex's knee. "You won't. I promise I won't let anyone do that to you ever again."
Through the cloth of his trousers, Lex could feel a chilly sensation. It should have sent a shiver up his spine as it seeped into him, but instead it felt as refreshing as a glass of iced lemonade on a hot day.
Lex straightened his spine and drew in a breath before facing Batman. "Superman is haunting me," he stated clearly.
Batman stared at him. Finally, he spoke. "I'm not surprised. The relationship between the two of you was never what it should've been. The main purpose of all your interactions was to get the other's attention. Any criminal intentions or heroics were secondary."
"What?" Lex and Clark both screeched.
"We had a pool going at the Watchtower on when you two would get together," Robin piped up. "I guess no one wins now."
"If you still want to know all the Justice Leagues secrets," Clark hissed, "just ask."
Lex ignored him. "You don't understand. Superman is really haunting me. He's a ghost."
Batman studied him closely. "Exactly what type of drugs did you take years ago, Luthor?"
"Tell Batman that if he doesn't start believing you, I'm going to tell you what happened when he and I were caught in Mr. Freeze's Fro-Zone."
Lex said what Clark told him to and was startled to see Batman stiffen.
"How did you know about that?"
"Superman's telling me right now," Lex answered.
"The Fro-Zone was getting colder and colder. He'd put kryptonite in the walls so I couldn't get out, but I was okay as long as I stayed near the middle of the room. Batman, however, was suffering."
Lex repeated Clark's words. Robin listened avidly while Batman became as still as a statue.
"Then Batman got the idea that we should share body heat."
Lex arched his eyebrows. "He didn't really say that, did he?"
Clark nodded.
"What did he say?" Robin asked eagerly.
Lex smirked at Batman. "I can't believe you suggested that. It's the oldest trick in the book!"
Clark continued his story. "Since the best way to share body heat is skin to skin, we took off our uniforms..."
"You did what?" Lex shouted.
"What?" Robin questioned. "What did he do?"
"That's enough!" Batman roared. He rose to his feet and glared at both Lex and Robin. "Until other evidence comes to light, I'll accept Luthor's explanation that Superman is haunting him."
Robin's eyes widened. "Superman really is haunting him? Holy Ghost!"
Lex and Batman exchanged glances.
"If you don't thunk him for that," Lex said, "I will."
* * *
After a long and pointless discussion concerning the afterlife and the possibility of contacting a Nepalese shaman to see what he could do, Lex rose to leave. Batman blocked his way.
"We've established that I wasn't doing anything wrong and I'm not insane, so would you mind flapping your wings over someone else."
"I was hoping ...." Batman started. He took a deep breath. "I want to talk to Superman."
Lex rolled his eyes. "Go ahead. He can hear you."
"Where is he?"
"Standing next to me, on my right."
Batman looked at the empty space beside Lex.
"Hey!" said Clark, who was actually on Lex's left.
"He's reaching out to you," Lex lied. "He's touching your shoulder."
Batman glanced at his right shoulder.
"The other one," Lex said, then watched as Batman's head swiveled to look at his left shoulder."
"This is so not funny," Clark fumed, his arms folded across his chest.
"Now he's cupping your cheek. Say - what exactly happened in Mr. Freeze's Fro-Zone, anyway?"
Batman ignored his question. "Luthor, in the movie Ghost,"Whoopi Goldberg allowed Patrick Swayze to possess her. Do you think that-"
"No!" Lex shrieked, then lowered his tone to a more manly one. "Superman and I can't do that."
Clark frowned at him. "We've never tried."
Lex smiled apologetically to Batman. "Remember, that was just a movie."
When Batman spun to lead them off the boat, Lex breathed a sigh of relief. He was already being haunted by one member of the Justice League. He'd be damned if he was going to start necking with another.
Stuck Between Heaven and Hell - Part 3
To Lex's great disappointment, Batman did not take him to the Batcave. To Lex's greater disappointment, Batman wouldn't let him drive the Batmobile, despite Lex's attempts to change his mind. Lex hated it when he came across someone he couldn't bribe or threaten. Fortunately, it was a rare occurrence.
Instead of the Batcave, Batman drove to the Metropolis docks where a sleek, black boat was tied up. Robin was standing on the deck.
"Sweet," Lex said, giving a little whistle as he boarded. "You wouldn't mind if I took him for a spin, would you?"
"Boats are referred to as her," Batman stated.
"I didn't mean the boat," Lex murmured, eyeing Robin.
Clark shook his head in disgust. "You perv."
"What can I say? I have a thing for hot, young guys who save people."
For a moment, Clark stopped and stared at Lex, looking unsure as to whether he'd heard Lex correctly. In the meantime, Batman had grabbed Lex by the collar of his shirt and hauled him close.
"You lay a finger on Robin and I'll break your neck," Batman promised.
Lex gave Batman a malicious smile and broke free from his grip. "I bet you always got the comment 'doesn't share well with others' on your report cards."
With Robin in front of him, Batman behind him, and Clark even further behind, Lex was herded below deck to a cluster of chairs and couches.
"This is nice," Lex commented as he sat down on one of the couches.
Clark sat next to him, not even making the slightest dent in the cushion. "We had the Justice League Christmas party here one year."
Lex arched his eyebrows. "Really?"
"It was great," Clark continued. "Green Arrow makes a mean eggnog. Flash got so drunk that he ended up in a bunk with..." Clark paused, frowning. "I probably shouldn't be telling you League secrets."
"Like I even care who Flash sleeps with," Lex drawled as his mind raced with possibilities. Wonder Woman was out of Flash's league, so to speak, but it could've been Hawkgirl. Or maybe Aquaman, though the thought of the way the colors of their costumes would clash made Lex shudder inwardly.
While he was considering the matter, the silence became so profound that it broke him out of his reverie. He looked over to see Batman angrily staring at him.
"What did you do, Luthor?" Batman snarled.
Lex frowned at the rage evident in Batman's tone. "Nothing. Well, no more than the usual." He gave Clark a 'what the heck is going on' look. Clark only shrugged in response.
"I don't believe you. It must have been something pretty bad for you to attempt to establish a basis for an insanity defense."
"An insanity what?" Lex stammered. "I'm not insane!" He turned on Clark. "This is all your fault."
"Oh, so it's my fault that I died?" Clark snapped back.
"You should've been more careful. Even an idiot would've backed off and regrouped."
"And during that time, hundreds, possibly thousands would've been killed."
"A necessary evil."
Clark shook his head. "I don't believe in necessary evils. They're usually just excuses for not doing the right thing."
"You are just as self-righteous now as you--"
Robin's voice interrupted him. "I don't think he's pretending. I think Luthor's lost it for real."
Lex immediately stopped speaking. Unfortunately, he couldn't decide who to glare at - Clark or Robin so he chose to shift back and forth between the two. "I am not insane," he said, sounding and appearing completely insane.
"You'd better tell them the truth," Clark suggested.
"I doubt I'd get more than three words out before they'd toss me into an asylum."
"Batman's a good guy." Clark gave Lex a grin. "He might even let you get a whole sentence out."
Lex swallowed hard. "I'm n-not going back into an asylum, Clark."
The grin dropped from Clark's face. He leaned closer to Lex and placed his hand on Lex's knee. "You won't. I promise I won't let anyone do that to you ever again."
Through the cloth of his trousers, Lex could feel a chilly sensation. It should have sent a shiver up his spine as it seeped into him, but instead it felt as refreshing as a glass of iced lemonade on a hot day.
Lex straightened his spine and drew in a breath before facing Batman. "Superman is haunting me," he stated clearly.
Batman stared at him. Finally, he spoke. "I'm not surprised. The relationship between the two of you was never what it should've been. The main purpose of all your interactions was to get the other's attention. Any criminal intentions or heroics were secondary."
"What?" Lex and Clark both screeched.
"We had a pool going at the Watchtower on when you two would get together," Robin piped up. "I guess no one wins now."
"If you still want to know all the Justice Leagues secrets," Clark hissed, "just ask."
Lex ignored him. "You don't understand. Superman is really haunting me. He's a ghost."
Batman studied him closely. "Exactly what type of drugs did you take years ago, Luthor?"
"Tell Batman that if he doesn't start believing you, I'm going to tell you what happened when he and I were caught in Mr. Freeze's Fro-Zone."
Lex said what Clark told him to and was startled to see Batman stiffen.
"How did you know about that?"
"Superman's telling me right now," Lex answered.
"The Fro-Zone was getting colder and colder. He'd put kryptonite in the walls so I couldn't get out, but I was okay as long as I stayed near the middle of the room. Batman, however, was suffering."
Lex repeated Clark's words. Robin listened avidly while Batman became as still as a statue.
"Then Batman got the idea that we should share body heat."
Lex arched his eyebrows. "He didn't really say that, did he?"
Clark nodded.
"What did he say?" Robin asked eagerly.
Lex smirked at Batman. "I can't believe you suggested that. It's the oldest trick in the book!"
Clark continued his story. "Since the best way to share body heat is skin to skin, we took off our uniforms..."
"You did what?" Lex shouted.
"What?" Robin questioned. "What did he do?"
"That's enough!" Batman roared. He rose to his feet and glared at both Lex and Robin. "Until other evidence comes to light, I'll accept Luthor's explanation that Superman is haunting him."
Robin's eyes widened. "Superman really is haunting him? Holy Ghost!"
Lex and Batman exchanged glances.
"If you don't thunk him for that," Lex said, "I will."
* * *
After a long and pointless discussion concerning the afterlife and the possibility of contacting a Nepalese shaman to see what he could do, Lex rose to leave. Batman blocked his way.
"We've established that I wasn't doing anything wrong and I'm not insane, so would you mind flapping your wings over someone else."
"I was hoping ...." Batman started. He took a deep breath. "I want to talk to Superman."
Lex rolled his eyes. "Go ahead. He can hear you."
"Where is he?"
"Standing next to me, on my right."
Batman looked at the empty space beside Lex.
"Hey!" said Clark, who was actually on Lex's left.
"He's reaching out to you," Lex lied. "He's touching your shoulder."
Batman glanced at his right shoulder.
"The other one," Lex said, then watched as Batman's head swiveled to look at his left shoulder."
"This is so not funny," Clark fumed, his arms folded across his chest.
"Now he's cupping your cheek. Say - what exactly happened in Mr. Freeze's Fro-Zone, anyway?"
Batman ignored his question. "Luthor, in the movie Ghost,"Whoopi Goldberg allowed Patrick Swayze to possess her. Do you think that-"
"No!" Lex shrieked, then lowered his tone to a more manly one. "Superman and I can't do that."
Clark frowned at him. "We've never tried."
Lex smiled apologetically to Batman. "Remember, that was just a movie."
When Batman spun to lead them off the boat, Lex breathed a sigh of relief. He was already being haunted by one member of the Justice League. He'd be damned if he was going to start necking with another.