Ok, That's It
I am officially pissed off.
I feel like I can barely trust anyone I know, outside of my family and a very select number of friends.
No, scratch that. I can't trust people my own age. People my parents age? Definitely. Little kids? Sure. Senior citizens? Of course. But try to get me to have friends my own age, and I balk. "They won't like me," I say, and it comes true. I've had people take advantage of my phobias and insecurities and laugh as I slowly break further and further from having friends my own age. Only a few people close to my age have proven worthy of my trust.
I feel like I'll never have a boyfriend or a husband, because the only guys I can have a decent relationship with are at least 7 years older than me, and my parents refuse to let me date a guy that old. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Thanks for trusting your NINETEEN - YEAR - OLD daughter with her own heart and body. Forcing me to try to get guys I don't want is really the way to keep a good rapport, really. And it's not like you're being hypocritical or anything, what with the fact that you all are NINE years apart.
I have a hard time interacting with people my own age because of all the bullying I received. Seriously, I remember being mocked and tortured in PRESCHOOL. Dude, we were all 4 and 5 years old! What in hell was wrong with you? And then there was all the fat jokes in kindergarten, when I was a freakin' willow. I'm amazed I didn't become anorexic, seriously.
It got worse and worse, until I tried to end my life when I was 13. By that time, I was sure that everyone in my life would cheer when I died, even my parents. I was that depressed. I thought literally no one in the world loved me.
But, even that were true (it wasn't, obviously), I had someone who did love me. Rather, something. God loved then, even when I was sitting on the floor sobbing, trying to slit my wrist. He opened my eyes, and it was as if I, literally had blacked out and come back to consciousness and realized what I was doing.
He then spoke to me. It wasn't so much that I heard these words, but I was given these words in my heart: "You are My child, and I love you. No matter what happens in this mortal life, I will always love you. I knew you and I loved you even when you were in your mother's womb." I remembered all the Bible passages of God's love, and I began to cry again, but this time they were tears of relief. I realized that, yes, my family did love me and, yes, they would be broken - hearted if I died.
I learned not to care about my peers, because I had God and my family, and that was enough. But, now, I can barely trust anyone my own age, because of the hurt I've received. My parents can't understand, and I'm too afraid to try to be more friendly. Being a massive introvert isn't helping me much either.
If any of you are the praying type, I would ask you to pray for me. I'm having a lot of struggles and feeling a lot of pressure and anger.
Magna cum cura,
magyargirl3
I feel like I can barely trust anyone I know, outside of my family and a very select number of friends.
No, scratch that. I can't trust people my own age. People my parents age? Definitely. Little kids? Sure. Senior citizens? Of course. But try to get me to have friends my own age, and I balk. "They won't like me," I say, and it comes true. I've had people take advantage of my phobias and insecurities and laugh as I slowly break further and further from having friends my own age. Only a few people close to my age have proven worthy of my trust.
I feel like I'll never have a boyfriend or a husband, because the only guys I can have a decent relationship with are at least 7 years older than me, and my parents refuse to let me date a guy that old. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Thanks for trusting your NINETEEN - YEAR - OLD daughter with her own heart and body. Forcing me to try to get guys I don't want is really the way to keep a good rapport, really. And it's not like you're being hypocritical or anything, what with the fact that you all are NINE years apart.
I have a hard time interacting with people my own age because of all the bullying I received. Seriously, I remember being mocked and tortured in PRESCHOOL. Dude, we were all 4 and 5 years old! What in hell was wrong with you? And then there was all the fat jokes in kindergarten, when I was a freakin' willow. I'm amazed I didn't become anorexic, seriously.
It got worse and worse, until I tried to end my life when I was 13. By that time, I was sure that everyone in my life would cheer when I died, even my parents. I was that depressed. I thought literally no one in the world loved me.
But, even that were true (it wasn't, obviously), I had someone who did love me. Rather, something. God loved then, even when I was sitting on the floor sobbing, trying to slit my wrist. He opened my eyes, and it was as if I, literally had blacked out and come back to consciousness and realized what I was doing.
He then spoke to me. It wasn't so much that I heard these words, but I was given these words in my heart: "You are My child, and I love you. No matter what happens in this mortal life, I will always love you. I knew you and I loved you even when you were in your mother's womb." I remembered all the Bible passages of God's love, and I began to cry again, but this time they were tears of relief. I realized that, yes, my family did love me and, yes, they would be broken - hearted if I died.
I learned not to care about my peers, because I had God and my family, and that was enough. But, now, I can barely trust anyone my own age, because of the hurt I've received. My parents can't understand, and I'm too afraid to try to be more friendly. Being a massive introvert isn't helping me much either.
If any of you are the praying type, I would ask you to pray for me. I'm having a lot of struggles and feeling a lot of pressure and anger.
Magna cum cura,
magyargirl3