problems etc..
everything seems so insane right now. this is the hardest thing i have ever dealt with next to my brothers death. life here is seemingly unbearable considering the circumstances. there isa no way in hell i could stay here until may. so i stopped going to school and im moving in the next few weeks. now i am fucked with my financial aide and im going to owe money. i just cant take living here while everything is like this. i cant believe everything is happening this way. i cant even go into it because im already crying and its just too much to even express. sometime i am goint to post the way it happened through my eyes because matt isa telling everyone a different story, i guess he has like 10 versions. his latest being the oh so unbelievably lame "i did it for her, because i care" version of our breakup which enfuriates me to say the least. i feel like im dealing with a stranger here, and i always felt that we were beyond close and that we were as tight as it gets. i guess you never know.
mardi gras was the shit (on a super lighter note), up until the very end when things got crazy and i had to play mama bitch sue, but my friend thanked me the next day so im glad i did the right thing, i told her that i would hope someone would do the same for me if i was all super drunk and getting crazy and wanted to drive. only i told her i probably would be an even bigger asshole and someone would have to kick my drunk stupid ass because i get all fiesty and want to fight .after cincinnatti i came home for a minute, matt told me he hoped i died in a car accident, went to defs, his dad kicked everyone out, got a ride home only to see that matt had left (after being so so tired an hour earlier) and i was locked out. luckily i had my car key so i drove to a pay phone, then to luigis and had to find out that he is not the friend that i have believed him to be for these past 9 years. no dice. sad
then home again and matt came back, got inside and fell asleep watching some badly written gangst flick on hbo in sarahs bed with bruno, littlebear and magwai all snuggled up with me, which was very comforting. i am going to miss the doggies most of all. i love them as though they were my children.
then i slept until almost 2, jenny came by and did gmas hair which made her so so happy. props to jen. matt spent the day with his chick and left me no cigarettes, urgh. then i played cards for a long time with gram, cleaned, and went to a very dead casa verde.
mardi gras was the shit (on a super lighter note), up until the very end when things got crazy and i had to play mama bitch sue, but my friend thanked me the next day so im glad i did the right thing, i told her that i would hope someone would do the same for me if i was all super drunk and getting crazy and wanted to drive. only i told her i probably would be an even bigger asshole and someone would have to kick my drunk stupid ass because i get all fiesty and want to fight .after cincinnatti i came home for a minute, matt told me he hoped i died in a car accident, went to defs, his dad kicked everyone out, got a ride home only to see that matt had left (after being so so tired an hour earlier) and i was locked out. luckily i had my car key so i drove to a pay phone, then to luigis and had to find out that he is not the friend that i have believed him to be for these past 9 years. no dice. sad
then home again and matt came back, got inside and fell asleep watching some badly written gangst flick on hbo in sarahs bed with bruno, littlebear and magwai all snuggled up with me, which was very comforting. i am going to miss the doggies most of all. i love them as though they were my children.
then i slept until almost 2, jenny came by and did gmas hair which made her so so happy. props to jen. matt spent the day with his chick and left me no cigarettes, urgh. then i played cards for a long time with gram, cleaned, and went to a very dead casa verde.