stress and stuffy
i just realized that this date was me and my friend sarah from loretto's best friend anniversary. it is also the date i lost my virginity, ha ha. i should celebrate. yeah right. matt and i discussed stuff for like 5 hours last night. same outcome, no dice on us anymore. im still in denial or shock or something, i dont think the reality of the whole thing has hit me yet. which sucks because it already is painful as hell and its just going to get worse and worse i know. im not going to think about it right now. i'll have plenty of time devoted to that in the coming months. 5 years, its crazy, you never know.
talked to my family in illlinois today. cried. a lot. they agree that i should finish out the semester if i can and then im going over there. i was trying to explain to them some of the feelings i have about going home and how hard it is going to be for me. my whole life is going to be so different in every way imaginable, the whole thought is too overwelming. yes change is good and necessary and its for the best and yada yada yada. i hate all of those phrases right now. immensely. lately i have been on a trip about how we as humans in social settings have little sayings everyone says for certain occurances. for instance mine, its for the best, yes, i would say the same thing to me. but how the fuck does anyone know what is best for anyone really, its just we try to make everything all positive so we can swallow it easier. it might be for the worst, it might be the worst thing that leads to a series of catastrophic events and then i die and everyone would say, "it all started when matt dumped her and she left" that is no less likely than it was for the best. i hate that saying right now and if i hear it or say it one more time to myself, im going to go ballistic. for reals. im just annoyed by the whole sentiment, not to diss anyones usage of the saying, i say it all the time, but i just hate those words together right now.
okay im a little frustrated. maybe more than a little. when all of this hits me i am going to freak out. i know it. yikes. i sometimes scare myself, ha ha ay ay.
other stuff...watched manchurian candidate with freddy and sarah. i was all into it for like the first 30 minutes then it got all lame in my opinion, get on with it. freddy and sarah wanted to shoot themselves while watching it they were so bored. but the experience was amusing i suppose.
went to the mall with cynde, she was a nice buddy and picked my depressed ass up and we had tater tots and lladro window shopped. i need to get my own dance dance revolution so i can secretly pracice and show up one day and kick everyones ass all over the place. new goal in life
andy came by and kicked it fort a while, nice talks as always. no galactica though, it is missing, just what i need to make my life more miserable and pathetic, ay ay. spent hours on the stupid crossword puzzle in todays newspaper, i dont know if it was abnormily hard or i was abnormally retarded, who knows. loved the weather, made cyn listen to me my michael jacson super mix, which she demanded a copy of immediately, and i told her just chill with it ill get you one, but she got all crazy about it and held me hostage at gun point until i just said take the damn thing, and all was resolved, ahh. okay enough for today,
talked to my family in illlinois today. cried. a lot. they agree that i should finish out the semester if i can and then im going over there. i was trying to explain to them some of the feelings i have about going home and how hard it is going to be for me. my whole life is going to be so different in every way imaginable, the whole thought is too overwelming. yes change is good and necessary and its for the best and yada yada yada. i hate all of those phrases right now. immensely. lately i have been on a trip about how we as humans in social settings have little sayings everyone says for certain occurances. for instance mine, its for the best, yes, i would say the same thing to me. but how the fuck does anyone know what is best for anyone really, its just we try to make everything all positive so we can swallow it easier. it might be for the worst, it might be the worst thing that leads to a series of catastrophic events and then i die and everyone would say, "it all started when matt dumped her and she left" that is no less likely than it was for the best. i hate that saying right now and if i hear it or say it one more time to myself, im going to go ballistic. for reals. im just annoyed by the whole sentiment, not to diss anyones usage of the saying, i say it all the time, but i just hate those words together right now.
okay im a little frustrated. maybe more than a little. when all of this hits me i am going to freak out. i know it. yikes. i sometimes scare myself, ha ha ay ay.
other stuff...watched manchurian candidate with freddy and sarah. i was all into it for like the first 30 minutes then it got all lame in my opinion, get on with it. freddy and sarah wanted to shoot themselves while watching it they were so bored. but the experience was amusing i suppose.
went to the mall with cynde, she was a nice buddy and picked my depressed ass up and we had tater tots and lladro window shopped. i need to get my own dance dance revolution so i can secretly pracice and show up one day and kick everyones ass all over the place. new goal in life
andy came by and kicked it fort a while, nice talks as always. no galactica though, it is missing, just what i need to make my life more miserable and pathetic, ay ay. spent hours on the stupid crossword puzzle in todays newspaper, i dont know if it was abnormily hard or i was abnormally retarded, who knows. loved the weather, made cyn listen to me my michael jacson super mix, which she demanded a copy of immediately, and i told her just chill with it ill get you one, but she got all crazy about it and held me hostage at gun point until i just said take the damn thing, and all was resolved, ahh. okay enough for today,