guys suck

[magwaisfriend]

ok...lets see...i finally dumped matt...this shit had been going on for too long..i guess i couldnt really dump him because we were never technically going out...but whatever...goodbye to you...it of course resulted in me having a drunk crying fit in the parking lot of a bar that i always go to...matt had to ask me if i was ok while i was in the process of dumping him...ohhhh man...it was hardf to do because i liked him soooooo much for some reason..i think it had a lot to do with the fact that his mane was matt and he had dreadlocks and he had a music production studio thing called "little buddies" productions, which was stu's(another one of my ex boyfriends...aka my first love) email address....i believed it all to be a sign..he also loved propagandhi and had a whorehouse of representatives album...it all seemed to fit together perfectly....except for the relationship part...it drove me absolutely nuts because i never have been strung along for sooo long...im dissappointed in myself...i came to the realization when i asked him for a ride to work for a few days because i got my car taken away again for coming home late...and he said " well i guess i can maybe take you to work once this week if you ride your bike to my house" and i thought....wtf?!! after i had helped him do all this stuff for his little catering thing...it just made me realize....ghee whiz...this guy really doesnt give a shit about me at all...and yeah..i can understand his perspective slightly...i met him in a black out..and i lost it one time because he wouldnt make out with me in public...and he just got out of a really long relationship..but anyways...fuck it..time to move on...but i am hurt because i feel like i gave it 110 percent and i got back like 40 on a good day...i just dont want to look anymore...im tired of this shit...in this stupid ass little city...everyone knows everyone i swear..it is lame..i cant wait to get the fuck out of here..
other news...i just got back from a 2 week trip to new jersey...very nice time...then im going to florida to see my mom and my sister on wednesday...we are going to disneyland..im hoping it will be a good trip...i just miss all of my friends back home...everyone is having kids and i am scared i am going to end up alone and decrepid..im just in a down state of mind..i know things will get better...i just have to hang in there..