Someone Else's Life
The morning after the party was tense and uncomfortable. Jared was nowhere to be found when Jensen got up. He had taken off for a run early he was told, and he had told them not to expect him back till late. Jensen knew he was probably gone to Sophia’s place and would stay there. What did surprise him was Chris’s absence, on calling him he had discovered that he too was at Sophia’s and after a short conversation Chris had hung up, saying he would talk to him later on. Visions of the night before and the look Chris had thrown him after Jared had walked out before shaking his head and walking away himself ran through his head. Great...just great...that left him at the mercy of his Mother, who unfortunately wasn’t missing and was currently gazing at him steadily over the counter, oh god, she was waiting.
Give her the right time and she would be off, Jensen would be cornered in some part of the house, no matter how he tried to avoid it. He thought about hunting his Father down and begging for mercy, he would know how to stop his Mom, but oh no...Dad had jumped ship, along with Michael. They had found out about a sweet golf course about a half hour outside town and they had torn out of the house, Michael shooting not so sympathetic glances over his shoulder at Jensen. Jensen sighed...even Michael had betrayed him.
Deciding to bite the bullet after his fourth coffee and the uncomfortable silence that he couldn’t escape, Jensen looked up at his still silent staring Mom and spoke;
“Ok Mom, out with it, I know you have something you wanna say, otherwise Dad and Michael wouldn’t have run for the hills...”
Oh dear god, she was pulling the disappointed face, the face that made you feel like you had just destroyed your Mothers greatest dream, he literally felt like bouncing his head repeatedly off the counter.
“Jensen dear...” Oh shit, dear, she said dear...he thought for one split second about running for it, anywhere....this was bad, this was a ‘not only am I disappointed in you, but I think you might need some professional help or at the very least talking to like you are five years old’ look . All of a sudden he understood the glances Michael had been sending him and why they weren’t sympathetic, they had been oh you’re so screwed brother and you might just deserve it glances....he groaned.
“What’s going on Jensen?”
“Mom look, its ok really...don’t worry about it, last night was a misunderstanding...”
“Misunderstanding?” Uh oh he had said the wrong thing.... “Last night, your current fiancée found you in the kitchen in a compromising position with you ex fiancée and it’s a misunderstanding? Ah! Don’t you dare interrupt me young man...as soon as David arrived you were gone Jensen, you ran to that mans side and left Jared just standing there, the man was hurt!”
Jensen scoffed...he seriously doubted Jared was hurt, but he couldn’t tell his Mom that, she would kill him if she found out what he had really planned.
“Jensen? Why did you invite David? You know not many like him, certainly none of your friends and your Dad and I always felt he wasn’t making you completely happy. Jared is, well he is a wonderful young man and he could really make you happy Jensen. The way he looks at you...”
“Looks at me?”
Catherine smiled “Yes, the way he looks at you like...I don’t know how else to say it and it sounds so silly but its like...he looks at you like you could save him I suppose. Like you are the one thing in his life that makes sense right now, whenever he looked your way yesterday, he was calmer, he seeks you out when he is nervous, and that tells me so much.” She reached across and stroked her beautiful son’s face “Jensen darling, I don’t know what’s going on here and I’m not sure I really want to know but...I know you loved David and I know he really hurt you but, the only person you are going to end up hurting here is you sweetheart.” She sighed and kissed her son’s forehead “The one thing you think is so unattainable is right here in front of you honey. You are my son, and I love you, and I may be a little biased in thinking my sons are the best men in the world but, I think you deserve someone who thinks you could hang the moon if you tried, someone who believes in you that much.” She rose and began to clear the counter; Jensen was left sitting there wondering what she was trying to say. Some of the confusion must have shown on his face because she turned and smiled softly at him “What I’m saying Jensen is...David is an asshole and Jared is a complete sweetheart, and if you’re not careful you are going to wreck the best thing that has happened to you in a long time...”
Jensen grinned at his Mom and relaxed a bit, as Catherine turned away toward the sink again he could hear her mutter “...besides, I’ve already put the announcement into the paper.” Jensen’s head snapped up, “You what?” Catherine turned around smiling sweetly, “I got Michael to email on a lovely photo of you and Jared that we took last night to the local paper in Dallas, you and Jared make such a wonderful couple, I can’t wait for everyone to see it.”
Jensen came off the stool and stood facing his mother, “Mom, you can’t put an announcement in the paper.” Catherine turned at the low urgent sound of her son’s voice, “Why ever not Jensen? I’m proud of you, and I’m proud of the fiancée you have chosen. Honey, I thought you didn’t care what people back in Texas thought of you?”
“It’s not me Mom, it’s.....just...you can’t ok? Call the paper and ask them not to print it Mom please?”
“Jensen? Is there something you’re not telling me? It’s just the local paper for goodness sake Jensen, you’re not Brad Pitt darling, No one is going to take any notice of a little announcement in the local Dallas paper.”
Jensen considered his options for a few moments, he could spill the whole lot to his mother now and demand the announcement be retracted, or, he could tell her that his fiancée was on the run from mobsters in L.A. and needed to lay low and couldn’t have his face in the paper. Jesus he was screwed. Ok, ok, whoever Jared was running from was in L.A. right? They were not going to be going through a small local paper that only served a small area in Dallas. It was ok, it was ok. He would explain to Jared that it was going to be ok. He looked at his mother again and smiled,
“No it’s ok Mom. I was just worried for a moment how Jared would take it that’s all, he is a bit private when it comes to stuff like this, but I’m sure he will be fine with it. I will explain and it will be ok.”
He kissed his mother on the cheek and went to shower and head to Sophia’s. He and Jared needed to talk.
******************
He walked into Sophia’s place an hour later, his mind clearer than it had been in a long time. Showering and getting ready had given him a lot of time to think. His mothers words, coupled with feelings he had been stupidly fighting had all combined to make him see a couple of things.
One thing that was now crystal clear to him was he had been an idiot for trying to hang onto David. He had been trying to hang onto an idea of who he thought David was, and what he loved about him. He hadn’t wanted to let go of his dream of a happy life. What he hadn’t realised was David was just not the type of man that was going to make him happy, hell David didn’t make David happy. He didn’t love David anymore, he just didn’t. Stupid thing was, he should have known this, in fact, and he thought he had known this all along.
Second realisation was Jared. There was something there. He had only known the guy for a few weeks but, he felt this pull toward him. He knew now that he wanted to explore this. He had no idea what ‘this’ was yet but...Jared....he wanted to know him better, he wanted....he wasn’t sure yet what he wanted. But he knew he had to talk to Jared.
Now he stood just inside the door of the bar, it was quiet, one or two scattered here and there. Sophia didn’t run a sophisticated bar, so there would be no mad lunch rush or anything, hers was just a cosy bar, with the type of atmosphere where you felt at home. None of the guys were in sight, and a girl he had seen around a time or two was behind the bar. At his approach she looked up and grinned and told him that Sophia and the rest of the guys were upstairs. Thanking her with a smile Jensen went round the bar and took the stairs two at a time, his stomach fluttering wildly with nerves. His decision was made, and no matter how scared he was at the prospect of coming clean to Jared about his feelings, Jensen Ackles was no coward.
Five minutes later and he was seriously reconsidering his opinion of himself. The atmosphere in the upstairs apartment, uncomfortable and tense and he knew his arrival had caused the tense looks. Sophia made him a coffee and handed him a plate with some sandwiches for lunch which she insisted he eat. He sat at the table in the small kitchen with Sophia and Steve, both trying to ease the atmosphere with small talk; while Chris sat on one end of the couch talking quietly with Jared who looked as if Jensen’s arrival hadn’t even been noticed by him. It was pissing him off!
Finally having enough of being given the cold shoulder not only by Jared but by one of his closest and oldest friends, Jensen threw down the sandwich and rose to confront them. Jensen was by nature a calm man, with a laid back attitude and a hard working streak that had drawn many people to him over the years. He was also reserved and could be somewhat shy when in situations that he was unsure of, which had caused Chris’s protective streak to arise a lot. But what not many knew was how stubborn he could be, how, when he made a decision, no matter how difficult, he faced it head on. Problems were tackled with a single mindedness that belied his calm nature and it was rare to see him really lose his temper, but he was capable of it. It was this that kept Steve sitting at the table with his hand on Sophia’s arm keeping her in place also. He could see that stubborn glint in Jensen’s eyes and knew he wasn’t going to rest until he had this out with the boys outside.
Now he stood in front of the two men on the couch, Chris staring up at him and Jared looking at anything but. “We’ve got to talk.” Jared finally rose to his feet, stepped around Jensen and smiled quickly at Chris. “I will leave you guys to it, I have to go down and see how Julie is doing, she is due a break.”
“Jared.”
Jared turned; eyebrows raised and faced Jensen, still not looking at him directly.
“Can’t we talk? Please?”
“Umm I’ve got work to do Jensen, maybe later. See ya Chris.”
Jared left and Jensen huffed out a breath and made to follow, refusing to let Jared run from this, but was stopped by a hand grabbing his arm. Turning he looked at Chris’s angry face,
“Chris? What is your problem man? You were short with me on the phone earlier and now, now you look like you would welcome a brawl....what’s going on with you?”
Chris smiled but it was devoid of warmth, Jensen had seen it before, but directed at others, never at him. “Chris? Seriously dude, you got a problem with me you tell me now, but I gotto tell you man, if this is about last night, then that is between me and Jared and it’s what I want to talk to him about.”
Chris‘s voice was quiet and tense, “You got what you wanted Jensen, David is interested again, can’t you back off now and leave Jared be huh. He has done what you wanted, just...just leave him be.”
It wasn’t a request and Jensen knew it, and he was stunned. Chris never spoke to him like that, never. He had always had Jensen’s back and he was at a loss as to what he had done to make him this angry.
“Chris what in the hell is your problem dude? I made a mistake and I want to fix it! I want to talk to Jared and I will. Since when are you his best friend anyhow? Seriously man, you better start talking and tell me what it is I have done to piss you off so bad cause I’m no mind reader and I was never a good guesser.” He looked pointedly down at the hand that still gripped his arm and back up at his friend, he didn’t want to fight with Chris, not now, not when he had no idea what was going on.
Chris released his arm and ran his hands through his hair and raised his face to look at Jensen silently.
“Chris? Come on, talk to me, what have I done?”
“Nothing alright! Nothing....it’s just...” He faced Jensen head on, “I like him Jensen, ok? He got dragged into the middle of you and David and he doesn’t want to be there. I don’t like David, the man is an arrogant prick and this kid Jensen, he was used to get David’s attention and last night you humiliated him in front of everyone! He has done what he said he would do, David is interested and I just think you should cut the kid a break and leave him be.”
Jensen was confused, sure Chris was a softie behind his entire tough man act but, this; this was taking protective to a whole new level. “Chris you ok man?”
Chris swept his hands through his hair again in an agitated movement before looking at Jensen again. “Jensen I really like him. He and I have spent some time together and....he is just a really nice guy you know? I just....I just don’t want to see the kid hurt alright?”
“I just want to talk to him ok? Make things right, I realised some things and he deserves to know. He made me realise that David was never right for me, and I think there could be something between us and I just want to talk to him and see how he feels about it, that’s all I promise. No more using him I swear.”
Something flickered in Chris’s eyes but it was gone before he could catch it, “Just go easy on him ok? He doesn’t know up from down at the moment Jensen, just go easy.”
“I will, I don’t know where this will go Chris, and I don’t even know if Jared wants it to go anywhere but...I want to try. I feel... god I feel...something I didn’t with David you know? When he kissed me it was, it was like a wakeup call....”
“Well, you just know this Jenny boy. You mess this up with him, I’m gonna be waiting. This kid deserves to be happy, and something tells me he hasn’t had that in quite a while. You fuck this up dude and I’m stepping up.”
Jensen grinned at the teasing tone in Chris’s voice, “I will remember that Romeo. So are we cool?”
“Yeah, yeah we’re cool; go...go get your man.”
Chris smiled as he watched him leave, the smile leaving his face as Jensen closed the door behind him, leaving it etched in sadness. Steve’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts, “You ok dude?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m ok...least I will be.”
Steve squeezed his shoulder reassuringly before clapping him once on the back,
“Good, now come on man, I feel a jamming session coming on!”
Chris grinned and looked around for his guitar.
“Awesome!”
chapter 12
Give her the right time and she would be off, Jensen would be cornered in some part of the house, no matter how he tried to avoid it. He thought about hunting his Father down and begging for mercy, he would know how to stop his Mom, but oh no...Dad had jumped ship, along with Michael. They had found out about a sweet golf course about a half hour outside town and they had torn out of the house, Michael shooting not so sympathetic glances over his shoulder at Jensen. Jensen sighed...even Michael had betrayed him.
Deciding to bite the bullet after his fourth coffee and the uncomfortable silence that he couldn’t escape, Jensen looked up at his still silent staring Mom and spoke;
“Ok Mom, out with it, I know you have something you wanna say, otherwise Dad and Michael wouldn’t have run for the hills...”
Oh dear god, she was pulling the disappointed face, the face that made you feel like you had just destroyed your Mothers greatest dream, he literally felt like bouncing his head repeatedly off the counter.
“Jensen dear...” Oh shit, dear, she said dear...he thought for one split second about running for it, anywhere....this was bad, this was a ‘not only am I disappointed in you, but I think you might need some professional help or at the very least talking to like you are five years old’ look . All of a sudden he understood the glances Michael had been sending him and why they weren’t sympathetic, they had been oh you’re so screwed brother and you might just deserve it glances....he groaned.
“What’s going on Jensen?”
“Mom look, its ok really...don’t worry about it, last night was a misunderstanding...”
“Misunderstanding?” Uh oh he had said the wrong thing.... “Last night, your current fiancée found you in the kitchen in a compromising position with you ex fiancée and it’s a misunderstanding? Ah! Don’t you dare interrupt me young man...as soon as David arrived you were gone Jensen, you ran to that mans side and left Jared just standing there, the man was hurt!”
Jensen scoffed...he seriously doubted Jared was hurt, but he couldn’t tell his Mom that, she would kill him if she found out what he had really planned.
“Jensen? Why did you invite David? You know not many like him, certainly none of your friends and your Dad and I always felt he wasn’t making you completely happy. Jared is, well he is a wonderful young man and he could really make you happy Jensen. The way he looks at you...”
“Looks at me?”
Catherine smiled “Yes, the way he looks at you like...I don’t know how else to say it and it sounds so silly but its like...he looks at you like you could save him I suppose. Like you are the one thing in his life that makes sense right now, whenever he looked your way yesterday, he was calmer, he seeks you out when he is nervous, and that tells me so much.” She reached across and stroked her beautiful son’s face “Jensen darling, I don’t know what’s going on here and I’m not sure I really want to know but...I know you loved David and I know he really hurt you but, the only person you are going to end up hurting here is you sweetheart.” She sighed and kissed her son’s forehead “The one thing you think is so unattainable is right here in front of you honey. You are my son, and I love you, and I may be a little biased in thinking my sons are the best men in the world but, I think you deserve someone who thinks you could hang the moon if you tried, someone who believes in you that much.” She rose and began to clear the counter; Jensen was left sitting there wondering what she was trying to say. Some of the confusion must have shown on his face because she turned and smiled softly at him “What I’m saying Jensen is...David is an asshole and Jared is a complete sweetheart, and if you’re not careful you are going to wreck the best thing that has happened to you in a long time...”
Jensen grinned at his Mom and relaxed a bit, as Catherine turned away toward the sink again he could hear her mutter “...besides, I’ve already put the announcement into the paper.” Jensen’s head snapped up, “You what?” Catherine turned around smiling sweetly, “I got Michael to email on a lovely photo of you and Jared that we took last night to the local paper in Dallas, you and Jared make such a wonderful couple, I can’t wait for everyone to see it.”
Jensen came off the stool and stood facing his mother, “Mom, you can’t put an announcement in the paper.” Catherine turned at the low urgent sound of her son’s voice, “Why ever not Jensen? I’m proud of you, and I’m proud of the fiancée you have chosen. Honey, I thought you didn’t care what people back in Texas thought of you?”
“It’s not me Mom, it’s.....just...you can’t ok? Call the paper and ask them not to print it Mom please?”
“Jensen? Is there something you’re not telling me? It’s just the local paper for goodness sake Jensen, you’re not Brad Pitt darling, No one is going to take any notice of a little announcement in the local Dallas paper.”
Jensen considered his options for a few moments, he could spill the whole lot to his mother now and demand the announcement be retracted, or, he could tell her that his fiancée was on the run from mobsters in L.A. and needed to lay low and couldn’t have his face in the paper. Jesus he was screwed. Ok, ok, whoever Jared was running from was in L.A. right? They were not going to be going through a small local paper that only served a small area in Dallas. It was ok, it was ok. He would explain to Jared that it was going to be ok. He looked at his mother again and smiled,
“No it’s ok Mom. I was just worried for a moment how Jared would take it that’s all, he is a bit private when it comes to stuff like this, but I’m sure he will be fine with it. I will explain and it will be ok.”
He kissed his mother on the cheek and went to shower and head to Sophia’s. He and Jared needed to talk.
******************
He walked into Sophia’s place an hour later, his mind clearer than it had been in a long time. Showering and getting ready had given him a lot of time to think. His mothers words, coupled with feelings he had been stupidly fighting had all combined to make him see a couple of things.
One thing that was now crystal clear to him was he had been an idiot for trying to hang onto David. He had been trying to hang onto an idea of who he thought David was, and what he loved about him. He hadn’t wanted to let go of his dream of a happy life. What he hadn’t realised was David was just not the type of man that was going to make him happy, hell David didn’t make David happy. He didn’t love David anymore, he just didn’t. Stupid thing was, he should have known this, in fact, and he thought he had known this all along.
Second realisation was Jared. There was something there. He had only known the guy for a few weeks but, he felt this pull toward him. He knew now that he wanted to explore this. He had no idea what ‘this’ was yet but...Jared....he wanted to know him better, he wanted....he wasn’t sure yet what he wanted. But he knew he had to talk to Jared.
Now he stood just inside the door of the bar, it was quiet, one or two scattered here and there. Sophia didn’t run a sophisticated bar, so there would be no mad lunch rush or anything, hers was just a cosy bar, with the type of atmosphere where you felt at home. None of the guys were in sight, and a girl he had seen around a time or two was behind the bar. At his approach she looked up and grinned and told him that Sophia and the rest of the guys were upstairs. Thanking her with a smile Jensen went round the bar and took the stairs two at a time, his stomach fluttering wildly with nerves. His decision was made, and no matter how scared he was at the prospect of coming clean to Jared about his feelings, Jensen Ackles was no coward.
Five minutes later and he was seriously reconsidering his opinion of himself. The atmosphere in the upstairs apartment, uncomfortable and tense and he knew his arrival had caused the tense looks. Sophia made him a coffee and handed him a plate with some sandwiches for lunch which she insisted he eat. He sat at the table in the small kitchen with Sophia and Steve, both trying to ease the atmosphere with small talk; while Chris sat on one end of the couch talking quietly with Jared who looked as if Jensen’s arrival hadn’t even been noticed by him. It was pissing him off!
Finally having enough of being given the cold shoulder not only by Jared but by one of his closest and oldest friends, Jensen threw down the sandwich and rose to confront them. Jensen was by nature a calm man, with a laid back attitude and a hard working streak that had drawn many people to him over the years. He was also reserved and could be somewhat shy when in situations that he was unsure of, which had caused Chris’s protective streak to arise a lot. But what not many knew was how stubborn he could be, how, when he made a decision, no matter how difficult, he faced it head on. Problems were tackled with a single mindedness that belied his calm nature and it was rare to see him really lose his temper, but he was capable of it. It was this that kept Steve sitting at the table with his hand on Sophia’s arm keeping her in place also. He could see that stubborn glint in Jensen’s eyes and knew he wasn’t going to rest until he had this out with the boys outside.
Now he stood in front of the two men on the couch, Chris staring up at him and Jared looking at anything but. “We’ve got to talk.” Jared finally rose to his feet, stepped around Jensen and smiled quickly at Chris. “I will leave you guys to it, I have to go down and see how Julie is doing, she is due a break.”
“Jared.”
Jared turned; eyebrows raised and faced Jensen, still not looking at him directly.
“Can’t we talk? Please?”
“Umm I’ve got work to do Jensen, maybe later. See ya Chris.”
Jared left and Jensen huffed out a breath and made to follow, refusing to let Jared run from this, but was stopped by a hand grabbing his arm. Turning he looked at Chris’s angry face,
“Chris? What is your problem man? You were short with me on the phone earlier and now, now you look like you would welcome a brawl....what’s going on with you?”
Chris smiled but it was devoid of warmth, Jensen had seen it before, but directed at others, never at him. “Chris? Seriously dude, you got a problem with me you tell me now, but I gotto tell you man, if this is about last night, then that is between me and Jared and it’s what I want to talk to him about.”
Chris‘s voice was quiet and tense, “You got what you wanted Jensen, David is interested again, can’t you back off now and leave Jared be huh. He has done what you wanted, just...just leave him be.”
It wasn’t a request and Jensen knew it, and he was stunned. Chris never spoke to him like that, never. He had always had Jensen’s back and he was at a loss as to what he had done to make him this angry.
“Chris what in the hell is your problem dude? I made a mistake and I want to fix it! I want to talk to Jared and I will. Since when are you his best friend anyhow? Seriously man, you better start talking and tell me what it is I have done to piss you off so bad cause I’m no mind reader and I was never a good guesser.” He looked pointedly down at the hand that still gripped his arm and back up at his friend, he didn’t want to fight with Chris, not now, not when he had no idea what was going on.
Chris released his arm and ran his hands through his hair and raised his face to look at Jensen silently.
“Chris? Come on, talk to me, what have I done?”
“Nothing alright! Nothing....it’s just...” He faced Jensen head on, “I like him Jensen, ok? He got dragged into the middle of you and David and he doesn’t want to be there. I don’t like David, the man is an arrogant prick and this kid Jensen, he was used to get David’s attention and last night you humiliated him in front of everyone! He has done what he said he would do, David is interested and I just think you should cut the kid a break and leave him be.”
Jensen was confused, sure Chris was a softie behind his entire tough man act but, this; this was taking protective to a whole new level. “Chris you ok man?”
Chris swept his hands through his hair again in an agitated movement before looking at Jensen again. “Jensen I really like him. He and I have spent some time together and....he is just a really nice guy you know? I just....I just don’t want to see the kid hurt alright?”
“I just want to talk to him ok? Make things right, I realised some things and he deserves to know. He made me realise that David was never right for me, and I think there could be something between us and I just want to talk to him and see how he feels about it, that’s all I promise. No more using him I swear.”
Something flickered in Chris’s eyes but it was gone before he could catch it, “Just go easy on him ok? He doesn’t know up from down at the moment Jensen, just go easy.”
“I will, I don’t know where this will go Chris, and I don’t even know if Jared wants it to go anywhere but...I want to try. I feel... god I feel...something I didn’t with David you know? When he kissed me it was, it was like a wakeup call....”
“Well, you just know this Jenny boy. You mess this up with him, I’m gonna be waiting. This kid deserves to be happy, and something tells me he hasn’t had that in quite a while. You fuck this up dude and I’m stepping up.”
Jensen grinned at the teasing tone in Chris’s voice, “I will remember that Romeo. So are we cool?”
“Yeah, yeah we’re cool; go...go get your man.”
Chris smiled as he watched him leave, the smile leaving his face as Jensen closed the door behind him, leaving it etched in sadness. Steve’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts, “You ok dude?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m ok...least I will be.”
Steve squeezed his shoulder reassuringly before clapping him once on the back,
“Good, now come on man, I feel a jamming session coming on!”
Chris grinned and looked around for his guitar.
“Awesome!”
chapter 12