184.
I'm hiding in my glowbug room with music thats floating around me playing.
& i feel like i'm wasting my time, & I don't know why, I'm at University, granted it's not one of the best, i never really gave it much thought, doing a degree in art in the hope one day i may be able to live & work in Oxford in a pub, with my own secret faeriefire house.
Ebay have some buy now butterflies i'm thinking about buying, my walls are plain & almost boring. Buy now for 1.75 not including postage. I should pay my rent first really, but i've been working really hard & want some treats. I really do think i'm spoilt sometimes. It's my birthday in just under a month though & time is flying past at an excessive rate.
& I found woolworths vouchers today, only to the sum of two pounds, but it made me giggle slightly.
I watched Stardust today & it made me cry. I want to be a star that fell to the ground & glows & shines. I want to be a faerietale girl, I want I want, spoilt child that i am. But I do, I want to ride unicorns & float in a skyship with sky pirates, & meet witches with wild angry hair & grey eyes like mine. Pointless wants, & being in my head isn't nice when i've seen the pretty things & I know i'll never get there. They must exist though, somewhere these places must exist, I've seen the portals sucking & consuming, i've dropped into these worlds while laying perfectly still. I want to go there permanently.
Oh & last night was probably not a clever idea for me to drink at all. but these things happen & I must remember to move on & upwards. & it's the doctors this week, i'm scared, i will admit that from the bottom of my heart, i'm scared & the thought is making me feel sick even now. yet it needs to be done so i will do it. it's not fair for me to pull others with me in this ugly decent.
You must want to suffer.
You must love to hate yourself.
So why seek solutions,
when the pain looks good on you?
& i feel like i'm wasting my time, & I don't know why, I'm at University, granted it's not one of the best, i never really gave it much thought, doing a degree in art in the hope one day i may be able to live & work in Oxford in a pub, with my own secret faeriefire house.
Ebay have some buy now butterflies i'm thinking about buying, my walls are plain & almost boring. Buy now for 1.75 not including postage. I should pay my rent first really, but i've been working really hard & want some treats. I really do think i'm spoilt sometimes. It's my birthday in just under a month though & time is flying past at an excessive rate.
& I found woolworths vouchers today, only to the sum of two pounds, but it made me giggle slightly.
I watched Stardust today & it made me cry. I want to be a star that fell to the ground & glows & shines. I want to be a faerietale girl, I want I want, spoilt child that i am. But I do, I want to ride unicorns & float in a skyship with sky pirates, & meet witches with wild angry hair & grey eyes like mine. Pointless wants, & being in my head isn't nice when i've seen the pretty things & I know i'll never get there. They must exist though, somewhere these places must exist, I've seen the portals sucking & consuming, i've dropped into these worlds while laying perfectly still. I want to go there permanently.
Oh & last night was probably not a clever idea for me to drink at all. but these things happen & I must remember to move on & upwards. & it's the doctors this week, i'm scared, i will admit that from the bottom of my heart, i'm scared & the thought is making me feel sick even now. yet it needs to be done so i will do it. it's not fair for me to pull others with me in this ugly decent.
You must want to suffer.
You must love to hate yourself.
So why seek solutions,
when the pain looks good on you?