(no subject)
I've been trying to write this entry all morning. Something keeps chaning: I feel bad for writing it, afraid that someone will see it and think it's about them. Or thinking that I should bring it up with the person first. But that's the problem, and every time I talk about it, I feel like a broken record. And if there's one thing I learned in my 25 years, it's that mentioning it to the person brings nothing but heartache. Intellectually I know that's a horrible lesson to have learned, that it's unhealthy to keep things inside. That's probably why I use this lj to rant more than share anything else. But the fact remains, I've never told someone how i felt and not regretted it. And the fallout sends me into a fit of depression. Which apparently lasts. I've tried counceling, and all they have to say is that I dont' have an issue. Helpful that.
In any event, I'm hurting. I'm unhappy with the way people treat me, and I can't do anything about it. Last time I did, well I'm still feeling the fallout. And sure, I'd have something to say about most people, but 90% of them aren't worth talking about. It's the couple big ones that keep me awake at night. The ones that turn into stories like Jess and Lauren have. Baggage.
So maybe I expect too much. I keep coming back to that, because it's the only bottom line I can see. Most of the time, that's the problem. But I'm at a complete loss on how to move forward. Talking's a mistake, letting it brew hurts, and counceling fails. What's left?
In any event, I'm hurting. I'm unhappy with the way people treat me, and I can't do anything about it. Last time I did, well I'm still feeling the fallout. And sure, I'd have something to say about most people, but 90% of them aren't worth talking about. It's the couple big ones that keep me awake at night. The ones that turn into stories like Jess and Lauren have. Baggage.
So maybe I expect too much. I keep coming back to that, because it's the only bottom line I can see. Most of the time, that's the problem. But I'm at a complete loss on how to move forward. Talking's a mistake, letting it brew hurts, and counceling fails. What's left?