(no subject)
had a lousy day at work today, got some annoying news, and basically went off on a tangent, picked up my phone to call my mother to vent...and realized i can't.
i know i'm going to have lots of moments like this. that mourning and grief is a part of loss, and that i'm going to deal with this for years yet. it didn't make tonight easier. thank god meghan was content to watch cartoons and swing while i had a momentary meltdown. i miss my mom. i never really thought i would. we had so many issues that i kept thinking it would be easier if something happened. but now that it did...i'd do anything to have her back. to hear her go 'hi, hun, it's your mother' after i called HER. to see her write my street name incorrectly and roll my eyes. to groan as i see she called three times in an hour. all those things that were irritating and frustrating and irked me so much seem so meaningless now.
i want my mom back, damn it.
i know i'm going to have lots of moments like this. that mourning and grief is a part of loss, and that i'm going to deal with this for years yet. it didn't make tonight easier. thank god meghan was content to watch cartoons and swing while i had a momentary meltdown. i miss my mom. i never really thought i would. we had so many issues that i kept thinking it would be easier if something happened. but now that it did...i'd do anything to have her back. to hear her go 'hi, hun, it's your mother' after i called HER. to see her write my street name incorrectly and roll my eyes. to groan as i see she called three times in an hour. all those things that were irritating and frustrating and irked me so much seem so meaningless now.
i want my mom back, damn it.