miss misery

[magicmellon]

i am....alone, unhappy, upset, frustrated...as you can imagine the list goes on. so right, shouldnt i stop talking and complaining about it and try to do something....well i am trying, and im not complaining...im getting used to it. the depression and the sadness and all of the lack of sleep--well i sleep-(just not rejuvinating like it should be), lack of hunger, lack of motivation etc.

i just want things to work i.e. ::
my computer
my brain
my life

i dont understand where this intense depression is coming from, but i know it is a hard time for me...supposedly the most difficult being a first semester freshman. but i'm miserable at this school, and when i was home i wasnt well either. i feel so fucked up. and it seems like there is no way out.

on top of all that, i have papers to write which ive been putting off because i've been so unmotivated and sick (physically and mentally). and its the end of the semester, when everything seems to matter more.

i just want to go somewhere and be alone with brian. i feel ok when im with him...usually...he can be...difficult, well not really difficult, its just that he doesnt know what to say or do to help me. the thing is, for him to just listen and hold me and be with me is so much.

i am lost

i need to get some help for my computer and i. and to write 2 papers.