~Essays~
Broom Closet: Its a Tight Space
Make a choice, be apart of the solution, not the problem!
There are tons of reasons to stay in the broom closet and there are just as many reasons to come out. Before I came out of the broom closet, I thought that if people knew my faith that it would hurt my career and most certainly my husband’s career. Especially since, I live deep in the Bible belt! I finally realized that my faith could not possibly hurt my career as much as I was already hurting myself for not standing up for my own convictions.
Our faith defines who we are to an extent because it is our teachings that give us a solid basis for making decisions. Nevertheless, contrary to what we may believe, our faith does not label us into a category, our actions do! So why do we turn our backs when something contradicts our convictions? Why should we live in fear? I am not saying that every one of us is ready to become public speakers; but do your part to stand up for your own beliefs! Each one of us can make a difference no matter how small. You need not come out of the broom closet to make that difference. If you have children, raise them in an Earth conscious household. When you walk to school pick up the trash you see along the way. Even if you do not have children, you can pass on our beliefs discreetly by doing community service; live the life the God/dess would want you to live. There is no reason why you cannot become a part of the solution without wearing your pentagram outside of your shirt. If you wish to keep your faith private then do so, but do not become part of the problem.
The problem pagans face today with living in the public eye is that other people have misconceptions of who we are. So be apart of the solution, live your life for the Lord and Lady, make a difference in your school, your neighborhood, your community…. Whatever you are comfortable with. And one day when you are ready to jump out of that dark broom closet, people will see you for who you are as a person and not your chosen faith. Albeit, they will probably be shocked that you do not fit their preconceived mold of a witch. That is good; you just made it easier for others like yourself to step into the light!
The people that know me today know me as an avid volunteer, a fighter, someone who will bend over backwards for my fellow man and stand up for what I believe in. They know me as someone who is constantly learning and passing on my knowledge. They also know me as someone who is honest and will tell you like it is. Even though I do not hide that I am a witch (and I actually advertise it), it is not the first word people use to define me. In fact, if you ask anyone who knows me it probably is not even one of the first five words they use to define me. That is because they define me by my actions instead of my faith. Isn’t that how it is supposed to be for everyone? Christian, Muslim, Jew or Witch… we are defined by our actions. If we do not live the life of action then what is left to define us? That is when you find yourself being pigeon holed. If you choose to be a poor friend, parent, student or whatever… if you lay down and watch the world pass before your eyes, if you just let things happen and never make a difference then the only thing left to define you is the example that you set.
I have been blessed with becoming a member of a whole group of pagans who are defined by their actions. Some live within the boundaries of the broom closet and some live outside of its confines. But no matter, they all have made a step to make a change within their community. They do park clean up projects, they raise money for the hungry, along side their Christian counterparts, they hold pray vigils for soldiers deployed overseas, and they do their best to make a difference in someone‘s life. At first, the public attention was focused on the fact that some of these people were witches. Nevertheless, after two years, the media does not even define them as that, now they are an “Earth Centered Group” making a difference. Articles of their good deeds appear in the community section of the newspaper right along side the articles of Church functions and community events. They are for all intensive purposes, defined by their actions as apposed to their faith. And isn’t that what we are all crying out for? Acceptance. Sure, we still get the stares when we march in parades or hold public rituals; but at least we are allowed to do those things! It took the work of public pagans before us to make that possible and without future people making the same step, our children will still live in fear of their of their own faith. And THAT is what is truly an injustice.
We cannot change the tenants of another faith. Some religions have tenants that say in order for them to get redemption or to gain access to their deity; they must try to convert people to their own faith. We will never change this. However, what we can do is change their minds on who is their target of opportunity. If they see that we live “holy lives,” we are less desirable for conversion. I mean think about it for a second. Would you want to try to convert someone who lives a more wholesome life than you do? Seriously, though, I have met many people who would have never guessed that I was a witch. My son’s own teacher assumed that it was a rumor or a joke when she found out. Because I live my life, just as she lives hers, so she naturally assumed that I was a Christian. Really, the only difference is that we just happen to pray to a different image of the higher power. Now she leaves it at that.
I found the best way to come out of the broom closet is to have already established that you are a good and “normal” person through your own actions. Show them that you are a smart person. Do not try to change the minds of people through theological debate. Unless you are an expert on the religions of the world, you are probably not prepared to change the mind of a person who was raised to believe one thing with no exceptions. These people are probably not ready to listen to what you have to say, any more than they are prepared to change your mind about your religion. Just be who you are and be fair to others. If you wish to have one of your Sabbaths off, volunteer to work for someone else on their holiday. You cannot expect your employer to give you your holidays off and the days belonging to another faith, just because it is an accepted holiday. If you have children in school and you wish to have them home for Sabbaths then make arrangements at the beginning of the year with the administration. Let them know ahead of time when your holidays are and make arrangements to have your child make up their missed work ahead of time. While you are at it, volunteer to educate the staff or even the class on the historical basis of your holidays without bringing faith into the lesson. I go into my son’s classroom on or before our Sabbats and read a story and do an activity with them that is appropriate to our holiday that is not faith specific. For example, around the summer campfires, how many Christians have made “God’s Eyes” from two crossed sticks and colored yarn? They make it because it has historical significance with the summer solstice, they do not make it because it represents our deity… most of them never realize that it is Pagan in origin. See the way I look at it, by the time I have left my son’s classroom the students in his class have a new appreciation for the season. In addition, the staff sees that our holidays are not the morbid creations that some people spin; they see that out holidays are natural and normal!
Anyways, I have rambled on enough so in closing I want you to remember that coming out of the broom closet does not have to be as scary as you think it is because action speaks louder than words. If you live your life as a normal earth centered person would instead of fulfilling stereotypes applied to our faith, people may be surprised to learn that you are a “witch” but they will most likely accept you for who you are instead of who you worship.
Coming out of the Broom Closet: My Tale
In the wake of a national tragedy, one Army wife gains the courage to fly out of the broom closet!
Coming out of the broom closet was not something I was quite yet ready to do. Then it happened… people ask, “Where were you on the morning of September 11th, 2001? I was sleeping in when I received a frantic call from my best friend to wake up and turn on the television. That is where I remained for the next 6 hours, watching the TV in horror waiting to get a call from my husband saying that he was all right. That call never came. My husband is a medic in the Army. He is one of those “quiet professionals,” he is not allowed to talk about what he does for a living past “I am just a medic.” He left a few days prior on what the military calls TDY, it stands for Temporary Duty, but to a military wife it usually stands for… “Training somewhere and can’t talk about it Hun.” I called every number I had for him and no response, I called his supervisors and they could not locate his aircraft, I was in a panic. My mind raced for days wondering if he was OK. Then he walked through the front door about 4 days later. I was relieved, we talked for hours, and the reality of what had happened really hit home and we both knew that he would not be home long. The next morning I went with him to “compound” and updated all of our emergency forms, the will, everything, including the emergency contact form. The chaplain handed me my “emergency notification form” and asked me if everything on it was current. On the line for declared religion, it said Christian. For years, I had just left that line the way it was thinking that if I put what I really wanted to, it would hurt his career. I looked into the chaplains eyes and then at the crosses on his lapels, and thought to myself… what do I have to loose? This man is a man of God, right? Even if he is a strict Roman Catholic, he could not possibly attack a wife for her convictions, right? And do I really want him to come to my doorstep in the event that my husband is hurt or killed? Will a man I do not know, who only knows how to counsel based on his own religion be able to provide me comfort? The only answer that I knew that was true was that I would not be in the state of mind to make any decisions if that notification party arrived on my doorstep. So I asked him for a new form. Then I sat down and made the step that until that moment, I had not been ready to make… my pen paused briefly and then I wrote it… WICCA. On the next line, I was to put the name of my personal priest, I wrote the names of my High Priest and Priestess. And on the line for other support persons, I put the names of all of my coven mates. Then I included the name of a Methodist minister and his wife who happen to be very dear friends of mine. Then I handed back the form to the chaplain. He looked at me and said, “Is this a joke?” I straightened my posture and said, “No sir, my faith is no laughing matter. I expect that each person on that form be present if you have bad news to report to me. If you cannot find each of those people, do not bother notifying me until you do.” He gave me one of those “Oh you poor soul, you need salvation” looks and said that he would give the form to his assistant to be updated in their database. My husband was very proud of me even though he is not pagan, he was proud that I stood up for my beliefs and myself.
As we expected he left not too many days after that. He was gone for months. As I expected, the news of my change of religion status spread through the unit like wildfire. There were the people who quietly avoided me, and those who made comments thinking I did not hear them, and then there were a few that just pat me on the back and whispered, “you are not alone.” I had always wondered how the news officially leaked out that I was pagan. I had always assumed that the chaplain’s assistant might have leaked it. Surely, a man of God who is sworn not to disclose things of this matter would not have said anything. Right? Well after months, my husband returned and told me a story that answered my question of “who spread my business to everyone?” Before he had left, he had asked me to explain in more detail about my beliefs but time was not our friend. So I bought him the “Complete Idiot’s Guide to Wicca and Witchcraft” and told him to read it when he had the chance while he was overseas. I assured him that I had already read the book and that is was very simple to understand and not too far off of my basic beliefs, at least it would give him a basis of understanding. He agreed to read it while he was away.
While he was “in the sandbox,” he would sneak in time to discreetly read the book when he had a chance. One afternoon in the mess hall the chaplain’s assistant walked by him and noticed the book. He turned around and sat next to my husband as he scrambled to hide the book. The chaplain’s assistant laughed quietly and said “don’t worry man, it is alright.” My husband scrambled for a good excuse and the assistant stopped him cold. He told him that it was all right, that he knew because he was the one who filed my notification form. He then told my husband that he had something to show him, he pulled out his dog tags and attached to them was a pentagram and his tags read “other.” The two of them talked for hours and he answered any questions my husband had. When my husband came home, he told me the story and told me that he understood why I had found solace in Wicca and that he would support me in following my own path and raising our child with a sense of paganism in general. In that instant, I finally started to feel comfortable in coming out of the broom closet! After that point, I started really living my life as a proud pagan and I sought out as many people in the community as possible. When my husband was assigned to an overseas tour for a year, I moved “back home” where I knew there was a large pagan community. Now, I live my life for others, trying to make a difference in the community for others like me.
Do you know what is really sad? That chaplain’s assistant finally had to leave the unit and move to another state and another Army unit because as long as he was under this particular chaplain he did not see any awards or promotions. As you can guess, I pretty much know where the leak must have originated. It was certainly not from my fellow pagan, because he was already a victim of discrimination himself. Ironically, he made it to at unit in Hawaii and wouldn’t you know it? He was promoted and is doing well. It is a shame we had to loose such a good guy here… in my 8 years as a spouse of this unit, I have found more than just one pagan and we really could have used a fellow pagan in the chaplain’s corps! I am also very glad that the chaplain that assumed that my faith was a joke is no longer with us either. The new set of chaplains we have are great! I hope that one day there will be a pagan strong enough to stand up, become a chaplain in the Army, and begin making a real difference on how we are viewed!