(no subject)
I have the opportunity to do what I've wanted to do for the past two years... Do I take it?
If I go, I'd leave behind all my friends... I'd leave behind the awesome weekends at the apartment, I'd leave behind every new friend at school, I'd leave behind my mom, I'd leave behind everyone that still needs me... But I'd see so much. I'd learn so much. I wouldn't have any drama. I wouldn't have to worry about living up to people's expectations, I wouldn't have to worry about school or a cerfew or making sure everyone's happy. I could just be. And learn. Oh god the things I could learn...But I'm not out of school yet. I could be completely fucking up my future by going. But imagine how much more I could be if I learned more.
If I stay, I'd miss him terribly. As much as we fight, he's always been there for me. He's always looked out for me. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't in my life. I don't want to find out. I'd always wonder what I could've become if I went. I'll always wonder what I missed out on. But if I stay, I know I'd make something out of my life. I know I'd go to college. I know I wouldn't screw it up. I'd be able to stay friends with everyone, I'd have the closest person to me still with me.
I'm completely torn.
And the worst part is: I know I'm going to regret whatever decision I make.
I can't follow my heart, because it's not telling me anything. I can't follow my head because it's not telling me anything, either.
I'm so confused. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know what to do.
If I go, I'd leave behind all my friends... I'd leave behind the awesome weekends at the apartment, I'd leave behind every new friend at school, I'd leave behind my mom, I'd leave behind everyone that still needs me... But I'd see so much. I'd learn so much. I wouldn't have any drama. I wouldn't have to worry about living up to people's expectations, I wouldn't have to worry about school or a cerfew or making sure everyone's happy. I could just be. And learn. Oh god the things I could learn...But I'm not out of school yet. I could be completely fucking up my future by going. But imagine how much more I could be if I learned more.
If I stay, I'd miss him terribly. As much as we fight, he's always been there for me. He's always looked out for me. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't in my life. I don't want to find out. I'd always wonder what I could've become if I went. I'll always wonder what I missed out on. But if I stay, I know I'd make something out of my life. I know I'd go to college. I know I wouldn't screw it up. I'd be able to stay friends with everyone, I'd have the closest person to me still with me.
I'm completely torn.
And the worst part is: I know I'm going to regret whatever decision I make.
I can't follow my heart, because it's not telling me anything. I can't follow my head because it's not telling me anything, either.
I'm so confused. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know what to do.