001; ✸ text (action for gryffindor)

[sickjams]

[The feed starts abruptly, showing the coolkid here with a passive expression on his face where shades settled hiding his eyes. It's impossible to imagine what he's thinking, but he's looking at the books scattered on the bed and most specifically at the letter. In a flash the feed cuts off, though not before switching functions and the red text pops up.]

so here i was
sleeping beauty finally waking up
look cant be laying in all day
got shit to do a quest to pick up that shiny gold trophy
except what the fuck is this
oh look some douchebag had the decency to leave a fucking note ok sure why the hell not lets see what we got
sup strider guess what asshole youre a wizard
first thing im thinking
...
wait so is this some fucked up dream
oh nope youre seriously a wizard now
so we all dressing up and pretending shit
no yer a real dick wizard now harry
OH SHIT
fuck that not important crap back home you need to drop all that load and ass
youre in the mother fucking spotlight hero
"most honourable and righteous heroes"
wow do they seriously want us to believe this horseshit
you picked one complete asshole
nah heres your wand go wave that stick and defend the school
you know
by studying and taking classes
look i aint flighty broad who i bet would be god damn jacking off on this wizardry bs
now that you realize your mistake i expect for my ass to be zapped right where it belongs which btw isnt here
if theres one thing a strider doesnt do its abandon his duties
so hop to it yoda
but im gonna swing at this and guess
its not that easy
ding ding hang out that noble prize
oh fuck this bird is going fucking crack coo coo for coca puffs

[and the texts end there briefly.]