My Life...A Reality Show??
So most of you know that I kinda have a hidden obsession, and for those of you who don't, you will now. I am a fan of reality TV, especially Survivor. I hardly watch TV, but when i do, more than half the time, it is a reality show. It all did start with Survivor, but as of late, The Amazing Race has joined my lineup. I don't know why I like them so much. Maybe it is because I am a "real" guy watching a "real"ity show. As I watch these shows, I can relate many parts of my life to them. As a student in the DT program, I see myself go through many of the things that players in Survivor go through. I have said before that the DT program is vicious. So is Survivor. It brings out the worst of everyone, and so does the program. There is all kinds of backstabbing, kniving, rumor-spreading, and competition going on. Everyone talks about everyone. Tonight, I was watching Survivor (surprise surprise) and it made me think once again how close my life is to one of those shows.
I can remember one episode of Survivor where one player accuses another player of being a loser who won't go away without making it into a long, drawn-out speech to explain why he's a loser. I kinda saw that in my own life when I knew I had lost my chances of being with someone. I knew it was inevitable, but yet, i still went to this person and tried to talk to her hoping that maybe she would see where I was coming from, but knowing very well that it would end up being worse off than it started out to be. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy, but thats how I saw that whole situation.
I have always told myself that my integrity is the most important thing to me. My life is like playing a reality show. Most people tend to lose their integrity when they go on one of those shows, and i don't like that. As a DT, my integrity is in check almost every day because people are always watching me. These people talk about me and judge me, and I have to decide what i am to do about that. Last year, i did start to put my integrity on the line. I didn't know it, but that's what I was doing. I realized it later, so I promised to myself that I would never do that again. I have succeeded for the most part, but it was this past quarter when i was so immersed in school that i started to slip. Spring Break came at a good time though because I came to my home base and back to my foundations.
Last year, I got into another reality show on Spike TV: Joe Schmo. I now own the DVD set. I was watching it this week, and I remembered why i liked it so much. The main character (who's name just happens to be Matt also) was the perfect candidate for this "reality" show. He is the most kind-hearted, nice, and genuine guy I have ever seen. Honestly, I hope that I can be like him someday. I feel that I can be like him. Throughout the show, even though none of it was real, he put other people and their feelings before his own. He had respect for the situations and he accepted blows as they came with open arms. I just hope that someday I can be as genuine and nice and caring as he showed himself to be during that show.
Today, I realized how Matt might have felt when he found out the show wasn't real. I made a connection. I recently went through a situation where I started to question reality. That is probably the most scary part of my life thus far. Everything I have lived through my life has been real. There is this one situation, tho, where I questioned whether certain events and conversations were real or not. They seemed so real to me, but seeing how things are now, how could they have been? I am mostly over it, but that is the one point in my life where I have questioned reality. It makes me wonder whether other people can be like that. Have other people been putting on an act for me? Have there been other points in my life where I thought something was real and it really wasn't? It's all a psychological thing, and I feel now that i have somewhat gone through what Matt did in the Joe Schmo Show.
I guess, in closing (mainly because I am kinda tired right now) that to me, reality TV is real. There's a reason why they call it that. It is just an insight into the lives of us all. It brings out the good, the bad, and the ugly in us all. Maybe each and every one of us is living our own reality show...called life. To end with a really cheesy saying (and you can smack me later for it)...The MATT has spoken. <--why the hell did i say that??
I can remember one episode of Survivor where one player accuses another player of being a loser who won't go away without making it into a long, drawn-out speech to explain why he's a loser. I kinda saw that in my own life when I knew I had lost my chances of being with someone. I knew it was inevitable, but yet, i still went to this person and tried to talk to her hoping that maybe she would see where I was coming from, but knowing very well that it would end up being worse off than it started out to be. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy, but thats how I saw that whole situation.
I have always told myself that my integrity is the most important thing to me. My life is like playing a reality show. Most people tend to lose their integrity when they go on one of those shows, and i don't like that. As a DT, my integrity is in check almost every day because people are always watching me. These people talk about me and judge me, and I have to decide what i am to do about that. Last year, i did start to put my integrity on the line. I didn't know it, but that's what I was doing. I realized it later, so I promised to myself that I would never do that again. I have succeeded for the most part, but it was this past quarter when i was so immersed in school that i started to slip. Spring Break came at a good time though because I came to my home base and back to my foundations.
Last year, I got into another reality show on Spike TV: Joe Schmo. I now own the DVD set. I was watching it this week, and I remembered why i liked it so much. The main character (who's name just happens to be Matt also) was the perfect candidate for this "reality" show. He is the most kind-hearted, nice, and genuine guy I have ever seen. Honestly, I hope that I can be like him someday. I feel that I can be like him. Throughout the show, even though none of it was real, he put other people and their feelings before his own. He had respect for the situations and he accepted blows as they came with open arms. I just hope that someday I can be as genuine and nice and caring as he showed himself to be during that show.
Today, I realized how Matt might have felt when he found out the show wasn't real. I made a connection. I recently went through a situation where I started to question reality. That is probably the most scary part of my life thus far. Everything I have lived through my life has been real. There is this one situation, tho, where I questioned whether certain events and conversations were real or not. They seemed so real to me, but seeing how things are now, how could they have been? I am mostly over it, but that is the one point in my life where I have questioned reality. It makes me wonder whether other people can be like that. Have other people been putting on an act for me? Have there been other points in my life where I thought something was real and it really wasn't? It's all a psychological thing, and I feel now that i have somewhat gone through what Matt did in the Joe Schmo Show.
I guess, in closing (mainly because I am kinda tired right now) that to me, reality TV is real. There's a reason why they call it that. It is just an insight into the lives of us all. It brings out the good, the bad, and the ugly in us all. Maybe each and every one of us is living our own reality show...called life. To end with a really cheesy saying (and you can smack me later for it)...The MATT has spoken. <--why the hell did i say that??