(no subject)
4165512720
Air bender card
I’m taking a step back and recognizing I am not treating you with the dignity and respect that you deserve. I am being petty and creating a toxic cycle that we both agree is dramatic and upsetting. I do not want to take your autonomy so what do you think we should do about this.
Neither of us are perfect and you often see me blaming you when we get into arguments. I’m not trying to do that. I’m trying to hold myself accountable, I have not taken responsibility for my actions like putting blame on you, putting too much responsibility or responsibility you didn’t agree to on you without communicating and being passive aggressive. That is mean and it’s not how you deserve to be treated. I do feel like we make great friends but I only see myself important in your life if you see me in an intimate way which is not what I’m seeing so I think at least for now we should continue our time apart
I changed my view of how you were. Because I know while a lot was going on for me a lot was going on for you and you were doing the best you can. And we both were not able to be our best or support the other at their best toderhwe
Not too long ago I said I never wanted to be in a romantic relationship with you.
Soon after that you asked me on a date. I was so ducking smitten because that’s all I wanted. I was willing to give up what I had said and the decisions I made because you are the partner I felt safe with and wanted to build a life with.
You said you had wanted to show me you because you were acting more like yourself. I thought you too had seen me acting in a way you wanted a partner to. To see you as a safe place who was helping me grown, who I could be vulnerable with and rely on. When I didn’t feel that way I told you. When you asked me to be open and honest I did my best. Was I always perfect? No we’re you? No, that’s not the point. I just thought we were moving in the same direction.
I am not that partner for you. That’s fine. I get that. And maybe we can be the best of friends again but not right now.
When I brought up things that bothered me like how you talked to me plainly and clearly I was clearly not making you feel safe and secure.
I told you that I felt like you were making fun of me and you did not give me a clear answer
But when I said something racist you were able to tell me when I asked for clarification
While I while I did act violently on Sunday it does not mean that I did not communicate and was trying to see that you are not trying to hurt me.
I did say I was leaving before supper several times and that was not hinting but you chose to be grumpy right when I said I was leaving
You’re not on the same plane of existence
And so we can’t see eye to eye because I need to go on a journey to get there.
I pin point on something and spiral around it
It doesn’t matter how much I try if she’s not registering that I’m doing what she needs.
She isn’t seeing the results of the changes I’m making. She’s not seeing me communicating more and that’s why she’s not responding to it
She’s not seeing that I’m working until the assumption we want the best for each other being I’m still making conflict
She doesn’t see me as a good partner
It doesn’t sound sincere when I prise her for doing average things
There’s no resentment but this is where our communication has lead and I feel emotionally ok with it
I don’t care if you can’t see the progress I’ve made
I see it and know you can’t and while that hurts I am proud of how much I’ve worked
I don’t see what you see but I’m sorry if I hurt you but I don’t know what else to do
And maybe it’s just time to let that go
I’m not going to do the work of meeting you where you are if you’re not willing to do that for me
But thank you for helping me be a better me
Air bender card
I’m taking a step back and recognizing I am not treating you with the dignity and respect that you deserve. I am being petty and creating a toxic cycle that we both agree is dramatic and upsetting. I do not want to take your autonomy so what do you think we should do about this.
Neither of us are perfect and you often see me blaming you when we get into arguments. I’m not trying to do that. I’m trying to hold myself accountable, I have not taken responsibility for my actions like putting blame on you, putting too much responsibility or responsibility you didn’t agree to on you without communicating and being passive aggressive. That is mean and it’s not how you deserve to be treated. I do feel like we make great friends but I only see myself important in your life if you see me in an intimate way which is not what I’m seeing so I think at least for now we should continue our time apart
I changed my view of how you were. Because I know while a lot was going on for me a lot was going on for you and you were doing the best you can. And we both were not able to be our best or support the other at their best toderhwe
Not too long ago I said I never wanted to be in a romantic relationship with you.
Soon after that you asked me on a date. I was so ducking smitten because that’s all I wanted. I was willing to give up what I had said and the decisions I made because you are the partner I felt safe with and wanted to build a life with.
You said you had wanted to show me you because you were acting more like yourself. I thought you too had seen me acting in a way you wanted a partner to. To see you as a safe place who was helping me grown, who I could be vulnerable with and rely on. When I didn’t feel that way I told you. When you asked me to be open and honest I did my best. Was I always perfect? No we’re you? No, that’s not the point. I just thought we were moving in the same direction.
I am not that partner for you. That’s fine. I get that. And maybe we can be the best of friends again but not right now.
When I brought up things that bothered me like how you talked to me plainly and clearly I was clearly not making you feel safe and secure.
I told you that I felt like you were making fun of me and you did not give me a clear answer
But when I said something racist you were able to tell me when I asked for clarification
While I while I did act violently on Sunday it does not mean that I did not communicate and was trying to see that you are not trying to hurt me.
I did say I was leaving before supper several times and that was not hinting but you chose to be grumpy right when I said I was leaving
You’re not on the same plane of existence
And so we can’t see eye to eye because I need to go on a journey to get there.
I pin point on something and spiral around it
It doesn’t matter how much I try if she’s not registering that I’m doing what she needs.
She isn’t seeing the results of the changes I’m making. She’s not seeing me communicating more and that’s why she’s not responding to it
She’s not seeing that I’m working until the assumption we want the best for each other being I’m still making conflict
She doesn’t see me as a good partner
It doesn’t sound sincere when I prise her for doing average things
There’s no resentment but this is where our communication has lead and I feel emotionally ok with it
I don’t care if you can’t see the progress I’ve made
I see it and know you can’t and while that hurts I am proud of how much I’ve worked
I don’t see what you see but I’m sorry if I hurt you but I don’t know what else to do
And maybe it’s just time to let that go
I’m not going to do the work of meeting you where you are if you’re not willing to do that for me
But thank you for helping me be a better me