Straight boys go to daddy...gay boys go to mamma...
Momma would tell me that life isn't easy. That use to make me mad. Why should she have to sound so cynical...so pessimistic.
I've always tried to consider myself very optimistic. I try so very hard to find the good in every situation...no matter how bad the situation seemed. Even in this current situation. Not that it's extremely bad. But the thing is, I am afraid that I made a mistake. I am afraid that I am facing at least 10 more months of catty bullshit. I don't want that. That is exactly why I made the decision that I made. But now, it seems that is exactly what is going to happen. Why? I am too old to be living in high school'ish drama bullshit. But I continue to live by my own rules and stand up for what I believe in. Some might say that I am passive aggressive at times. That is so very true. But when it involves something that I will not stand for, or I at least feel that it deserves discussion/argument, I am agressive enough to get my point across.
The problem is that I don't get the impression that people take me serious enough. This is partly my fault. I know this. But when I try to change that and try to get taken seriously, I am called an asshole, or "what's wrong wtih you today?" Nothing is wrong wtih me today, except that I want to be taken seriously. I want people to stop treating me like the annoying guy.
A friend use to be the kid down the street that you went and played with after school. The that friend turned into the person you went to the movies with, or to the mall with, or to Morrison's with just cuz you wanted to do so. Then a friend became the person you called and cried with when you needed someone to cry with. The friend becomes the one that helps you decide what your life is for. The friend may even be the one that stops you at that critical point and tells you your life really is worth something...before you do something that ends it all. Then the friend becomes the one that you call every day, three or four times a day from long distances to ensure that connection is kept...the commonalities are cemented...you've just got to tell them that you got a B on the test and they must tell you at this very moment about that amazing thing that happened. Then the friend grows into something that you may not talk to every day, or not even every week. Sometimes a friendship will go sour due to some piss ant argument that really won't add up to a hill of beans. And both parties know the argument isn't worth anything, but both parties are thick headed and there isn't any giving up. If the relationship is strong enough, that argument will loose and the friendship will carry on. But no matter what happens, that friend will always be there to pull you out of the water...to remind you of who you once were and who you are now. A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. I have a ton of friends...I have a few that I consider really close friends..some I've known for a while and one in particular I've known only for about 5 or 6 months. And then there is one...my personal Pooh Bear. My very own Maria White. Over the past year, I've (unintentionally of course) failed to give her the time and attention she deserves. I do love you very much and I hope that you never doubt that.
Anyway, I am saying all this because, just as Momma said...life isn't easy. And I look back now and know that she wasn't being cynical. She was being honest. As we country redneck folk say, whether you've got the short end of the stick or the long'un, it's all the same. Life isn't easy. That's the truth...the long and short of it. When it comes down to it...all you have to help make it through the hard times are your friends, your family, and everything yo' momma use to tell ya'.
I don't want to loose a friendship over this. I am willing to forget all the petty shit. I am always willing to forget that kind of stuff. Sometimes, it may take me awhile. I do it in my own time, and in my own way. But in order for the forgettin' and movin' on to work, both parties have to be willing to participate. Relationships are always a two way street. I miss life the way it use to be. But as I mentioned in a previous post..."We can never go back to before."
Maybe life is hard. But we can still have fun, right?
Until next time...keep a song in your heart and a dance in your step!
Austin
I've always tried to consider myself very optimistic. I try so very hard to find the good in every situation...no matter how bad the situation seemed. Even in this current situation. Not that it's extremely bad. But the thing is, I am afraid that I made a mistake. I am afraid that I am facing at least 10 more months of catty bullshit. I don't want that. That is exactly why I made the decision that I made. But now, it seems that is exactly what is going to happen. Why? I am too old to be living in high school'ish drama bullshit. But I continue to live by my own rules and stand up for what I believe in. Some might say that I am passive aggressive at times. That is so very true. But when it involves something that I will not stand for, or I at least feel that it deserves discussion/argument, I am agressive enough to get my point across.
The problem is that I don't get the impression that people take me serious enough. This is partly my fault. I know this. But when I try to change that and try to get taken seriously, I am called an asshole, or "what's wrong wtih you today?" Nothing is wrong wtih me today, except that I want to be taken seriously. I want people to stop treating me like the annoying guy.
A friend use to be the kid down the street that you went and played with after school. The that friend turned into the person you went to the movies with, or to the mall with, or to Morrison's with just cuz you wanted to do so. Then a friend became the person you called and cried with when you needed someone to cry with. The friend becomes the one that helps you decide what your life is for. The friend may even be the one that stops you at that critical point and tells you your life really is worth something...before you do something that ends it all. Then the friend becomes the one that you call every day, three or four times a day from long distances to ensure that connection is kept...the commonalities are cemented...you've just got to tell them that you got a B on the test and they must tell you at this very moment about that amazing thing that happened. Then the friend grows into something that you may not talk to every day, or not even every week. Sometimes a friendship will go sour due to some piss ant argument that really won't add up to a hill of beans. And both parties know the argument isn't worth anything, but both parties are thick headed and there isn't any giving up. If the relationship is strong enough, that argument will loose and the friendship will carry on. But no matter what happens, that friend will always be there to pull you out of the water...to remind you of who you once were and who you are now. A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. I have a ton of friends...I have a few that I consider really close friends..some I've known for a while and one in particular I've known only for about 5 or 6 months. And then there is one...my personal Pooh Bear. My very own Maria White. Over the past year, I've (unintentionally of course) failed to give her the time and attention she deserves. I do love you very much and I hope that you never doubt that.
Anyway, I am saying all this because, just as Momma said...life isn't easy. And I look back now and know that she wasn't being cynical. She was being honest. As we country redneck folk say, whether you've got the short end of the stick or the long'un, it's all the same. Life isn't easy. That's the truth...the long and short of it. When it comes down to it...all you have to help make it through the hard times are your friends, your family, and everything yo' momma use to tell ya'.
I don't want to loose a friendship over this. I am willing to forget all the petty shit. I am always willing to forget that kind of stuff. Sometimes, it may take me awhile. I do it in my own time, and in my own way. But in order for the forgettin' and movin' on to work, both parties have to be willing to participate. Relationships are always a two way street. I miss life the way it use to be. But as I mentioned in a previous post..."We can never go back to before."
Maybe life is hard. But we can still have fun, right?
Until next time...keep a song in your heart and a dance in your step!
Austin