(no subject)
There are things I need to say, to people that just won't listen. For that, I am quite saddened. There were decisions made that hurt people on an as-yet-determined scale. On the same token, there are some scales that have been quite obviously displayed.
A few things I'd like to list... I work better in lists, I feel much more complete when I can make statements without explanation.
* I loved Chris.
* I still do.
* Every friend I made in Scotland has had a profound effect on me.
* Staying here, in the States, was the right choice.
* I never really knew the man I was in love with.
* He never really knew me.
* My friends there... were never mine. They were "Chris's girlfriend's" friends.
* I've made a series of drastic changes since I did not move to Scotland.
* I got my job back.
* I got my own place, which is beautiful, in the city, and very me.
* I started dating someone else.
* I'm doing things to better myself, things that I've always wanted to do.
* I realized, finally, that I do love myself.
* There are more people in the world that don't understand me, than do.
* I'm working toward a goal of getting back into school.
* I'm also working toward obtaining a position in my chosen field.
What does this boil down to? I'm better for the time I spent with Chris. I'm more complete. I know more about myself, my needs, my wants, my own faults that can ruin relationships. I also know more about how to read other people. Sitting back these last few weeks and analyzing what happened - I really just am not sure. I can see areas where I should have known something was wrong. Whether I knew and was just avoiding it is one thing.
***EDIT***
This was started over a week ago. I don't have the heart to finish it. But, I do want to publish what was done. I still believe every word. But I'm much better than I was then.
A few things I'd like to list... I work better in lists, I feel much more complete when I can make statements without explanation.
* I loved Chris.
* I still do.
* Every friend I made in Scotland has had a profound effect on me.
* Staying here, in the States, was the right choice.
* I never really knew the man I was in love with.
* He never really knew me.
* My friends there... were never mine. They were "Chris's girlfriend's" friends.
* I've made a series of drastic changes since I did not move to Scotland.
* I got my job back.
* I got my own place, which is beautiful, in the city, and very me.
* I started dating someone else.
* I'm doing things to better myself, things that I've always wanted to do.
* I realized, finally, that I do love myself.
* There are more people in the world that don't understand me, than do.
* I'm working toward a goal of getting back into school.
* I'm also working toward obtaining a position in my chosen field.
What does this boil down to? I'm better for the time I spent with Chris. I'm more complete. I know more about myself, my needs, my wants, my own faults that can ruin relationships. I also know more about how to read other people. Sitting back these last few weeks and analyzing what happened - I really just am not sure. I can see areas where I should have known something was wrong. Whether I knew and was just avoiding it is one thing.
***EDIT***
This was started over a week ago. I don't have the heart to finish it. But, I do want to publish what was done. I still believe every word. But I'm much better than I was then.