sometimes i wish i could dream reality
i don't understand how people can claim to possess the deepest of all human emotions and then have their actions be the most emotionless, thoughtless and careless things ever. it makes me so angry, i just want to slit their throat.
ANYWAY
on the subject of my family life. i hate to sound like little miss bitch who complains about everything, but well i suppose i shall anyway. maybe the world is emotionless, everyone except me of course. that was sarcasm by the way. i think it's just that people are almost completely incapable of knowing what will hurt another's feelings.
example1: kris and i came to my house, as soon as we walk in the door my dad asks kris to go with him to the airport, so they leave, without me. now i suppose from an outsider's perspective that doesn't sound very offensive, but when i add in that it was one of our few days together because we are both very busy and that my dad didn't even think of inviting me, that changes the situation, at least from my perspective. i felt not only unwanted but also very alone because in making me feel this way my dad took away my only comfort, kris the one person that i know understands me and has the amazing ability to lift my spirits.
example 2: tonight kris and i were downstairs watching columbo and my mom yells from the top of the stairs for me to clean up a whole bunch of shit. partly because i'm lazy and partly because i lack short term memory and mostly because i didn't want to leave my comfortable position on the couch in kris's arms i didn't get up immediately, which was her order. so she comes back and bitches at me and orders kris to go home. once again, yes i should have gotten up "immediately" but seeing as that's the first thing she had said to me all evening and that typically the dishes don't self combust when not done on call i made the decision to take mental note to do the dishes later, after kris left. apparently that was unacceptable so kris left and i did them damn dishes and proceeded to my room where i shed tears over my lack of formal goodnight to my dearest.
the point of all of this is that while from the outside these seem like simple stupid events, to me they make the list of top Grrs of the week. my parents have no way of knowing their actions would affect me the way they do, and i have no good way of conveying that message without offending them, so i am stuck feeling shitty, without kris, and awaiting the next similar incident. joyous ain't it?
i seem to be able to link all of my recent feelings of anger and depression to my parents in one way or another. if some part of you ever wondered why, hopefully that helps.
ANYWAY
on the subject of my family life. i hate to sound like little miss bitch who complains about everything, but well i suppose i shall anyway. maybe the world is emotionless, everyone except me of course. that was sarcasm by the way. i think it's just that people are almost completely incapable of knowing what will hurt another's feelings.
example1: kris and i came to my house, as soon as we walk in the door my dad asks kris to go with him to the airport, so they leave, without me. now i suppose from an outsider's perspective that doesn't sound very offensive, but when i add in that it was one of our few days together because we are both very busy and that my dad didn't even think of inviting me, that changes the situation, at least from my perspective. i felt not only unwanted but also very alone because in making me feel this way my dad took away my only comfort, kris the one person that i know understands me and has the amazing ability to lift my spirits.
example 2: tonight kris and i were downstairs watching columbo and my mom yells from the top of the stairs for me to clean up a whole bunch of shit. partly because i'm lazy and partly because i lack short term memory and mostly because i didn't want to leave my comfortable position on the couch in kris's arms i didn't get up immediately, which was her order. so she comes back and bitches at me and orders kris to go home. once again, yes i should have gotten up "immediately" but seeing as that's the first thing she had said to me all evening and that typically the dishes don't self combust when not done on call i made the decision to take mental note to do the dishes later, after kris left. apparently that was unacceptable so kris left and i did them damn dishes and proceeded to my room where i shed tears over my lack of formal goodnight to my dearest.
the point of all of this is that while from the outside these seem like simple stupid events, to me they make the list of top Grrs of the week. my parents have no way of knowing their actions would affect me the way they do, and i have no good way of conveying that message without offending them, so i am stuck feeling shitty, without kris, and awaiting the next similar incident. joyous ain't it?
i seem to be able to link all of my recent feelings of anger and depression to my parents in one way or another. if some part of you ever wondered why, hopefully that helps.