Update on a Journal I haven't used in a LONG time

Jun 11, 2008 15:36

Hm... Well, I guess I'm updating to reassure myself that I can still log into LJ after all this time. I have to say that I was pulled back into LJ after I realized my dislike for the Book Twilight and whatever comes after that ( Read more... )

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viralmancer June 13 2008, 14:41:26 UTC
Ah, the hell with the original- let's you and I rewrite Twilight to make it more suitable. :D

*ahem*

Once upon a time there was a vampire named Murgatroyd. He was beautiful and sparkly and good. And especially sparkly. All who gazed upon him were instantly struck by his beauty and sparkliness. Tall and slender was he, with wonderful breath that sent people into pliant dazes; for he was Murgatroyd, son of Lurgatroyd, and he knew no equal.

To be continued...?

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mage_power June 16 2008, 20:55:56 UTC
Halfway across the world in Italy, a narcissistic vampire hunter who was not homosexual, and therefore, was not affected by the prettiness of Murgatroyd, bought a pair of sunglasses and a gun that shot out splinters of wood.

Meanwhile, Murgatroyd looked over his schedule and realized he needed to find a soul mate. He believed, in all of his beautiful goodness, that he was going to find his true love in a high school in Washington State. By true love, Murgatroyd naturally meant someone that he could whine and vent to whenever his bi-polar half kicked in.

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viralmancer June 17 2008, 16:56:09 UTC
As the self-respecting (hahaHA!) son of Lurgatroyd VI, the Original Sparkly Vampire (tm), Murgatroyd knew that it was his duty and his destiny to find said strumpet. So Murgatroyd the Sparkly Directionally-Challenged Vampire packed up his bags and flew to Washington city, where he met the love of his life, an 89-year-old woman named Gertrude.

"Wait a minute," Murgatroyd exclaimed, "That can't be right! I am Murgatroyd, son of Lurgatroyd, the second Original Sparkly Vampire, power incarnate, beauty personified, and I can't possibly fall in love with an old hag named Gertrude! It is not within nature!"

So the author did a quick rewrite, and Murgatroyd, who was not at all shallow, was soon happily in love with a 16-year-old named Imaprettystar. However, Imaprettystar turned out to be a bit of a strumpet, so he had to destroy her. Oops. Should've stuck with Gertrude.

Next issue: Will Murgatroyd ever find love???

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mage_power June 17 2008, 18:10:26 UTC
Being that Murgatroyd was still in Washington City at the time, all he was able to find were a lot of prostitutes and hobos. The pride of him being the second OSV led him to believe that perhaps he was mistaken in his placement about where to be for the setting.
This was further emphasized when the Narcissistic Vampire Hunter walked into the same Starbucks as Murgatroyd and attempted to blow the vampire's brains out as he was trying to flirt with the waitress.
Murgatroyd decided that he should take the first plane that landed at Dallas airport and fly somewhere far away.

Meanwhile, as our sparkly hero was making plans to move to Washington State (Washington Memorial was not an option, as he found out), the vampire hunter decided he was going to help himself to Murgatroyd's meal, aka, the waitress at Starbucks. As the reader will learn, this vampire hunter, all cliches possible, was also a vampire. (Oops, well, I guess the reader knows his secret now...)

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viralmancer June 22 2008, 02:25:27 UTC
However, the vampire hunter just happened to see Murgatroyd running by the window in an attempt to take flight, whereupon he was so struck by Murgatroyd's unnatural beauty that he turned gay, like, instantly. We swear we are not making this up.
Lovestruck, the newly gay vampire hunter ran out of the Starbucks just in time to witness Murgatroyd leaping from the runway (sidewalk) and taking flight.

"Well, fuck," he said, "flying always ruins my beautiful hair."

Still, no price was too great to pay for Murgatroyd, and within moments the vampire hunter was flying to Washington state in the Concorde at mach 85. His brains probably should've been blowing out his ears, the way they were with everyone else's, but he was THE Narcissistic Vampire Hunter and by gum! No filthy science was going to keep him from his beloved Murgatroyd!

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mage_power June 29 2008, 19:50:11 UTC
At this point in the story, the author believed that the vampire hunter chasing after her Murgatroyd dearest was a big no-no, so she created a Mary Sue. This Mary Sue's name was named Diamond Skylight Lilyflower Moonbelle. She was the daughter of Sirius Black, niece to Dracula, granddaughter to GOD, so therefore, she was easily able to destroy the vampire hunter with one blow from her sparkly crystal orb. Afterwords, she grew wings magically (because she was the daughter to GOD, you know) and made her way to chase after the vampire to soothe his loveless heart.

As soon as she made her SPARKLY entrance, she tripped and lost all of her magical powers. Murgatroyd found her a poor, beautiful girl and instantly fell in love with her.

"Your blood smells good," he said. "But I am dangerous."
"That's alright," DSLM replied, "You are very pretty. Let's frolic!"

And thus, the readers found themselves reading 200 pages of this:


... )

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