put your hands on my hi-fi
Dear Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time:
Congratulations -- you're the latest member of the pantheon of great men known as Alaina's Pretend Boyfriends! [And by 'great,' I of course mean 'unattainable.' Either because of their status, or because -- as in your case -- they are fictional.] As a result of your stellar performance on last night's episode of Once Upon a Time, you have catapulted up to #2. Not that anyone's counting.
Well. I am. Because I'm all that matters.
Here, let me take a moment and introduce you to your brethren. James Bond/Daniel Craig [used as a slash-mark because the two are completely indistinguishable to me. Although Daniel Craig is edging out Mr. Bond, because Daniel Craig on SNL proved himself to be funny] is sitting at the bar, sipping on a clear martini. He may look like he's drinking himself into a stupor, but in reality, his mind is reeling with plans, schemes, and stratagems. Always thinking, he is.
Also always thinking is current Pretend Boyfriend #4, Mr. Anthony Stark. He's only here for the conversation, though -- his heart belongs to Pepper Potts, and I'm okay with that. But with Sir Talks-Not-A-Lot drowning his sorrows in martinis named after his dead girlfriend and Mr. Mopey Fangs in the corner, sometimes a girl needs some snappy banter and pop culture references that don't end in cutting remarks directed at oneself. Yes, I am talking about you, Damon Salvatore. Oh, don't give me that crystal blue eye-thing! I'm not falling for that! Dude has a broken heart. I keep trying to mend it, but I'm just not vampire enough for him.
Joel McHale is taking a holiday, but he'll be back on October 19th -- er, I mean, February 7th. Nathan Fillion's at the desk, working on some new geeky thing. He got his old typewriter out the other day; not sure if he's writing a story or working on getting Mal Reynolds into the new Star Wars canon. Either way, he's kind of occupied.
So that leaves you, Number 2. And your sole job here? Be awesome. Be the pirate with the guyliner but can actually walk under his own power and can be both amazingly hot and yet at the same time, completely terrifying. Honey, I may have loved Jack Sparrow, but he was never a member of this club.
Honestly, just be yourself. I'll just be sitting over here, watching you. Because -- and I don't throw this term around lightly -- dayum.
Love,
Alaina
those Once Upon a Time writers had better not kill you off. I will cut a bitch if that happens.
Congratulations -- you're the latest member of the pantheon of great men known as Alaina's Pretend Boyfriends! [And by 'great,' I of course mean 'unattainable.' Either because of their status, or because -- as in your case -- they are fictional.] As a result of your stellar performance on last night's episode of Once Upon a Time, you have catapulted up to #2. Not that anyone's counting.
Well. I am. Because I'm all that matters.
Here, let me take a moment and introduce you to your brethren. James Bond/Daniel Craig [used as a slash-mark because the two are completely indistinguishable to me. Although Daniel Craig is edging out Mr. Bond, because Daniel Craig on SNL proved himself to be funny] is sitting at the bar, sipping on a clear martini. He may look like he's drinking himself into a stupor, but in reality, his mind is reeling with plans, schemes, and stratagems. Always thinking, he is.
Also always thinking is current Pretend Boyfriend #4, Mr. Anthony Stark. He's only here for the conversation, though -- his heart belongs to Pepper Potts, and I'm okay with that. But with Sir Talks-Not-A-Lot drowning his sorrows in martinis named after his dead girlfriend and Mr. Mopey Fangs in the corner, sometimes a girl needs some snappy banter and pop culture references that don't end in cutting remarks directed at oneself. Yes, I am talking about you, Damon Salvatore. Oh, don't give me that crystal blue eye-thing! I'm not falling for that! Dude has a broken heart. I keep trying to mend it, but I'm just not vampire enough for him.
Joel McHale is taking a holiday, but he'll be back on October 19th -- er, I mean, February 7th. Nathan Fillion's at the desk, working on some new geeky thing. He got his old typewriter out the other day; not sure if he's writing a story or working on getting Mal Reynolds into the new Star Wars canon. Either way, he's kind of occupied.
So that leaves you, Number 2. And your sole job here? Be awesome. Be the pirate with the guyliner but can actually walk under his own power and can be both amazingly hot and yet at the same time, completely terrifying. Honey, I may have loved Jack Sparrow, but he was never a member of this club.
Honestly, just be yourself. I'll just be sitting over here, watching you. Because -- and I don't throw this term around lightly -- dayum.
Love,
Alaina
those Once Upon a Time writers had better not kill you off. I will cut a bitch if that happens.