The island's not done with you yet.
YEAH. I KNOW. Thanks, Widmore.
That whole "type during commercials thing" worked real well the other day.
Lost 6.9: The Package
K, hold on. Episode 6.9, the package... heh heh.
Cold Open
Alterna!Jin and Alterna!Sun AREN'T MARRIED?! That's HORRIBLE! My entire world has collapsed! It's like, once the plane landed, down was up, black was white, hot dogs were chicken and little toads grew up to be hawks. (You guys, I don't even know where that sentence landed. I apologize.) But then, something made my little heart sing once more:
In the Island!Reality: SHIT HAPPENS. PEOPLE GET SHOT IN THE NECK WITH DARTS.
See, this is a saying from my college friends Sarah, Jen and Emily. It still comes up in conversation today, so when we see the phrase put into practice, it makes us feel special.
Act I
Sun just wants to find Jin. Alterna!Sun just wants to sleep with Alterna!Jin. Locke Ness Monster just wants to bring Sun and Jin together, but Sun doesn't trust him. Run, Sun, Run!
Hm. That paragraph is almost Dadaist in nature. *shrugs*
I wonder, as I sit here, eating Reduced Fat Skippy straight out of the jar with a knife (because I'm a badass): would Claire return to normal if she only had some peanut butter? Maybe that's everyone's problem: severe peanut butter deficiency.
Act II
What does Martin Keamy have to do with Mr. Paik?! WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO TO SUN AND IS JIN GOING TO RESCUE HER?
Act III
I wonder if Keamy was the person that Jin was originally supposed to meet? Or if they just keep trotting Keamy out because people hate him so much. OH RIGHT THE RESTAURANT FROM WHEN SAYID FINDS JIN IN THE WALK-IN! Jesus, I only saw that three nights ago and I'm already forgetting this shit.
[Ilana gives Ben a look after bringing an injured Sun back to camp]
Ben: What? Oh -- for the fourth time, I was gathering mangoes and she was already unconscious when I found her. Why won't you believe me?
Ben, I heart you. When did Ben become my favorite? Because I believe I hated him four years ago. Oh, you wiley creature, you -- you're going to end up breaking my heart, aren't you?
Sun has aphasia? Oh -- that was a plot point of a TV show I used to watch ... Grey's Anatomy? House? Oh man, that's going to bug me ...
Hey, Widmore can go on land! Although it's not the Island ... hmm... OH GREAT, AND NOW NOT!LOCKE IS WAGING WAR AGAINST WIDMORE? oh, fuck me.
Act IV
Yay Richard's back! And Sun's yelling at him in Korean! And Jack had this wonderful moment where, when Richard glanced at him asking if he knew what she was saying, Jack did this "Dude, I dunno, being a Candidate doesn't exactly mean I've learned Korean overnight. I did, however, catch 'idiot' in there, and I'm staying out of it by playing dumb."
Oh, that's right, I forgot to mention that back in Act III. Hey it's Russian Mikhail who killed Charlie! And he has both eyes! And speaks Korean! What ... what are the odds? Dudes, I don't even know anymore.
Jailed physicist? Huh? Oh - Zoe's a geophysicist. Enunciate, honey. *gasp* OH GOD PICTURES OF JI YEON nearly had some tears there.
Widmore: Come with me. I think it's time for you to see The Package.
Alaina: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days? Are you sure you're not overcompensating for the size of it what with all the money you're spending trying to save the island? Are you sure you want Jin to see The Package? I know they're not trying to be dirty, but come on! Wait, and then the Package is a 'who,' not a 'what'? Dudes, that just lends to my theory.
Act V (yay!)
Oh that's right, Sherlock Holmes is out on DVD now. Oo! IRON MAN 2 comes out this Friday! can't wait can't wait can't wait yes I'm bouncing on my couch right now, what?
ANYWAY.
AND THEN THE RUSSIAN LOST HIS EYE. AND SUN GOT SHOT???????????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh my god, NOW WHAT?!
When did Kate stop calling him Sawyer? I still call him Sawyer.
*ahem* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DESMOND CAME BACK TO THE ISLAND BECAUSE SOMEHOW WIDMORE CAUGHT HIM AND BROUGHT HIM BACK THIS WILL NOT END WELL
Okay, one more. I have to do this. (That whole 'writing during the acts thing'? Yeah, that's out the window now.)
Lost 6.10: "Happily Ever After"
I swear to FUCKING GOD ALMIGHTY, if something happened to DESMOND AND PENNY IN THE ISLAND!REALITY, I WILL FUCKING CUT A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH.
Time out. The woman who's playing Zoe the Geophysicist is married to Richard Schiff. That's awesome.
Yeah, where is Penny? OH THANK GOD, Penny and Young Charlie are still safe and okay -- but, if Desmond's on Island Reality, are Penny and Young Charlie in Island Reality but in LA, or did they fly back to Alterna!Reality? And if they're back in Alterna!Reality, then what's with saying Young Charlie's okay because HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN BORN YET.
Oh God, what's with the bunny? WHAT IS WITH THIS SHOW AND KILLING BUNNIES?!
No, Widmore - don't you fucking DARE put Desmond in that box with the electromagnetism and the burning people to crisps. FUCKING CUT A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, people! I'll do it! Why do you think Eddie Vedder stays on the West Coast?
Ohhhhh... mindfuck - Widmore and Desmond being partners in business? COMPLETE WITH HUG? Lost, what are you doing to me?!
OMG I am totally biting my hand right now to keep from screaming. First, Widmore is pouring Desmond some of his MacCutcheon. Secondly, CHARLIE IS A WIDMORE. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK? Charlie and Penny are half-siblings? Thirdly, CHARLIE!!!!!! Who is still trying to kill himself, apparently?
Wait, back to point #2: I misheard. Widmore was talking about Daniel as a musician. Aww, "You All Everybody." I missed you.
OH NO NOT AGAIN I CANNOT WATCH CHARLIE DROWN A SECOND TIME IN A DIFFERENT WAY I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME
Wait -- Desmond remembered "Not Penny's Boat". Does this -- oh god, what now?
Okay, I may have just sat here in rapture for the past twenty minutes trying to figure it out; or, I may be falling asleep while watching The Colbert Report. The point is, I only have TWO episodes to go.
I WILL BE CURRENT BY 9 P.M. TUESDAY.
That whole "type during commercials thing" worked real well the other day.
Lost 6.9: The Package
K, hold on. Episode 6.9, the package... heh heh.
Cold Open
Alterna!Jin and Alterna!Sun AREN'T MARRIED?! That's HORRIBLE! My entire world has collapsed! It's like, once the plane landed, down was up, black was white, hot dogs were chicken and little toads grew up to be hawks. (You guys, I don't even know where that sentence landed. I apologize.) But then, something made my little heart sing once more:
In the Island!Reality: SHIT HAPPENS. PEOPLE GET SHOT IN THE NECK WITH DARTS.
See, this is a saying from my college friends Sarah, Jen and Emily. It still comes up in conversation today, so when we see the phrase put into practice, it makes us feel special.
Act I
Sun just wants to find Jin. Alterna!Sun just wants to sleep with Alterna!Jin. Locke Ness Monster just wants to bring Sun and Jin together, but Sun doesn't trust him. Run, Sun, Run!
Hm. That paragraph is almost Dadaist in nature. *shrugs*
I wonder, as I sit here, eating Reduced Fat Skippy straight out of the jar with a knife (because I'm a badass): would Claire return to normal if she only had some peanut butter? Maybe that's everyone's problem: severe peanut butter deficiency.
Act II
What does Martin Keamy have to do with Mr. Paik?! WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO TO SUN AND IS JIN GOING TO RESCUE HER?
Act III
I wonder if Keamy was the person that Jin was originally supposed to meet? Or if they just keep trotting Keamy out because people hate him so much. OH RIGHT THE RESTAURANT FROM WHEN SAYID FINDS JIN IN THE WALK-IN! Jesus, I only saw that three nights ago and I'm already forgetting this shit.
[Ilana gives Ben a look after bringing an injured Sun back to camp]
Ben: What? Oh -- for the fourth time, I was gathering mangoes and she was already unconscious when I found her. Why won't you believe me?
Ben, I heart you. When did Ben become my favorite? Because I believe I hated him four years ago. Oh, you wiley creature, you -- you're going to end up breaking my heart, aren't you?
Sun has aphasia? Oh -- that was a plot point of a TV show I used to watch ... Grey's Anatomy? House? Oh man, that's going to bug me ...
Hey, Widmore can go on land! Although it's not the Island ... hmm... OH GREAT, AND NOW NOT!LOCKE IS WAGING WAR AGAINST WIDMORE? oh, fuck me.
Act IV
Yay Richard's back! And Sun's yelling at him in Korean! And Jack had this wonderful moment where, when Richard glanced at him asking if he knew what she was saying, Jack did this "Dude, I dunno, being a Candidate doesn't exactly mean I've learned Korean overnight. I did, however, catch 'idiot' in there, and I'm staying out of it by playing dumb."
Oh, that's right, I forgot to mention that back in Act III. Hey it's Russian Mikhail who killed Charlie! And he has both eyes! And speaks Korean! What ... what are the odds? Dudes, I don't even know anymore.
Jailed physicist? Huh? Oh - Zoe's a geophysicist. Enunciate, honey. *gasp* OH GOD PICTURES OF JI YEON nearly had some tears there.
Widmore: Come with me. I think it's time for you to see The Package.
Alaina: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days? Are you sure you're not overcompensating for the size of it what with all the money you're spending trying to save the island? Are you sure you want Jin to see The Package? I know they're not trying to be dirty, but come on! Wait, and then the Package is a 'who,' not a 'what'? Dudes, that just lends to my theory.
Act V (yay!)
Oh that's right, Sherlock Holmes is out on DVD now. Oo! IRON MAN 2 comes out this Friday! can't wait can't wait can't wait yes I'm bouncing on my couch right now, what?
ANYWAY.
AND THEN THE RUSSIAN LOST HIS EYE. AND SUN GOT SHOT???????????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh my god, NOW WHAT?!
When did Kate stop calling him Sawyer? I still call him Sawyer.
*ahem* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DESMOND CAME BACK TO THE ISLAND BECAUSE SOMEHOW WIDMORE CAUGHT HIM AND BROUGHT HIM BACK THIS WILL NOT END WELL
Okay, one more. I have to do this. (That whole 'writing during the acts thing'? Yeah, that's out the window now.)
Lost 6.10: "Happily Ever After"
I swear to FUCKING GOD ALMIGHTY, if something happened to DESMOND AND PENNY IN THE ISLAND!REALITY, I WILL FUCKING CUT A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH.
Time out. The woman who's playing Zoe the Geophysicist is married to Richard Schiff. That's awesome.
Yeah, where is Penny? OH THANK GOD, Penny and Young Charlie are still safe and okay -- but, if Desmond's on Island Reality, are Penny and Young Charlie in Island Reality but in LA, or did they fly back to Alterna!Reality? And if they're back in Alterna!Reality, then what's with saying Young Charlie's okay because HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN BORN YET.
Oh God, what's with the bunny? WHAT IS WITH THIS SHOW AND KILLING BUNNIES?!
No, Widmore - don't you fucking DARE put Desmond in that box with the electromagnetism and the burning people to crisps. FUCKING CUT A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, people! I'll do it! Why do you think Eddie Vedder stays on the West Coast?
Ohhhhh... mindfuck - Widmore and Desmond being partners in business? COMPLETE WITH HUG? Lost, what are you doing to me?!
OMG I am totally biting my hand right now to keep from screaming. First, Widmore is pouring Desmond some of his MacCutcheon. Secondly, CHARLIE IS A WIDMORE. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK? Charlie and Penny are half-siblings? Thirdly, CHARLIE!!!!!! Who is still trying to kill himself, apparently?
Wait, back to point #2: I misheard. Widmore was talking about Daniel as a musician. Aww, "You All Everybody." I missed you.
OH NO NOT AGAIN I CANNOT WATCH CHARLIE DROWN A SECOND TIME IN A DIFFERENT WAY I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME
Wait -- Desmond remembered "Not Penny's Boat". Does this -- oh god, what now?
Okay, I may have just sat here in rapture for the past twenty minutes trying to figure it out; or, I may be falling asleep while watching The Colbert Report. The point is, I only have TWO episodes to go.
I WILL BE CURRENT BY 9 P.M. TUESDAY.