I remember when..........
I can't say that I was ever a pretty girl or a girl that could have anything she wanted. Growing up in Monticello really messed up my sense of self and I didn't value the person that I had the potential to be. I was angry and mean and I can still see this inside me sometimes. Now I think I should have let up on myself a bit. After being in Japan and leaving there with so many people that I call family, I feel validated and really proud of myself. I didn't think I would make it a year, but I made it for two.
I heart broke. I remember when I gave up......
Now I can see it, and I will try to keep seeing it through the tough times, when I love myself and can truly smile I am an unstoppable force. In work, in love, and in life in general. I have been so blessed in my life. It started out rocky, but now I have a job where I can develop as a Technology teacher in a country I always wanted to live in.
I did grow a little vain in Japan, which I think is good and bad. For the first time in my life I realized I was at the center of attention. I was tall, very dark skinned and totally exotic to not only Japanese people, but many Foreigners from the South Pacific and other parts of Asia and Europe. For the first time, I had everyone's undivided attention and I started to take care of myself and make sure I looked good when leaving the house. It doesn't mean heels and diamonds, just fixing my hair and a bit of make up. Smiling more and approaching people and getting positive feedback. It was just nice to hear for a change: You are a beautiful woman. Not worry about some guy picking me up just a simple compliment from men and women. It just made me a bit more conscious of the face I presented to the world. Now that I am not so exotic, until I speak with my American accent, I think I will still take care of myself but I won't be so self conscious about the staring.
I have gotten everything I wanted, not easily, but I got it and now its time for a new chapter in my life story. What will I get up to next, what adventures and mis-adventures wait for me in England? Who knows, but it promises to be one helluva ride!
I heart broke. I remember when I gave up......
Now I can see it, and I will try to keep seeing it through the tough times, when I love myself and can truly smile I am an unstoppable force. In work, in love, and in life in general. I have been so blessed in my life. It started out rocky, but now I have a job where I can develop as a Technology teacher in a country I always wanted to live in.
I did grow a little vain in Japan, which I think is good and bad. For the first time in my life I realized I was at the center of attention. I was tall, very dark skinned and totally exotic to not only Japanese people, but many Foreigners from the South Pacific and other parts of Asia and Europe. For the first time, I had everyone's undivided attention and I started to take care of myself and make sure I looked good when leaving the house. It doesn't mean heels and diamonds, just fixing my hair and a bit of make up. Smiling more and approaching people and getting positive feedback. It was just nice to hear for a change: You are a beautiful woman. Not worry about some guy picking me up just a simple compliment from men and women. It just made me a bit more conscious of the face I presented to the world. Now that I am not so exotic, until I speak with my American accent, I think I will still take care of myself but I won't be so self conscious about the staring.
I have gotten everything I wanted, not easily, but I got it and now its time for a new chapter in my life story. What will I get up to next, what adventures and mis-adventures wait for me in England? Who knows, but it promises to be one helluva ride!