Better This Way
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she watched him leave. The window fogged from her hot breath.
Her throat tightened and a sob soon escaped her, tears flowing freely. How could she have let him go? She raised a shaky hand to the window and pressed it against the cold glass pane. Her fingers left a trail in the mist that had built up from her breath as she let her hand slip down.
Through the mist she watched him mount his broom and kick off the ground, hard, flying up into the blood red sky. Part of her wanted to run outside, run after him, scream at him to stay. But she knew it was wrong. She knew he had to leave. It was for the best. That's what she told him in no uncertain words. And she believed the words she had spoken at the time. She could see in his eyes that he too was hurt by the words she had spoken. His only reaction, however, was a single curt nod. Then he had turned and left. She had felt strong at that moment, convinced to have done the right thing. But now, watching him leave without a backwards glance tore her heart apart. She had never felt more heart broken in her short life.
It was then that she realised she loved him. It was also then that she realised it was too late. He was gone from her life and he would not return to her because she had pushed him away, told him it would never work and that she was not the one for him. She had expected him to argue, as he usually did. This time, however, he had not.
She turned around and leant against the wall with her back, slowly sliding to the ground. Then she pulled her legs up and hugged them tightly, sobbing openly. "Oh gods what have I done?" she mumbled through her tears.
She closed her eyes and memories flooded her. Memories of animosity between her and him, years of hate for one another. And then, last Halloween night, everything had changed. It all had started as a stupid game. He was dared to kiss her and he had. She was too proud to back off the challenge and had kissed him back.
Ever since then he had tried to speak with her, asked her out even. But she knew better than to give in. She had seen him break other girls’ hearts. No, she was determined not to be another one of his trophies. And anyway, she didn’t care for him and it only annoyed her that he did not take a ‘no’ for an answer.
Her eyes burnt with hot tears and her mouth had become so dry she had difficulty swallowing. She had exhausted herself crying and, right there on the floor, fell into a sleep that neither rested nor regenerated her. It merely served to break her conscious thoughts for a few short hours.
When she awoke, everything around her was dark. She struggled to remember what had happened and why she felt so empty and broken. She also felt warm. She sat up and realised she was in her bed. Wondering how she got there, she swung her legs over the side and sat on the edge of her mattress.
Her head ached and she rubbed her temples in circular motion to ease the pain. While she massaged her head, the early evening came back to her mind. He had told her again that he wanted to be with her, sworn to her that he would not break her heart. And she had pushed him away, again. For the last time. Only to realise, too late, that she was wrong. She loved him and she had broken his heart.
Recalling the look on his face as she spoke those hurtful words to him, she now realised that he had told the truth. He said he had fallen in love with her and that he wanted to be with her. She had told him to stop lying, to leave and to never return. The hurt she had recognised in his eyes at the time she had attributed to the harshness of her words, not the actual content of them. Now, a few hours later, his eyes haunted her. What if he really had spoken the truth? What if he really did love her? What if everything she had accused him of doing, in actual fact she had done to him?
She shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts. She was strong, she would get over him. Purposefully, she stood up and straightened her back. She was going to get a glass of water and then forget about him. She didn’t need him. She didn’t love him. It was better this way. If only she would still believe her own words to be true.
She rubbed her eyes and made her way into her kitchen in the dark. She didn’t bother to light the candles on her way. It seemed right to be in the dark. Once in the kitchen she took a glass from the shelf and filled it with water. She drained it in one go and set it on the counter before sighing heavily.
The emptiness hit her then. A feeling so hollow she didn’t know if she could bear it. Although her eyes burnt again, no more tears would come. She put her hands onto the kitchen counter and leaned onto it for support, closing her eyes as she did so. She felt weak, empty and alone.
When she opened her eyes again, the flickering of a light source alarmed her. Alert and scared she turned to see where it came from. She was unarmed, not having her wand with her. There, on her kitchen table, a single candle was lit bathing the room in a low light, dark shadows dancing across the walls.
She quickly scanned the room and her gaze fell to the open door that led into the hall. Another light source drew her near and she followed its pull. Another single candle lit the corridor of her hallway. Trembling with fear and hardly daring to breathe, she crept up on the open living room door. Yet another single candle was lit, beckoning her to go and investigate.
A dark figure stood at the window, looking out. Her heart stopped for a brief moment before it started to hammer wildly in her chest. The dark figure turned around to face her. She let out an involuntary gasp and quickly clasped her hand over her mouth. It couldn’t be! She stood, rooted to her spot, not daring to believe her eyes ,which were wide in shock.
With two long strides the figure closed the gap between them and stood tall in front of her. He grabbed her by her shoulders and intensely looked into her eyes when he spoke in a low, almost pleading voice.
"I love you. I can’t live without you. Tell me now that you do not love me. Say those words to me now and I will leave for good. I need to hear you say those words."
It took her a moment for her brain to register what he had said to her. She opened and closed her mouth a few times; no sound coming out. Then she swallowed hard before, in one swift motion, shrugging his hands off her and answering him flatly.
"You came back."
"Yes," was his response, pain showing in his eyes.
"When did you…"
"You were asleep on the floor. I didn’t want to wake you." his eyes pleaded with her. "Please answer me. I don’t believe what you said earlier. I need you to tell me that you do not love me."
He closed his eyes in anticipation of her words and he winced slightly as he heard her inhale just before she spoke in a soft whisper.
"I love you, too."