Pomp and Shitty, Untimely Circumstance
It's graduation today. In a few minutes I'll go watch and cheer from the balcony as students process triumphantly towards the ceremony. Later I will spend a few hours directing glowingly proud parents and relieved spouses to a celebratory brunch.
Mom never got to do this and she really should have. Mothers day was fine, but today hurts. She loved this stuff. The hoods and the robes and the arbitrary groupings. The awards and the speeches and all that, it tickled her. She should have gotten her tiny decorative pewter bowl in person and some pieces of paper and letters to go with it. I should have glowed and listened to people gush about her over cut fruit and pastries in a ballroom. That's not ever going to happen. She did so many things and got so much that most people never do, but she should have gotten a graduation too. She was so inherently academic, it's just wrong.
Doesn't help I had a very vivid dream about her last night. First in a long time. Not never-dead, but come back to life through some inexplicable Ande-trick. Probably not unrelated, either. She's been on my mind as I've been preparing certificates and tracking down final grades. She should have been a ridiculous last minute headache for some registrar.
I haven't been angry about her stupid, unexpected, poorly-timed cutoff in a while, but I'm angry this morning. Back to that sense that I am living in some lesser fragmented-off alternate reality. In the real world this happens for her.
Mom never got to do this and she really should have. Mothers day was fine, but today hurts. She loved this stuff. The hoods and the robes and the arbitrary groupings. The awards and the speeches and all that, it tickled her. She should have gotten her tiny decorative pewter bowl in person and some pieces of paper and letters to go with it. I should have glowed and listened to people gush about her over cut fruit and pastries in a ballroom. That's not ever going to happen. She did so many things and got so much that most people never do, but she should have gotten a graduation too. She was so inherently academic, it's just wrong.
Doesn't help I had a very vivid dream about her last night. First in a long time. Not never-dead, but come back to life through some inexplicable Ande-trick. Probably not unrelated, either. She's been on my mind as I've been preparing certificates and tracking down final grades. She should have been a ridiculous last minute headache for some registrar.
I haven't been angry about her stupid, unexpected, poorly-timed cutoff in a while, but I'm angry this morning. Back to that sense that I am living in some lesser fragmented-off alternate reality. In the real world this happens for her.