(no subject)
Title: Love Without Pain
Author: madmguillotine
Rating: PG-13 I guess? Nothing worse than what's on the show.
Genre: Angst
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Characters/Pairing: Richard/Denna, implied Richard/Kahlan
Word Count: ~ 2,092
Note: This takes place during "Denna", after the scene where Richard used the agiel against Kahlan, but before he got the chance to speak to her afterward. Also, I've never read the books. So. There's another disclaimer for you. And thanks to evilgmbethy for beta-ing for me! <3
He thought he heard his name. A soft, gentle echo, which quickly became lost in his clouded mind.
He didn't know if he should respond, because he didn't even know if he was awake. He thought he might be dreaming, for as soon as he tried to open his mouth, he forgot his name. Instead of responding, he tried to track down the voice in his head. If he could find it, maybe it would tell him who he was. As if to answer his silent prayer, he heard the voice again, this time louder.
"Richard."
The sound of his name grounded him, and he knew he wasn't dreaming. Now, if he only knew whose voice it was. It was a woman, that much was clear. And from the tone she used, he gathered that she cared about him.
"Richard, open your eyes," she commanded softly. He obeyed, opening his eyelids slowly, squinting against the light. He groaned, wishing she would allow him to close his eyes again, to let him rest. The light aggravated the pain in his head. He wasn't even aware his head hurt until he opened his eyes. He blinked, trying to clear his blurred vision. He was lying on his back, and he could see the woman's face hovering over him. He couldn't make out any of her features.
A gloved hand grabbed his chin, and turned his head to the side.
Mistress Denna. Of course.
Her touch was gentle, and he welcomed the coolness of the leather against his feverish skin.
"Can you hear me?" She asked.
He nodded.
"Good. Sit up."
He obeyed, wincing as he struggled to get himself up off the floor. Denna grabbed his shoulders, and helped him the rest of the way up, positioning him so that his back lay against the stone wall. He breathed heavily, ashamed that such a simple task was able to take so much out of him. Every muscle in his body burned with the memory of the agiel, and he dropped his head against the wall, thankful for a moment's rest.
"I want to thank you, Richard," Denna whispered, reaching out and caressing his cheek with her thumb. Thank him for what? He couldn't think. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and go to sleep.
"You saved my life today," she continued, bringing her face closer to his. As she drew nearer, her eyes met his, and his vision finally cleared.
"You do, remember, don't you?" She asked. He shook his head.
Denna's pretty lips curled into a smile, and she leaned closer, until their noses were touching. "You chose me over the Confessor," she whispered. He struggled to remember something beyond the moment he was in, but he was too tired, and his head throbbed in pain, pushing away any coherent thoughts that might have formed otherwise. Denna pulled back slightly, and traced the outline of his lips with her index finger. His eyes almost fell shut again, but he reminded himself that he needed to keep them open.
"You chose me over Kahlan."
Kahlan. The woman in white. He remembered.
"I did," he answered, nearly choking on his words. It hurt to speak. He couldn't remember the last time he had been allowed to drink anything. Instantly, the pain in his head was forgotten as his focus was shifted to the unbearable dryness of his throat. Denna seemed to understand the source of his discomfort, and offered him a sip of water.
He hardly felt better, but he was able to remember that Kahlan had wanted to hurt Denna, and even though Richard cared for Kahlan, he could not allow her to kill his Mistress. He recalled grabbing the agiel from Denna, and using it against Kahlan, as a warning to stay away. To stay away from Denna. To stay away from him. Everything else was blur of agony. The last thing he remembered was collapsing at Denna's feet.
"You don't know how much you have pleased me, Seeker." Denna slowly ran her finger down his chin, over his neck, and finally let her hand come to rest on his bare chest. His heartbeat quickened beneath her fingertips.
"You belong to me, now," she whispered, lowering her head until her lips brushed against his. She didn't kiss him, she just hovered above him, tempting him. He averted his eyes for a moment, thinking back to Kahlan, to the kiss they shared. How she pushed him away and left him without explanation. His eyes returned to Denna, who would have kissed him already were it not for Constance. Were it not for Kahlan's arrival.
His eyelids fluttered closed, and he parted his lips, giving in.
Denna let out a small, satisfied laugh as she finally leaned in all the way and caught his bottom lip between her teeth. She bit down, hard enough that it pained him, but not enough to draw blood. He let out a sharp gasp before he closed his lips over hers. She kissed him fiercely, breathing him in until he felt as if his entire spirit had drowned in her passion.
She ran her hand over his chest and up over his shoulder, until she grabbed him by the back of the neck, and pressed his mouth even harder against hers. He longed to touch her, but he was afraid, for she never before told him that he was allowed to. But, of course she would never tell him if he could or could not touch her - most of the time his hands were restrained, and when they were not, he was either alone, or too weak to care or even lift his arms. And, most importantly, she had never kissed him before, giving him the opportunity to wonder. He longed to know what her skin felt like.
Then, abruptly, she broke away from him. Richard's eyes flew open in surprise, but he welcomed the opportunity to suck in a mouthful of air. Denna too was breathing heavily, and her eyes were wild with possibility.
"Do you still love her?" She asked pointedly.
"Love who?" He asked after a slight pause, confused. His gaze was still fixed on her mouth, his thoughts consumed only by her.
"The Confessor," she answered, her words dripping with scorn.
Richard narrowed his eyes, and sorted through his foggy memory until he found her again - the woman in white. Then he nodded slowly, again remembering the kiss between them. How after Kahlan had broken initial contact, she had made the second move, unexpectedly grabbing his face between her hands and kissing him too fiercely for it to have been a mistake.
Denna's jaw tightened as he nodded, and she gripped the agiel at her side. Richard's breath caught in his throat as he realized that he had upset her.
"Mistress, please," he begged. "Just because I love her doesn't mean..." He trailed off, swallowing the rest of his words out of fear, as he watched her gloved fingers dance around the tip of the agiel. She would only strike after he answered her. If he didn't say anything, maybe he could prolong this moment, maybe he could make time itself stand still.
"It doesn't mean what?" She asked, cocking her head to the side, genuinely interested in what he had to say next.
He knew he had to answer now. "It doesn't mean that I can't love you," he whispered.
She stayed quiet for a moment, as if she accepted his reasoning. Their eyes met, and he silently pleaded with her to understand. He loved her. And he loved Kahlan. Even if Kahlan would never return his affections, and even if Denna would never treat him in the way he wanted, he loved them both.
She nodded, then her lips contorted into a fierce scowl that he recognized all too well. Before he could protest, she slammed the agiel into the hollow of his throat. He was paralyzed as the pain coursed through his body. He let out a strangled cry, the response involuntary. He didn't know how long she held it there, but when she finally twisted the agiel away, he fell to his side, coughing and choking back blood.
"You told me that you chose me over her," She growled.
He pushed himself up, but Denna hit him across the face with the back of her hand. He whimpered and fell back down, humiliated that such a small act could hurt him so much, both physically and emotionally. As he felt his blood begin to trickle down his chin, he recognized it as the physical manifestation of her displeasure, and he was sorry he had hurt her. He never meant to hurt her.
She grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled him back up, throwing him against the wall.
"Why did you lie to me?" She asked, her teeth clenched. Her eyes, only a minute before wild with passion, were glazed over with rage.
"I didn't," he rasped. The words tasted like blood. He tried to shake his head, but her fingers were still twisted in his hair. "I chose you, but I still love her. I'm sorry, but I didn't lie, Mistress, please believe me."
"And what can this Confessor give you that I cannot?" She asked. She raised her agiel again, bringing it close to his face. He retreated as far back into the wall as he could. He shook his head as much as her hold on him would allow, unsure of what to say that would not anger her.
"You don't even know," she said, smirking. She grunted and released his hair, pushing his head back against the wall. "She will never be able to show you pleasure the way I can, Richard. She will never be bound to you like I am."
She reached out her hand and wiped the blood from his chin before she leaned down and kissed his neck. He tilted his head back, allowing her lips to work their way over his skin. She once again found her way to his mouth, and when she did, he found his strength and kissed her back furiously. For once, she did not dominate, and they were equals.
Richard finally found the courage to place his hand on her arm, still wishing he could feel her skin instead of the taut leather beneath his fingertips. But it was a different experience, anyway, to at least be able to touch her. She didn't seem to notice, or else she didn't care, for she didn't break her stride. But in an instant, he heard the scream of the agiel, and before he could pull away, Denna had placed it beneath his chin, her lips still locked to his.
The shock of the pain was nothing against the shock of a bizarre sort of pleasure that ran through him. The pain not only flowed from the agiel to his body, but from Denna's lips to his, and from his to hers. The weapon she held was able to create a fresh connection between them, and what he felt in that moment, he had never before felt at her hands. In a way, it was more agonizing than anything she had ever inflicted upon him. He wanted to scream, but with her lips pressed to his, he had no choice but to suffocate. And yet, a small part of him begged her to never let him go, to allow him to suffocate, so that he may die in this torturous ecstasy.
When she finally broke away from him, Richard realized that he was crying. Denna smiled, and he closed his eyes as she chastely kissed him on the mouth, then ran her tongue lengthwise up his face.
"Your tears taste so sweet," she whispered.
Love without pain, he thought, silently answering her question.
That is what Kahlan could offer him that Denna could not.
He just wasn't sure if he knew how to love without it anymore.
Author: madmguillotine
Rating: PG-13 I guess? Nothing worse than what's on the show.
Genre: Angst
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Characters/Pairing: Richard/Denna, implied Richard/Kahlan
Word Count: ~ 2,092
Note: This takes place during "Denna", after the scene where Richard used the agiel against Kahlan, but before he got the chance to speak to her afterward. Also, I've never read the books. So. There's another disclaimer for you. And thanks to evilgmbethy for beta-ing for me! <3
He thought he heard his name. A soft, gentle echo, which quickly became lost in his clouded mind.
He didn't know if he should respond, because he didn't even know if he was awake. He thought he might be dreaming, for as soon as he tried to open his mouth, he forgot his name. Instead of responding, he tried to track down the voice in his head. If he could find it, maybe it would tell him who he was. As if to answer his silent prayer, he heard the voice again, this time louder.
"Richard."
The sound of his name grounded him, and he knew he wasn't dreaming. Now, if he only knew whose voice it was. It was a woman, that much was clear. And from the tone she used, he gathered that she cared about him.
"Richard, open your eyes," she commanded softly. He obeyed, opening his eyelids slowly, squinting against the light. He groaned, wishing she would allow him to close his eyes again, to let him rest. The light aggravated the pain in his head. He wasn't even aware his head hurt until he opened his eyes. He blinked, trying to clear his blurred vision. He was lying on his back, and he could see the woman's face hovering over him. He couldn't make out any of her features.
A gloved hand grabbed his chin, and turned his head to the side.
Mistress Denna. Of course.
Her touch was gentle, and he welcomed the coolness of the leather against his feverish skin.
"Can you hear me?" She asked.
He nodded.
"Good. Sit up."
He obeyed, wincing as he struggled to get himself up off the floor. Denna grabbed his shoulders, and helped him the rest of the way up, positioning him so that his back lay against the stone wall. He breathed heavily, ashamed that such a simple task was able to take so much out of him. Every muscle in his body burned with the memory of the agiel, and he dropped his head against the wall, thankful for a moment's rest.
"I want to thank you, Richard," Denna whispered, reaching out and caressing his cheek with her thumb. Thank him for what? He couldn't think. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and go to sleep.
"You saved my life today," she continued, bringing her face closer to his. As she drew nearer, her eyes met his, and his vision finally cleared.
"You do, remember, don't you?" She asked. He shook his head.
Denna's pretty lips curled into a smile, and she leaned closer, until their noses were touching. "You chose me over the Confessor," she whispered. He struggled to remember something beyond the moment he was in, but he was too tired, and his head throbbed in pain, pushing away any coherent thoughts that might have formed otherwise. Denna pulled back slightly, and traced the outline of his lips with her index finger. His eyes almost fell shut again, but he reminded himself that he needed to keep them open.
"You chose me over Kahlan."
Kahlan. The woman in white. He remembered.
"I did," he answered, nearly choking on his words. It hurt to speak. He couldn't remember the last time he had been allowed to drink anything. Instantly, the pain in his head was forgotten as his focus was shifted to the unbearable dryness of his throat. Denna seemed to understand the source of his discomfort, and offered him a sip of water.
He hardly felt better, but he was able to remember that Kahlan had wanted to hurt Denna, and even though Richard cared for Kahlan, he could not allow her to kill his Mistress. He recalled grabbing the agiel from Denna, and using it against Kahlan, as a warning to stay away. To stay away from Denna. To stay away from him. Everything else was blur of agony. The last thing he remembered was collapsing at Denna's feet.
"You don't know how much you have pleased me, Seeker." Denna slowly ran her finger down his chin, over his neck, and finally let her hand come to rest on his bare chest. His heartbeat quickened beneath her fingertips.
"You belong to me, now," she whispered, lowering her head until her lips brushed against his. She didn't kiss him, she just hovered above him, tempting him. He averted his eyes for a moment, thinking back to Kahlan, to the kiss they shared. How she pushed him away and left him without explanation. His eyes returned to Denna, who would have kissed him already were it not for Constance. Were it not for Kahlan's arrival.
His eyelids fluttered closed, and he parted his lips, giving in.
Denna let out a small, satisfied laugh as she finally leaned in all the way and caught his bottom lip between her teeth. She bit down, hard enough that it pained him, but not enough to draw blood. He let out a sharp gasp before he closed his lips over hers. She kissed him fiercely, breathing him in until he felt as if his entire spirit had drowned in her passion.
She ran her hand over his chest and up over his shoulder, until she grabbed him by the back of the neck, and pressed his mouth even harder against hers. He longed to touch her, but he was afraid, for she never before told him that he was allowed to. But, of course she would never tell him if he could or could not touch her - most of the time his hands were restrained, and when they were not, he was either alone, or too weak to care or even lift his arms. And, most importantly, she had never kissed him before, giving him the opportunity to wonder. He longed to know what her skin felt like.
Then, abruptly, she broke away from him. Richard's eyes flew open in surprise, but he welcomed the opportunity to suck in a mouthful of air. Denna too was breathing heavily, and her eyes were wild with possibility.
"Do you still love her?" She asked pointedly.
"Love who?" He asked after a slight pause, confused. His gaze was still fixed on her mouth, his thoughts consumed only by her.
"The Confessor," she answered, her words dripping with scorn.
Richard narrowed his eyes, and sorted through his foggy memory until he found her again - the woman in white. Then he nodded slowly, again remembering the kiss between them. How after Kahlan had broken initial contact, she had made the second move, unexpectedly grabbing his face between her hands and kissing him too fiercely for it to have been a mistake.
Denna's jaw tightened as he nodded, and she gripped the agiel at her side. Richard's breath caught in his throat as he realized that he had upset her.
"Mistress, please," he begged. "Just because I love her doesn't mean..." He trailed off, swallowing the rest of his words out of fear, as he watched her gloved fingers dance around the tip of the agiel. She would only strike after he answered her. If he didn't say anything, maybe he could prolong this moment, maybe he could make time itself stand still.
"It doesn't mean what?" She asked, cocking her head to the side, genuinely interested in what he had to say next.
He knew he had to answer now. "It doesn't mean that I can't love you," he whispered.
She stayed quiet for a moment, as if she accepted his reasoning. Their eyes met, and he silently pleaded with her to understand. He loved her. And he loved Kahlan. Even if Kahlan would never return his affections, and even if Denna would never treat him in the way he wanted, he loved them both.
She nodded, then her lips contorted into a fierce scowl that he recognized all too well. Before he could protest, she slammed the agiel into the hollow of his throat. He was paralyzed as the pain coursed through his body. He let out a strangled cry, the response involuntary. He didn't know how long she held it there, but when she finally twisted the agiel away, he fell to his side, coughing and choking back blood.
"You told me that you chose me over her," She growled.
He pushed himself up, but Denna hit him across the face with the back of her hand. He whimpered and fell back down, humiliated that such a small act could hurt him so much, both physically and emotionally. As he felt his blood begin to trickle down his chin, he recognized it as the physical manifestation of her displeasure, and he was sorry he had hurt her. He never meant to hurt her.
She grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled him back up, throwing him against the wall.
"Why did you lie to me?" She asked, her teeth clenched. Her eyes, only a minute before wild with passion, were glazed over with rage.
"I didn't," he rasped. The words tasted like blood. He tried to shake his head, but her fingers were still twisted in his hair. "I chose you, but I still love her. I'm sorry, but I didn't lie, Mistress, please believe me."
"And what can this Confessor give you that I cannot?" She asked. She raised her agiel again, bringing it close to his face. He retreated as far back into the wall as he could. He shook his head as much as her hold on him would allow, unsure of what to say that would not anger her.
"You don't even know," she said, smirking. She grunted and released his hair, pushing his head back against the wall. "She will never be able to show you pleasure the way I can, Richard. She will never be bound to you like I am."
She reached out her hand and wiped the blood from his chin before she leaned down and kissed his neck. He tilted his head back, allowing her lips to work their way over his skin. She once again found her way to his mouth, and when she did, he found his strength and kissed her back furiously. For once, she did not dominate, and they were equals.
Richard finally found the courage to place his hand on her arm, still wishing he could feel her skin instead of the taut leather beneath his fingertips. But it was a different experience, anyway, to at least be able to touch her. She didn't seem to notice, or else she didn't care, for she didn't break her stride. But in an instant, he heard the scream of the agiel, and before he could pull away, Denna had placed it beneath his chin, her lips still locked to his.
The shock of the pain was nothing against the shock of a bizarre sort of pleasure that ran through him. The pain not only flowed from the agiel to his body, but from Denna's lips to his, and from his to hers. The weapon she held was able to create a fresh connection between them, and what he felt in that moment, he had never before felt at her hands. In a way, it was more agonizing than anything she had ever inflicted upon him. He wanted to scream, but with her lips pressed to his, he had no choice but to suffocate. And yet, a small part of him begged her to never let him go, to allow him to suffocate, so that he may die in this torturous ecstasy.
When she finally broke away from him, Richard realized that he was crying. Denna smiled, and he closed his eyes as she chastely kissed him on the mouth, then ran her tongue lengthwise up his face.
"Your tears taste so sweet," she whispered.
Love without pain, he thought, silently answering her question.
That is what Kahlan could offer him that Denna could not.
He just wasn't sure if he knew how to love without it anymore.