And I Think To Myself...
I can't stop thinking about being a nonbinary human. I follow a few NB people across social media and while I feel connected and drawn to that place, for myself, in my heart, I feel unsure. Because all the programming in my head is rebelling. There is SO MUCH to unpack - Disney princesses, romance novels, centuries of historic costume research, etc ( Read more... )
It's the, "I'm not religious... I'm spiritual." version of answer to the gender question.
I prayed for boobs until I got them, and then it was too late to say, "CALGON! TAKE THEM AWAY!!!" and then it took me another decade or so to realize it's not that I hated being a female... it's that I hated being TREATED like a female. Being treated like a woman or a girl was bad enough... but like a FEMALE was just... the worst.
Still is, really.
Women and girls are human.
Females are just... anything that's not male. There are female plants and female nouns and female chickens and female speaker cables. Anything with an 'innie'.... anything with a hole... whether its a window in the French language or a wall socket... its 'female'... and it's surprising how something so integral to the shape of the world... like roundness or a space inside....can be judged so harshly and with such venom....just for existing in complementary concert alongside 'outies'.
The problem with being treat by others as a prize or a present or a reward or a drag or a trophy or a sex object or unworthy or undeserving, or unintelligent, or unskilled, or a problem in and of myself just for existing... just because I am not male has been the single most confusing part of my whole life.
The Supreme Court finally cut down restrictions against LGBTQ people because they realized... LGBTQ isn't about "aberrant behavior" or "deviance" or "perversion"... it actually hinged on biological sex and gender because homosexuality is defined (in modern language) by the relative sex of the people in a relationship.
If you consider yourself bisexual... I mean, it possible that your gender AND their gender... are meaningless tokens. Vaginas and penises become like arms and legs. Preferred, perhaps (damned you able-bodied normativity!)... but not exactly NECESSARY for attraction, or romantic/sexual love perhaps.
The HUMAN becomes more important than their body... or our perception of their gender.
As you know, I've never been much of a oogler.
I tried, but... I never really got the hang of it.
It didn't come naturally to me.
I think we'd all be doing ourselves (and the rest of the world) a favor if we stopped acting like our bodies... define us. They only CONTAIN us.. and let's face it, they only BARELY do that. Our mind, our voice, our imaginations...are the biggest parts of us, and are more US than our lumps, bumps, bellies or flanks. Fat vs muscle, melanin vs skin area, innies vs outies, skirts vs pants, waist vs chest are all very poor measurements of the reality of our individual value or potential... and do nothing to confine our experience EXCEPT via shitty human bullshit exactly like being judgemental about how you think life (by way of our bodies) OUGHT to be.
You're fucking awesome.
That's the fucking important part!
You're. Fucking. AWESOME!
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