CFS DIARY, etc.
Actually had some fair sleep, and this time w/o melatonin. (Also forgot to give dog his night melatonin fish-water). Woke up this morning, frontal lobe/centre blocked. Part of reason may be larger molecules from chicken yesterday. Had to ry to use same brain to fathom whether it would be possible to give dog morning walk, an hour hence, as was promised to him last night. Rested away some of the blockage, but had to decide against walk. Was right-again to have done so. Turns out I was full of imbalance, and so on. A walk would have forced me, and I would have returned to debilitation all the live long day. Not that that still isn't possible. After I have a little decaf mocha. I write to you presently through the gauze of my faulty tower of a brain.
Will have to sleep more. Sad, because I should also take bath in afternoon, which takes 3 hours TL, as well. Where does the time go?
If the girl next-door knew when I went to the can, she would do something petty directed at me or the property in some way, at that time. Because she interprets every damn thing I do as some kind of deliberate assault against her, and that would include my going to the can. Anything they see, or hear, or know I am doing. They keep tabs. They watch. They plan. This is how narcopaths are. This is how she and her tool have been since I got here. It hasn't been me. I've put up screens because I don't want to see them.
I'm not the one who has thrown rocks at their house. Or driven my car and trailer through their property. Or so on. The way my sibs are, with their whole needy premise that I am always the problem, though? They would rather listen to my creepy neighours, who are complete strangers, than to me. I must be crazy. For wanting to leave this damn state. Like 200,000/yr other people have been doing.
Anyway, I believe there was some further point to this post...
I must gradually piece together, in my head, what I have been working on, what I need to do, what I might be able to do, etc., before I can arise - and after sleep, at that. Need to try to email to a sib or too. Can;t do that if I read the latest thing they have written, because it will throw me off again, and I will be unable to write, at least from the heart and, more importantly, brain. Which is how I have to deal with a lot of things. I don;t read my bills, I just have them paid, automatically. Any forcing of my self leads to hell and damnation. Like some of the imagined well-intentions of people who want to meddle. Meddlers make me heavy. And boil over like decaf mocha on an electric, glass-top stove.
Tags: I need to delineate between the two narco's next door. I came up with a name for the female, but can't recall it.
PS - After my bringing him inside, my dog lingered around annoyingly, in my way. (Having 1/3 a brain makes this difficult to deal with). Why? Because he does rememeber, somehow, when I promise him he will get a walk, as I did last night. Poor thing. Idk how long it's been seen I've been able to walk him.
And yes - I now find I definitely must now try to sleep again...
Will have to sleep more. Sad, because I should also take bath in afternoon, which takes 3 hours TL, as well. Where does the time go?
If the girl next-door knew when I went to the can, she would do something petty directed at me or the property in some way, at that time. Because she interprets every damn thing I do as some kind of deliberate assault against her, and that would include my going to the can. Anything they see, or hear, or know I am doing. They keep tabs. They watch. They plan. This is how narcopaths are. This is how she and her tool have been since I got here. It hasn't been me. I've put up screens because I don't want to see them.
I'm not the one who has thrown rocks at their house. Or driven my car and trailer through their property. Or so on. The way my sibs are, with their whole needy premise that I am always the problem, though? They would rather listen to my creepy neighours, who are complete strangers, than to me. I must be crazy. For wanting to leave this damn state. Like 200,000/yr other people have been doing.
Anyway, I believe there was some further point to this post...
I must gradually piece together, in my head, what I have been working on, what I need to do, what I might be able to do, etc., before I can arise - and after sleep, at that. Need to try to email to a sib or too. Can;t do that if I read the latest thing they have written, because it will throw me off again, and I will be unable to write, at least from the heart and, more importantly, brain. Which is how I have to deal with a lot of things. I don;t read my bills, I just have them paid, automatically. Any forcing of my self leads to hell and damnation. Like some of the imagined well-intentions of people who want to meddle. Meddlers make me heavy. And boil over like decaf mocha on an electric, glass-top stove.
Tags: I need to delineate between the two narco's next door. I came up with a name for the female, but can't recall it.
PS - After my bringing him inside, my dog lingered around annoyingly, in my way. (Having 1/3 a brain makes this difficult to deal with). Why? Because he does rememeber, somehow, when I promise him he will get a walk, as I did last night. Poor thing. Idk how long it's been seen I've been able to walk him.
And yes - I now find I definitely must now try to sleep again...