oh Sob story of feeling left out
Aw man. So, I've been looking at pictures of one of my hula sister's wedding. A wedding that I was not invited to. One of the only ones on the pro team that was not invited. True: we are not close. but either are some of the other people invited. True: I didn't invite her to my wedding. But when you're inviting almost everyone on the pro team--why was I left out? True: I was invited to her bridal shower, but ended up not making it due to LIFE, and I never gave a gift. Ok, so that sucks of me. But argh. Am I a stick in the mud? Am I snotty and bitchy? No. I can tell you for a fact that I am not. Maybe people mistake my shyness for something else.
I almost feel singled out. I feel like I'll never feel at home in the group and its so unfortunate because I love to dance. I love to dance hula, but feeling left out and not included really gets to me. It gets to me that maybe other people will notice and leave me out too. I get lost in the two separate lives that I have (dance vs. real) but I had hoped that one day it would all entertwine together. That I would be at home at the halau. Maybe the problem is not with me, but with "them." And who is that, eh? Anyway, just a mystery. Its like high school all over again, trying (even if not actively) to get in the "in" crowd and never quite making it. thats ok, I've always been a fringe person. And maybe thats where authenticity thrives. I'm not going to worry about it.
On a separate note:
I wrote an old aunt of mine. Actually a great aunt of mine who I haven't heard from in years. I'm packing my things getting ready to move on to "married life" and I found an old letter she had written, undoubtedly was accompanied with a package of some fabulous knitted sweater. I was compelled to write, to reach out to her. A part of me wants a response and the other is content to have just sent it out to her. I want her to know that other people think of her. that her gifts mean so much to her great niece. I wonder if she is a completely different person now. aged to a stranger. I'll probably never know. And maybe that is best.
I almost feel singled out. I feel like I'll never feel at home in the group and its so unfortunate because I love to dance. I love to dance hula, but feeling left out and not included really gets to me. It gets to me that maybe other people will notice and leave me out too. I get lost in the two separate lives that I have (dance vs. real) but I had hoped that one day it would all entertwine together. That I would be at home at the halau. Maybe the problem is not with me, but with "them." And who is that, eh? Anyway, just a mystery. Its like high school all over again, trying (even if not actively) to get in the "in" crowd and never quite making it. thats ok, I've always been a fringe person. And maybe thats where authenticity thrives. I'm not going to worry about it.
On a separate note:
I wrote an old aunt of mine. Actually a great aunt of mine who I haven't heard from in years. I'm packing my things getting ready to move on to "married life" and I found an old letter she had written, undoubtedly was accompanied with a package of some fabulous knitted sweater. I was compelled to write, to reach out to her. A part of me wants a response and the other is content to have just sent it out to her. I want her to know that other people think of her. that her gifts mean so much to her great niece. I wonder if she is a completely different person now. aged to a stranger. I'll probably never know. And maybe that is best.