Richard asked me to marry him. We've been together for 4 years. The few people I told this to get all happy and sparkly about it, as if it was a sure thing that I would say yes
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After all you've gone through I can imagine it's a big and scary step to take.. Getting married again and againn setting yourself up for all that trouble possibly. You already indeed live together, do things together and have a good life. Marriage itself won't change anything to that life - or at least doesn't have to I feel. It just adds something to this life you already have. Non-romantical stuff like tax benefits for instance, and for me it also added to the feelings of security I already had in my relationship.
When I met S 4 years ago he had just surfaced from a few very very rough and dark years he went through after his divorce. When he asked me to marry him last January (okay, the January before last I guess technically, 2010) it was clear to me (newbie to marriage) that I wanted to, and I said yes. But even though it was S. who had asked ME to marry him, I think I* was the one who was ready and he wasn't quite yet. He wasn't to admit it at first, but over the weeks after it became clear to me that he too was scared, and even more so/differently so then I was. Which in return made me worried, what if for whatever reason *we* wouldn't work out either.. then I'd have to put him through all the heartache of divorce again! We worked through this on our own some, and while chatting with eachother some, and I talked about it with my mum too. I understood his fears and felt all I could do was give him the time he needed to feel secure about remarrying. It has taken several months after he popped the question until he was ready-ready to take the big plunge again and we actively started planning stuff. And we had a great wedding, beautiful weather, lovely people surrounding is, good food&drinks and a lot of laughter.
I do think that for starters, S. asked me to marry him because he knew it was something I would like on the long run (I'm a bit of a romantic at times - not that I spent my youth dreaming about marriage, not at all I don't think I thought bout it at all as a kid, but it was something that felt like the thing to do if you find the right person to do it with. and I'm also old-fashioned: since we do want to try and have kids in a couple of years from now on too, I feel we should be married hah!). And when he came to think of it, he realized that he liked to as well and now that we're married and our life together hasn't changed yet still somehow got enhanced a little -- I think he feels very much so it was a/the logical thing to do. For us. Ofcourse this is something very personal and by no means do I think everybody else should feel the same. My aunt and her boyfriend both have gone through a divorce many years ago, and while they're both "over" the divorce and my aunt would very much like to marry her new love, he however feels it is something he'll never ever do again. Not because their relationship isn't good, or because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with my aunt, but simply because he doesn't believe in marriage anylonger I think.
Sorry for all these ramblings! I just felt I wanted to share! I am very happy for you that Richard has felt confident in himself, you and your relationship together to ask you to marry him, which IS still quite a big and scary deal to do as well I think heh but I also very well understand your feelings of reserve and fear about it. It's a big decision to make indeed - and I am even more so happy that Richard is understanding and willing to be patient. You'll figure it out, I am positive of it. /hugs
When I met S 4 years ago he had just surfaced from a few very very rough and dark years he went through after his divorce. When he asked me to marry him last January (okay, the January before last I guess technically, 2010) it was clear to me (newbie to marriage) that I wanted to, and I said yes. But even though it was S. who had asked ME to marry him, I think I* was the one who was ready and he wasn't quite yet. He wasn't to admit it at first, but over the weeks after it became clear to me that he too was scared, and even more so/differently so then I was. Which in return made me worried, what if for whatever reason *we* wouldn't work out either.. then I'd have to put him through all the heartache of divorce again! We worked through this on our own some, and while chatting with eachother some, and I talked about it with my mum too. I understood his fears and felt all I could do was give him the time he needed to feel secure about remarrying. It has taken several months after he popped the question until he was ready-ready to take the big plunge again and we actively started planning stuff. And we had a great wedding, beautiful weather, lovely people surrounding is, good food&drinks and a lot of laughter.
I do think that for starters, S. asked me to marry him because he knew it was something I would like on the long run (I'm a bit of a romantic at times - not that I spent my youth dreaming about marriage, not at all I don't think I thought bout it at all as a kid, but it was something that felt like the thing to do if you find the right person to do it with. and I'm also old-fashioned: since we do want to try and have kids in a couple of years from now on too, I feel we should be married hah!). And when he came to think of it, he realized that he liked to as well and now that we're married and our life together hasn't changed yet still somehow got enhanced a little -- I think he feels very much so it was a/the logical thing to do. For us. Ofcourse this is something very personal and by no means do I think everybody else should feel the same. My aunt and her boyfriend both have gone through a divorce many years ago, and while they're both "over" the divorce and my aunt would very much like to marry her new love, he however feels it is something he'll never ever do again. Not because their relationship isn't good, or because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with my aunt, but simply because he doesn't believe in marriage anylonger I think.
Sorry for all these ramblings! I just felt I wanted to share!
I am very happy for you that Richard has felt confident in himself, you and your relationship together to ask you to marry him, which IS still quite a big and scary deal to do as well I think heh but I also very well understand your feelings of reserve and fear about it. It's a big decision to make indeed - and I am even more so happy that Richard is understanding and willing to be patient. You'll figure it out, I am positive of it. /hugs
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