(no subject)
- I started typing up this huge post about two days ago, about how crappy it was that I "promised" to write in here more and then didn't and why I couldn't write in here. But it turned into this huge, long dramatic story and really, I could probably get away with bullet points and be succinct rather than boring you guys (and myself) with all the gory details
. I was in a huge funk. Really, have been like that since graduation (two months ago as of 6/30, omg). The funk consisted of "oh my god, what am I doing with my life?!" which I've been assured is a pretty normal feeling to have
. My job was in its production season which piled on about 6-7 weeks of stress that just kept building and building
. I was dealing with some friend drama concerning a certain friend's boyfriend interfering with bridesmaid plans
So the above all came together into what I'm now calling Weekend: Apocalypse, which happened to be about two or three days after I first posted again on lj. In retrospect, it might've helped to have write my feelings down, but at the time, I was just too upset/depressed and I didn't want to restart journaling again on a crappy note. I know, the logic is ridiculous, but it made sense at the time. So subsequently, the following happened:
. Friend drama caused a lot of crying and upset feelings, but not with the friend I was having a problem with. At one point, I was crying on the phone to my BFF on Saturday and she was like "You are crying to me on the phone. CLEARLY, something is wrong." Which, she has a point, given that in the past she has called me a robot for my lack of crying sometimes.
. I ended up breaking down crying to my mom on Sunday where we were sort of half-arguing/just me being super upset. I'm really tired of my living situation, I have this job that I like, but I don't have benefits/work full time, I'm done with school am I doing the right thing, etc. Yeah, fun chat!
But then after that weekend, it got better. It really, really did. I confronted my friend I was having drama with and we were able to get through it with no fighting, no arguing. She apologized, had no idea she had caused me to be so upset. Then stuff at work started to get better; our production season started slowing down, the stress was starting to go away. And other things are working out too, but I'm going to save that for another lj post because I want to make it official before I start saying anything.
So, things are looking up!
- Oh hey, want to know the friend drama? BECAUSE IT'S REALLY, REALLY RIDICULOUS. And I'll put this under another cut, because it's a good story, but I'm def gonna have to explain some things in detail;
I still headdesk over thinking about this.
My friend Agnes is getting married and my friend Clare threw her a bridal shower at her house during the Weekend: Apocalypse (although at the time, it was just Weekend: Shit Storm is A-Brewing). A little bit of drama had occurred before that because Clare seemed to have decided to bring her boyfriend Brian to our bridesmaid plans the next weekend for our friend Laurie's wedding (Clare and I are actually in Laurie's wedding and our dresses had come in).
Now, here's the thing about Brian: he's very nice and polite, don't get me wrong. But his knowledge of pop culture is like zilch. Which normally, fine, whatever. You don't have to like/know a lot of pop culture for us to get along, although it would make it easier. The problem is that his taste in things is so bad. Things that you're like "oh everybody hates that" - that's the stuff that Brian loves.
FOR EXAMPLE: Brian's favorite bands? Train and Nickelback. TRAIN. AND. NICKELBACK. Also egregious? He owns Taxi. OWNS IT. And if you can't remember Taxi, I wouldn't blame you. It's the Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon movie that nobody saw in 2004, except for Brian, apparently. Saw it enough to OWN it. Oh my god, what even.
So on top of committing pop culture crimes, it's hard to joke around with him sometimes because he doesn't get the joke about 70% of the time. A group of us were watching Anchorman once and it was at the part where Ron Burgundy was working out and of course, Ron Burgundy is like "Oh I'm just working out my upper dorcimus" or whatever the line is. And Brian, WITH ALL SERIOUSNESS, goes "No, those are the biceps and triceps". ...I'm just gonna leave it at that.
So you can see why I wouldn't want him tagging along with us on our Bridesmaid adventures, where us four girls (Laurie (the bride), Clare, me and my other best friend Lora) were going to try our dresses on and hang out and go watch Bridesmaids, the movie. Brian wanted to bring his dog for a play date with Laurie's new dog and it was just like really? He has to come THIS weekend? It was basically bullshit.
Back to the Bridal Shower. I had kept my mouth shut about the whole Brian/Bridesmaid situation because the shower wasn't the time or place to bring that stuff up. Everything had been going really wonderfully up at that point. We're all sitting around the living room, just talking and hanging out. Then Clare turns to me and starts telling me how her mom got Paul McCartney concert tickets. And at this, I get excited, because not only do I love the Beatles, but Paul McCartney is my favorite Beatle, by far. At this point in my life though, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never see Paul McCartney in concert - it's just too expensive and he doesn't tour often enough. So whatever, I was happy for my friend who got tickets to what will probably be an amazing show. The conversation goes as follows:
Clare: So my mom got Paul McCartney tickets
Me: Oh really? That's awesome!
Clare: Yeah, she was telling me about them and she was like, why don't you invite one of your friends like Breanne or someone? (at this point, all the feeling in my body just turns into excited jumping jelly beans. not sure how else to describe it) But Brian was over and he heard that and he was like "I'll go! I'll go!" That's not even the weird part. He doesn't know who Paul McCartney is!
At this point, I'm not sure what really happens to my body. All the stress of work, the fact that Brian was trying to horn in our bridesmaid/girls weekend, the fact that my life wasn't going the way I wanted it to go, and the fact that Brian, Mr. I Don't Know Crap About Pop Culture, is taking potentially MY TICKET to what would inevitably have been the concert of MY LIFE and just....omg. Even in the retelling, I don't know if I'll ever be able to recapture the mixture of disbelief/hurt/anger/hilarity of the situation. And so I do the following:
Me: Wait, what? He doesn't know who Paul McCartney is? What?
Clare is just smiling and just kind of like I know, can you believe it? look on her face (i'm just looking at her face and i'm thinking no, I can't fucking believe it either)
Me: Paul McCartney, The BEATLE. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO PAUL MCCARTNEY IS? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO PAUL MCCARTNEY IS. OH MY GOD. (repeat)
So two weird things happen: even though I promised myself I wasn't going to yell, I totally did. I mean, yelled loud enough that I could feel/hear the entire party kind of grind to a halt because everyone is trying to figure out why I'm yelling and what we're talking about. The second thing is that for some reason, even though I was yelling, I was still trying to make a joke about it because I don't actually believe people don't know who Paul McCartney is, that I end up sort of laughing as I'm yelling. I'm laugh/yelling like a crazy person and I can feel the crazy rise up inside of me, but honestly, I think it was the only defense I had from not breaking down and crying in front of everybody. Because the thing is, the more I thought about it, the more pissed off I was about the whole situation. The fact that Brian, Clare's boyfriend of six months, came before me, Clare's friend of almost ten years, was really insulting. Even more insulting that she was taking him to see my favorite singer EVER. It just felt like she was (probably unintentionally, but still) rubbing it in my face and god, it hurt. It just sucked so bad, that in the reliving of it, I still get secondhand upset about it.
So at one point in my crazy laughing yelling and my trying to explain what's happening to everybody who is now a part of the conversation, Clare goes, "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."
NO, YOU FUCKING SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING, is not what I yelled, thank god. But I was thinking it. Really really loudly. We got off the topic of the concert and the bridal shower was over, but that concert was the catalyst of my crying for the next two days. And then everybody I know, I told (a much shortened) version of the story to and they all couldn't believe it either (my coworkers, who are just as into pop culture as I am, have decided they never want to meet him, based on his taste in Nickelback and no knowledge of the Beatles and I can't say that I blame them).
So when I confronted Clare about it a couple days later, I calmly explained to her how upset I was and yadda yadda and she apologized. But Brian is still going to that concert and at this point, it's like whatever. I hope they have a great time, but I don't want to hear anything about it, I really don't. Honestly, I'm afraid I'll go into a rage blackout if Brian ever mentions the Beatles to me within the next six months. It might be petty and childish, but fuck it, I'm being selfish about this. I generally go out of my way to be nice to everybody, but fuck it, fuck it all. Ugh, I can just see him at that concert, recognizing a Beatle song and he'll be like "Hey, I think I know this!" and if I were there, I would be like "EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS".
I repeat: what even.
- My parents went to go see Larry Crowne last night and came back saying not to see it, which is pretty disappointing. Apparently, the best part of Larry Crowne was all the press that Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks have been doing because when they pop up on my tv, it's awesome! But the movie, not so much :/
. I was in a huge funk. Really, have been like that since graduation (two months ago as of 6/30, omg). The funk consisted of "oh my god, what am I doing with my life?!" which I've been assured is a pretty normal feeling to have
. My job was in its production season which piled on about 6-7 weeks of stress that just kept building and building
. I was dealing with some friend drama concerning a certain friend's boyfriend interfering with bridesmaid plans
So the above all came together into what I'm now calling Weekend: Apocalypse, which happened to be about two or three days after I first posted again on lj. In retrospect, it might've helped to have write my feelings down, but at the time, I was just too upset/depressed and I didn't want to restart journaling again on a crappy note. I know, the logic is ridiculous, but it made sense at the time. So subsequently, the following happened:
. Friend drama caused a lot of crying and upset feelings, but not with the friend I was having a problem with. At one point, I was crying on the phone to my BFF on Saturday and she was like "You are crying to me on the phone. CLEARLY, something is wrong." Which, she has a point, given that in the past she has called me a robot for my lack of crying sometimes.
. I ended up breaking down crying to my mom on Sunday where we were sort of half-arguing/just me being super upset. I'm really tired of my living situation, I have this job that I like, but I don't have benefits/work full time, I'm done with school am I doing the right thing, etc. Yeah, fun chat!
But then after that weekend, it got better. It really, really did. I confronted my friend I was having drama with and we were able to get through it with no fighting, no arguing. She apologized, had no idea she had caused me to be so upset. Then stuff at work started to get better; our production season started slowing down, the stress was starting to go away. And other things are working out too, but I'm going to save that for another lj post because I want to make it official before I start saying anything.
So, things are looking up!
- Oh hey, want to know the friend drama? BECAUSE IT'S REALLY, REALLY RIDICULOUS. And I'll put this under another cut, because it's a good story, but I'm def gonna have to explain some things in detail;
I still headdesk over thinking about this.
My friend Agnes is getting married and my friend Clare threw her a bridal shower at her house during the Weekend: Apocalypse (although at the time, it was just Weekend: Shit Storm is A-Brewing). A little bit of drama had occurred before that because Clare seemed to have decided to bring her boyfriend Brian to our bridesmaid plans the next weekend for our friend Laurie's wedding (Clare and I are actually in Laurie's wedding and our dresses had come in).
Now, here's the thing about Brian: he's very nice and polite, don't get me wrong. But his knowledge of pop culture is like zilch. Which normally, fine, whatever. You don't have to like/know a lot of pop culture for us to get along, although it would make it easier. The problem is that his taste in things is so bad. Things that you're like "oh everybody hates that" - that's the stuff that Brian loves.
FOR EXAMPLE: Brian's favorite bands? Train and Nickelback. TRAIN. AND. NICKELBACK. Also egregious? He owns Taxi. OWNS IT. And if you can't remember Taxi, I wouldn't blame you. It's the Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon movie that nobody saw in 2004, except for Brian, apparently. Saw it enough to OWN it. Oh my god, what even.
So on top of committing pop culture crimes, it's hard to joke around with him sometimes because he doesn't get the joke about 70% of the time. A group of us were watching Anchorman once and it was at the part where Ron Burgundy was working out and of course, Ron Burgundy is like "Oh I'm just working out my upper dorcimus" or whatever the line is. And Brian, WITH ALL SERIOUSNESS, goes "No, those are the biceps and triceps". ...I'm just gonna leave it at that.
So you can see why I wouldn't want him tagging along with us on our Bridesmaid adventures, where us four girls (Laurie (the bride), Clare, me and my other best friend Lora) were going to try our dresses on and hang out and go watch Bridesmaids, the movie. Brian wanted to bring his dog for a play date with Laurie's new dog and it was just like really? He has to come THIS weekend? It was basically bullshit.
Back to the Bridal Shower. I had kept my mouth shut about the whole Brian/Bridesmaid situation because the shower wasn't the time or place to bring that stuff up. Everything had been going really wonderfully up at that point. We're all sitting around the living room, just talking and hanging out. Then Clare turns to me and starts telling me how her mom got Paul McCartney concert tickets. And at this, I get excited, because not only do I love the Beatles, but Paul McCartney is my favorite Beatle, by far. At this point in my life though, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never see Paul McCartney in concert - it's just too expensive and he doesn't tour often enough. So whatever, I was happy for my friend who got tickets to what will probably be an amazing show. The conversation goes as follows:
Clare: So my mom got Paul McCartney tickets
Me: Oh really? That's awesome!
Clare: Yeah, she was telling me about them and she was like, why don't you invite one of your friends like Breanne or someone? (at this point, all the feeling in my body just turns into excited jumping jelly beans. not sure how else to describe it) But Brian was over and he heard that and he was like "I'll go! I'll go!" That's not even the weird part. He doesn't know who Paul McCartney is!
At this point, I'm not sure what really happens to my body. All the stress of work, the fact that Brian was trying to horn in our bridesmaid/girls weekend, the fact that my life wasn't going the way I wanted it to go, and the fact that Brian, Mr. I Don't Know Crap About Pop Culture, is taking potentially MY TICKET to what would inevitably have been the concert of MY LIFE and just....omg. Even in the retelling, I don't know if I'll ever be able to recapture the mixture of disbelief/hurt/anger/hilarity of the situation. And so I do the following:
Me: Wait, what? He doesn't know who Paul McCartney is? What?
Clare is just smiling and just kind of like I know, can you believe it? look on her face (i'm just looking at her face and i'm thinking no, I can't fucking believe it either)
Me: Paul McCartney, The BEATLE. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO PAUL MCCARTNEY IS? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHO PAUL MCCARTNEY IS. OH MY GOD. (repeat)
So two weird things happen: even though I promised myself I wasn't going to yell, I totally did. I mean, yelled loud enough that I could feel/hear the entire party kind of grind to a halt because everyone is trying to figure out why I'm yelling and what we're talking about. The second thing is that for some reason, even though I was yelling, I was still trying to make a joke about it because I don't actually believe people don't know who Paul McCartney is, that I end up sort of laughing as I'm yelling. I'm laugh/yelling like a crazy person and I can feel the crazy rise up inside of me, but honestly, I think it was the only defense I had from not breaking down and crying in front of everybody. Because the thing is, the more I thought about it, the more pissed off I was about the whole situation. The fact that Brian, Clare's boyfriend of six months, came before me, Clare's friend of almost ten years, was really insulting. Even more insulting that she was taking him to see my favorite singer EVER. It just felt like she was (probably unintentionally, but still) rubbing it in my face and god, it hurt. It just sucked so bad, that in the reliving of it, I still get secondhand upset about it.
So at one point in my crazy laughing yelling and my trying to explain what's happening to everybody who is now a part of the conversation, Clare goes, "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."
NO, YOU FUCKING SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING, is not what I yelled, thank god. But I was thinking it. Really really loudly. We got off the topic of the concert and the bridal shower was over, but that concert was the catalyst of my crying for the next two days. And then everybody I know, I told (a much shortened) version of the story to and they all couldn't believe it either (my coworkers, who are just as into pop culture as I am, have decided they never want to meet him, based on his taste in Nickelback and no knowledge of the Beatles and I can't say that I blame them).
So when I confronted Clare about it a couple days later, I calmly explained to her how upset I was and yadda yadda and she apologized. But Brian is still going to that concert and at this point, it's like whatever. I hope they have a great time, but I don't want to hear anything about it, I really don't. Honestly, I'm afraid I'll go into a rage blackout if Brian ever mentions the Beatles to me within the next six months. It might be petty and childish, but fuck it, I'm being selfish about this. I generally go out of my way to be nice to everybody, but fuck it, fuck it all. Ugh, I can just see him at that concert, recognizing a Beatle song and he'll be like "Hey, I think I know this!" and if I were there, I would be like "EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS".
I repeat: what even.
- My parents went to go see Larry Crowne last night and came back saying not to see it, which is pretty disappointing. Apparently, the best part of Larry Crowne was all the press that Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks have been doing because when they pop up on my tv, it's awesome! But the movie, not so much :/