put the xbox down and listen for 5 seconds
ok so my swing swing song is on
i love it
im so sick of all of this stuff
all i do is try and try and try
ive done nothing wrong at any point that i can see
aside from being worried about stuff and trying to talk about it
all i needed was a "hey you are important and im sorry i made you feel that way"
its fucking amazing how you can just not care
or seem not to
cuz you are busy
or whatever
always an excuse
i mean yeah i guess you are busy but ... ugh whatever
i can just SEE your walls flying up right now as you read this
please just lower them and listen for 2 seconds
why am i talking about this... or even trying
it hasnt done me any good at all in the past
and it wont do any good this time
ill get no response
no emotion
not a damn thing
just like always
its like fucking fighting for months for 2 baby steps forward and then 12 huge steps backwards for no reason at all
ugh
i should not have involved myself to begin with
but like i could have known i was going to get hurt
too busy
too this
too that
but
that doesnt stop me from not being able to breathe when i see [him]
and it doesnt stop me from wanting things to work
did you hear that?
she wants things to work
why is it so fucking difficult
you love hearing this dont you?
and it obviously doesnt stop me from writing about it in my lj and making myself look like a pathetic girl
but i cant fucking help it
ive put so much time and effort into this and it just gets blown off and treated like its nothing
like im nothing
all i want is a little bit of consistant acknowledgement that i mean something
that i didnt waste my time
sorry for caring about you and actually thinking it could work
just goes to show you how dumb and naive crystal is
naive -- see: direct, genuine, honest, ingenious, innocent, naive, natural, open, plain, pure, sincere, straight, straightforward, true, unadorned, unaffected, uncontrived, unpretentious, unsophisticated, up front
not all bad things
i cant win
and i miss you
hope that makes you happy
to know that im unhappy without you
but ill live with it if i have to
this is the last time im going to act like i give a shit
if i dont get something back
something real
and something genuine
if you cant do that
dont bother
fucking holla
i love it
im so sick of all of this stuff
all i do is try and try and try
ive done nothing wrong at any point that i can see
aside from being worried about stuff and trying to talk about it
all i needed was a "hey you are important and im sorry i made you feel that way"
its fucking amazing how you can just not care
or seem not to
cuz you are busy
or whatever
always an excuse
i mean yeah i guess you are busy but ... ugh whatever
i can just SEE your walls flying up right now as you read this
please just lower them and listen for 2 seconds
why am i talking about this... or even trying
it hasnt done me any good at all in the past
and it wont do any good this time
ill get no response
no emotion
not a damn thing
just like always
its like fucking fighting for months for 2 baby steps forward and then 12 huge steps backwards for no reason at all
ugh
i should not have involved myself to begin with
but like i could have known i was going to get hurt
too busy
too this
too that
but
that doesnt stop me from not being able to breathe when i see [him]
and it doesnt stop me from wanting things to work
did you hear that?
she wants things to work
why is it so fucking difficult
you love hearing this dont you?
and it obviously doesnt stop me from writing about it in my lj and making myself look like a pathetic girl
but i cant fucking help it
ive put so much time and effort into this and it just gets blown off and treated like its nothing
like im nothing
all i want is a little bit of consistant acknowledgement that i mean something
that i didnt waste my time
sorry for caring about you and actually thinking it could work
just goes to show you how dumb and naive crystal is
naive -- see: direct, genuine, honest, ingenious, innocent, naive, natural, open, plain, pure, sincere, straight, straightforward, true, unadorned, unaffected, uncontrived, unpretentious, unsophisticated, up front
not all bad things
i cant win
and i miss you
hope that makes you happy
to know that im unhappy without you
but ill live with it if i have to
this is the last time im going to act like i give a shit
if i dont get something back
something real
and something genuine
if you cant do that
dont bother
fucking holla