Cigarettes Are Drugs...... DAMN!
I'm realizing that quitting smoking IS like trying to kick heroin or something hard like that. I've gotten past the hard part, but that doesn't change the fact that I do miss them and still want one everyday. I was sick the entire week of Feb. 6 - Feb. 12 and didn't get to smoke... so I decided to quit.
Well the mood swings and violent outbursts came along about the same time as I was starting to feel better after being sick. Stefanie had planned a romantic evening for the two of us for Saturday night... dinner in downtown FW somewhere with drinks afterwards at the Dueling Piano Bar with another couple that she knows from her work. Then after that... a room at the Ramada so that we could drink all night. I woke up early that morning and Ethan was at his dad's, so I decided to take her to breakfast to start the day off good. We drove around for a while and I was still in a medicine like daze from my medication so I could hardly concentrate on where to go. We were playing around in the car messing with each other and she swung to hit me and hit my cell phone instead.... hurting her and pissing her off. She was a complete butt after that and while we looked for a place to eat breakfast, we argued and were short with one another. We finally stopped at a place in Grapevine along Hwy. 114. We got in an argument in the foyer while waiting to be sat, she kept nagging me and because I didn't feel like talking to her right at that moment she said she wanted to leave that this was just a mistake. I yelled "Fuck You" about 4 times and left the restaurant before we even ordered. Headed for the truck with her yelling at me and telling me that I could just walk home. Got in the truck with her driving - peeling out in the parking lot, then she slammed on the brakes and broke her sunglasses by throwing them at the dash, crying and told me to get out of the truck. I did so.... she drove off and I ended up walking along side of Hwy. 114 crying my eyes out.... I hated it and my heart hurt so bad.... till a friend of mine saw me and pulled up and told me to get in the car and I cried my eyes out to him..... such a crappy situation and I'm not that bad of a person.... but the addiction to cigarettes obviously changed me and made me mean..... I'm not a mean person. My friend said a prayer for me and I decided to get back out and make my trek from Grapevine to Keller by foot. Not too long after my friend drove off, she pulled back up and told me to get in the truck and said that I will never talk to her the way I did moments before. Long story short..... my heart really did hurt.... whether it was from an anxiety attack or just a broken heart because I did not want to lose Stef by any means. She cancelled the evenings festivities and the rest of the weekend totally sucked.
I know now that it was the cigarettes and that I was majorly having withdrawls.... I hope she will forgive me in time because I would never hurt her on purpose and never want this marriage to end.
Well the mood swings and violent outbursts came along about the same time as I was starting to feel better after being sick. Stefanie had planned a romantic evening for the two of us for Saturday night... dinner in downtown FW somewhere with drinks afterwards at the Dueling Piano Bar with another couple that she knows from her work. Then after that... a room at the Ramada so that we could drink all night. I woke up early that morning and Ethan was at his dad's, so I decided to take her to breakfast to start the day off good. We drove around for a while and I was still in a medicine like daze from my medication so I could hardly concentrate on where to go. We were playing around in the car messing with each other and she swung to hit me and hit my cell phone instead.... hurting her and pissing her off. She was a complete butt after that and while we looked for a place to eat breakfast, we argued and were short with one another. We finally stopped at a place in Grapevine along Hwy. 114. We got in an argument in the foyer while waiting to be sat, she kept nagging me and because I didn't feel like talking to her right at that moment she said she wanted to leave that this was just a mistake. I yelled "Fuck You" about 4 times and left the restaurant before we even ordered. Headed for the truck with her yelling at me and telling me that I could just walk home. Got in the truck with her driving - peeling out in the parking lot, then she slammed on the brakes and broke her sunglasses by throwing them at the dash, crying and told me to get out of the truck. I did so.... she drove off and I ended up walking along side of Hwy. 114 crying my eyes out.... I hated it and my heart hurt so bad.... till a friend of mine saw me and pulled up and told me to get in the car and I cried my eyes out to him..... such a crappy situation and I'm not that bad of a person.... but the addiction to cigarettes obviously changed me and made me mean..... I'm not a mean person. My friend said a prayer for me and I decided to get back out and make my trek from Grapevine to Keller by foot. Not too long after my friend drove off, she pulled back up and told me to get in the truck and said that I will never talk to her the way I did moments before. Long story short..... my heart really did hurt.... whether it was from an anxiety attack or just a broken heart because I did not want to lose Stef by any means. She cancelled the evenings festivities and the rest of the weekend totally sucked.
I know now that it was the cigarettes and that I was majorly having withdrawls.... I hope she will forgive me in time because I would never hurt her on purpose and never want this marriage to end.